Have you ever dumped your friends?

emilymemily · 09-10-2018 1:39pm #1

Iv'e stopped contacting friends for toxic and negative behavior but I can be a bit of a door mat and give people 101 chances before I walk away. Just wondering what other people consider red card offenses and what made you end a friendship?

Caranica · 09-10-2018 1:43pm

Someone put it to me once that we surround ourselves with drains and radiators. It struck a chord with me and my life has significantly improved since I cut out the drains. It's not easy at the start but it's worth persevering with.

metaoblivia · 09-10-2018 11:42pm

If I get the sense that I'm repeatedly giving more than I'm receiving, then I start examining the relationship. There are times when that's going to happen - your friend is going through a tough time, you're going through a rough time. But I think we have a sense of when something truly goes one-sided.

I also don't like negativity. I've been out with people on a few occasions where all they did was comment disparagingly on strangers' appearances. That's a huge red flag for me - like, "we are never going out together again" red flag. Likewise, in the early stages of a friendship with one girl, she commented on how we both looked terrible when we were out one night, and I told her that we may not be dressed to the nines, but that's no reason to walk around feeling sorry for ourselves. I also pointed out that neither of us looked terrible, but if she wanted to believe that, she could say it about herself and leave me out of it. When it comes to friendships, the last thing anyone needs is to be dragged into someone else's insecurities.

B0jangles · 12-10-2018 2:22pm

Oh yeah, constant negative comments about other people are a massive no-no for me, as is that thing where someone builds up a big old speculative mystery around someone else doing a trivially unusual thing; like gossip but worse because its almost completely invented.

aluminium · 12-10-2018 9:15pm

Regularly.
And then next Friday we are all buddies again.

cazzer22 · 13-10-2018 4:13pm

I've stopped a friendship with one girl because she was actually such a piece of work. She was also so negative when I found a guy and she was single. She barely said hello to him or even bothered to get to know him. Yet, if she had a boyfriend and I did what she did I would've heard all about it. She expected so much from me and yet never bothered with her side of things. Best decision I ever made.

Emme · 15-10-2018 2:38pm

I don't "dump" friends without further contact unless they are really obnoxious. It's a bit awkward when the "drains" tend to hang out in the same social group you meet from time to time. One girl I thought was a good friend told me not to contact her when I was going through a hard time and only get back to her when things got better. I had always been there for her during tough times.

Things have not got better for me. I have subtly frozen this girl out. I stopped meeting her one-to-one and only meet her when the social group meets up and make polite small talk when necessary. She knows why she has been frozen out and apologised to me for her behaviour but has not offered to be supportive in any way. I told her I accepted the apology, wished her well but said that I do not see us meeting outside of the group any time in the foreseeable future.

Milly33 · 22-10-2018 10:33pm

Like all have said mostly those people who just take and take and take.. I just stopped contacting a friend or making an effort with her for the amount of constant lies she told me, for all the times she used and abused what was once a great friendship. I just stopped it, there was no great why arent we friends anymore which goes to show she didnt need me for anything anymore.. dont feel bad about cutting ties

HaloTop · 24-10-2018 8:19pm

I give people loads of chances. I've had people treat me really bad and gave them another chance. I think I've a fear of having no one.
I've also been cut off by a lot of people. I've never done anything bad though so it would be interesting to read this and see why people cut others off.

I had a friend who went with another friends boyfriend of 7 years and she forgave her. Then I had the same friend who forgave her cheating friend cut me off because I told her it wasn't nice the way she left me out of a trip she had planned when I had said I wanted to go.

The whole cutting ties people people really baffles me

UpCork · 25-12-2018 6:14pm

I have had to do it with 2 friends.
One had alcohol addiction issues - I had gone as far as I could with her. She wasn't getting help, refused to see their was a problem. I would meet up with her for breakfast and she would be drunk and stumbling. She also was a liar and her addiction also made her prone to stealing, which meant I never could go anywhere with her - except a restauarant for a cup of coffee - as I was afraid she would nick something.

Second friend was more recently. This didn't hurt as much. He had been living abroad for a number of years, so our contact had been sporacidc. I suppose we were more acquaintances than friends at this stage. When he used to come back to Ireland, we would meet up, but I would always get a lecture on how my life could be better, what my faults were, how I needed to change this and that. It got on my wick a bit that he'd parachute into my life every few years and tell me how crap my life was (it wasn't).

A few years ago, I had an ephiphany. I realised I was getting older and I felt in some ways I had wasted some time. I saw my time as precious - I work full time and like to have an active social life, with friends and hobbies, so I felt why waste my precious free time on that which does not serve me. I've found that my life is alot better now as the friends I do meet and engage with I can give some of myself to and I get lots from them too.

BilboBagOfCans · 26-12-2018 12:26am

Yes, dumped friends who constantly put me down. No regrets.

Have you ever dumped your friends?

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