What's the etiquette here??

I was reading some of the earlier advice in this thread and there was a lot of praise of this product for instant relief from ring sting and barse burn.

Maybe not...

I presume this is for “external” use only. Sometimes and I’m sure we have all been there but it’s a bit of an elephant in the room but sometimes you need to breach the balloon knot with a “first knuckle” of sudo for relief from the auld arse itch… a bit like watering a marigold and petunia hanging basket you’ve to let it soak in… just a thought but seeing as Rennies are for heart burn could they be powdered up for arse burn? Just brainstorming here. I’m sure the good folk of this thread will understand with Christmas nigh, people should consider I guess “alternative medicines” in their quest for comfort, and who are we to judge!!

In a car with irritable children is when your best work is required.

Saw this on twitter and thought the gone patrons of this thread would appreciate

Filthy kerntt

Visits today

7.00, 8.00, 10.00, 11.30

Heavy food day yesterday. Triple helping of sprouts.

Impressively 'meaty' consumption. Particularly dense and like a lead weight I'd imagine..

Over at the mother-in-law’s for her infamous ham and turkey pie. I’d rather eat a pair of old slippers to be honest, but getting nicely pissed here so my senses are numbed come dinner time.

My brother-in-law is a serious unit, talking 20 stone, 20 pints, 20 cheeseburgers sort. Anyway he had a head on him like a boiled shïte when he arrived at the door.

He hauled himself up off the couch about 20 minutes after arriving and headed into the jacks under the stairs. We were all in the living room having canapés etc when the grunting started. Then the farting. Then the noise that sounds like a box of old shoes being thrown out of an attic. Then the crop duster. Then a few more farts and some sighing. Then about a 10 minutes of hearing the toilet paper holder squeaking every minute or so.

Then the whiff started to move downwind. Absolutely fetid. Hot and moist and clinging. We all had to abandon the living room and head out to the porch.

He was pulled aside by his mother and 3 very irate sisters and is currently getting a no jury trial in the kitchen. Poor bastard.

Hope my fellow pillars of society and community are enjoying the festivities and not being held back with the balloon knot ruining Christmas. All is good on my end, did have to “knuckle up” some sudo one time but nothing serious at all just a touch of a dry cough and was afraid incase an over the counter cough bottle “made it drowsy”. Been a good Christmas really, although was in an upmarket drinking emporium recently and one of the lads dropped a silent killer. ‘‘Twas so bad I’d say chuck Norris would even wince at it…” filthy kernt denied and tried to go along with the complaints around him but I noticed out of the corner of my eye him doing a bit of an on the spot fox trot like you’d see on dancing with the stars (I’d say he was afraid incase he cha cha cha’tted himself), probably to get the waft out of his Penney khaki chinos the rotten kernt. Smelled like Cabbage that had been boiled two weeks ago and forgotten about, and that sharp stench you get when you lift the lid… I hope he stayed away from the sprouts or the khaki chinos will be no more…

oh yes,the Stevens Day dump...had the usual Christmas Day of turkey,ham,spuds of all different types,carrots,peas,sprouts etc,deserts of trifle,tiramisu,cheesecake,was fit to burst,had to unbutton the trousers and have a power snooze on the couch,by all accounts from the mrs,sister,brother in law and my mother the farts were loud and im told i cleared the sitting room at one stage....anyway on to Stevens Day morning,got up,made the usual pot of Italian coffee and a pan of warm milk,hitting the spot nicely...got the stirring and a good twinge in the bomb bay area,time to hit the crapper,settled in with a book in case it was a long sitting(Jack Reacher in case anyone is curious)a long,soulfull fart,like one of those trumpet players hitting a high note,then the push,fcuk me i felt like i was giving birth to the whole feckin turkey and the ham!!! starting to sweat a bit but that final push,must rate high on the pleasure scale! surprisingly not a lot of paper work for the size of the round,took several flushes to clear it but job well done,the mother was waiting to use the facility but had to tell her to give it a good 20minutes to clear the air....

Got one of those Guinness Nitrosurge yokes, so said I'd try it out this evening with a 10 pack. Don't know if it was it, or having to watch Callan Kicks with my parents, but I'm just after firing out a messy load of pitch black shíte. You could set an atomic clock to how regular I am with my morning abulation, so having to visit the small room at 11PM is very disconcerting.

Very messy business altogether. I was going to "leave a note in the guestbook" but the mother really wouldn't appreciate that so had to do some brushwork.

The pints are nice though.

I’m really enjoying my recent sit downs .A good sign I’m over my stomach bug . Good strong heavy lads that splash when they hit the water and dive like a U-boat . Happy days .

Poseidon's Kiss is always a risk though. Deeply unpleasant experience.