Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Hiding being gay

Options
2»

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    Ten of Swords
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    Gael are you out to any member of your family? What about friends, do any of your inner circle know?

    Moderator: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender, Vegan & Vegetarian

    Category Moderator: Social & Fun



  • Options
    #33
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Ten of Swords wrote: »
    Gael are you out to any member of your family? What about friends, do any of your inner circle know?

    One person in my family is suspicious I know because he saw a Grindr message notification on my phone. But I’m not openly no.


  • Options
    #34
    The One Doctor
    Registered Users Posts: 2,339 ✭✭✭The One Doctor


    I'm straight, male and a father and happened to see this thread. You'll be just as good a father if you're gay than if you're straight as long as you are committed to fatherhood. It's tough and made tougher by adoption. Surrogacy is not really a legal option in Ireland. Just remember, kids love their parents unconditionally and expect that love to be returned 110%. Being gay doesn't really enter into the equation. Being good at parenting as a father takes lots of intense time and effort, that's all.


  • Options
    #35
    Irishgay84
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Irishgay84


    Hi Gael,

    I’m 34 and only came out about 6 months ago. I got ill last year and it put everything into perspective for me and I decided when I was well again I had to make the most of life and not be so miserable. I out a deadline of before my 34th birthday. I came out to all my family, friends and work colleagues within a week or so and I can honestly say it’s been the best decision I’ve ever made.

    I didn’t get one bad reaction, I had expected my family and some of my friends to disown me but none of them cared once I was happy.

    I’m annoyed now I left it so long to come out but I can’t change that.

    My advice is to stop hiding and come out so you can live the life you want to live without worrying. Ireland is a much different country than it was and most people are fairly open minded. I know everyone doesn’t have the coming out experience I had but I believe most of your family and friends will not care.

    Best of luck!


  • Options
    #36
    SillyMangoX
    Registered Users Posts: 4,002 ✭✭✭SillyMangoX


    A bit different here coming from the other side of the gender scale as a female, but I came out 4 years ago at the age of 21 and honestly it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I told all my close family and friends first and then put a status up on Facebook. Not the most conventional thing, I know, but it was much easier than having to explain to everyone individually.
    The one person I was worried about was my grandmother, being the old Ireland religious type. She couldn’t have been more accepting and had met a couple of my partners since and never treated them any differently than my straight cousins bringing someone home.
    It’s scary. It’s terrifying. But a lot of people come to this realisation in their 20s. You’re not alone in this. Someone very close to me and in his late 20s has recently come out to me as Bi. All I can say is try not to overthink everything. Ireland is a lot better a place than it was even 5 years ago for this kind of thing.
    I wish you every luck in your journey.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Irishgay84 wrote: »
    Hi Gael,

    I’m 34 and only came out about 6 months ago. I got ill last year and it put everything into perspective for me and I decided when I was well again I had to make the most of life and not be so miserable. I out a deadline of before my 34th birthday. I came out to all my family, friends and work colleagues within a week or so and I can honestly say it’s been the best decision I’ve ever made.

    I didn’t get one bad reaction, I had expected my family and some of my friends to disown me but none of them cared once I was happy.

    I’m annoyed now I left it so long to come out but I can’t change that.

    My advice is to stop hiding and come out so you can live the life you want to live without worrying. Ireland is a much different country than it was and most people are fairly open minded. I know everyone doesn’t have the coming out experience I had but I believe most of your family and friends will not care.

    Best of luck!
    This really helps, partly because I see myself in a sort of similar place.

    I guess going back to the start, when I was born I had so many things wrong with me every doctor that dealt with me thought it was impossible for a child with so many issues to survive . 27 years on I'm here writing this so for that reason i guess I'm quite close to my family. Had a setback in July when I had a test done and it found something which put me on medication for the rest of my life and I'm well on the road back form that but still lot 110% there.

    Deep down I know your also right about family reactions, happiness is mostly what they care about. At the same time I know that some of my grandparents voted No in the referendum so thats on my mind too.

    i think i'll probably wait until I've met someone to come out, I know thats not the usual way but I think its perhaps an easier way.


  • Options
    #38
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,845 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Gael23 wrote: »
    This really helps, partly because I see myself in a sort of similar place.

    I guess going back to the start, when I was born I had so many things wrong with me every doctor that dealt with me thought it was impossible for a child with so many issues to survive . 27 years on I'm here writing this so for that reason i guess I'm quite close to my family. Had a setback in July when I had a test done and it found something which put me on medication for the rest of my life and I'm well on the road back form that but still lot 110% there.

    Deep down I know your also right about family reactions, happiness is mostly what they care about. At the same time I know that some of my grandparents voted No in the referendum so thats on my mind too.

    i think i'll probably wait until I've met someone to come out, I know thats not the usual way but I think its perhaps an easier way.
    What if you never meet someone. Honestly I think you are making things harder for yourself.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Options
    #39
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    What if you never meet someone. Honestly I think you are making things harder for yourself.
    Your probably right (again) Joey. I guess I'm just a little apprehensive about reactions really.


  • Options
    #40
    Irishgay84
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Irishgay84


    I was so worried about reactions too Gael, I know for a fact my dad voted no in the marriage referendum and I was most worried about his reaction. To my surprise he has been good. I didn’t give people enough credit, the people I was most worried would react badly were actually all ok with it. There’ll never be a right time to come out but from experience if you want to be happy and live a life where you’re not walking on eggshells all the time or constantly worrying about what you say or how you act, you need to come out.

    It sounds like you’ve had lots of health issues during your life and I’m sure your parents would only want you to be happy after what you’ve been through.


  • Options
    #41
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Skatedude wrote: »
    Adoption, artificial insemination with a surrogate mother etc. There are options available
    Heebie wrote: »
    Adoption or surrogacy.
    Adoption is better for society. There are plenty of kids who need parents, and too many people in the world already... but both are options you have.
    L1011 wrote: »
    You haven't had to be for decades if ever; however there are very very limited numbers of children placed for adoption in Ireland and adopting from abroad is more complicated than ever due to (justified) checks brought in to try prevent Magdalene baby sale type setups.

    Been doing some digging the past few days and it seems like adoption is a really tough road, even for straight couples, due to treaty issues as L1011 mentions.

    Surrogacy for a male couple appears to present huge legal challenges due to the requirement for a mothers name to be included on an Irish birth certificate, am did that is done it gives the woman who gave birth to the child (theoretical) legal rights to the child.Aside from that the cost looks to be very prohibitive.

    I know it’s one issue in a much bigger picture but unless I’m mistaken it appears legally and financially very difficult for a same sex male couple to have a child in Ireland.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,605 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    Life is far too short to spend it hiding away who and what you truly are, being frustrated, expending valuable energy living a lie. Be true to yourself and your loved ones, be yourself, be free! :)

    Happy New Year!!


  • Options
    #43
    Heebie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,302 ✭✭✭Heebie


    Just had a thought...
    Have you been to The Outhouse? (Someone else might have mentioned it.. forgive me if that's the case. It's a long thread)
    They have programs and groups that might put you in touch with people who are or have been in very similar positions that you can chat with in real-time.


  • Options
    #44
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Heebie wrote: »
    Just had a thought...
    Have you been to The Outhouse? (Someone else might have mentioned it.. forgive me if that's the case. It's a long thread)
    They have programs and groups that might put you in touch with people who are or have been in very similar positions that you can chat with in real-time.

    No I wasn't aware of them, will check it out.


  • Options
    #45
    Ten of Swords
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    Outhouse are running a program starting February 5th for men over 24. It is due to run for 6 weeks on Tuesday evenings

    Moderator: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender, Vegan & Vegetarian

    Category Moderator: Social & Fun



  • Options
    #46
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,845 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Ten of Swords wrote: »
    Outhouse are running a program starting February 5th for men over 24. It is due to run for 6 weeks on Tuesday evenings

    I would highly highly reccomend this course. Its a personal development course. I have done it myself and found it very very useful.


    Personal Development Course
    The Personal Development course run by Gay Men’s Health Service and Outhouse LGBT Community Centre is free of charge, runs for 6 weeks and is aimed at gay and bisexual men and men who have sex with men (MSM).

    Personal development is all about making positive changes in your life and improving your health and wellbeing. The course can be both fun and challenging and helps you learn coping skills for everyday situations.

    The overall aim of the course is to help you become more aware of yourself and improve your self-esteem and assertiveness.

    Contact Outhouse on 018734999 or reception@outhouse.ie to book a place.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Options
    #47
    cgcsb
    Registered Users Posts: 9,276 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    Gael23 wrote: »
    So you don’t have to be a heterosexual couple to adopt these days?

    Of course not.


  • Options
    #48
    cgcsb
    Registered Users Posts: 9,276 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    Gael23 wrote: »
    One person in my family is suspicious I know because he saw a Grindr message notification on my phone. But I’m not openly no.

    So he knows then, he's not 'suspicious'.


  • Options
    #49
    cgcsb
    Registered Users Posts: 9,276 ✭✭✭cgcsb


    Gael23 wrote: »
    I know it’s one issue in a much bigger picture but unless I’m mistaken it appears legally and financially very difficult for a same sex male couple to have a child in Ireland.

    Remaining closeted won't remedy that situation.


  • Options
    #50
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    I would highly highly reccomend this course. Its a personal development course. I have done it myself and found it very very useful.


    Personal Development Course
    The Personal Development course run by Gay Men’s Health Service and Outhouse LGBT Community Centre is free of charge, runs for 6 weeks and is aimed at gay and bisexual men and men who have sex with men (MSM).

    Personal development is all about making positive changes in your life and improving your health and wellbeing. The course can be both fun and challenging and helps you learn coping skills for everyday situations.

    The overall aim of the course is to help you become more aware of yourself and improve your self-esteem and assertiveness.

    Contact Outhouse on 018734999 or reception@outhouse.ie to book a place.
    Where did you get this Joey? Sounds exactly what I need but I cant see much info on their website


  • Options
    #51
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,845 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Gael23 wrote: »
    Where did you get this Joey? Sounds exactly what I need but I cant see much info on their website

    What info are you looking for?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #52
    Ten of Swords
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Ten of Swords


    There is a brief mention on their website here

    There is general information on the GMHS website here

    Also, there is an ad for programs in February and April in the latest edition of GCN. You can view the mag online for free. The ad is on page 24 (the reader is a bit unpredictable when viewing it on a phone)

    GCN Jan 2019

    Moderator: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender, Vegan & Vegetarian

    Category Moderator: Social & Fun



  • Options
    #53
    Gael23
    Registered Users Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    Joeytheparrot wrote: »
    What info are you looking for?

    The piece you posted about the personal development course/ Where is it taken from?


  • Options
    #54
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,845 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Gael23 wrote: »
    The piece you posted about the personal development course/ Where is it taken from?

    I took it from the GMHS website and changed the contact details to those used in the GCN ad. Links provided above.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Options
    #55
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,845 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Anyway I would highly reccomend the course

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



Advertisement