Tips dealing with sleazy Male customers

First step should be asking your manager. Get a mandate for what you can/can’t say, giving them specific examples and asking them what they’d say in that situation. You may get bad advice, but then at least that goes on the record in any future possible dispute. You have to work the process to your advantage here and in any job.

Businesses are also terribly afraid of staff having claims too, particularly if there’s anything sexual involved. So think 3 steps ahead if you had to take them to court for unfair dismissal if a complaint came in, what would the right answer be then? “Guest came in and behaved inappropriately. I had asked manager for advice for situations like this and he said to ‘just put up with it’. I felt unsafe and vulnerable by allowing this comment to pass so politely informed the guest he was behaving inappropriately. He complained and I was sacked.” That looks awful for the hotel right? So the trick is letting them know that before anything even happens so they have to give you proper support and advice for these situations. I’ll always crack jokes in work about making claims and so on, now they’re total jokes (eg if I nearly tripped on a wet floor I’d be like “aw man if I fell there that’d be 20 grand!” So it’s not a threat either) but it also has the subtle benefit of letting people know I know my rights and to not try dick me around.

I worked with a girl who was great at dealing with creeps. If they said anything weird, she’d just pause for a second, give them an absolute death stare that went through their soul, then carry on as if nothing had happened without acknowledging their comment. How could they complain about that? Why would they want to, because doing so would mean ratting themselves out and admitting they were rejected? And she didn’t say anything wrong so any subsequent investigation off an unlikely complaint would have to exonerate her.

I myself used to work in a women’s clothes shop where sometimes, if they were short staffed, I’d have to hand out the numbered tags if someone was going into the changing rooms. The odd time you’d get a woman who’d be like “You’re going to try look at me while I change” (they’d be that brazen, ah retail...) or something like that. I’d just look unimpressed and somewhat disgusted at the thought then say something like, “I assure you I have absolutely no interest in that.” The funny thing was they’d then sometimes get thick that I didn’t want to look and they’d been rejected. But again, if a complaint went in, it’d only prove I had done my job. So you just have to be clever about it.

erm is it just me or did most readers expect the customer were bang out of line?

Often times they do attempt to cross the line, will stare obviously at my chest (I deliberately wear layers and dress modestly so they can't see all that much), they attempt to make me flirt with them, when I stay polite but firm they still continue try to make me laugh/smile/engage with them on a personal level.

they stare at your chest. if someone just doesn't make much eye contact you could say 'my face is up here' straight out, but in a tone that isnt overly harsh (for 1st offenders make a joke of it). Call them out.

they attempt to make me flirt with them, sounds like a acceptable personal interaction -you can assertively decide what you share etc, but is there any harm, or intent in that? Its not harassment in itself, and to be honest you seem to assume the worst of intentions to a fairly innocent action.

continue try to make me laugh/smile/engage with them on a personal level - sounds very normal for a customer service job. Absolutely par for the course. You should be engaging right back if you want good feedback.

OP you have the power to control these interactions. You seem to make everyone out to be creeps. There is room for a more benign interpretation of their actions.

IMO if you were well suited to this role you would be chatty friendly but assertive when you need to be. You would not let them cross the line, but still be engaging. This would solicit good feedback from most customers and if there are a few who stray out of line, you would simply demand they behave, (without causing offense if possible).

If you cannot do this or dont want to do this, then perhaps a change of role would be good?

To all those guys coming on and telling the OP to 'get over it' tell me, how would you feel if you were on a reception desk and a guy came up to you and stared at your crotch (even with your trousers on and not showing anything), constantly tried to flirt with you at work when you're attempting to be professional, and made you incredibly uncomfortable, uncomfortable enough to write looking for advice on how to deal with it professionally on a message board?

Also, people flirting with you when you're at work is not 'acceptable and perfectly normal behaviour'. Ok, maybe it's not 'predatory' but it's ridiculous and stupid. What's she going to do, have some randomer flirt with her at work and decide he's the one for her? :rolleyes:

op you shouldnt have to deal with this behaviour anywhere.
men who behave like that have little sense tbh.
i liked the reference further up where someone in this position just gives the guy a cold stare and no reaction.
a lot of these men are prehaps bolstering their ego or may even genuinely think theyre being funny/attractive/whatever and might not have the cop.on to realise that their behaviour is unwelcome.

the_pen_turner wrote: »

i dont see what the customers are doing wrong here. there is nothing in the op to say they are doing anything inapropriate.
making you smile or laugh isnt inapropriate its just being friendly.
looking at breast is normal and harmless enough . continuesly doing it can be harrasment but a once off isnt inapropriate.
someone atractive is bound to cath your eye.

Here’s the thing. I’m attracted to women.

I do not check out my female colleagues at any point. If I have meetings with other women that I might ordinarily be attracted to on a night out etc I make it my business, in a work environment, to maintain eye contact and not flirt. It’s really very simple. Why some men think it’s “only natural” to sexualise women in the workplace is beyond me.

In particular in her role, unlike mine, she probably feels she has to put up with a lot to get “good reviews” etc. So the power is in these guys hands and they know it.

The OP doesn’t have to justify to anyone on thread why she feels this is inappropriate.

leggo wrote: »

This. Just this. I’m a man without breasts reading text and I feel creeped out at that sentence alone. Standing there staring at someone in general is weird and intimidating, if I stood on a street corner and just stared you out of it (even in a non-sexual way) you’d feel uncomfortable. If you were a woman who likely wouldn’t be physically capable of defending yourself against a man if it came to it, forced to be nice because you’re in work and serving this person, but also not wanting to seem like you’re encouraging them and not trained or given any instruction on what you can/can’t say...multiple that discomfort several times.

Now can we stop contending that this is a thing, I’ve witnessed it happen regularly. It’s a thing so give the OP advice instead of doubting her, or just don’t post at all.

There is nothing in your post that has anything got to do with what I posted. I'm not suggesting its ok to continuously look at or stare at someone, that in appropriate.

All I'm saying is that a momentary catch if the eye isn't inapropriate. You are just noticing something. Nothing wrong with that

Op could 6ou elaborate on what they are doing to make you laugh etc

You said it’s “normal and harmless” to stare at breasts. Exact quote. Stop being creepy, stop arguing that the problem isn’t a problem, nobody asked if you thought that, if you don’t have anything helpful to post then just don’t post.

SoundsRight wrote: »

So long as they just look with their eyes and not their hands, I don't see how it could be an issue. If you take a confrontational approach you could do irreparable damage to the business.

It's an issue because it's embarrassing, condescending and intimidating. Women just want to do their job. A look here and there is fine but I doubt the OP created this thread based on an odd glance.

The OP didn't look for your opinion, if you think staring at women is socially acceptable that's on you, she doesn't have to justify her feelings, the fact she feels uncomfortable is enough. Work is hard enough without dealing with people who make you feel uncomfortable.

Getting back on topic (sorry if I helped drag it off mods), I actually think the best thing to do is ask your HR dept or something similar what the best approach would be. It's likely they have a policy regarding employee safety, especially in front-facing roles. If nothing else, by asking the question and having it on the record, you have something to fall back on if there's a complaint from some guy about any comment you may make.

If you get someone useful from them like 'you can ask them to stop, or give them a look' or whatever then go by that and you should be fine because you've clearly followed protocol, or at least what you were told to do.

If they just tell you to 'suck it up' or are unwilling to engage, then you know that the company don't really have your best interests at heart, and you could possibly start looking for another role somewhere. Easier said than done, I know, OP.

tretorn wrote: »

If you have very big breasts maybe think about a breast reduction, it will make a huge difference to your life. I am thinking you are large on top if you are resorting to wearing layers to cover up.

Jesus. F*cking. Christ.

yeah, that's the solution to creeps who stare at womens breasts. Go under a non essential surgery and pay out thousands just so you can possibly expect a day at work where you don't get eyeballed.

Op, ignore this. It is 100% NOT your fault if guys are staring at you just going about your day. At all.

baby and crumble wrote: »

Jesus. F*cking. Christ.

yeah, that's the solution to creeps who stare at womens breasts. Go under a non essential surgery and pay out thousands just so you can possibly expect a day at work where you don't get eyeballed.

Op, ignore this. It is 100% NOT your fault if guys are staring at you just going about your day. At all.

As a man I 100% agree with baby and crumble.

tretorn wrote: »

I think you can get the surgery done for free if you are over a certain size or if the size of your breasts is causing mental health difficulties.

Well, according to the OP, it's not her breasts that are causing problems. The sleazy dudes who look at them when she's trying to be professional in her job are the problem. Can you get surgery to remove their eyes instead? That'd work.

tretorn wrote: »

The OP is being put under stress because of her breasts and I am just guessing they are big because most men dont stare at average sized breasts. You arent going to stop men staring, thats basic biology and the covering up the OP is doing isnt solving the problem.

Again, no. She's under stress because of sleazy men who think they're entitled to stare at her, keep flirting when she's clearly not responding, and force her into jokes and 'hilarity' just because she's a bit of a captive audience.

Also, your statement re: breast size and attraction (if you could call 'staring' attraction) is wrong.

tretorn wrote: »

The real sad thing about this is you were probably chosen because of your physical attributes for this position and not how good you are at your job and if you move to another position management will just get another young attractive female to fill the vacancy.

Yes, because the only possible reason a woman could be chosen for a public facing role is because she's hot. Nothing to do with her skills, or education, or experience. So long as she's eye candy for the boys, happy days right?

Again, OP, ignore this nonsensical advice would be my guideline to you here.

tretorn wrote: »

And, whats your advice, go to management and complain because male customers are in OPS opinion staring at her breasts. They may be wondering why she is dressed in layers of clothing in a warm office and not really looking at her breasts at all. What do you management to do, they arent going to tell paying customers where they are to look, this would be the surest way of closing down the business.

She's not asking for management to come in and tell the guys not to stop staring, I never once said to 'complain' about the guys behavior. She would be asking for advice from senior management to deal with an issue that has come up in her working day that is causing her to be uncomfortable in work, and therefore not performing her role to the best of her ability because she is unsure how to deal with it.

If the OP was a guy and was having similar issues with female (or male, obviously) customers I'd say the exact same thing.

Like, I really don't see the issue with doing that, if I were to go to my boss with a similar issue he would be horrified that I was uncomfortable and find ways to work with me to deal with it the most appropriate way possible.