Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

One-Liner Jokes

Options
1…5657596162…190

Comments

  • Options
    #1742
    K4t
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,362 ✭✭✭K4t


    A Polish man walks into a bar.............


    and takes the bartender's job.


  • Options
    #1743
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    I was wondering if anyone could tell me which channel I could find the Womens FA Cup Final on?

    I've already checked cooking and comedy...


  • Options
    #1744
    Rigardo
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭Rigardo


    Man: So what's wrong with me Doc
    Doctor: I'm afraid you're going to have to give up masturbating
    Man: No! Why!?
    Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you! :eek:


  • Options
    #1745
    Rigardo
    Registered Users Posts: 111 ✭✭Rigardo


    A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
    The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don't serve food here"


  • Options
    #1746
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    well... it is a one liner :pac:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7uwM2Ogl9Q


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #1747
    waffleman
    Registered Users Posts: 580 ✭✭✭waffleman


    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Bertie Ahern
    Bertie Ahern who?
    Bertie Ahern the politician who regulated bank lending, planning permission, public sector pay and minimized our national debt during his years as Taoiseach - you know the guy who will be remembered for avoiding the property bubble that has ruined economies the world over and acted in all our best interests - a real national hero!


  • Options
    #1748
    Thomas828
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭Thomas828


    How do you annoy Lady Gaga? You "Poke 'er face".


  • Options
    #1749
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    whats the worst thing about being a test tube baby?


    you know your dads a wanker


  • Options
    #1750
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    They say that women love a man in uniform.

    That's a load of crap! I've been out clubbing in my McDonald's uniform for the last three nights and I haven't had any success.


  • Options
    #1751
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Cheryl Cole.

    Giving a new whole meaning to being top of the 'singles chart'.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #1752
    4davis7
    Registered Users Posts: 150 ✭✭4davis7


    A man walks into a bar and say's " Ouch, That kinda hurt"
    Then the man walks into head shop and say's " ......." wait there is no head shop's.

    How do you fit a Big dog into a fridge?
    Open the fridge, take out its contents and put the dog in.


    How do you fit a crocodile in a fridge?
    Open the fridge, take out the dog and put the crocodile in.


    Now how do you fit an elephant in the fridge???

    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    You cant ye dumb basturd!!!


  • Options
    #1753
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    4davis7 wrote: »
    A man walks into a bar and say's " Ouch, That kinda hurt"
    Then the man walks into head shop and say's " ......." wait there is no head shop's.

    How do you fit a Big dog into a fridge?
    Open the fridge, take out its contents and put the dog in.


    How do you fit a crocodile in a fridge?
    Open the fridge, take out the dog and put the crocodile in.


    Now how do you fit an elephant in the fridge???

    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    You cant ye dumb basturd!!!



    one liners......should be called sh1te jokes :D




    what do you call black astronaut?





    by his name ye racist pig!!;)


  • Options
    #1754
    4davis7
    Registered Users Posts: 150 ✭✭4davis7


    you call mine **** :o
    even tho they were crap


  • Options
    #1755
    Pa_Trick
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4 ✭Pa_Trick


    Got stung by a bee today

    Four Euro for a jar of honey..


  • Options
    #1756
    Comer1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,024 ✭✭✭Comer1


    What's the difference between a Lada and a tampon?















    Tampon comes with it's own tow rope!


  • Options
    #1757
    markfla
    Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭markfla


    Why didn't the two Tampons say "Hello"?




    Because they were both stuck up cúnts.


  • Options
    #1758
    Bobeagleburger
    Registered Users Posts: 45,262 ✭✭✭✭Bobeagleburger


    Iron Man is a superhero.

    Iron Woman is a command.


  • Options
    #1759
    PaddyBomb
    Registered Users Posts: 953 ✭✭✭PaddyBomb


    Stevie Wonder was supposed to play Dublin in 1985, but he couldn't see the point.


  • Options
    #1760
    Jay D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Jay D


    PaddyBomb wrote: »
    Stevie Wonder was supposed to play Dublin in 1985, but he couldn't see the point.

    Sure while we're robbing Jim Jim's one liners:

    I'm writing a new romance based in Northern Ireland, it's called P.S.N.I. I love you...


    :D


  • Options
    #1761
    Kxiii
    Registered Users Posts: 864 ✭✭✭Kxiii


    fobster wrote: »
    The definition of irony.

    When Autorecovery runs it crashes Windows...

    If at first you don't succeed. Call it version1.0


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #1762
    alexlyons
    Registered Users Posts: 2,182 ✭✭✭alexlyons


    A man choked on a grape...

    .. There was no raisin' him from the dead!!!


  • Options
    #1763
    Elzer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 60 ✭✭Elzer


    just a quick silly joke my fella keeps telling me.........

    How can a black dog not be black???:confused:

    When its a greyhound !!:P

    ridiculus but there it is:D ......


  • Options
    #1764
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Went into a chemist for some condoms...............Got the Robert Greens...

    Extra slippery and guaranteed not to catch anything

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Options
    #1765
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    My computer has just been infected with the "Rob Green Virus"...

    I can't save anything....


  • Options
    #1766
    minister poxbottle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 439 ✭✭minister poxbottle


    3 vampires walk into a bar 2 order pints of blood
    the third orders a mug of boiling water
    bar man a bit puzzled asks whats with mug of boiling water
    vampire pulls out a used tampon
    i'm having tea


  • Options
    #1767
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Someone really needs to start a petition to ban football from vuvuzela concerts.


  • Options
    #1768
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    South African police have admitted having problems with drug dealers, thieves, and sex fiends during the world cup.












    They said things should improve when John Terry's family go home!

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Options
    #1769
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    It makes a nice change for the oil to be invading America for once.


  • Options
    #1770
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    It has just been announced that all England matches will now be shown by an adult gay porn channel, as the sight of 11 arseholes being pounded for 90 minutes has been deemed too explicit for ITV.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #1771
    Booms
    Registered Users Posts: 339 ✭✭Booms


    What's the second bump when you drive over a blind man?
    His guide dog.


Advertisement