Consent - did I take the right approach???

burnsey1987 · 11-12-2017 2:11am #1

I went out last night by myself. I was sipping a pint while looking at the TV for the most part. A couple of people came and went by the table I was sitting at. I acknowledged them but didn't really talk to them. I wasn't really in the mood for interacting with people to be honest, sometimes I can be like that. One girl asked me "Are you okay?". I assured here I was fine, not a bother. About an hour later a different crowd sitting at the table were moving on to go to a nightclub and one girl said that she wanted a hug. I asked her "are you sure?" She just shouted "yes" and put her arms around my neck. But the people at the next table (a group of girls), I heard one of them say "What the fcuk?!?!?!" and another person (a guy) said "why didn't you just drop the hand?". The girl behind the bar who knows me very well said that what I did was a very sweet thing to do. I think I handled the situation in the right way, but I can't get why other people thought I should have acted differently. Any ideas?

Tom Mann Centuria · 11-12-2017 2:13am

What was a sweet thing to do? I have no idea, sorry.

burnsey1987 · 11-12-2017 2:16am

Tom Mann Centuria wrote: »

What was a sweet thing to do? I have no idea, sorry.

Me asking her whether or not she really wanted a hug

endacl · 11-12-2017 2:18am

Tom Mann Centuria · 11-12-2017 2:20am

burnsey1987 wrote: »

Me asking her whether or not she really wanted a hug

Right, it was certainly polite, so that's good.

Purple Mountain · 11-12-2017 2:20am

This whole #MeToo PC debacle is getting out of hand dude!

TheChizler · 11-12-2017 2:20am

Are you saying you asked for consent to hug her after she asked for a hug or feel she should have asked for consent?

Either way you may be over thinking this...

burnsey1987 · 11-12-2017 2:22am

TheChizler wrote: »

Are you saying you asked for consent to hug her after she asked for a hug or feel she should have asked for consent?

Either way you may be over thinking this...

Yes, she asked me for a hug and I asked her if she actually wanted to

ahnowbrowncow · 11-12-2017 2:24am

Sounds like you could be in trouble so I'd hide low for awhile. And buy yourself a fake moustache.

riffmongous · 11-12-2017 2:25am

This is a disturbing read.. I clicked here looking for your typical late-Sunday-night consent thread by a creepy one-post-Dec-2017 OP, not whatever this is

Junkyard Tom · 11-12-2017 2:28am

She's probably pregnant now after that sensual hug and will trap you in a life of indentured servitude.

Run like fuck. Go to South America. Go to Patagonia and raise Lamas.

Graham · 11-12-2017 2:28am

Double opt-in consent for a hug???

*shakes head*

backspin. · 11-12-2017 2:34am

Graham wrote: »

Double opt-in consent for a hug???

*shakes head*

Its all a bit 2017

Oldtree · 11-12-2017 3:02am

Did you get the consent in writing?

And that consent witnessed?

And signed in the presence of a lawyer?

While both parties were in their right minds?

Happy Christmas

dresden8 · 11-12-2017 3:06am

If she had taken any alcohol you have actually raped her. You should report yourself to the police.

No point in asking for consent off somebody who was in no fit mental state to give consent.

You are a monster.

You disgust me.

backspin. · 11-12-2017 3:09am

Oldtree wrote: »

Did you get the consent in writing?

And that consent witnessed?

And signed in the presence of a lawyer?

While both parties were in their right minds?

Happy Christmas

It wouldn't matter, if she decided to make a complaint there is a cohort of 'listen and believe' people out there who will automatically take the accusers word as gospel anyway.

Oldtree · 11-12-2017 3:11am

backspin. wrote: »

It wouldn't matter, if she decided to make a complaint there is a cohort of 'listen and believe' people out there who will automatically take the accusers word as gospel anyway.

Maby, but it wouldn't stand up in court if all the above are adhered to

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 11-12-2017 3:14am

If you don't have it in writing, it's not consent. It doesn't matter if she instigated it and you double checked before she threw her arms about you. You are bad OP and you should feel bad...

Sarcasm, sarcasm everywhere...

Del2005 · 11-12-2017 3:18am

If she had alcohol on board she couldn't have given consent and since you had alcohol on board neither could you. Both of you are reprehensible people.

enfant terrible · 11-12-2017 3:20am

burnsey1987 killed a guy

You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by because you're probably wanted for murder

Omackeral · 11-12-2017 3:22am

burnsey1987 wrote: »

Yes, she asked me for a hug and I asked her if she actually wanted to

Your Man of the Year Award is in the post.

riffmongous · 11-12-2017 3:26am

burnsey1987 wrote: »

Yes, she asked me for a hug and I asked her if she actually wanted to

Would you describe it as a chore hug?

burnsey1987 · 11-12-2017 3:29am

riffmongous wrote: »

Would you describe it as a chore hug?

I didn't really want to do it initially but I was glad that I went along with it

Canis Lupus · 11-12-2017 4:39am

Pretty sure that's literally rape. According to some women anyway. Life has gotten confusing in the last couple of years.

mrkiscool2 · 11-12-2017 4:47am

I'd also get yourself checked man, some horrible HTI (Hug Transmitted Infections) going about. Influenza is a b!tch, not even a prescription for it or anything!

blackdog2 · 11-12-2017 4:59am

burnsey1987 wrote: »

"why didn't you just drop the hand?"

The meat of the post is always hidden in plain sight

Ulysses Gaze · 11-12-2017 8:27am

Expect to see this outside your door OP

simpsons-movie-mob.jpg?quality=100&w=645

corner of hells · 11-12-2017 8:29am

Happens to me all the time.
Generally when I've been drinking too , then I notice Mrs Corners has my wallet in her hand.
Always my fault too.

Alf Veedersane · 11-12-2017 8:49am

Louise O'Neill has officially just begun her latest book now.

Fr_Dougal · 11-12-2017 9:49am

Not all heroes wear capes.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 11-12-2017 9:59am

burnsey1987 wrote: »

I went out last night by myself. I was sipping a pint while looking at the TV for the most part. A couple of people came and went by the table I was sitting at. I acknowledged them but didn't really talk to them. I wasn't really in the mood for interacting with people to be honest, sometimes I can be like that. One girl asked me "Are you okay?". I assured here I was fine, not a bother. About an hour later a different crowd sitting at the table were moving on to go to a nightclub and one girl said that she wanted a hug. I asked her "are you sure?" She just shouted "yes" and put her arms around my neck. But the people at the next table (a group of girls), I heard one of them say "What the fcuk?!?!?!" and another person (a guy) said "why didn't you just drop the hand?". The girl behind the bar who knows me very well said that what I did was a very sweet thing to do. I think I handled the situation in the right way, but I can't get why other people thought I should have acted differently. Any ideas?

You drop the hand and you'll be reading about it beside a #metoo. You just know it'll go down like that...

padd b1975 · 11-12-2017 10:19am

The real trouble will start when she inevitably withdraws consent having been coached by some blue haired loon.

burnsey1987 · 11-12-2017 10:37am

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Not all heroes wear capes.

Sorry you've lost me

RobbingBandit · 11-12-2017 10:42am

That's why I don't leave home without my Jimmy Savile mask op, you need to suit up for hugs, be prepared.

fergiesfolly · 11-12-2017 10:53am

Are you talking literal hug OP, or is it a euphemism.
For example...when two people love each other very much, they hug in a special way.

That kinda hug?
Because, then yes you were right to ask if she was sure.
And did ye hug in the bathroom stalls or just right there in the middle of the bar, with everyone watching ye.

fonecrusher1 · 11-12-2017 11:40am

So a girl asked you for a hug, you asked her was she sure, she said yes and then you hugged her anyway?

You are disgusting. I hope you apologized.

:mad:

wakka12 · 11-12-2017 11:54am

You're great for just hugging her and not trying to sleep with her

Akrasia · 11-12-2017 12:00pm

I have a feeling that this is the closest the OP has ever been to a non maternal pair of boobs

Thanks for sharing

Wile E. Coyote · 11-12-2017 12:10pm

Is this really the sh!t people are worrying about these days? Did I handle that hug situation correctly...? It's a f**king hug! She didn't ask you to drop to your knees in the middle of the pub and eat her out. But just so we're clear OP, that's a situation where you should probably check if she's serious before jumping straight in!

Knex* · 11-12-2017 12:13pm

"And in the end, there was much taboo about nothing."

- Not an actual quote, I just felt like putting it in quotation marks.

Pac1Man · 11-12-2017 12:26pm

"No, I'm eating my breakfast Kate."

That's what a true gentleman would have said.

LadyMacBeth_ · 11-12-2017 2:16pm

Jaysus, it'd put me off if a lad was constantly asking me if I was consenting, especially for a hug. Can you imagine the ride? ''Is this ok?'' ''yes''.....30 seconds later ''are you still comfortable consenting?'' ''yes''.........''is this still ok?''. Good lord, this is a result of these consent campaigns. Use your common sense and don't put it in her bum as a greeting but a hug is grand.

backspin. · 11-12-2017 3:38pm

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

Jaysus, it'd put me off if a lad was constantly asking me if I was consenting, especially for a hug. Can you imagine the ride? ''Is this ok?'' ''yes''.....30 seconds later ''are you still comfortable consenting?'' ''yes''.........''is this still ok?''. Good lord, this is a result of these consent campaigns. Use your common sense and don't put it in her bum as a greeting but a hug is grand.

Sadly that's what some in the feminist movement are saying should happen. And plenty of men terrified of being accused of assault are going to follow that line. Common sense served the vast majority of us well for generations. This new hysteria is way over the top.

11-12-2017 3:43pm

I've found CCTV footage of the OP's encounter

burnsey1987 · 11-12-2017 7:28pm

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

Jaysus, it'd put me off if a lad was constantly asking me if I was consenting, especially for a hug.

It was she who asked me for a hug. If she hadn't asked I would have just assumed she didn't want one and nothing at all would have happened.

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

Can you imagine the ride? ''Is this ok?'' ''yes''.....30 seconds later ''are you still comfortable consenting?'' ''yes''.........''is this still ok?''. Good lord, this is a result of these consent campaigns. Use your common sense and don't put it in her bum as a greeting but a hug is grand.

No, not really. Wouldn't be my type of thing

Atoms for Peace · 11-12-2017 7:33pm

endacl wrote: »

It had 99 thanks until I thanked it.

893bet · 11-12-2017 7:34pm

What pub?

*Sounds like it would be easy pull if you sit alone drinking pints....win win....*

Pithythefool · 11-12-2017 7:40pm

"I've been told that I need to get consent to give a hug, am I doing it wrong?" I'd say jokingly as I gave her a hug.

Then it gets her thinking, maybe, about the craziness going on and she might actually talk about it afterwards with other people, helping to nip this crap in the bud before it takes hold.

What you did just makes you come across as a shell of a person, taking the blame instead of the nuts that are propagating this type of horrible society.

They need to be laughed away, not let seep into your consciousness.

burnsey1987 · 11-12-2017 8:00pm

893bet wrote: »

*Sounds like it would be easy pull if you sit alone drinking pints....win win....*

I had absolutely zero intentions of doing anything of the sort

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 12-12-2017 12:05pm

LadyMacBeth_ wrote: »

Jaysus, it'd put me off if a lad was constantly asking me if I was consenting, especially for a hug. Can you imagine the ride? ''Is this ok?'' ''yes''.....30 seconds later ''are you still comfortable consenting?'' ''yes''.........''is this still ok?''. Good lord, this is a result of these consent campaigns. Use your common sense and don't put it in her bum as a greeting but a hug is grand.

... and therein lies the problem with the concent movement: how does a guy know whether you're the girl who'll get pissed off if you ask every 30 seconds or the girl who will very publicly accuse you of sexual molestation if you don't?

I lot of guys are naturally shy or a bit awkward and this doesn't really help.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 12-12-2017 12:07pm

Pithythefool wrote: »

"I've been told that I need to get consent to give a hug, am I doing it wrong?" I'd say jokingly as I gave her a hug.

Then it gets her thinking, maybe, about the craziness going on and she might actually talk about it afterwards with other people, helping to nip this crap in the bud before it takes hold.

What you did just makes you come across as a shell of a person, taking the blame instead of the nuts that are propagating this type of horrible society.

They need to be laughed away, not let seep into your consciousness.

Hugs are easy because they're not sexual. "C'mere, you wanna hug? No? That's okay, we're cool."

Consent - did I take the right approach???

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