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Childfree by choice forum

2

Comments

  • #52
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    There's one phrase that's being used to support the creation of this forum:
    Faith wrote: »
    * To chat with like-minded people socially
    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    I know that there are plenty enough like-minded people ...
    PmMeUrDogs wrote: »
    I'd absolutely love to see a forum of like minded people...
    Pretzill wrote: »
    I think there are positive ramifications and also questions to be raised within a like minded community.

    Here's the thing, though: if the only attribute that defines this like-mindedness is a confirmed desire to have no children, so much so that it weighs on one's everyday life, either (a) that's a very poor basis on which to form a community; or (b) it's an open invitation to the "anti-natalists" to which OneEyeJack refers.
    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    it’s almost unheard of as to be looked at as being completely unreasonable, unacceptable. That’s why you don’t see many, or indeed any threads discussing the idea being particularly popular - because often people aren’t comfortable with feeling like they have to justify themselves or their decisions ...

    I would say you don't see many threads on the subject because being child-free (by choice or not) is in fact very common; and because for the most part, having or not having children is irrelevant to the vast majority of topics that affect the vast majority of people. The taste of SuperValu sausages? Irrelevant. Ordering from UK Amazon post Brexit? Irrelevant. ITV on Virgin Media? Irrelevant. MS Paint? Irrelevant. Circle K scratch and win? Irrelevant. Liveline? Irrelevant. Leeds Utd Team Talk? Irrelevant.

    Amongst several child-free friends, I have one former-work-colleague-become-friend. Over the course of this last week, we have spoken about chainsaws, Christmas decorations, to work or not to work, Brexit, potential new relationships, updates on misc mutual acquaintances, Covid, the weather, gardening, cooking, the practicalities of travelling in continental Europe, music and dance. I think that's more than enough to make us "like minded" ... despite the fact that I'd love to have (more) children and she's become a borderline anti-natalist.

    So I'd ask again: what advantage would there be in hiding discussions about the practical problems of real life in a quiet corner of the site, thereby deliberately excluding the people who might have the most relevant experience to contribute?


  • #53
    Pygmy Shrew
    Registered Users Posts: 24 ✭Pygmy Shrew


    +1 here, I'm child free by choice and I feel that it's one area of society where people still don't have a voice. I'm sure I'm not the only person who is sick of the question 'do you have a family?' followed by the awkward silence when you say no. Even worse is the condescending 'oh I'm sorry to hear that',or 'oh, don't worry, you have plenty of time'! Imagine saying that to someone who is gay, transgender or racially different from you!


  • #54
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Pygmy Shrew wrote: »
    +1 here, I'm child free by choice and I feel that it's one area of society where people still don't have a voice. I'm sure I'm not the only person who is sick of the question 'do you have a family?' followed by the awkward silence when you say no. Even worse is the condescending 'oh I'm sorry to hear that',or 'oh, don't worry, you have plenty of time'! Imagine saying that to someone who is gay, transgender or racially different from you!

    I’m sure that must be very frustrating but I’m not sure it’s enough to merit it’s own forum.


  • #55
    bertsmom
    Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭bertsmom


    HBC08 wrote:
    What about poor Bert?


    This made me laugh! I often forget my username when I post. Bert was a beautiful dog and centre of my world. He is two years passed away in January.
    My earlier example of why I'd be glad to see the Childfree by choice forum as in travel recommendations etc is really just a quick reaction to the question on further thought I really think it would be a great space to discuss things that come up in life that are affected by the childfree choice. I sometimes feel that in a wider circle unless you have or want children the discussion can (unintentionally) exclude any valid concerns you may have around topics...


  • #56
    o1s1n
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,253 ✭✭✭✭o1s1n
    Master of the Universe


    Akesh wrote: »
    -1 for me. Pretty ridiculous really looking for a forum for this kind of stuff. What next? A forum for like-minded people who don't have pets??

    Nonsense.

    Not sure what's worse, your likening of having children to having pets or your likening of not having children to not having pets.


  • #57
    MrMusician18
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,588 ✭✭✭MrMusician18


    Vital Transformation wrote: »
    I've been on boards for 12 years. You seems to have an issue with the size of the site, but it has been that kind of forum for a very long time. If the site has less traffic now than it used to have, I doubt that is the reason. There has always been a vast amount of forums here, more than any discussion website I've seen over the years apart from Reddit.

    Boards has always had niche forums; I would consider that a strength of the site, providing a space for discussion aimed at a predominantly Irish audience. By nature some will always be more popular than others. If you do a search you'll see examples of very inactive forums getting closed. It's not like this process doesn't occur already.

    From a brief glance, even forums like the LGBT one look pretty dead right now, and I don't think you could question the likes of that forums inclusion on this site, given the amount of people it can potentially cater for.

    As it stands it seems the proposed forum has a good bit of support so far. It should be given a chance if that keeps up at least and we can see how it gets on from there. I wouldn't argue against its closure if it becomes as inactive as you predict.
    I've been around boards just as long, from before it's heyday, the hack and to the site we have today. A huge problem the site has is that the structure is for an awful lot more posters than we have anymore. You could compare it to the church, an organization with loads of buildings but fewer and fewer people. All these zombie forums give the impression of a dead site, when what we actually have are although much fewer, but still plenty of posters, all spread thin. When people wander into these zombie forums, they see that the last active threads have a handful of posts and the top threads were last active months ago and don't post. Who would bother posting a question in a dead forum?
    On a broader point, sub-forums that have little activity should be quickly closed and merged with a complementary forum. It really doesn't happen fast enough but that's a discussion for another day.

    If there is a genuine appetite for this topic I would suggest that it should go in a rebranded humanities and lifestyle forum. The two or three childless by choice "mega threads" could go there as well as discussion on other lifestyle choices.


  • #58
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    If people are not interested in this particular forum or sub forum, why vote against it?
    If I'm interested I would show my interest, but if I'm not, then I would just not comment.
    If someone wanted to start a forum on people who wear cartoon character costumes, I wouldn't have any interest, but I wouldn't actively be against it.

    Seems strange to actively vote against it. Maybe I'm missing something?


  • #59
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,202 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    CelticRambler wrote: »
    There's one phrase that's being used to support the creation of this forum:

    Here's the thing, though: if the only attribute that defines this like-mindedness is a confirmed desire to have no children, so much so that it weighs on one's everyday life, either (a) that's a very poor basis on which to form a community; or (b) it's an open invitation to the "anti-natalists" to which OneEyeJack refers.


    (a) You don’t explain why, in your opinion, you see it as a very poor basis to form a community, when that’s precisely how any community is formed - they are borne out of shared world views and values and attitudes among people of a similar mindset.

    (b) I also mentioned that while it will invariably attract people of that particular mindset, they can be directed to the more appropriate forums if they wish to prosletise their particular ideology.

    CelticRambler wrote: »
    I would say you don't see many threads on the subject because being child-free (by choice or not) is in fact very common; and because for the most part, having or not having children is irrelevant to the vast majority of topics that affect the vast majority of people. The taste of SuperValu sausages? Irrelevant. Ordering from UK Amazon post Brexit? Irrelevant. ITV on Virgin Media? Irrelevant. MS Paint? Irrelevant. Circle K scratch and win? Irrelevant. Liveline? Irrelevant. Leeds Utd Team Talk? Irrelevant.


    It’s really not that common at all for people who choose not to have children and live their lives accordingly. It’s really not at all as simple as “Don’t want children? Abstain from sex! Easy, job done, end of discussion!”. The decision forms the fundamental basis of a person’s world view and impacts on many or all aspects of their lives to some degree or to one degree or another. They live in a society where they are constantly bombarded with advertising for example that extols the virtues of family values as still being the state of the nuclear family, whereas in Ireland the Family as an institution as it is regarded in the Irish Constitution is not by whether or not one has children, but rather through the institution of Marriage. From the point of view of the State, a married couple is a family, whereas from the point of view of most people in Irish society at least - Family begins when people have children.

    It’s not about what is irrelevant to a person or to a community of people, it’s about what is relevant - sure, for you or other people who think like you do, they’re not going to see the relevance of not having children in discussing the topics you mention, but I don’t imagine the forum would be solely restricted to discussing those topics. It’s not even about discussing those topics specifically, the sense of community comes from being able to have discussions that are fundamentally from the point of view of not having children. If you’ll pardon the crudity of the analogy for a minute but it’s the easiest one that comes to mind - I don’t know what it’s like for women that like nothing better than to get home from work in the evening and throw off their bra (I’ve never objected), but I get the idea behind it - that for them it’s liberation from a restriction that they’ve had to put up with all day. While I myself am in possession of a fine pair of moobs (IMO), I don’t imagine I’ll ever need the additional support and restrictions that come from wearing such devices (or more particularly an ill-fitting one that completely defeats the intended purpose). It’s not even interesting to me, but it’s something I know a lot of ladies experience, but don’t talk about in polite society, rather they speak of such issues in hushed tones among themselves. It’s the same with not having children, and when another poster questioned the poster on the rationale of a meet-up group for women only, I figured the simplest explanation is that is it’s intended purpose - a forum or quorum as it were for women who do not wish to have children, they have a commonality which defines their community. There doesn’t have to be any more to it, but there is. I’m not a woman, but I still know of the social pressure that young girls and women experience as motherhood straddles somewhere between an expectation and an obligation - to become what society expects of them, and to fulfill that role in spite of the fact that they may wish to choose a different path in life for themselves. Any girl or woman who deviates from that path is to be immediately viewed with suspicion, if not outright contempt.

    That’s why you don’t see many threads where people feel free to admit they do not wish to have children, or where they do not feel embarrassment and humiliation for the fact that they can’t. Merely saying it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, isn’t telling anyone anything they aren’t acutely aware of already.

    CelticRambler wrote: »
    Amongst several child-free friends, I have one former-work-colleague-become-friend. Over the course of this last week, we have spoken about chainsaws, Christmas decorations, to work or not to work, Brexit, potential new relationships, updates on misc mutual acquaintances, Covid, the weather, gardening, cooking, the practicalities of travelling in continental Europe, music and dance. I think that's more than enough to make us "like minded" ... despite the fact that I'd love to have (more) children and she's become a borderline anti-natalist.

    So I'd ask again: what advantage would there be in hiding discussions about the practical problems of real life in a quiet corner of the site, thereby deliberately excluding the people who might have the most relevant experience to contribute?


    Who has suggested hiding discussions away? Isn’t the very fact that this forum specifically is being requested, evidence that the people who support the idea of its creation, don’t want discussion hidden away in one mega thread in Parenting or TLL or TGC or wherever? It’s proposed as a forum in its own right under the Soc category at least, same as all the other forums which exist already pertaining to accommodating the many different facets of society. The people with the most relevant experience to contribute? Not sure exactly who they might be (though priests and nuns invariably spring to mind), but I don’t foresee the forum as intending to exclude anyone when it’s been explicitly stated and reassurances have been given already of the forums intended live and let live ethos (minus the prosletysing of ideologues of course), but as long an everyone is on the same page I could see the forum adding value to what Boards offers to Irish society, by providing a space for more people in the community where they can indeed relax without all the additional stress of not having children.


  • #60
    Haylee Agreeable Deodorant
    Posts: 0 ✭ Haylee Agreeable Deodorant


    bubblypop wrote: »
    If people are not interested in this particular forum or sub forum, why vote against it?
    If I'm interested I would show my interest, but if I'm not, then I would just not comment.
    If someone wanted to start a forum on people who wear cartoon character costumes, I wouldn't have any interest, but I wouldn't actively be against it.

    Seems strange to actively vote against it. Maybe I'm missing something?

    That’s the way this forum works. You can either vote for or against.

    Why it matters whether a forum you’re not interested in exits or not I don’t know.

    In any case,

    +1 cos why the hell not.


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  • #61
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    One eyed Jack wrote: »
    (a) You don’t explain why, in your opinion, you see it as a very poor basis to form a community ...

    Because, as the rest of your post exemplifies, it would be a community founded on a very, very distorted view of the role of children in one's life, to the point that every decision, every discussion, every question is viewed through the lens of whether or not a person who has chosen to have children can be trusted to respect the concerns of someone who has chosen not to have children. That is a hugely dysfunctional starting point for any new community.

    If someone has a problem with their mother/sister/aunty banging on about them starting a family, that's a relationship problem.
    If someone has a problem with every other woman in their workplace taking maternity leave, that's a workplace problem.
    If someone's worried about having no descendants to leave their worldly possessions to, that's an inheritance problem.
    If someone wants to find the cheapest flights in mid-July on a plane that'll have no children on it, that's a Travel problem.
    Just because someone has children doesn't mean that they're not well qualified to give advice on how to deal with any of those child-free situations.

    So on the one hand, we have the proposal to make this forum inclusive and touching several different topics (all of which are catered for elsewhere on the site); and on the other, it's intended to be a place for members whose lives are overwhelmingly infused with their deliberate decision to not have children. Those two states are incompatible.

    Out of curiosity, I've just had a look at my own circle - 4 out of my 5 most recent WhatsApp chats are with childless people, 3 out of my 5 most recent texts are to people with no children; and 4 out of 7 individuals that I follow on YouTube are child-free (6 if you include those with grown-up children). I have three 40-50yo female cousins (in rural Ireland) and one male who have no children and it's never been considered abnormal.

    Perhaps it would be useful to propose a handful of likely thread topics in this discussion to see what level of engagement could be expected?


  • #62
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    CelticRambler wrote: »

    Perhaps it would be useful to propose a handful of likely thread topics in this discussion to see what level of engagement could be expected?

    That’s literally the bulk of the first post on this thread.


  • #63
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    Faith wrote: »
    That’s literally the bulk of the first post on this thread.

    Almost every one of the (?notional?) threads in the quoted box deal are not particularly suited to a "child-free by choice" forum ... :confused:


  • #64
    Pretzill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,696 ✭✭✭Pretzill


    CelticRambler wrote: »
    Because, as the rest of your post exemplifies, it would be a community founded on a very, very distorted view of the role of children in one's life, to the point that every decision, every discussion, every question is viewed through the lens of whether or not a person who has chosen to have children can be trusted to respect the concerns of someone who has chosen not to have children. That is a hugely dysfunctional starting point for any new community.

    That's like saying the Parenting Forum is from the point of view of every decision, discussion or question being from people who have chosen to have children? It most likely is, you know. Choosing to be child-free has life ramifications on a lot of levels, for the person, people, and the planet. I can see a myriad of topics under this banner - I can also see that your only viewpoint is to oppose the idea of a forum on this topic.


  • #65
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    -1 for me.


  • #66
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,202 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    CelticRambler wrote: »
    Because, as the rest of your post exemplifies, it would be a community founded on a very, very distorted view of the role of children in one's life, to the point that every decision, every discussion, every question is viewed through the lens of whether or not a person who has chosen to have children can be trusted to respect the concerns of someone who has chosen not to have children. That is a hugely dysfunctional starting point for any new community.


    No, that’s a complete distortion of an interpretation of what I said. Ironically given the point you’re making that whether or not a person who has chosen to have children can be trusted to respect the concerns of someone who has chosen not to have children is answered by the fact that you call a point of view you don’t share a distortion, rather than acknowledging that it is simply a world view or point of view which differs from your own.

    To answer the question objectively - of course they can. No reason why anyone is incapable of seeing something from someone else’s point of view, they can absolutely be trusted to do so and are trusted to do so by being expected to post in good faith and making an attempt at least to understand where other people are coming from.

    Will it happen that some people are choosing not to post in good faith and instead choose to distort another persons perspective to suit themselves or their own narrative? Absolutely, but that shouldn’t form the basis of an argument against the creation of a new forum or community space for people who wish to engage in good faith with each other on the basis of a particular world view or ethos or philosophy.


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  • #67
    Cherry Blossom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,964 ✭✭✭Cherry Blossom


    +1


  • #68
    eviltwin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Pretzill wrote: »
    That's like saying the Parenting Forum is from the point of view of every decision, discussion or question being from people who have chosen to have children? It most likely is, you know. Choosing to be child-free has life ramifications on a lot of levels, for the person, people, and the planet. I can see a myriad of topics under this banner - I can also see that your only viewpoint is to oppose the idea of a forum on this topic.

    That’s because having a child has a far greater impact on your life than not having a child.

    Is this the reason for the forum, the parents have one so we want one too?

    As I said I am in favour of any new forum but only if it adds to the overall site.


  • #69
    tashiusclay
    Registered Users Posts: 274 ✭✭tashiusclay


    +1


  • #70
    Purgative
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,511 ✭✭✭Purgative


    Faith (and others) have made some good points and whilst I'm not likely to post there: +1




    I always thought the purpose of these forum requests was to gauge interest in a new forum by collecting enough "+1s". So I don't really get the point of "-1". If enough people want a forum on "Fun with Ferrets" (apologies if there is one, no offence) have at it.


  • #71
    osarusan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,692 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    bubblypop wrote: »
    If people are not interested in this particular forum or sub forum, why vote against it?
    If I'm interested I would show my interest, but if I'm not, then I would just not comment.
    If someone wanted to start a forum on people who wear cartoon character costumes, I wouldn't have any interest, but I wouldn't actively be against it.

    Seems strange to actively vote against it. Maybe I'm missing something?

    Even though I mentioned earlier that I think the idea that the forum would cater for both childfree by choice and childfree due to problems is way off, I agree with this - I don't see why people would vote against it.

    It's not like there's a finite number of forums possible, so another has to make way, and its not like there's a maximum amount of posts possible per day, so it would limit posting elsewhere.

    At worst, it will be another forum that very few people visit, and will become a zombie forum.


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  • #72
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    Pretzill wrote: »
    Choosing to be child-free has life ramifications on a lot of levels, for the person, people, and the planet. I can see a myriad of topics under this banner - I can also see that your only viewpoint is to oppose the idea of a forum on this topic.

    Being child-free is the default state of every human on the planet. The choice faced by sexually mature adults is to give up that status, a choice being made by fewer and fewer people in most countries across the world.

    I'm not opposing the creation of the forum; but I am asking why, if there is "a myriad of topics" that are seriously affected by a person's decision to remain childless, those topics shouldn't be discussed in an existing forum.

    If there's such a need, it should be easy enough to give half a dozen hypothetical thread titles to show the direction of such discussion ... so far, all we've had is "a place for like minded people" and a whole lot of "+1"s. I would side with MrMusician on this point: the site is already too fragmented, and potentially interesting discussions do not benefit from being corralled into niche forums.


  • #73
    GreeBo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,253 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    -1
    Other than not wanting children, what would the parts have in common to discuss that wouldn't fit on the existing fora?


  • #74
    Gregor Samsa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,088 ✭✭✭Gregor Samsa


    bubblypop wrote: »
    If people are not interested in this particular forum or sub forum, why vote against it?
    If I'm interested I would show my interest, but if I'm not, then I would just not comment.
    If someone wanted to start a forum on people who wear cartoon character costumes, I wouldn't have any interest, but I wouldn't actively be against it.

    Seems strange to actively vote against it. Maybe I'm missing something?

    That’s how the new forum process works. If you read the rules in the sticky, you’ll see that people are encouraged to vote for or against proposals, and the tally goes towards making the decision.

    https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057601382/1/#post99821578

    Can’t really blame people for taking part in a process according to the rules.

    (I personally don’t have an opinion one way or the other on this particular proposal, so I’m not casting a vote, but I wouldn’t hold it against anyone who does have an opinion either way - it’s an engagement in the community aspect of Boards)


  • #75
    TheValeyard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,716 ✭✭✭✭TheValeyard


    +1

    More forums the better, more choice.

    All eyes on Kursk. Slava Ukraini.



  • #76
    Tom Mann Centuria
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,064 ✭✭✭✭Tom Mann Centuria


    TheValeyard wrote: »
    +1

    More forums the better, more choice.

    Completely against the powers that be ethos of recent years of closing forums and streamlining boards.

    Oh well, give me an easy life and a peaceful death.



  • #77
    GreeBo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,253 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    bubblypop wrote: »
    If people are not interested in this particular forum or sub forum, why vote against it?
    If I'm interested I would show my interest, but if I'm not, then I would just not comment.
    If someone wanted to start a forum on people who wear cartoon character costumes, I wouldn't have any interest, but I wouldn't actively be against it.

    Seems strange to actively vote against it. Maybe I'm missing something?
    If only positive voting is allowed then how do you decide if the forum is warranted or not?
    I'm sure I could get positive votes for any idea that the majority of other posters would be against.


  • #78
    Necro
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 52,127 Mod ✭✭✭✭Necro


    +1

    Have kids myself, but also have friends with no interest in having kids and I can see their eyes glaze over when the few of us that do start chatting about ours.

    I've no idea if a forum would be viable in the long term but no harm in letting them have a chance to make it work, imo.


  • #79
    Unearthly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,047 ✭✭✭Unearthly


    +1

    Not a forum for me but can see the arguments for it


  • #80
    Pretzill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,696 ✭✭✭Pretzill


    eviltwin wrote: »
    That’s because having a child has a far greater impact on your life than not having a child.

    Is this the reason for the forum, the parents have one so we want one too?

    As I said I am in favour of any new forum but only if it adds to the overall site.

    Why would a new forum detract from the overall site - and how do you know the impact on anyone's life of having or not having children? A place to discuss that and other issues would be interesting. Some forums move very slowly here but it doesn't detract from boards to have the choice, ironically of a forum for a community of people with a commonality.

    And No I wouldn't think the reason is because the Parents have one, so we want one too, that's ironically childish - I was making the point that lots of different fora on here only ascribe to their community - let's face it you can barrel on in to the Religion forum with atheist views if so be your want - that doesn't mean it will be welcomed.


  • #81
    Boards.ie: Mark
    Boards.ie Employee Posts: 5,461 ✭✭✭✭✭Boards.ie: Mark
    Boards.ie Employee


    Mod Note: Please note that to vote you need at least 50 posts and to have been on the site for 3 months.

    As per the charter, while some discussion is allowed, it should be restricted to the forum or aspects of the forum. If you would like to provide feedback about the process of requesting a forum on the whole (including the voting process), please open a thread in Help Desk or Feedback. This helps keep the thread tidy and makes it easier to tally votes.

    Thanks!

    How can I? User's guide to some features on the new site



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  • #82
    Feets
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 281 ✭✭Feets


    +1


  • #83
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    +1


  • #84
    Alfred123
    Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭Alfred123


    I spent some time working in the Middle East. I don't know if it is true of all M Eastern countries (predominantly Islamic) that young men are obliged to get married, procreate, but I believe it is so. Not doing so will mark you as the odd man out. Short of a serious mental illness, you take a wife, have kids. And thats that.

    I like that in the West, there is not so much pressure on - at least not to the extent you would be under in M Eastern countries.

    I am single and childless by default. It just never happened.
    I think a lot comes down to one's mindset and upbringing. I was immature as a youth and I don't know how much I have matured in the intervening years but not sufficiently to be in charge of a brood, i feel.

    I look at people with kids and part of me envies the laughter, sharing and joy. I know its not all sunshine in there but you manage to forget yourself in the business of living through / for your kids. You watch them grow and, hopefully, you will still enjoy their company in old age. In an ideal world

    In retrospect, i thank the woman who declined my offer of marriage way back when. That there is True Love. To set one free from the workload that is marriage and a lifetime of being 'on call'. I did not pursue the idea of settling down after this

    So, whats left ? .. a wealth of freedom to develop your self and relationships that don't necessarily have a sexual context.

    Certainly, Childfree by choice should be discussed and promoted as a viable option to having kids. A lot of people have kids because 'its the done thing' or become pressurised into it. A forum where people can discuss such misgivings - if they have any - can only be a positive move


  • #85
    dudeeile
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,146 ✭✭✭dudeeile


    +1


  • #86
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,689 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    +1


  • #87
    Alfred123
    Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭Alfred123


    .. of course ..
    You can be outbred .. some communities have 6-7-8 9 what, Never ! kids .. Step up to the plate .. Become a Dad. Safety in number et al

    But thats for a whole other thread i guess .. sorry

    Anyway great idea for a thread .. thank you for letting me ramble


  • #88
    Neyite
    Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    +1 from me.


  • #89
    ...Ghost...
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,763 ✭✭✭...Ghost...


    Gives a few folk a chance to rant about those of us with kids.....and then it gets ghosted....and then deleted.

    I genuinely don't think it would last. But cynicism aside, whatever floats yer boat. I personally don't care if someone decides they don't kids. Some people with kids shouldn't be allowed keep a plastic plant, but that's another debate.

    Stay Free



  • #90
    circular flexing
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,589 ✭✭✭circular flexing


    -1


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  • #91
    Jim_Hodge
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,218 ✭✭✭✭Jim_Hodge


    -1

    "I choose not to have kids". Close forum.

    Far too restricted a subject matter


  • #92
    o1s1n
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,253 ✭✭✭✭o1s1n
    Master of the Universe


    'I chose not to believe in god'

    Close atheist forum.

    Plenty to be discussed on this subject matter. The joy of waking up late on a Sunday could be discussed for thousands of pages :pac:


  • #93
    sunbeam
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,814 ✭✭✭sunbeam


    +1


  • #94
    Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Employee Posts: 12,597 ✭✭✭✭✭Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Community Manager


    Thanks all. The 6 week voting period is now up on this and I'll submit the suggestion for a childfree forum to Admins for discussion.

    If anyone has any examples of somewhere on the site where these discussions or similar ones are already taking place please post them here. It is not completely necessary but will help in supporting the request and showing that it is a topic that people want to discuss. Thanks!

    How can I? User's guide to some features on the new site



  • #95
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 17,378 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    /r/childfree is a fairly toxic mess if you're looking for an existing example.


  • #96
    Demonique
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,830 ✭✭✭Demonique


    MrMusician18 wrote: »
    In Ireland there are orders of magnitude more parents and people who will desire to be parents at some point than individuals (admittedly growing) who choose to be childless.

    If someone chooses not to have children then they're childfree not childless


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  • #97
    Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Employee Posts: 12,597 ✭✭✭✭✭Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Community Manager


    Demonique wrote: »
    If someone chooses not to have children then they're childfree not childless

    Save it for the forum (if approved), this thread is for discussion of the proposed forum only.

    How can I? User's guide to some features on the new site



  • #98
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Boards.ie: Niamh wrote: »
    Thanks all. The 6 week voting period is now up on this and I'll submit the suggestion for a childfree forum to Admins for discussion.

    If anyone has any examples of somewhere on the site where these discussions or similar ones are already taking place please post them here. It is not completely necessary but will help in supporting the request and showing that it is a topic that people want to discuss. Thanks!

    Cheers, Niamh. A lot of the discussions tend to turn up in PI/RI, and I don't think it's appropriate to link them here for obvious reasons. But a few other examples would be:

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057853408

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058081393

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056975245

    (The search function on boards is not conducive to finding these threads easily!)

    Outside of boards, there are loads, such as the Facebook group Respectfully Childfree with over 13,000 members, as an example of a non-toxic community. "Childfree Humour" on FB has 86,000 followers, there are Meetup groups, and lots of others examples, but I'm not sure they're relevant to your request for examples on the site :).


  • #99
    MrMusician18
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,588 ✭✭✭MrMusician18


    Faith wrote: »
    Cheers, Niamh. A lot of the discussions tend to turn up in PI/RI, and I don't think it's appropriate to link them here for obvious reasons. But a few other examples would be:

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057853408

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058081393

    https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056975245

    (The search function on boards is not conducive to finding these threads easily!)

    Outside of boards, there are loads, such as the Facebook group Respectfully Childfree with over 13,000 members, as an example of a non-toxic community. "Childfree Humour" on FB has 86,000 followers, there are Meetup groups, and lots of others examples, but I'm not sure they're relevant to your request for examples on the site :).

    3 threads from 2020, 2018 and 2013. Yeah there's a clamour alright.


  • #100
    11811
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,731 ✭✭✭11811


    +1 for me, although it seems I'm a little late.

    I think a safe place to discuss not having kids by choice would be great, while megathreads or whatever on the forums might seem like an idea, they often can move away from being helpful or even civil. Even here there seems to be some unhelpful posting.
    MrMusician18 wrote: »
    If that's the purpose, well this idea is on a hiding to nothing. Notwithstanding the fact that this forum, if it comes into being will end up being a bitter old ghost town, defined by a negative, relationships in online forums through pseudonyms are never going to replace quality in-person friendships.

    Well, your repeated posting on this thread seems to be very much defined by a negative.


  • #101
    sashafierce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    +1

    Everyone deserves a place to discuss how they feel no different to any other forum on here


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