' I don't do Valentines'

Raconteuse · 13-02-2020 12:03pm

How insecure would a woman have to be to force her man to comply with Valentine's.

fatboy69 · 13-02-2020 12:04pm

Dont do anything either as it is a superficial day focused on material things.

Princess Calla · 13-02-2020 12:06pm

Does anyone find getting cards for your children abit odd?

I worked with a lovely guy years ago, but at valentines he'd mention he'd get a card for his wife and daughter. The daughter was a young teenager at the time. I've long since left so no idea if he still does it. I thought it was abit strange.

I would never have expected a card off my dad.

13-02-2020 12:07pm

It’s always been done so I just do it. I know it’s great these days to scoff at everything but I leave all that yawn aside as it makes the Mrs happy, which is top of the list.

13-02-2020 12:08pm

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

He’s just a miserable tight arse. Dump him before he makes you even more miserable. No doubt the cünt doesn’t birthdays either.

He probably does when it’s his.

Harleen Quinzel · 13-02-2020 12:09pm

Always get the kids a card each and put them through the letterbox before they wake up.

We don’t do anything high pressure for ourselves, usually just cards.
This year I’ve bought him a game for his switch, not your typical hearts and flowers, but it’s something he actually wants.

Harleen Quinzel · 13-02-2020 12:11pm

Princess Calla wrote: »

Does anyone find getting cards for your children abit odd?

I worked with a lovely guy years ago, but at valentines he'd mention he'd get a card for his wife and daughter. The daughter was a young teenager at the time. I've long since left so no idea if he still does it. I thought it was abit strange.

I would never have expected a card off my dad.

I always get them a card and bake little cupcakes.
Always makes them smile.

Maggie Benson · 13-02-2020 12:14pm

There's Christmas, Valentines, St. Patrick's day, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Halloween plus all the birthdays. One thing after another...

Doctors room ghost · 13-02-2020 12:20pm

I do empty the dishwasher that day.
Might even make herself a mugeen of tea if I’m passing by the kettle.

Raconteuse · 13-02-2020 12:20pm

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

It’s always been done so I just do it. I know it’s great these days to scoff at everything but I leave all that yawn aside as it makes the Mrs happy, which is top of the list.

Well that's genuine and really sweet. Yeah I could never not give my parents presents on mother's day and father's day, even if those are days cooked up by Hallmark.

The cynicism though about V day is the way people can feel forced to comply with it - as experienced by some guys here.

Raconteuse · 13-02-2020 12:22pm

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

I do empty the dishwasher that day.
Might even make herself a mugeen of tea if I’m passing by the kettle.

Now that's adorable.

Princess Calla · 13-02-2020 12:26pm

Harleen Quinzel wrote: »

I always get them a card and bake little cupcakes.
Always makes them smile.

Ah that's really cute!

Millicently · 13-02-2020 12:27pm

I think most couples eventually end up ignoring it, I know we do because neither of us likes it. It seems a lot less competitive than it used to be though, probably a lot few people can afford the expense that they used to. It's a great filler day for retailers between Christmas and Easter, the only other filler day they get is St Patrick's Day. TBH, I think people could make the effort with it for the first Valentine's day that they're a couple.

SusanC10 · 13-02-2020 12:30pm

Princess Calla wrote: »

Does anyone find getting cards for your children abit odd?

I worked with a lovely guy years ago, but at valentines he'd mention he'd get a card for his wife and daughter. The daughter was a young teenager at the time. I've long since left so no idea if he still does it. I thought it was abit strange.

I would never have expected a card off my dad.

My late Dad used to buy all 4 of us girls cards and sign them "Guess Who" or something else similar and mail them to each of us. We all knew it was him and maybe it was a bit cringy when we were teenagers but it is now a fond memory of him now that he is gone. He did stop when we were older and we had boyfriends.

El_Duderino 09 · 13-02-2020 12:42pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

How insecure would a woman have to be to force her man to comply with Valentine's.

I’d genuinely hate that. What’s the point if you’re forced to do it.

Compelled love. Sounds like living with Fritzel.

PmMeUrDogs · 13-02-2020 12:43pm

Alan Howling Cattle wrote: »

I'll be getting her a card, flowers, chocolates, and a gift. She always gets me something too. I think most people in relationships who get nothing whatsoever for Valentine's day end up secretly disappointed. "I don't do Valentine's day" is often a cover for being cheap or not giving a toss.

Depends on the person really. I don't care for Valentine's, but I'm not cheap. If I'm with someone, I'll regularly buy them thoughtful things and pay my way or more. If they like Valentine's, I'll happily go along with it and buy them a gift.

I just don't care for it personally. I'd be pleasantly surprised with a card!

Ficheall · 13-02-2020 12:43pm

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

He’s just a miserable tight arse. Dump him before he makes you even more miserable. No doubt the cünt doesn’t birthdays either.

I don't do Christmas or Valentine's, and I hate birthday presents, giving or receiving. Trying to sort a bday present at the mo for a lady I was seeing recently, and it's a massive pain in the hoop. Not a particularly miserable cünt though.

retro:electro · 13-02-2020 12:43pm

It’s not something that I have any strong feelings on one way or the other. I never expect a thing but at the same time if he bought me flowers they would be very much appreciated. Similarly if the day came and went without a mention or a card I wouldn’t care. It’s one of those “it’s Valentine’s Day today”, “oh is it?” *rushed smooch* “anyway it’s your turn to take the bins out bye have a nice day”, kind of holidays.

Tacitus Kilgore · 13-02-2020 12:45pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

Ah lads don't put up with that shyte.

To be fair to my better half (much better tbf) I would never do anything for any occasion if it wasn't for her, I used to forget my own birthday until she came along.

Probably would have a strained relationship with everyone if it wasn't for her. So I guess a card and a bit of chocolate won't kill me

13-02-2020 12:47pm

Not pushed about it. Might go out for a nice dinner the day after as we chose it for an anniversary date since i can't remember dates

13-02-2020 12:49pm

I used to work in a big department store and on Valentine's there was non stop deliveries of roses and chocolates to the women as they worked. Actually delivering flowers to someone as they're serving customers. I mean tons of this. The staff room would be filled. It was so cringey. I would have been mortified if my fella had done that but thankfully he knew me better than that.

My partner does nice things for me all the time. Everyday. Not embarrassing empty gestures. Just daily loveliness.

My parents are not at all the romantic types. They would never have even given cards but after being misdiagnosed and very sick for a long time , my dad had a heart attack and they realised it was heart trouble all along rather than the terrifying illness they thought. He had a double bypass one Valentine's Day and he got his life back after that. He had his heart fixed on Valentine's Day so now every Valentine's they mark the day in a small way.

Aisling(",) · 13-02-2020 12:51pm

I'm female and I do like a card but generally don't do presents.
May get himself gig tickets this year though because there's an affordable gig coming up by a band he really likes and he's been under a lot of pressure recently.

miezekatze · 13-02-2020 1:06pm

We usually go out for a nice dinner a few days before or after, but that's about it. Sometimes he gets me flowers. We've never done presents and all that though, don't think there's any need. It annoys me when guys say they 'don't do it' when their partner is clearly into it, you don't have to go over the top, just go on a nice date or something.

Raconteuse · 13-02-2020 1:08pm

Ah folks there are some little stories here that are just warming my heart.

I'm of the "don't need to force it on a set date" mindset, and I hear so many men saying "I have to do something for Valentine's Day or I'm in trouble" which is just so wrong and contrived.

But these individual personal meanings attached to the day are lovely.

13-02-2020 1:11pm

Male. I've always bought flowers for whoever I'm with. Generally if we're together a while, I'll also cook dinner and make a cheesecake.

It doesn't cost much, and I enjoy the pleasure the women have from such things... so I get a kick out of doing it. I'm not expecting anything from her in return.

Raconteuse · 13-02-2020 1:12pm

fatboy69 wrote: »

Dont do anything either as it is a superficial day focused on material things.

Don't you go ruining another Love Day. :mad:

13-02-2020 1:26pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

Ah folks there are some little stories here that are just warming my heart.

I'm of the "don't need to force it on a set date" mindset, and I hear so many men saying "I have to do something for Valentine's Day or I'm in trouble" which is just so wrong and contrived.

But these individual personal meanings attached to the day are lovely.

Helps if people are honest.

Good mates first Christmas with his girlfriend, who was a part of our mutual group of friends since we were in our 20s and got together in their 30s

Him "She said that as we have just started seeing each other that she doesn't want anything for Christmas"

Me "Ahh think you might want to get her something anyway, people often say stuff like this but would appreciate something"

Him "Surely if she wanted something she would have said so, why would someone say the opposite of what they mean, I told her that I didn't want anything, same as I said to you"

Me "On your own head be it"

The call from him on the 26th was hilarious, she of course got him something and he arrived up with nothing.

deise08 · 13-02-2020 1:36pm

Just as well I'm well practiced so.

Lovely to hear how others feel about it.
Good, bad and indifferent..

lozenges · 13-02-2020 1:40pm

SusieBlue wrote: »

Female here and also not into it, and never was.
For my first valentines with my ex he pulled out all the stops, he had flowers delivered to my work, got me a beautiful bracelet and perfume and booked us a surprise night away to a hotel with a dinner reservation for a lovely restaurant.

He hadn't believe me when I said I wasn't bothered because his ex used to say things like that and then go postal if there wasn't a big fuss made. Poor lad put himself under such pressure for nothing. I mean, I appreciated the gestures but there was really no need.

Every other subsequent year we got a chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine and watched a movie at home. Far more enjoyable and way less pressure.

Haha. We did the same last year except it was a curry instead of Chinese. Ideal!

Feisar · 13-02-2020 1:45pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Male. I've always bought flowers for whoever I'm with. Generally if we're together a while, I'll also cook dinner and make a cheesecake.

It doesn't cost much, and I enjoy the pleasure the women have from such things... so I get a kick out of doing it. I'm not expecting anything from her in return.

This man knows what's up.

Ficheall · 13-02-2020 1:48pm

Feisar wrote: »

This man knows what's up.

Yeah, sounds pretty good.. How long is "a while" klaz? Asking for a friend...

13-02-2020 1:50pm

deise08 wrote: »

.........

So do ye fine people of AH do Valentines or do I just get bogeys?

I'm going to Spain in the morning until Monday afternoon, a winter break but my GF is very much of the view that I do Valentines.

EmmetSpiceland · 13-02-2020 1:50pm

DubInMeath wrote: »

Him "She said that as we have just started seeing each other that she doesn't want anything for Christmas”.

These agreements can be made in “good faith” but once some of their friends, the office busy bodies and, the dreaded “mombies” go at them for all the details things can take a turn.

Once they hear that it was agreed no one would get getting anything they start in on the “grief” outpouring and telling them that it’s ok. One might tell them they don’t agree with it and they should, at least, get a card.

When all this all comes home it can lead to things coming to a head and a fight starting that neither “party” fully understands why.

mariaalice · 13-02-2020 1:51pm

Not doing valentines is perfectly valid, but not doing valentines and making a big deal of not doing it is a different thing.

13-02-2020 2:51pm

Just because you make an extra effort for Valentines doesn't mean you don't express your feelings the rest of the time as well, it's not either or.

That said, I'd hate to go out on Valentines night with the crowding and price gouging and I don't expect gifts. It's nice to make a little extra effort to tell someone they're special to you and that they're appreciated. Costs nothing.

meeeeh · 13-02-2020 2:54pm

Valentine's is a pain. I have no objection to presents but I would roll my eyes a bit if I got flowers on Valentine's. I don't do cards, it was a struggle for me to be used to the birthday ones when I moved to Ireland. The main problem is the date, it's around school holidays and around my son's and mine birthdays which we do celebrate. Every so often it's complete pain to get cheap flights or decent restaurant booking.

As a woman I never valued any relationship by the quality of presents. I think too much emphasis is put on one off events. I got some seriously rubbish presents from my friends and family and I gave some rubbish presents to friends and family, I don't consider that the reflection of the relationship we have.

However I do think that cards kids make in school are lovely.

weldoninhio · 13-02-2020 2:54pm

deise08 wrote: »

Nothing now :-D:-D
He didn't do Christmas either cos we were newly dating. I did.

He's just tight then. Best to bail now.

chrissb8 · 13-02-2020 3:03pm

Nonsense day. Why is that one day deemed to be the day you show you love your partner? Just do that when you feel like it, more special that way as well.

Just another way of trying to grab money out of your pocket.

gmisk · 13-02-2020 3:05pm

I tend to do something around the date with husband but not on the actual date, maybe a nice dinner out.
He might get a card and some chocolates too

13-02-2020 3:06pm

Ficheall wrote: »

Yeah, sounds pretty good.. How long is "a while" klaz? Asking for a friend...

Depends on the person. I'm not particularly interested in sex without some degree of commitment/intimacy, so we're really talking about roughly two months of dating (meeting 2-3 times a week) before being comfortable enough to stay over/sleep together more than a few times a week.

eviltwin · 13-02-2020 3:51pm

We don't celebrate it. Don't see the point. My lovely husband drove through storm Ciara the other night to deliver me something I'd forgotten to bring to work that he knew I'd miss. I know he loves me. Don't need a hallmark day to remind me.

jiltloop · 13-02-2020 3:54pm

Alan Howling Cattle wrote: »

I'll be getting her a card, flowers, chocolates, and a gift. She always gets me something too. I think most people in relationships who get nothing whatsoever for Valentine's day end up secretly disappointed. "I don't do Valentine's day" is often a cover for being cheap or not giving a toss.

I don't agree with that at all. My position has always been that if the girl is on board with valentine's then I'll put the effort in. My partner has no interest in it and doesn't expect a thing, we joke about it every time it comes around.

We do plenty for each other outside of being told to by Hallmark.

partyguinness · 13-02-2020 3:55pm

It's a load of bollix.

Just another Hallmark holiday.

Lillyfae · 13-02-2020 4:05pm

We’re going to a spa for a couple of days, something we both enjoy and have been meaning to do for a while. Can’t effing wait. Just a coincidence that it’s Valentine’s Day though, if we weren’t going I’d cook something nice for us because it’s my part time day. Don’t see the point in being so cynical.

He’s a real romantic so I think he might be a little bit sad if I didn’t do anything at all to mark it, but it wouldn’t have to be a massive expense. We’re definitely more into experiences than gifts these days. Hard to make time for ourselves with work and our little one but we’ve finally found a babysitter and she’s ok with her grandmother for an overnight every now and then so we always try to have something to look forward to on the calendar.

13-02-2020 4:07pm

I have to admit that for me, Valentines day never was a "Hallmark" holiday until I saw posters here go on about it.

I always see it as a special day to be 'extra' romantic. Not to spend money but to do something extra.

My parents always celebrate it, doing little things for each other. Doesn't mean that they don't do those things during the rest of the year, but there's more awareness and appreciation for it on the day.

TBH, I find it sad to see all the negativity on the thread about it. It's a shame that people need to dismiss it, and not desire to be that little bit more romantic than they usually are (if they ever bother try at all)

Conall Cernach · 13-02-2020 4:07pm

Even I, lazy, miserable hoor that I am, can stump for some flowers from Lidl.

LirW · 13-02-2020 4:35pm

I bought my husband some flowers today. He genuinely liked it.

PhilOssophy · 13-02-2020 4:39pm

I love Valentine's. Nothing is more lovely than arriving home with 2 dozen roses, the finest of Butler's chocolates, a card the size of an A3 page, then whisking my lovely lady off to one of the finest hotels in Ireland.....a little drink afterwards, then home for a night of the finest loving in a bed with love heart shaped confetti all around it when we returned. Who says romance is dead.............
...........
...........

meeeeh · 13-02-2020 4:44pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I have to admit that for me, Valentines day never was a "Hallmark" holiday until I saw posters here go on about it.

I always see it as a special day to be 'extra' romantic. Not to spend money but to do something extra.

My parents always celebrate it, doing little things for each other. Doesn't mean that they don't do those things during the rest of the year, but there's more awareness and appreciation for it on the day.

TBH, I find it sad to see all the negativity on the thread about it. It's a shame that people need to dismiss it, and not desire to be that little bit more romantic than they usually are (if they ever bother try at all)

I'm not particularly romantic, I make no apologies for that. I'm in a very happy marriage with a person I love. That's enough for me.

13-02-2020 4:48pm

meeeeh wrote: »

I'm not particularly romantic, I make no apologies for that. I'm in a very happy marriage with a person I love. That's enough for me.

haha... i wasn't seeking apologies from anyone. My life is far from perfect, and I'd hardly consider it suitable for most people I know.

' I don't do Valentines'

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