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Lame or embarrassing things you fapped to before you had internet porn

1…34689…25

Comments

  • #252
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I once knocked one out to Rita, Bob and Sue Too

    My first porno :cool:


  • #253
    enfant terrible
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,592 ✭✭✭enfant terrible


    Martyn1989 wrote: »
    with the other hand on the remote 'just in case'?

    Not me, I need both hands.


  • #254
    philstar
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,986 ✭✭✭philstar


    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    rita & sue, yikes they were mank...... common as muck

    *funny movie though


  • #255
    outtagetme
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 104 ✭✭outtagetme


    There was an ad for a perfume called Impulse and it would show the young hussy spraying it all over her lovely bod. The frontal scene showed a flat tummy and the bottom portion of her boobies.

    Cue....massive stalker followed by dash to the jacks and cock-walloping of epic proportions.


  • #256
    outtagetme
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 104 ✭✭outtagetme


    Also,
    I had the album Quadrophenia by The Who. It was a double album with a picture booklet of scenes from the movie. One scene was of the main character passed out on his bed and on his wall were loads of photos of topless women. Spanked the monkey fantastic to that too. Got a decent bit of mileage from the pictures of the ladies on the front of packets of tights too. Finally a mate brought back some mags from England (Fiesta, Mayfair, etc) and I was sorted bigtime.


  • #257
    token101
    Registered Users Posts: 3,050 ✭✭✭token101


    Sable & Sunny in WWF Raw magazine. Fap, fap, faparooo all the way to sticky page city.


  • #258
    philstar
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,986 ✭✭✭philstar


    those of you of a certain vintage will appreciate this....saturday evenings around 7pm RTE1, dumb show but one hot lady in it, sometimes i would just watch the start and then go to the toilet to relieve myself

    57sec in :)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp6oUs50Sn4


  • #259
    Our man in Havana
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29,473 ✭✭✭✭Our man in Havana


    TJ Hooker had the same effect. :D


  • #260
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    mackg wrote: »
    Surely it would be difficult to pass off as reading the paper since whoever saw you would more than likely have noticed you were fapping?:confused:

    Well, no, it was more of a '**** bank' scenario... I wouldn't really get away with fapping at the kitchen table! :pac: I meant I could stare at the boobs/ bum and pass it off as just "reading the articles''.

    <3 this thread.


  • #261
    fryup
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,067 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    the slutty one from Bucks Fizz ;)

    Jay Aston was her name i think


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  • #262
    holystungun9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,933 ✭✭✭holystungun9


    Pretty standard I think...Picture of tennis player Martina Hingis dashing about the court in her short skirt and knickers up her bum. Unfortunately, this picture was in one of the Sunday World and Sunday was 'family' day where other siblings came out to the home place for lunch and to look at the papers etc.

    On spotting the picture, I snuck off to my room for a Sunday fap but got some of my sex wee on the paper. Splashes of sex wee on crappy paper doesn't just dry up and disappear. I legged it after lunch and bought another copy so the family wouldn't have to unstick the other one.

    Fun times.


  • #263
    WoundedRhino
    Registered Users Posts: 66 ✭✭WoundedRhino


    Nude scenes in films. Particularly shower scenes. Off the top of my head:

    Beverly D'Angelo tits in the shower in "National Lampoon's Vacation".
    A bunch of girls in the showers in "Nuns On The Run". Pubes and everything.
    Topless dancers in "Beverly Hills Cop 2".
    Patsy Kensit's pointy nipples in "Lethal Weapon 2".
    Naked Sissy Spacek in the showers at the start of "Carrie"

    That and the ten minute freeview on the Adult Channel.

    You get the idea.


  • #264
    Galwayguy35
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,671 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    A poster of The Bangles on my bedroom wall used to do the job back in the day:)


  • #265
    SafeSurfer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,591 ✭✭✭SafeSurfer


    The Argos catalog, that was before the Lidl magazine came out, wow Lidl have some babes in their mag!!

    Multo autem ad rem magis pertinet quallis tibi vide aris quam allis



  • #266
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    Pupito wrote: »
    Making Lara Croft run into the wall to hear her moan used to get me going. I was of the right age when the Spice Girls came along, I used to think of Mel C when entertaining myself, not because I fancied her the most (least, actually), but i figured I'd have more of a chance with her in real life, should she ever want to do it with a fourteen-year-old. That's poverty of ambition, Irish-style.

    Ads for breast augmentation surgery in the back of the Sunday magazines were always handy too, after putting something over the 'Before' photo to block it out.

    Each one better than the last.


  • #267
    Conall Cernach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭Conall Cernach


    Back in the mid-late eighties there was an Irish porn mag called Esprit with Irish girls in it. A mate of mine got a hold of a copy but it turned out that it was all just tits and arses but no fannies.:(


  • #268
    mauzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,033 ✭✭✭mauzo


    OH Lara croft ;) I used to have her running around the house, straight to the bedroom and into the bath. THinking one day she might get naked.

    And cruel intentions, always got me going.


  • #269
    Squ
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,082 ✭✭✭Squ


    syndeyfife wrote: »
    Cruel intentions

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be-foFX192I


    Still does the job!!


  • #270
    aujopimur
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,953 ✭✭✭aujopimur


    Conall Cernach wrote: »
    Back in the mid-late eighties there was an Irish porn mag called Esprit with Irish girls in it. A mate of mine got a hold of a copy but it turned out that it was all just tits and arses but no fannies.:(
    Good catholic Irish wihout fannies.


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  • #271
    KenSwee
    Registered Users Posts: 520 ✭✭✭KenSwee


    fryup wrote: »
    the slutty one from Bucks Fizz ;)

    Jay Aston was her name i think

    Yes it was indeed. Marvellous.
    smash wrote: »
    Before the internet I had a stash of hardcore mags and VHS that I'd buy on holidays in Spain every year. Then I'd come home and spend hours copying the VHS tapes and sell them in school for a tenner each. Made a fortune!

    Holy crap, myself and my mate did exactly the same thing. Got the idea on a visit to Litton Lane studios and they had racks of VHS records, for multiple copies so we bought 4 VHS machines, one sat receiver, a dish and subscription to the Adult Channel and recorded about 200 vids which we sold for a massive profit.

    I also remember this pile of crap on Sky but the girls were amazing. I hated the son in it because he got such great looking girls and he was dog ugly.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDkvfPCHX6M


  • #272
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,268 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Shoulda just read the thing, Jilly Cooper is trashy porn. Kinda like the 80's version of this shades of gray crap all the sheep are reading now...


  • #273
    Musiconomist
    Registered Users Posts: 176 ✭✭Musiconomist


    7 of 9


  • #274
    Scanlas The 2nd
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,144 ✭✭✭Scanlas The 2nd


    Aerobics Oz style. But only when they wore their tight knee length leggings.


  • #275
    Conall Cernach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭Conall Cernach


    dclane wrote: »
    Used to also fap to Steffi Graf
    Was that when Gabriella Sabatini had already been knocked out?


  • #276
    Stinicker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,102 ✭✭✭Stinicker


    Baywatch


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  • #277
    DazMarz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭DazMarz


    I was a horny little bollix... well, not was, tbf... Started destroying myself at around the age of 11 or so. To the following:

    -Eurotrash
    -Sexcetera
    -The free-views on the porno channels in the Sky 900+ channels
    -Page 3 (obligatory, methinks)
    -pretty much any mainsteam film where there was a hint of anything sexual.
    -free areas on internet porno sites (even the ones where all the naughty bits are blurred/blacked-out)

    to my utter amazement, I've never been caught dancing with myself by anyone (tho there have been some close calls sometimes).


  • #278
    John Doe1
    Registered Users Posts: 2,921 ✭✭✭John Doe1


    The kays catalogue:o


  • #279
    coonecb1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 523 ✭✭✭coonecb1


    Used to just visualise our busty female German teacher in school. Sure, she may have been middle aged, but damnit when you're in an all-boys school you have to work with the thought of the best looking teacher

    Also Peg Bundy in Married with Children, the original MILF before the term MILF even existed.

    Cosmopolitan magazine was a pure treasure trove in those days, still is if you ask me.....my first fap was over an Eve Herzegovina Wonderbra ad....

    Ah the memories....


  • #280
    ArtyM
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,879 ✭✭✭ArtyM


    dclane wrote: »
    Spent two weeks in my cousins' house in Mayo in the early 90's. Absolutley no access to porn or my stash which I left at home. The only thing I could find was the Jilly Cooper "The Riders" book in my aunts room left beside her bed.

    Fapped away looking at that cover for two weeks lying in the upstairs bathroom floor till I got back to my stash.

    Attachment not found.

    You do know that that was actually a man in those riding trousers?
    They revealed that many years later.
    Sorry!


  • #281
    anthonyos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,019 ✭✭✭anthonyos


    flash the gash :)


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  • #282
    Blondini
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,480 ✭✭✭Blondini


    dclane wrote: »
    Used to also fap to Steffi Graf

    Tennis **** will never go out of fashion ..


  • #283
    pragmatic1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,573 ✭✭✭pragmatic1


    salonfire wrote: »
    I once knocked one out to Rita, Bob and Sue Too

    My first porno :cool:
    Yep. Same as meself.


  • #284
    BOHtox
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,314 ✭✭✭BOHtox


    later12 wrote: »
    I have a heap of sisters so there was always lots of **** material around the house from the likes of Vogue and Sugar and and other magazines.

    Of course, Shannon Reed (Isla Fisher) from home and Away was always worth a go too. The big sexy lesbian.

    Thankfully, the internet soon came along and I was able to download images (sometimes GIFs) onto disks named "Homework" which had curiously little to do with school at all.


    Careful now!


  • #285
    LH Pathe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,515 ✭✭✭LH Pathe


    Still can't.. resist... the compulsion to leave gaping holes in newspapers where Naomi Campbell once resided.


  • #286
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    Demi Moore. Striptease. Nuff said.


  • #287
    2ndcoming
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,573 ✭✭✭2ndcoming


    Miss July 1996 robbed from the Wurth calendar in my oul lad's garage.

    I waited til August to avoid any embarassing questions :)


  • #288
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    I had the Creme de la Creme of porn back in the 80s... My dads collection of practical photography, loads of boobs and full frontal shots.


  • #289
    Jack Max
    Site Banned Posts: 13 ✭Jack Max


    The cartoon illustration of a vageen in my inter cert science book. Tee hee!


  • #290
    LaVail
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,619 ✭✭✭LaVail


    Treasa Lowe


  • #291
    Mr. CooL ICE
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,644 ✭✭✭✭Mr. CooL ICE


    Jack Max wrote: »
    The cartoon illustration of a vageen in my inter cert science book. Tee hee!

    I'd love to know what you were searching for to end up in this thread


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  • #292
    the evasion_kid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    The pictures of women on the old tennents lager cans


  • #293
    YFlyer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,717 ✭✭✭YFlyer


    Zombie thread. The pages are stuck together.


  • #294
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,891 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    The underwear section of Kay's catalogue.

    H&E magazines.


  • #295
    Yurt2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,381 ✭✭✭Yurt2


    Velcro Girl on 2phat, hot diggidy she was fine.


  • #296
    djflawless
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,868 ✭✭✭djflawless


    That tatu song, all the things in my head.
    And the red haired 1 from who framed Roget rabbit..
    Helped me thru puberty...


  • #297
    pollyannawins
    Registered Users Posts: 86 ✭✭pollyannawins


    a tree roughly in the shape of a woman, a seat recently vacated by a lady, a scratch and smell insert from a magazine, a pair of oven mitts, a audio recording of a woman narrating a 19th century novel, erotically charged cloud formations in the upper atmosphere


  • #298
    coopdog85
    Registered Users Posts: 148 ✭✭coopdog85


    pollyannawins wrote: »
    a tree roughly in the shape of a woman, a seat recently vacated by a lady, a scratch and smell insert from a magazine, a pair of oven mitts, a audio recording of a woman narrating a 19th century novel, erotically charged cloud formations in the upper atmosphere

    The last line put me on the floor!


  • #299
    WoollyRedHat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,462 ✭✭✭✭WoollyRedHat


    pollyannawins wrote: »
    a tree roughly in the shape of a woman, a seat recently vacated by a lady, a scratch and smell insert from a magazine, a pair of oven mitts, a audio recording of a woman narrating a 19th century novel, erotically charged cloud formations in the upper atmosphere

    The Cumulonimbus ? Yeah I get that but I prefer the Cumulus myself, good bit lower, nice and dangly.

    Just the thought of those clouds building up with precipation makes me wet.


  • #300
    FatherTed
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,684 ✭✭✭FatherTed


    Note sure if th4se are mentioned:

    - Pictures of African natives in our encyclopedia
    - my parent's 70's K-Tel record covers


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  • #301
    eternal
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 8,867 ✭✭✭eternal


    I used to do it to the lines converging in the swirls of the carpet and the deep, evocative sweeps of the plush velveteen wallpaper.


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