Hi, I'm posting this to see if anyone has experience of attending Alcholics Anonymous Meetings.
To start from the start, I've gotten myself into some serious trouble through my excessive drinking. On Saturday night, I did the worst thing I've ever done in my life. My girlfriend and I were out with friends. A lot of drink was consumed and on the way home we had an argument. The argument continued inside our apartment. I verbally abused her over and over, saying some absolutely horible things, none of which are even close to what I think in reality. I totally lost control of myself. I punched the wall and door of the apartment, injuring my hand. I trashed the bathroom, throwing the furniture around it. Despite my girlfriend being totally distraught and terrified I continued into the sitting room, smashing a number of plates and crockery off the walls. I even tried to break a cup over my own head, I was totally out of control, I didn't care about anything or anyone.
It culminated in the neighbours calling the Guards. They came and arrested me, handcuffing me and taking me to the local police station. My girlfriend was so terrified and distraught that they had to take her to her parents' house. The police didn't press charges on me and couldn't throw me in the cells as they were too full. They took me to my brother's house and warned me to stay away from my girlfriend's house until the next day.
So, the next day when I contact my girlfriend, she tells me that she has packed my bags and I am to come and pick them up. When I get there her mother basically gives me my things and throws me out on the street.
Basically because of my actions and more specifically drinking, I've lost my girlfriend, my soulmate and someone I was going to ask to marry me in a few months as well as my home. We also work together so it could have implications on my working life: basically I've ruined everything. I realie that this is all my fault and I deserve to suffer for what I've done wrong. I'm not loking for sympathy or trying to make excuses. I accept that when people do things as terrible as what I did they must accept the consequences of my actions. I'm currently living out of a suitcase in a hotel. All this time on my own has forced me to have a long hard look at myself.
All the problems and bad things that have happened to me are alcohl related, all the rows I've evr had with my girlfriend, all the days I've missed off work, all teh times I've let friends and family down. I've always known in my heart of hearts that I have a problem, I've tried things like only drinking beer or going out late or drinking only every few weeks to try and stop me going too far. But it never works. While I now drink much less frequently, I invariably have a black out, can't remember getting home, spend the ext day hating myself and totally depressed. I have no idea how others can show such restraint with drink and just have a few and leave it, i always want to be last at the bar and can't get enough drink into me. I've always noticed I drink faster than everyone else as well.
So today i looked at the AA website. Theres 20 questions on it, they say if you answer "yes" to one you might be an alcoholic, to two you probably are an alcoholic and to three you definitely are an alcoholic. I answered yes to 13 of them
So my question is has enyone ever been to a meeting. What is the protocol? Can you just go and listen the first few times? I've looked at their website and while theres lots of info on where and when meetings are on, theres little about what actually goes on? Also the 12 steps mentions belief in God, why is this necessary, or is it? For the first time I've admitted to myself I have a problem and want to do something about it, rather than laughing it off as something that happens to other people. Any info would be deeply appreciated.
Thanks for reading. I've typed far more than I intended but even that has helped.