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Lame or embarrassing things you fapped to before you had internet porn

  • 12-04-2012 4:55pm
    #1
    some random drunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 969 ✭✭✭some random drunk


    In my house we didn't get the internet until I was 16. Therefore there were a few years when I was a horny teenager but had no access to decent **** material. Some of the really lame things I pleasured myself to are as follows :o:

    • The swimsuit section of my mam's home shopping catalogue. No nudity of course, but a few pictures of girls in thongs and bikinis. The major disadvantage of this was I had to sneak into my mam's room to take it and also sneak it back when done.
    • A single black and white picture of a topless girl from page 3 of The Sun. I used to keep it hidden in my room and would panic if my mam told me she'd been in to do some cleaning, lest she found my "stash of hardcore pornography".
    • A recording of the Spice Girls singing on Noel's House Party. Used to sneak downstairs late at night just to watch it. F*ck knows how I managed to get turned on by that.
    So, as the thread title asks, what lame or embarrassing things did you fap to before the advent of internet porn?


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Comments

  • #2
    castletownman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,497 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    Good Housekeeping magazine


  • #3
    mackg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,938 ✭✭✭mackg


    Le Film on TG4, always good for at least a bit of tit.


  • #4
    Paparazzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,397 ✭✭✭Paparazzo


    Page with the showers in the argos catalogue. I was jealous of my mates who's parents got Family Album.


  • #5
    Tazium
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 904 ✭✭✭Tazium


    An imagination can lift anything.


  • #6
    SheFiend
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 362 ✭✭SheFiend


    A mirror ;-)


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  • #7
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    mackg wrote: »
    Le Film on TG4, always good for at least a bit of tit.

    That was some seedy shit for a Friday night. Weren't they on after the Westerns? The amount of 70s era, French, Spanish and Italian boobs and fannys you could be exposed to then on TV was something to behold.


  • #8
    IM0
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,390 ✭✭✭IM0


    there were times after having internet porn Id fap to stunning women in normal mags. a rides a ride* afterall and more to the imagination too :)

    *looking like a ride I mean ;)


  • #9
    some random drunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 969 ✭✭✭some random drunk


    Paparazzo wrote: »
    Page with the showers in the argos catalogue.

    Haha, that reminds me I used to do that too. It seems really weird that there used to be naked women in the Argos catolgue.


  • #10
    unclejunior
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 265 ✭✭unclejunior


    tg4 weather women


  • #11
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    if it had a woman that was remotely attractive, i was all over the magazine like fat kid and a cup cake, i didn't care how ever i was reading fhm and maxim My fappage martial was pretty greta from a bout 15 onwards :D


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  • #12
    Paparazzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,397 ✭✭✭Paparazzo


    Worst thing that could possibly happen to you back then:
    Film on channel 4 looks promising. Make at attempt at the early sex scene, then you think it's not that great, you'll wait for the next one. But that was the only sex scene in the movie. So you spent your entire saturday night watching a crap french arthouse movie with a floppy willy in your hand.


  • #13
    candy-gal1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,568 ✭✭✭candy-gal1


    "the secretary" :D;)

    the threesome scene in End of Days :)

    threesome scene and, very short may i add, sex scene in American Physcho :pac:

    Threesome in "Go"

    Titanic, car scene :o


  • #14
    IM0
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,390 ✭✭✭IM0


    eurotrash ftw!


  • #15
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    Edit ^^^^ got there first

    Euro Trash :o


  • #16
    CardBordWindow
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,198 ✭✭✭CardBordWindow


    S Club 7's TV Series


  • #17
    some random drunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 969 ✭✭✭some random drunk


    Just remembered another one. There used to be an ad for the movie Showgirls on Sky One late at night, which showed some nudity. A mate of mine told me it was always on during Star Trek Voyager. I absolutely detested Voyager but I remember sitting through 45 mins of bulls*t about some android who developed human feelings just to see 30 seconds or so of tits :D.


  • #18
    foxyboxer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,528 ✭✭✭foxyboxer


    The People. Trashy Sunday tabloid.

    Cork Multi Channel, back in the 90's used to have SAT 1, the german channel.
    They always showed cheesy soft porn movies from the 70's after 11pm on Saturday nights. Channel 18 was a rite of passage for many a young lad.


  • #19
    CardBordWindow
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,198 ✭✭✭CardBordWindow


    foxyboxer wrote: »
    The People. Trashy Sunday tabloid.

    Cork Multi Channel, back in the 90's used to have SAT 1, the german channel.
    They always showed cheesy soft porn movies from the 70's after 11pm on Saturday nights. Channel 18 was a rite of passage for many a young lad.
    The Sunday World used be worth a look too.


  • #20
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    The Daily Sport :D


  • #21
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    The Daily Sport


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  • #22
    Funglegunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,566 ✭✭✭Funglegunk


    Top 30 Hits for however long this was in the charts (probably not very long):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIYF0v0XidU


  • #23
    Immaculate Pasta
    Registered Users Posts: 1,663 ✭✭✭Immaculate Pasta


    Back then you had to use your imagination. It was often a girl I knew who I'd taken a fancy to but frequently it was film or TV scenes. Kelly Kapowski was a favourite of mine.

    This scene off Cruel Intentions though always stuck in my mind. It still gets me now.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRtYjmH66fM


    :cool:

    You kids all have it easy with internet porn. Back then you had to work for your **** :mad:


  • #24
    DarkJager
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,960 ✭✭✭DarkJager


    Bravo never failed to bring the good ****. Beverley hills bordello being one and then there was those awesome Italian lesbian vampire movies :)


  • #25
    foxyboxer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,528 ✭✭✭foxyboxer


    CardBordWindow wrote: »
    The Sunday World used be worth a look too.

    It was like going to mass on a Sunday to detox your soul, then fapping the afternoon away retoxing with the sunday tabloids!


  • #26
    mackg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,938 ✭✭✭mackg


    Tobias Scary Slipknot wrote: »
    That was some seedy shit for a Friday night. Weren't they on after the Westerns? The amount of 70s era, French, Spanish and Italian boobs and fannys you could be exposed to then on TV was something to behold.

    Yeah I think they were after the westerns which started at 9ish then around 11 the filth arrived. I was amazed they were even allowed to show it at the time. Spent some amount of time fiddling with the aerial (heh) trying to improve the reception on my crappy 14inch portable.

    Also there was a movie that RTE showed a few times called Wide Sargasso Sea that was pretty dirty.

    A buddy of mine had some really 70s American softcore thing called electric blue that was passed around among our group on video, think he taped it off bravo.


  • #27
    MaroonAndGreen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,249 ✭✭✭MaroonAndGreen


    I used my imagination :P


  • #28
    D1stant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭D1stant


    Thelma Mansfield and Twink. Woof

    Must find redemptiopn


  • #29
    Tails142
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,117 ✭✭✭Tails142


    Countdown...


  • #30
    Tim the Enchanter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 309 ✭✭Tim the Enchanter


    Baywatch anyone? Also those free magazines that came (pardon the pun) with the sunday newspapers, there was always some girl in a bikini or lingerie of some discription in those.


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  • #31
    Paparazzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,397 ✭✭✭Paparazzo


    Watching an entire episode of "Thirtysomething" waiting for a glimse of boob.

    Or the 5 minute preview of the adult channel. Short window, you had to be "ready"


  • #32
    CardBordWindow
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,198 ✭✭✭CardBordWindow


    Paparazzo wrote: »
    Watching an entire episode of "Thirtysomething" waiting for a glimse of boob.

    Or the 5 minute preview of the adult channel. Short window, you had to be "ready"
    Show off! :D


  • #33
    Owen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,683 ✭✭✭✭Owen


    Miss Whiplash from the computer magazine Commodore Force. Pure BDSM porn for 12 year olds.


  • #34
    badgerbaiter
    Registered Users Posts: 183 ✭✭badgerbaiter


    the den on rte..before it got unsexy..


  • #35
    later12
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,299 ✭✭✭✭later12


    I have a heap of sisters so there was always lots of **** material around the house from the likes of Vogue and Sugar and and other magazines.

    Of course, Shannon Reed (Isla Fisher) from home and Away was always worth a go too. The big sexy lesbian.

    Thankfully, the internet soon came along and I was able to download images (sometimes GIFs) onto disks named "Homework" which had curiously little to do with school at all.


  • #36
    some random drunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 969 ✭✭✭some random drunk


    Once when I was really desperate I remember fapping to (not particularly sexy) pictures of Lara Croft from a review of Tomb Raider II in C&VG magazine.


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  • #37
    Tubbs4
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭Tubbs4


    Page 3 or ads in the back of the playstation mag


  • #38
    Temptamperu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,303 ✭✭✭Temptamperu


    I had an unofficial xfiles compendium that had a picture of scully with side boob... it was awesome.


  • #39
    Kamjana
    Closed Accounts Posts: 246 ✭✭Kamjana


    I really miss watching a blue on video :(


  • #40
    Paparazzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,397 ✭✭✭Paparazzo


    later12 wrote: »
    I have a heap of sisters so there was always lots of **** material around the house.......
    Thought you were going to say "their pants" :eek:


  • #41
    Tonto86
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 731 ✭✭✭Tonto86


    Ch4 used to have late night low budget soft porn.

    I remember fappin away to the lesbian warewolf. It was in foreign and she was covered on hair and had a dog like face....

    .... suppose it prepared me for Irish women


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  • #42
    Fizman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    Tails142 wrote: »
    Countdown...

    Diddle di, diddle di, diddle di di uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......


    Red Shoe Diaries.
    Sweet Valley High.
    Sabrina the Teenage Witch.


  • #43
    Patri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 330 ✭✭Patri


    That bit in Angela's Ashes where they show the baps...


  • #44
    Fizman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    Actually Will Smiths two sexy cousins in Fresh Prince of Bel Air got a few shots at the title too.


  • #45
    cml387
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,495 ✭✭✭cml387


    Oldies will remember a German magazine from the 70's called I think Neue Revue.

    It was a very odd magazine and (Bill Bryson was a fan, I borrow slightly from him) it included a photo shoot usually of Greta and Hans.

    By day Greta worked in a supermarket, Hans did something manly with engines.
    But at home they never seemed to wear any clothes and were good enough to allow Neue Revue into their home to photograph them watching tv or playing scrabble.Nothing more steamy than that mind you.


  • #46
    matt-dublin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,468 ✭✭✭matt-dublin


    some random drunk wrote: »
    Just remembered another one. There used to be an ad for the movie Showgirls on Sky One late at night, which showed some nudity. A mate of mine told me it was always on during Star Trek Voyager. I absolutely detested Voyager but I remember sitting through 45 mins of bulls*t about some android who developed human feelings just to see 30 seconds or so of tits :D.

    You're a liar!! data wasn't on voyager except for the last few and it wasn't about him developing feelings!!!

    You either didn't watch it at all or you were watching the next generation!!!

    Why has after hours turned into the encyclopedia of fapping recently????


  • #47
    Guill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,331 ✭✭✭Guill


    Cat womean in Batman returns.


  • #48
    cml387
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,495 ✭✭✭cml387


    matt-dublin wrote: »
    You're a liar!! data wasn't on voyager except for the last few and it wasn't about him developing feelings!!!

    You either didn't watch it at all or you were watching the next generation!!!

    Why has after hours turned into the encyclopedia of fapping recently????


    He's thinking maybe of Seven Of Nine.


  • #49
    some random drunk
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 969 ✭✭✭some random drunk


    matt-dublin wrote: »
    You're a liar!! data wasn't on voyager except for the last few and it wasn't about him developing feelings!!!

    You either didn't watch it at all or you were watching the next generation!!!

    Why has after hours turned into the encyclopedia of fapping recently????

    Could well have been the next generation if you say so. I never watched Star Trek so I couldn't tell you. Boobs were what interested me.

    AH has always been the encylopedia of fapping, where have you been?


  • #50
    SJPK
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 97 ✭✭SJPK


    a friend... ahem... once said he fapped to one of those ah 'growing up' books... :o

    aw jesus...


  • #51
    TwoShedsJackson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,438 ✭✭✭TwoShedsJackson


    I thought Linda Lusardi was exotic as fu<k in the mid 80s.


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