Awkward Erections

cosmicfart · 21-03-2011 7:56pm #1

Ever have one? Is there some sort of female version? i tell ya having a penis isnt easy. My story today begins with a female work collegue who is in the premier league of babes, the type of women that just gives a penis a mind of its own! We were talking and not for the first time el jonny began his 'ascent' and I was powerless to stop him. luckily i had the defence of a desk to hide my shame but that didnt stop other bodily tell tale signs I thought were giving the game away, like mad hand gestures pointing to other things in the room, anything to take her possible gaze away from my grochal area! I been told this is the best way of counteracting this phenomena...?...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kikMgnw1wrM

Sonics2k · 21-03-2011 7:59pm

Bet you have other premature awkward situations to.

Kimono-Girl · 21-03-2011 8:00pm

oh yeah all the time! :P

Kiera · 21-03-2011 8:01pm

Girls get "wide ons" (™ Wibbs) and slide off our chairs

brummytom · 21-03-2011 8:01pm

The worst is getting one on a bus just before your stop. Not fun.

Sonics2k · 21-03-2011 8:02pm

Kiera wrote: »

Girls get "wide ons" (™ Wibbs) and slide off our chairs

This one really me laugh a bit to much.

AckwelFoley · 21-03-2011 8:03pm

Its only awkward if you make it awkward.

eco2live · 21-03-2011 8:03pm

Yes there is a female version. Its when a fanjo bangs together like a cricket and can be heard for miles. Very embarrassing for the ladies.

Vain · 21-03-2011 8:06pm

Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts..

RichieC · 21-03-2011 8:06pm

Tuck it behind your belt until it subsides.

Kiera · 21-03-2011 8:06pm

Sonics2k wrote: »

This one really me laugh a bit to much.

Not funny when you turn into a human suction cup!

eco2live · 21-03-2011 8:06pm

snyper wrote: »

Its only awkward if you make it awkward.

Yes you should celebrate it. Maybe tie a string to the top with some bunting and invite other members of the office to dance round it.

Buceph · 21-03-2011 8:09pm

brummytom wrote: »

The worst is getting one on a bus just before your stop. Not fun.

Wear normal pants, not tracksuits.

eco2live · 21-03-2011 8:09pm

You can tell when a girl gets a wide on. If you are talking to her and you hear a slight echo. Then you know she likes you.

Well that and she might be twiddling her hair while talking to you.

brummytom · 21-03-2011 8:11pm

Buceph wrote: »

Wear normal pants, not tracksuits.

I don't wear tracksuits, ever.

Quite lightweight jeans move in the same way

Mint Sauce · 21-03-2011 8:11pm

brummytom wrote: »

The worst is getting one on a bus just before your stop. Not fun.

Ah yes. The oul awkard walk of shame offthe bus, bag/jacket placed in front you, trying to look innocent.

eco2live · 21-03-2011 8:12pm

I don't know how old you are but if you are over 50 then I have some advice for you.

1. Never waste a hard on.

2. Never trust a fart.

Sonics2k · 21-03-2011 8:14pm

Kiera wrote: »

Not funny when you turn into a human suction cup!

haha, not helping the laughter!

I swear next time I'm out that'll all I'm going to think of in every bar. Could make for an interesting evening.

Big Nasty · 21-03-2011 8:16pm

Had it happen when getting a massage once..........

Poor Uncle Tom · 21-03-2011 8:16pm

Kiera wrote: »

Not funny when you turn into a human suction cup!

A gentle rocking motion works best, or you tend to leave a trail like a snail......:p

OutlawPete · 21-03-2011 8:17pm

Why are people always going on about the Spire, let it go already people!

strokemyclover · 21-03-2011 8:18pm

That's the good thing about recessionary times: there's no longer any building work with scaffolding on the streets for pedestrians to tip toe through anymore....so the answer to your question OP is no, I don't encounter awkward erections much these days.

FTGFOP · 21-03-2011 8:32pm

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Had it happen when getting a massage once..........

Masseuse or Masseur?

"It moved, Jerry!"

phill106 · 21-03-2011 8:33pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui9C5KOmnAc

MonTheBiffy · 21-03-2011 8:37pm

Its cruel when you get one while saying mass on a Sunday morning, ya get awful looks

RichieC · 21-03-2011 8:40pm

post tits, I have one now!

Big Nasty · 21-03-2011 8:40pm

FTGFOP wrote: »

Masseuse or Masseur?

"It moved, Jerry!"

Masseuse, but the ligitimate kind!

MonTheBiffy · 21-03-2011 8:41pm

Here ya go http://www.blather.net/zeitgeist/nude_brian_cowen_toilet.jpg

MarkR · 21-03-2011 8:50pm

cosmicfart wrote: »

Ever have one? Is there some sort of female version? i tell ya having a penis isnt easy. My story today begins with a female work collegue who is in the premier league of babes, the type of women that just gives a penis a mind of its own! We were talking and not for the first time el jonny began his 'ascent' and I was powerless to stop him. luckily i had the defence of a desk to hide my shame but that didnt stop other bodily tell tale signs I thought were giving the game away, like mad hand gestures pointing to other things in the room, anything to take her possible gaze away from my grochal area! I been told this is the best way of counteracting this phenomena...?...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kikMgnw1wrM

No no no. The problem is you're trying to hide it. The key is the pelvic thrust. Remember, with awesome power, comes awesome responsibility.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8kDsM0M-vg

Griffen262 · 21-03-2011 8:53pm

Mass

Up-n-atom! · 21-03-2011 8:56pm

Yup, get 'em all the time;)

Seriously though, what's with the female versions? Side on?! Suction cup?!:eek: I think I need someone to discreetly take me aside and explain (or, alternatively, someone just draw me diagram:p)

Silent Runner · 21-03-2011 9:00pm

My awkwardest moment has got to be THE AWKWARDEST!

I was sharing a bed with my sister when I was 14 or something because we had visitors staying over. I was wearing one of those boxers which had an opening at the front and didn't have buttons to close...and yep you guessed it...it slipped out just before I got into bed and she saw it! Most awkward night of my life.

PS I was 14 I had an erection pretty much 24/7, it wasn't anything to do with the company;)

Sonics2k · 21-03-2011 9:05pm

Silent Runner wrote: »

My awkwardest moment has got to be THE AWKWARDEST!

I was sharing a bed with my sister when I was 14 or something because we had visitors staying over. I was wearing one of those boxers which had an opening at the front and didn't have buttons to close...and yep you guessed it...it slipped out just before I got into bed and she saw it! Most awkward night of my life.

PS I was 14 I had an erection pretty much 24/7, it wasn't anything to do with the company;)

Please please please please post this on 4chan /b/

OutlawPete · 21-03-2011 9:10pm

The really annoying thing is, that when you get the phantom erections, they're always twice as hard compared to getting them when you know - you actually fecking need one.

Nature's curse I tells ya.

desaparecidos · 21-03-2011 9:11pm

Silent Runner wrote: »

My awkwardest moment has got to be THE AWKWARDEST!

I was sharing a bed with my sister when I was 14 or something because we had visitors staying over. I was wearing one of those boxers which had an opening at the front and didn't have buttons to close...and yep you guessed it...it slipped out just before I got into bed and she saw it! Most awkward night of my life.

PS I was 14 I had an erection pretty much 24/7, it wasn't anything to do with the company;)

What happened after she saw it?

Silent Runner · 21-03-2011 9:13pm

And it's one of those things you can't keep to yourself...well most of the time:p

Sonics2k wrote: »

Please please please please post this on 4chan /b/

What?

Silent Runner · 21-03-2011 9:21pm

desaparecidos wrote: »

What happened after she saw it?

She's older than me, at the time she said "Silent runner have you not got better boxers than those" in a concerned tone. I looked down:eek: and slipped it back in and said I had to go to the toilet.

Awkward night!

21-03-2011 9:22pm

i thought this thread would be about the leaning tower of pisa

admiralofthefleet · 21-03-2011 9:28pm

Kiera wrote: »

Girls get "wide ons" (™ Wibbs) and slide off our chairs

or a 'slop on'

frothing like bottled bass is my favourite

Brain Stroking · 21-03-2011 9:37pm

Kiera wrote: »

Girls get "wide ons" (™ Wibbs) and slide off our chairs

That comment deserves a comment. Bravo princess!

Pauleta · 21-03-2011 9:40pm

RichieC wrote: »

Tuck it behind your belt until it subsides.

That trick got me through secondary school

Hazys · 21-03-2011 9:41pm

Griffen262 wrote: »

Mass

To be fair to ya Fr. Griffen, there are a lot of altar boys on display

stovelid · 21-03-2011 9:58pm

I just point it upwards so it rests just under the neck of my jacket or jumper.

OutlawPete · 21-03-2011 10:02pm

Shirt collar for me.

ChopShop · 21-03-2011 10:15pm

...just imagine her nak........

That probably didn't help actually.

joshrogan · 21-03-2011 10:17pm

If you tell the person closest to you that you have a massive erection it'll quell the embarrassment till it subsides.

dan185 · 21-03-2011 10:24pm

Silent Runner wrote: »

My awkwardest moment has got to be THE AWKWARDEST!

I was sharing a bed with my sister when I was 14 or something because we had visitors staying over. I was wearing one of those boxers which had an opening at the front and didn't have buttons to close...and yep you guessed it...it slipped out just before I got into bed and she saw it! Most awkward night of my life.

PS I was 14 I had an erection pretty much 24/7, it wasn't anything to do with the company;)

This post has given me an awkward erection:eek:

HoneyRyder · 21-03-2011 10:32pm

I remember when I was a little girl my 19 year old male cousin was babysitting me. I'd been put to bed and he went to have a shower. I woke up crying after having a really bad dream and he came in to see what was wrong. I remember him walking into my room with his hair wet and wearing nothing but a towel that he was pitching a serious tent in.

Being the inquisitive little girl that I was, I promptly stopped crying to point and ask 'Conor why's yer towel sticking out?' at which stage Conor swiftly exited the room!

:)

brummytom · 21-03-2011 10:36pm

HoneyRyder wrote: »

I remember when I was a little girl my 19 year old male cousin was babysitting me. I'd been put to bed and he went to have a shower. I woke up crying after having a really bad dream and he came in to see what was wrong. I remember him walking into my room with his hair wet and wearing nothing but a towel that he was pitching a serious tent in.

Being the inquisitive little girl that I was, I promptly stopped crying to point and ask 'Conor why's yer towel sticking out?' at which stage Conor swiftly exited the room! :)

Have you sold the rights to that story? I'm sure I've seen a film about it

Bobeagleburger · 21-03-2011 10:39pm

Getting an erection at funerals is awkward.

And worrying.

WolfForager · 21-03-2011 10:47pm

Ah the old awkward shifty movement in a lecture as you rearrange yourself...

Awkward Erections

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