What's the etiquette here??

Voodoomelon · 20-03-2020 12:51pm

I'd long forgotten the comfort of a wooden toilet seat, after a recent experience in a friends house. It's a shame we are bombarded with plastic seat offerings, as it must genuinely be 10 years since I sat on a wooden seat.

On entering the bathroom, I stood staring at the seat for a few seconds, initially a bit hesitant to sit on it due to some "staining" towards the front, but I deduced after a few wipes with some loo roll that it was merely signs of age that wouldn't shift with a few mere wipes, it would require more of a heavy sand if you get me.

Wooden seats do have a bit of an air of "filth" about them, germs harboring in the porous surface. But my word the comfort. A gentle natural warmth, a softness against the buttocks. Very pleasant I must say.

Not so pleasant was the slick left down the back of the bowl once I stood up, it required some manual removal with a wad of paper due to the lack of a toilet brush. A disgraceful bathroom omission.

EmmetSpiceland · 20-03-2020 1:38pm

Voodoomelon wrote: »

I'd long forgotten the comfort of a wooden toilet seat, after a recent experience in a friends house. It's a shame we are bombarded with plastic seat offerings, as it must genuinely be 10 years since I sat on a wooden seat.

Wooden seats are great. Never freezing on a cold winter’s morn.

The only downside is the, inevitable, crack that occurs and always in a spot than will give an almighty “pinch” to the, unsuspecting, sitter.

Bit of tape will sort that though.

partyguinness · 20-03-2020 1:50pm

Another issue with wooden seats is that they do not age well and they start to warp and stain from the accumulation of piss.

Brendan Bendar · 20-03-2020 2:10pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

We don’t condone that sort of “carry on” in this thread, B.

Not unless it was a, very, extenuating “circumstance”. We’re talking very big.

I’m afraid Mr Eee you are well behind the times in this situation.

If there was any suspicion of the C19 I wouldn’t hesitate to bang in a snap.

It’s de-riguer now given the difficult state of our health system.

Dr.would probably just say that the feed of ‘ Bombay Mix and Sunkist Prunes’ might have agitated the load a bit too much and that the previous
fletch of fatty rib bacon looked like it was “blown”...but you were right to contact me.Best not leave a slab of bacon in the ‘press’ for two or three months though.....

EmmetSpiceland · 20-03-2020 2:21pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I’m afraid Mr Eee you are well behind the times in this situation.

If there was any suspicion of the C19 I wouldn’t hesitate to bang in a snap.

It’s de-riguer now given the difficult state of our health system.

Dr.would probably just say that the feed of ‘ Bombay Mix and Sunkist Prunes’ might have agitated the load a bit too much and that the previous
fletch of fatty rib bacon looked like it was “blown”...but you were right to contact me.Best not leave a slab of bacon in the ‘press’ for two or three months though.....

My apologies, B.

I thought you meant for that, particular, contributor to post a pic on here.

By all means, do send photographic evidence of the stool to a professional “healthcare” provider. Better to be safe than sorry in these “unprecedented” times.

Apologies, again, for the misunderstanding.

Having said that, if anyone is looking for an “amateur” opinion then, by all means, use the “Private Message” function on this site. Do not use this thread. Thanks.

Thank you.

Fireball81 · 20-03-2020 2:29pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

We don’t condone that sort of “carry on” in this thread, B.

Not unless it was a, very, extenuating “circumstance”. We’re talking very big.

I didn't- sure will have another sample at 10.05am tomorrow

Brendan Bendar · 20-03-2020 3:08pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

My apologies, B.

I thought you meant for that, particular, contributor to post a pic on here.

By all means, do send photographic evidence of the stool to a professional “healthcare” provider. Better to be safe than sorry in these “unprecedented” times.

Apologies, again, for the misunderstanding.

Having said that, if anyone is looking for an “amateur” opinion then, by all means, use the “Private Message” function on this site. Do not use this thread. Thanks.

Thank you.

No problem MrE, understandable mistake, of course I would, like yourself, be very much a against any ‘stuff’ being posted here and on private messages either.

That would be a very bad turn to take especially the content the boy Parsnipp might be ‘produce’.

I do though think he would not post the load here,in fairness, but does tend to gull a slab of Argus 8.0 on occasions and can be unpredictable.

Best regards.

JohnnyFlash · 20-03-2020 6:14pm

Argus 8.0 might be excellent value when you use the (volume x ABV)/Price formula, but that formula doesn’t take account of the state of the shïtter or your hole the next morning. Things always forgotten about when a fella is perusing the beer aisle in Lidl or Aldi looking for a slab of strong lager.

Pintman Paddy Losty · 20-03-2020 7:14pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

No problem MrE, understandable mistake, of course I would, like yourself, be very much a against any ‘stuff’ being posted here and on private messages either.

That would be a very bad turn to take especially the content the boy Parsnipp might be ‘produce’.

I do though think he would not post the load here,in fairness, but does tend to gull a slab of Argus 8.0 on occasions and can be unpredictable.

Best regards.

That might explain his ill-tempered and downright abusive visitor messages that Mr. Parsnipp has left me on numerous occasions.

Gulling a slab of argus is never going to put someone in top form. Combine that with Nevin's very irratated piles and I can see how a man would lower himself to sending abusive messages to this senior and we'll respected poster.

Will bear that in mind in future.

perrito caliente · 20-03-2020 7:36pm

By the way boys, the wart fell off of its own accord, I think. I was sat up on the sofa like a lobster for the last few nights pinching it between my nails, and I must have weakened the stem. Will have probably fallen down my trouser leg in the office and will get worked into the carpet in time.

Peace and goodwill to all.

Hotblack Desiato · 22-03-2020 3:04pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

It’s been, what, 6 days? I’ve mostly been getting by on things like mugshots, cuppa soup, “instant” noodles, both pot and brick, and the odd freezer pizza. Probably leaning too heavily into the noodle supply.

Jaysus. There's people in fallout shelters with a better diet than that.

Brendan Bendar · 22-03-2020 4:47pm

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

That might explain his ill-tempered and downright abusive visitor messages that Mr. Parsnipp has left me on numerous occasions.

Gulling a slab of argus is never going to put someone in top form. Combine that with Nevin's very irratated piles and I can see how a man would lower himself to sending abusive messages to this senior and we'll respected poster.

Will bear that in mind in future.

Good observation Losty,you are indeed correct, I’ve noticed Parsnipp does tend, not too often mind,to kick over the traces late at night.

This could be after gulling a cargo of Argus .....and....... then necking a litre of Yellow Tail.

Usually tips the boy over the edge.

mfceiling · 22-03-2020 8:03pm

https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1241777922102476800?s=19

Something badly amiss there lads.

fuerte1976 · 22-03-2020 8:18pm

mfceiling wrote: »

https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1241777922102476800?s=19

Something badly amiss there lads.

Something misfiring for sure!

JohnnyFlash · 22-03-2020 8:20pm

mfceiling wrote: »

https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1241777922102476800?s=19

Something badly amiss there lads.

Very bound up individual. I’d say continuously tetchy and bad tempered. Could explain some of the posters on this site to be honest.

Nevin Parsnipp · 22-03-2020 9:45pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Very bound up individual. I’d say continuously tetchy and bad tempered. Could explain some of the posters on this site to be honest.

Not too many bound individuals here Flash.... if the posts is out to go by.

Dudes in these parts spray more skutter than a fcukin circus elephant...a serious and respected poster like mesell has to put up with a lot of insult and innuendo....that cheap kernt Bendar.....had a cut at me recently....

Could cause a lad to blow up and go off the rails.....

Hotblack Desiato · 23-03-2020 1:07pm

mfceiling wrote: »

https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1241777922102476800?s=19

Something badly amiss there lads.

Heard a doc on TV say that normal is anything between twice a day and twice a week.
Now I've done the twice a day thing on occasion, but I wouldn't want to make a habit of it. Same with the twice a week, I can't imagine the "delivery would easily fit through the letterbox" at that stage, if you get me. Once a day is surely the optimum.

JohnnyFlash · 23-03-2020 1:56pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Not too many bound individuals here Flash.... if the posts is out to go by.

Dudes in these parts spray more skutter than a fcukin circus elephant...a serious and respected poster like mesell has to put up with a lot of insult and innuendo....that cheap kernt Bendar.....had a cut at me recently....

Could cause a lad to blow up and go off the rails.....

Bendar seems very tetchy these days - heard a story late last week about some dude in a dung coloured polyester suit smashing 72 bottles of Perlenbacher while attempting to load them into the boot of his Dacia Duster. Somewhere in North Dublin I believe. Heavy set lad with a combover.

Slideways · 24-03-2020 1:17am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Bendar seems very tetchy these days - heard a story late last week about some dude in a dung coloured polyester suit smashing 72 bottles of Perlenbacher while attempting to load them into the boot of his Dacia Duster. Somewhere in North Dublin I believe. Heavy set lad with a combover.

I believe he had a bulbous red nose that was nearly comical in size and a set of false teeth that clacked when he talked

Nevin Parsnipp · 25-03-2020 1:41pm

Popped out a nice shiny nugget in the Bang! Box this am.
Dropped straight thru and only needed small flush.
No bog paper deployed.....

EmmetSpiceland · 25-03-2020 1:45pm

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Popped out a nice shiny nugget in the Bang! Box this am.
Dropped straight thru and only needed small flush.
No bog paper deployed.....

Ah now, N, even when you know it’s a “Magic” you have to employ a “cursory” wipe.

Just to be sure, like. Safety first, my man. Safety first.

YFlyer · 25-03-2020 5:19pm

We are going to have another housemate next week. She will be sharing the same bathroom as me.

Pre coronavirus dilemma the bog roll be left next to the toilet.

However, would it now be wise not to be sharing the same bog roll?

Bullocks · 25-03-2020 7:46pm

YFlyer wrote: »

We are going to have another housemate next week. She will be sharing the same bathroom as me.

Pre coronavirus dilemma the bog roll be left next to the toilet.

However, would it now be wise not to be sharing the same bog roll?

Tell the tenant it's best to unload their dung neatly into an appropriately sized lunch box, freeze it and bring it to work for disposal. Call it a biosecurity measure until all this blows over.
Some people are a bit finicky about what else the lunch box is used for after but I say what they don't know probably won't harm them

fuerte1976 · 25-03-2020 8:29pm

Bullocks wrote: »

Tell the tenant it's best to unload their dung neatly into an appropriately sized lunch box, freeze it and bring it to work for disposal. Call it a biosecurity measure until all this blows over.
Some people are a bit finicky about what else the lunch box is used for after but I say what they don't know probably won't harm them

Splendid suggestion!
Think I came across something similar somewhere before ðŸ˜€

YFlyer · 25-03-2020 8:39pm

Bullocks wrote: »

Tell the tenant it's best to unload their dung neatly into an appropriately sized lunch box, freeze it and bring it to work for disposal. Call it a biosecurity measure until all this blows over.
Some people are a bit finicky about what else the lunch box is used for after but I say what they don't know probably won't harm them

This may be a silly question. I assume they drop the load in their own room and clean up using their own bog roll?

Heard the ole Corona can stay active on paper for a day.

Bullocks · 25-03-2020 9:04pm

YFlyer wrote: »

This may be a silly question. I assume they drop the load in their own room and clean up using their own bog roll?

Heard the ole Corona can stay active on paper for a day.

There's no silly questions here horse!
Definitely in there own room is the place for the job and start as you mean to go on with them supplying their own 2 ply aswell

NeinNeinNein · 25-03-2020 10:26pm

Bullocks wrote: »

There's no silly questions here horse!
Definitely in there own room is the place for the job and start as you mean to go on with them supplying their own 2 ply aswell

There might also be no harm in placing a can of Glade Honeysuckle Dream on her bookshelf prior to her moving in.

fuerte1976 · 25-03-2020 10:27pm

YFlyer wrote: »

This may be a silly question. I assume they drop the load in their own room and clean up using their own bog roll?

Heard the ole Corona can stay active on paper for a day.

Maybe purchase a baking mould in a home store type of outlet for the new arrival in the shape of a frisbee.
Advise them, it'll cut out the messing about, pop it straight into the freezer and hey presto!

Hotblack Desiato · 26-03-2020 1:23am

YFlyer wrote: »

We are going to have another housemate next week. She will be sharing the same bathroom as me.

Pre coronavirus dilemma the bog roll be left next to the toilet.

However, would it now be wise not to be sharing the same bog roll?

You DO wash your hands after shítting...?

sligojoek · 26-03-2020 1:35am

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

You DO wash your hands after shítting...?

Only if there's a tap handy.

YFlyer · 26-03-2020 7:33am

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

You DO wash your hands after shítting...?

Yes I do.

Sharing the same reel of bog roll could be an issue due to cross contamination.

YFlyer · 26-03-2020 7:34am

sligojoek wrote: »

Only if there's a tap handy.

Yes taps still have running water. Government still see that washing ones hands as essential.

Brendan Bendar · 26-03-2020 8:24am

Just backed out a shiny buttery log.

Lovely mahogany sheen off her.

Nothing but net.

Slideways · 26-03-2020 9:04am

Just dropped a Richard III myself. Nasty little sting in the tail was a wee nugget the cigar cutter didn’t get quite right. Was dangling off the arse hairs and when I stood up it fell straight into the jocks

I’m not the better for that experience at all. Only single ply bog roll here, it’s like trying to wipe your arse with baking parchment :eek:

Brendan Bendar · 26-03-2020 9:39am

Slideways wrote: »

Just dropped a Richard III myself. Nasty little sting in the tail was a wee nugget the cigar cutter didn’t get quite right. Was dangling off the arse hairs and when I stood up it fell straight into the jocks

I’m not the better for that experience at all. Only single ply bog roll here, it’s like trying to wipe your arse with baking parchment :eek:

Sorry for yr troubles S,not a nice experience.

Pick her up with a kitchen fork and drop in to the pan.

Remember to wash the fork well.

Rodney Bathgate · 26-03-2020 9:40am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Sorry for yr troubles S,not a nice experience.

Pick her up with a kitchen fork and drop in to the pan.

Remember to wash the fork well.

Frying pan?

Brendan Bendar · 26-03-2020 10:02am

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

Frying pan?

Rodney, you must be one of these new ‘Covid19’ recruits.

Lavatory pan, Rodders, lavatory pan.

Welcome anyway.

JohnnyFlash · 26-03-2020 11:03am

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Just backed out a shiny buttery log.

Lovely mahogany sheen off her.

Nothing but net.

Great to hear, Brendan.

My appetite has been all over the place for the past few days, and so I decided I’d eat something ‘traditional’ for the dinner last night. Had a huge serving of bacon and cabbage, 6 Kerr Pinks, pint of milk, parsley sauce. Fücking delicious.

Shunted out a top class shell only 30 minutes ago. Minimal paperwork required and away it went with the first flush. Feel physically, emotionally and even spiritually lighter as a result.

Beginning to think a good feed of spuds can sort out most issues involving loose or watery stools.

Rodney Bathgate · 26-03-2020 12:13pm

How are peoples home jacks holding up to the extra load?

I dropped a mound earlier that blocked the toilet on flushing. Thankfully it cleared itself after a few minutes. I vowed never to stick my hand down the toilet again after the last time.

CantGetNoSleep · 26-03-2020 3:01pm

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

You DO wash your hands after shítting...?

Can you be infected by corona through your hoop?

Bobblehats · 26-03-2020 3:14pm

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

How are peoples home jacks holding up to the extra load?

I dropped a mound earlier that blocked the toilet on flushing. Thankfully it cleared itself after a few minutes. I vowed never to stick my hand down the toilet again after the last time.

Nothing to gloat about here rodders not in these trying times :mad: bound up is an understatement it’s an outh I’d duly take.

snoopboggybog · 26-03-2020 3:23pm

Eating a lot of pasta and breakfast cereals the last two weeks which I never eat and i'm in bits here. ****e is water the last four days and pains across my stomach and intestines. Its spraying out like a garden hose.

There was a tint of green to it as well.

Gonna have to go to supermarket to stock up on more meat to freeze and will get some spuds this time and some rice which I never eat either.

Brendan Bendar · 26-03-2020 5:05pm

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Eating a lot of pasta and breakfast cereals the last two weeks which I never eat and i'm in bits here. ****e is water the last four days and pains across my stomach and intestines. Its spraying out like a garden hose.

There was a tint of green to it as well.

Gonna have to go to supermarket to stock up on more meat to freeze and will get some spuds this time and some rice which I never eat either.

Good lad Snoops, lookit, sachet of organic porridge in the a.m. is your man .

Pop her into the wave and let her sit for a min. after three minutes waving.

You will be squatting on the pot after ingesting....and blowing out chunks big time.

Big solid lumps, dude.

Go for it.

snoopboggybog · 26-03-2020 6:11pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Good lad Snoops, lookit, sachet of organic porridge in the a.m. is your man .

Pop her into the wave and let her sit for a min. after three minutes waving.

You will be squatting on the pot after ingesting....and blowing out chunks big time.

Big solid lumps, dude.

Go for it.

Might try some porridge tomorrow, feel like absolute **** now. Just gonna cook the steak and some veggies and leave the pasta out of it. I noticed last few days after eating pasta or cereal i felt 10,000 times worse.

Toilet bowl just got another good hosing down of brown water there.

Bobblehats · 26-03-2020 6:58pm

I might go back the porridge myself in tandem with “nature’s candy” it tended to yield impressive results. As it is I can’t for the life of me work out with all the ronnie drew I’m ingesting I still cannot cannot muster a good barry white... like the great man ever got stage fright, he was smooth and as mellifluous as
they come.

YFlyer · 26-03-2020 9:03pm

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

How are peoples home jacks holding up to the extra load?

I dropped a mound earlier that blocked the toilet on flushing. Thankfully it cleared itself after a few minutes. I vowed never to stick my hand down the toilet again after the last time.

Roddy make sure to stick to the ole bog roll regardless of grade. Not to be using kitchen towels, wipes, jam rags, nappies: disposables or otherwise, shower curtains etc.

fuerte1976 · 26-03-2020 9:33pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Great to hear, Brendan.

My appetite has been all over the place for the past few days, and so I decided I’d eat something ‘traditional’ for the dinner last night. Had a huge serving of bacon and cabbage, 6 Kerr Pinks, pint of milk, parsley sauce. Fücking delicious.

Shunted out a top class shell only 30 minutes ago. Minimal paperwork required and away it went with the first flush. Feel physically, emotionally and even spiritually lighter as a result.

Beginning to think a good feed of spuds can sort out most issues involving loose or watery stools.

The spuds have to be kerrs pink though to achieve the above results - magnificent binding in them, not like them foreign imported summer spuds.
Also the roosters be leaving you needing a spoonful of cornflour to thicken the gravy..
They leave a nasty sensation on the ol badge and more often than not leave you with a horrible dose of the trotting fever..

Hotblack Desiato · 26-03-2020 9:50pm

CantGetNoSleep wrote: »

Can you be infected by corona through your hoop?

Possibly if someone coughs on you during the act of analingus. Studies are inconclusive so far, however.

Blowheads · 26-03-2020 11:47pm

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Might try some porridge tomorrow, feel like absolute **** now. Just gonna cook the steak and some veggies and leave the pasta out of it. I noticed last few days after eating pasta or cereal i felt 10,000 times worse.

Toilet bowl just got another good hosing down of brown water there.

Pasta should be let in no man's house

EmmetSpiceland · 27-03-2020 11:53am

Anyone still employing the luxury of a paper “buffer” before unloading? You know, to prevent “splash back”?

I’m not enjoying going without. Still suffering from the, mostly, noodle and dry foods diet but still getting “touched” by Poseidon on the regular. The beige “sludge” may well be quite viscous but it’s still hitting the water with a heavy “slap” and sending a thin jet of cold water right up at the, brown, “bullseye”.

Some might find that soothing, or, indeed, comforting but I really don’t like it. Gives me a disconcerting “shiver” that goes right to my very bones.

Would anyone have any recommendations on how to “avoid” this? Should I change my angle of “attack”? Maybe aim for the “slopes”? Or even give the bowl the “A.C. Slater”?

What's the etiquette here??

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