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I want to die

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    #122
    dragona
    Registered Users Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭dragona


    junkyarddog wrote: »
    I had to make the heartbreaking decision today to say goodbye to a much loved friend,my dog Daisy.

    She was a stray that wandered into my life and has been a good friend for the last 13 years.

    Sleep tight,I love you.

    I am so so sorry, I know how it feels xx


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    #123
    keepalive213
    Closed Accounts Posts: 685 ✭✭✭keepalive213


    I've always been of the opinion that the depth and complexity of the connection between a dog and its master has never truly been understood.
    My elderly parents had a terrier cross who spent most of her time in the kitchen / living area with them.
    While my late fathers wake was going on the dog was confined to the shed, she never made a sound for two days even with all the people coming and going.
    When his remains were being removed and loaded into the hearse she howled just like a wolf. I wouldn't have thought she could have made such a noise, I remember it to this day, it would put a shiver down your back, she knew he was leaving.


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    #124
    acequion
    Registered Users Posts: 3,834 ✭✭✭acequion


    junkyarddog wrote: »
    I had to make the heartbreaking decision today to say goodbye to a much loved friend,my dog Daisy.

    She was a stray that wandered into my life and has been a good friend for the last 13 years.

    Sleep tight,I love you.

    So very sorry junkyarddog to hear of your sad loss. A heartbreaking decision but I hope the fact that you were brave enough to make the right decision will comfort you. Look after yourself.


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    #125
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Gael23 wrote: »
    It takes a couple of weeks to get the ashes back, no idea why. But it’s soon enough really because it sets you back initially but it’s really comforting, I can’t put it into words but you will find out what I mean,

    I am too remote here even to think of cremation. My neighbours are 4 big strong brothers, and 2 of them when I asked for help, arrived with a wheelbarrow ( hearse) and spades, and dug a grave in hard rocky earth. Pickaxe and brute strength. i could never have done it.

    It was the most moving thing the kindness. Men of very few words . I was glad to give them the giant bag of dog food I had only just bought..


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    #126
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    dragona wrote: »
    I am so so sorry, I know how it feels xx

    and as we all share this. that it is all perfectly normal. Love costs. We pay willingly.


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    #127
    PinkLady2016
    Registered Users Posts: 193 ✭✭PinkLady2016


    Gael23 wrote: »
    It takes a couple of weeks to get the ashes back, no idea why. But it’s soon enough really because it sets you back initially but it’s really comforting, I can’t put it into words but you will find out what I mean,

    I was told if I wanted the ashes back for my dog it would cost €200 and my dog would be cremated with others so it may not be all of his ashes. Not sure how true this is.


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    #128
    Stratvs
    Registered Users Posts: 958 ✭✭✭Stratvs


    PinkLady2016 wrote: »
    I was told if I wanted the ashes back for my dog it would cost €200 and my dog would be cremated with others so it may not be all of his ashes. Not sure how true this is.

    We had two cats cremated in recent years, done & paid for via the veterinary practice with the crematorium. We were told it would be individual cremation and certified. The vet took the details, urn type etc. I think it was around €120 each incl. urn.


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    #129
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    PinkLady2016 wrote: »
    I was told if I wanted the ashes back for my dog it would cost €200 and my dog would be cremated with others so it may not be all of his ashes. Not sure how true this is.

    ouch. I think i saw that too once re mixed ashes. so sorry as I know how hard it is for townsfolk to bury pets. I once snuck out into a forest with a dog in the early hours for that reason. Easy enough...

    Needless to say there have been flowers and plants atop .

    The worst thing was that my beloved cat died the day after we buried the dog but the earth was still loose enough .


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    #130
    DBB
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 9,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭DBB


    PinkLady2016 wrote: »
    I was told if I wanted the ashes back for my dog it would cost €200 and my dog would be cremated with others so it may not be all of his ashes. Not sure how true this is.

    €200 would have been an individual cremation (for a medium-ish sized dog), and you'd certainly have got your dog's ashes back. You can absolutely take my word for this, I've been (un?)fortunate enough to have had greater insight than most into how pet crematoriums work, there are no scams, they are very tightly regulated.
    If an owner opts for group cremation, they do not get any ashes back, and it costs a fraction of the price you were quoted.


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    #131
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    PinkLady2016 wrote: »
    I was told if I wanted the ashes back for my dog it would cost €200 and my dog would be cremated with others so it may not be all of his ashes. Not sure how true this is.

    To be honest we had to make those decisions so quickly I dont know how much it was exactly because it was all included in the vets bill. But I agree with DBB, a group cremation is much cheaper than that.


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    #132
    dragona
    Registered Users Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭dragona


    I requested individual cremation. I only want her back.


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    #133
    Truckermal
    Registered Users Posts: 6,048 ✭✭✭Truckermal


    Hi dragona I've been following your thread from the day you started it I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you....


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    #134
    acequion
    Registered Users Posts: 3,834 ✭✭✭acequion


    Graces7 wrote: »
    ouch. I think i saw that too once re mixed ashes. so sorry as I know how hard it is for townsfolk to bury pets. I once snuck out into a forest with a dog in the early hours for that reason. Easy enough...

    Needless to say there have been flowers and plants atop .

    The worst thing was that my beloved cat died the day after we buried the dog but the earth was still loose enough .

    That sounds really awful for you Graces,the two dying so close in time. You poor thing. Were they sudden deaths?


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    #135
    acequion
    Registered Users Posts: 3,834 ✭✭✭acequion


    As I've already said on this thread I've had two great kitty loves in my life. The second is still with me thank god but the first died 19 years ago. She was old and as there was no facility then of having them cremated, at least not here in Kerry, I had my carpenter make her a little coffin about a year before she died. It was such a comfort to have it when she did pass and my then partner dug the grave at the bottom of the garden. I even had a little stone erected afterwards and it's nice that it's still there, among the bushes and flowers.

    Hope you're ok dragona, thinking of you.x


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    #136
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    acequion wrote: »
    That sounds really awful for you Graces,the two dying so close in time. You poor thing. Were they sudden deaths?

    Dog fell suddenly ill. By weds I knew it was serious and got meds but Friday she died in my arms. She was 14. Half JRT and the vet said they are prone to heart failure

    My most beloved cat was old too; started hiding when dog was ill and i thought she was just upset at dog now being in the bedroom. After the burial and she too died in my arms.

    sitting here fighting tears. all too much to let in at one go. I look at the grave in disbelief

    It taught me to renew. All my pets except Jacob were much the same age. Now I have youngsters as well as the twin of the cat who died. He gets watched like a hawk. Loves it!

    and the new trio are a healing in their quirks and delights.

    It had been many years since losing any pet for me. Got complacent


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    #137
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    acequion wrote: »
    As I've already said on this thread I've had two great kitty loves in my life. The second is still with me thank god but the first died 19 years ago. She was old and as there was no facility then of having them cremated, at least not here in Kerry, I had my carpenter make her a little coffin about a year before she died. It was such a comfort to have it when she did pass and my then partner dug the grave at the bottom of the garden. I even had a little stone erected afterwards and it's nice that it's still there, among the bushes and flowers.

    Hope you're ok dragona, thinking of you.x

    I wrapped my dog in a length of bright flowered material i had in stock, shrouded her in beauty.,. secured with red ribbon

    The men said not a word; they love their dogs but they are not pets.


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    #138
    jkbkhhho7t
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭jkbkhhho7t


    I always see it as there are so many dogs in pounds the best thing you could do is get another dog that needs a home, your not forgetting your beloved pet whos been loved all its life you are giving another one a new chance at life


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    #139
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    jkbkhhho7t wrote: »
    I always see it as there are so many dogs in pounds the best thing you could do is get another dog that needs a home, your not forgetting your beloved pet whos been loved all its life you are giving another one a new chance at life

    Totally agree but I am now too old, and with increasingly limited mobility. so would not be able for another dog.

    So I took in three rescue cats ...


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    #140
    acequion
    Registered Users Posts: 3,834 ✭✭✭acequion


    Graces7 wrote: »
    Dog fell suddenly ill. By weds I knew it was serious and got meds but Friday she died in my arms. She was 14. Half JRT and the vet said they are prone to heart failure

    My most beloved cat was old too; started hiding when dog was ill and i thought she was just upset at dog now being in the bedroom. After the burial and she too died in my arms.

    sitting here fighting tears. all too much to let in at one go. I look at the grave in disbelief

    It taught me to renew. All my pets except Jacob were much the same age. Now I have youngsters as well as the twin of the cat who died. He gets watched like a hawk. Loves it!

    and the new trio are a healing in their quirks and delights.

    It had been many years since losing any pet for me. Got complacent

    That's so sad Graces. You poor thing,it must have been terribly upsetting for you. Please don't fight the tears,they're natural and they're healing.

    The problem with increasing age for both man and beast is that it's getting into borrowed time. And I don't mean you,Graces as late 70's is not that old. My mother is 88 and I really see old age kicking in lately. Likewise with our beloved pets. I think from about age 11 on we have to be on the look out. My beloved little cat that died 19 years ago was also 14. Like yours she died in my arms. It's heartbreaking and you really have to cry and cry until there are no tears left and then maybe you're ready to start healing.

    But fair play to you for adopting the little young ones. The idea of them following you on your walks on that idyllic island is just so very sweet. It's like something you'd see in a painting.


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    #141
    dragona
    Registered Users Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭dragona


    I have had an awful few days.

    Just talking about Judy, and I can see that everybody is avoiding it, because it makes me cry. My family cannot bear my tears.

    My husband actually yelled at me for crying, telling me that everybody misses her, not just me. And that I am acting as if I'm the only one suffering. I am not. I'm just the only one openly crying, I can't help how others deal with it. Some people cry, some don't.

    I am crying. I want to talk about her.I am saying out loud where are her ashes, why isn't she back.I miss her. I honestly feel like a part of me is missing. I didn't feel like this when my mother died, I somehow found that easier to accept.

    I do get it if others don't want to talk, but I do. I can't help it if others aren't weeping, and I am. I now have to cry in secret, to not make it * all about me *

    I miss her so badly, and to be quite honest , she WAS more mine. I spent all my time with her, that's not saying I loved her any more than anyone else, how do you measure love?? you can't. but she was with me ALL THE TIME. 24/7. So I am missing her more acutely.

    I hate everyone and everything. I cry constantly and am being made to feel like a drama queen.Nobody actually gets it.


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    #142
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    dragona wrote: »
    I have had an awful few days.

    Just talking about Judy, and I can see that everybody is avoiding it, because it makes me cry. My family cannot bear my tears.

    My husband actually yelled at me for crying, telling me that everybody misses her, not just me. And that I am acting as if I'm the only one suffering. I am not. I'm just the only one openly crying, I can't help how others deal with it. Some people cry, some don't.

    I am crying. I want to talk about her.I am saying out loud where are her ashes, why isn't she back.I miss her. I honestly feel like a part of me is missing. I didn't feel like this when my mother died, I somehow found that easier to accept.

    I do get it if others don't want to talk, but I do. I can't help it if others aren't weeping, and I am. I now have to cry in secret, to not make it * all about me *

    I miss her so badly, and to be quite honest , she WAS more mine. I spent all my time with her, that's not saying I loved her any more than anyone else, how do you measure love?? you can't. but she was with me ALL THE TIME. 24/7. So I am missing her more acutely.

    I hate everyone and everything. I cry constantly and am being made to feel like a drama queen.Nobody actually gets it.

    You really need to consider counseling.
    Reading your posts is extremely worrying. That the death of your pet is having such an effect on you and by default, your family is obvious.

    That you came to rely on an animal for that level of interaction and your sense of self worth needs to be address. You really need to get out more and interact with people. It's much more fulfilling when it works.

    Why do you hate "everyone and everything"?


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    #143
    dragona
    Registered Users Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭dragona


    Angelo Obnoxious Raccoon wrote: »
    You really need to consider counseling.
    Reading your posts is extremely worrying. That the death of your pet is having such an effect on you and by default, your family is obvious.

    That you came to rely on an animal for that level of interaction and your sense of self worth needs to be address. You really need to get out more and interact with people. It's much more fulfilling when it works.

    Why do you hate "everyone and everything"?

    Why wouldn't the death of my pet have a huge impact???

    I came to rely on *an animal* because I am mostly alone. I have a family, husband works all hours and I am alone basically from 3pm onwards until the next morning.

    I do not work outside the home due to illness, and I do not need to justify my feelings.

    My children are in Uni and have their own lives. Judy was my company and my companion.

    I have friends, none of whom have pet animals, so they DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I am feeling devastated, but I will cope, and I am coping, it is just very hard at the moment. I have lost an adored dog before, so I know it is possible, just need the time.

    When I say I hate everyone, I really mean my husband at the moment for making me feel bad. It's fine. I will get over it, I have to. My neighbour just smiled and said get another dog. Really.

    I'll be ok eventually.


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    #144
    acequion
    Registered Users Posts: 3,834 ✭✭✭acequion


    dragona wrote: »
    Why wouldn't the death of my pet have a huge impact???

    I came to rely on *an animal* because I am mostly alone. I have a family, husband works all hours and I am alone basically from 3pm onwards until the next morning.

    I do not work outside the home due to illness, and I do not need to justify my feelings.

    My children are in Uni and have their own lives. Judy was my company and my companion.

    I have friends, none of whom have pet animals, so they DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I am feeling devastated, but I will cope, and I am coping, it is just very hard at the moment. I have lost an adored dog before, so I know it is possible, just need the time.

    When I say I hate everyone, I really mean my husband at the moment for making me feel bad. It's fine. I will get over it, I have to. My neighbour just smiled and said get another dog. Really.

    I'll be ok eventually.

    I understand where you're coming from dragona. I too am quite alone, much more alone than you and very much rely on my cat for love. In an ideal world we wouldn't rely on our pets so much. In a by gone age,not even so far past, people had more time for each other and jobs were far less stressful.Nowadays the world is more than a little crazy and life is very stressful and many people don't have the time or the patience to give their loved ones the comfort and love needed, hence the over reliance on pets.

    But I do agree with the poster who said you need some counselling. It would give you an outlet for this enormous grief and help give you some perspective. Please do consider it dragona. Otherwise you could find yourself sinking into a serious depression and you don't want to go there. Mental health really is wealth and yours seems fragile right now.

    Please don't be annoyed with me for saying this. I find myself very touched by your story because it could be mine, it could be any of ours. And I really want you to be ok.x


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    #145
    dragona
    Registered Users Posts: 1,646 ✭✭✭dragona


    acequion wrote: »

    Please don't be annoyed with me for saying this. I find myself very touched by your story because it could be mine, it could be any of ours. And I really want you to be ok.x

    Thanks acequion, I really am alone,and I realise the need to have love, no matter where it comes from, and the love for and from a pet companion can be equal or more than the love and affection from a person. That's how I feel anyway.

    Life goes on of course, but painfully.


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    #146
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    acequion wrote: »
    That's so sad Graces. You poor thing,it must have been terribly upsetting for you. Please don't fight the tears,they're natural and they're healing.

    The problem with increasing age for both man and beast is that it's getting into borrowed time. And I don't mean you,Graces as late 70's is not that old. My mother is 88 and I really see old age kicking in lately. Likewise with our beloved pets. I think from about age 11 on we have to be on the look out. My beloved little cat that died 19 years ago was also 14. Like yours she died in my arms. It's heartbreaking and you really have to cry and cry until there are no tears left and then maybe you're ready to start healing.

    But fair play to you for adopting the little young ones. The idea of them following you on your walks on that idyllic island is just so very sweet. It's like something you'd see in a painting.

    lol... at one place I rented I used to be followed by three cats, twin lambs and a hen with no toes! Being home 24/7 and no other people around makes a very special bonding. all were orphans too!

    And no, not allowing tears to take over; too unwell to do that. Just as it comes now and i am blessed with very good support albeit at a distance. Work has always been my solace and my healing. The minute Beata cat died in my arms I called home. They are animal folk as we are here and I knew they were with me.

    and they immediately told me to go get three rescues. Our family all do that.

    Abed here, narrow single,with a table alongside, with all five cats with me!


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    #147
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    dragona wrote: »
    Why wouldn't the death of my pet have a huge impact???

    I came to rely on *an animal* because I am mostly alone. I have a family, husband works all hours and I am alone basically from 3pm onwards until the next morning.

    I do not work outside the home due to illness, and I do not need to justify my feelings.

    My children are in Uni and have their own lives. Judy was my company and my companion.

    I have friends, none of whom have pet animals, so they DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I am feeling devastated, but I will cope, and I am coping, it is just very hard at the moment. I have lost an adored dog before, so I know it is possible, just need the time.

    When I say I hate everyone, I really mean my husband at the moment for making me feel bad. It's fine. I will get over it, I have to. My neighbour just smiled and said get another dog. Really.

    I'll be ok eventually.

    You are doing fine; you really are. we are in essence all and each alone. no one is exactly like us.

    dogs have a huge need and it is that need that involves us. They are incomplete without a human in a way few cats are. I am not a "dog person" and Scallywag was left to me by family going away who were dog people. Loved her dearly and miss her but not the same way you do. Hated that she suffered and died. she loved life so much, fought to hang on.

    I am alone too. I "call home" most days around 3 am our time as that is Canada. see no one then. at present housebound too. Not been offisland since before Christmas and am happy with that

    Oh I was told by a neighbour get another dog but not for me. Family know that hence the order, go and get three rescue cats .. it took my mind and my body off the tragedy. The lady had a house full of strays!

    Like you I am ill; spend most of each day abed but that is fine too. I read, knit, watch youtube, am here . garden a little when I can.. In that state we have to learn self reliance. Took me decades though...

    Take it a day at a time?


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    #148
    anewme
    Registered Users Posts: 11,875 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    Dragona, every one grieves in their own way, there are no right and wrong ways. You dont have to feel guilty.

    My Mum's brother died last year. Her other brother had been his carer and was heartbroken. . My Mum and her sister were trying to console the remaing brother as he had lived with Dan , but to no avail, he was so angry in his grief, depressed, lashing out at the others and nothing they said was right.

    I remember it came to a head when my Mum said something and was turned on. She snapped and reprimanded him for speaking to her like that. He cried and screamed "My brother died" My Mum burst out crying and sobbed " but he was my brother too". My uncle was stopped in his tracks. I remember this as a turning point and him realising they were there for him but had their own grief too.

    You husband had his own relationship with Judy, albeit different frim yours and is also grieving. It clearly also distresses him seeing you so bereft and the yelling is a symptom of that. This is a build up of a situation that is outside everyones control, no one can fix it, no one can bring her back and that in itself is hard to accept for all.

    Try to focus on the positive, you had a great 11 years with Judy. Many people go through life never knowing the love if a dog like you have. That is the gift she brought you. Judy would not want to see you all so sad.


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    #149
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    dragona; look at all the caring posts you have written about and to all of us here. a gift born of grief? You are doing great!


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    #150
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    wondering if you have heard about the opposite side of the coin?

    Greyfriars Bobby..

    https://scotlandwelcomesyou.com/greyfriars-bobby/

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greyfriars_Bobby

    For some reason extreme emotions are mistrusted. This wee dog did not know that.


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    #151
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    At the start of this thread I said how I found it so real and anyone that says it’s not is someone that has never dealt with it before. At that time in my life I (fortunately) had not had the experience of losing any really close relatives p, so losing him was like losing a family member. That’s changed in the years since and I definitely found the feelings comparable when it was a human relative.


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