Women-masturbation

LegacyUser · 02-01-2011 9:30pm #1

I wanted to ask because it's a bit of a touchy subject, most women would not admit it and i wanted to know if the majority of women do, My partner wouldn't have a very high sex drive, I have found myself lately ''satisfying myself'' and now I have started watching porn. Am I just really old fashioned but it feels a little wrong....any Ladies out there going through anything similiar?

rainbow kirby · 02-01-2011 9:39pm

Nothing wrong with a bit of self-service.

Sardonicat · 02-01-2011 9:44pm

HunnyNut wrote: »

I wanted to ask because it's a bit of a touchy subject,

Absolutley nothing "wrong" with taking things into your own hands. No need to feel embarrased, it's perfectly normal and natural. do you think it's wrong 'cos you're in a relationship or just wrong in general?

LegacyUser · 02-01-2011 9:51pm

Wrong - that I am in a relationship and that when he's not here I ''look after myself'', he picked up my laptop and it came up in history he looked at me and I was mortified - made up some ridiculous story - that even I wouldn't believe about my friend and I looking for Paris Hilton's vid as a laugh!:( Do most women do this, this is the first relationship I have done this. feel like I'm cheating in a sense.....

Ickle Magoo · 02-01-2011 9:51pm

I've had and witnessed loads of discussions about female masturbation and I've only ever heard two women say they didn't. I don't see why touching your own genitals should be viewed as wrong - we should revel in the ability we have to naturally de-stress and get the oxytocin and endorphins flowing.

Most importantly, without a good understanding of what makes our own bodies tick - how do we ever show a partner what really does it for us? I think women who don't explore every facet of their sexuality and orgasm are seriously doing themselves a disservice.

Asphyxia · 02-01-2011 9:55pm

There's definitely nothing wrong with women masturbating it's a natural thing.

Whether women admit it or not they all have urges and if they act on those urges it certainly not bad and you shouldn't feel guilty, sometimes a bit of self exploration is what a girl needs

Hersheys · 02-01-2011 9:55pm

I do it. If anybody asked me I'd offer the info but I wouldn't just be like "so I like to touch myself". There's nothing wrong with doing it while in a relationship, I'm sure a lot of men still have a sneaky go too.

Panthro · 02-01-2011 9:56pm

If the tables were turned, and you found out he was caught having a gawk a one or two vids on the internet, how would you feel?
My guess is something along the lines of "hoh, blokes and their pawrn" and think nothing more of it. He may be thinking along a similar line, or he may be thinking "my girlfriend looks at porn...thats ahhh...kinda hot!":p
Either way, I don't really see it as "cheating"

LegacyUser · 02-01-2011 10:07pm

Ah another way to look at it I suppose!thank you, god it's like weight off my mind!

Pembily · 02-01-2011 10:08pm

It's not cheating, how in the name of God is it cheating?? You are playing with yourself, there is nothing wrong with it or watching porn! When I was with my ex I would play with myself if he was too tired and he did the same! It's natural and fun, relax!?

krudler · 02-01-2011 10:28pm

Hunny Nut wrote: »

Wrong - that I am in a relationship and that when he's not here I ''look after myself'', he picked up my laptop and it came up in history he looked at me and I was mortified - made up some ridiculous story - that even I wouldn't believe about my friend and I looking for Paris Hilton's vid as a laugh!:( Do most women do this, this is the first relationship I have done this. feel like I'm cheating in a sense.....

I'd find it strange if a girl didn't masturbate, course its not cheating you're doing it with yourself, as for porn being equated to cheating, piffle, its just a visual stimulation nothing more. prefering porn to actual sex in a relationship would be an issue, but using it as a relief? nothing wrong with it.

Thanks to the backwards sexual attitudes for decades in this country (which is a different debate altogether) women, well actually everyone have been told that masturbating is wrong, well balls to that says I. Everyone does it, nothing to be ashamed of. It relieves stress, is something to look forward to after a ****ty day at work (I know I'm not alone in this lol) makes you feel good for a while afterwards, and is all round awesome.

you'd imagine since Ann Summers arrived more women would say (I wont say "admit" cos that implies its something to be ashamed of) they do it.

Faith · 02-01-2011 10:36pm

Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner. I only do it when I'm fairly desperate. I always wondered if I was missing something with it! But at the end of the day, orgasms are only a very small part of sex for me - it's the whole thing that I enjoy, especially feeling another body pressed against mine. So it would follow that self-love doesn't do much for me.

colc1 · 02-01-2011 10:43pm

HunnyNut wrote: »

I wanted to ask because it's a bit of a touchy subject, most women would not admit it and i wanted to know if the majority of women do, My partner wouldn't have a very high sex drive, I have found myself lately ''satisfying myself'' and now I have started watching porn. Am I just really old fashioned but it feels a little wrong....any Ladies out there going through anything similiar?

Every woman does it how could they resist same urges as men....

smcgiff · 02-01-2011 10:45pm

Faith wrote: »

Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner. I only do it when I'm fairly desperate. I always wondered if I was missing something with it! But at the end of the day, orgasms are only a very small part of sex for me - it's the whole thing that I enjoy, especially feeling another body pressed against mine. So it would follow that self-love doesn't do much for me.

Screams* - not doing it right. Sorry.

*pun intended

Ickle Magoo · 02-01-2011 10:46pm

Faith wrote: »

Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner.

I don't find it dull or hollow - in fact, I've had some tremendous DIY orgasms and some stupendously dull sex...I don't think sex and masturbation are mutually exclusive either, tbh. :cool:

Praetorian Saighdiuir · 02-01-2011 10:46pm

Hunny Nut wrote: »

Wrong - that I am in a relationship and that when he's not here I ''look after myself'', he picked up my laptop and it came up in history he looked at me and I was mortified - made up some ridiculous story - that even I wouldn't believe about my friend and I looking for Paris Hilton's vid as a laugh!:( Do most women do this, this is the first relationship I have done this. feel like I'm cheating in a sense.....

Dont be silly, Im male and in a long term relationship. My partner does not have a high sex drive and believe me, when I need it, il sort myself out!

My partner says she does not masturbate, she has tried now and again but does not feel confortable doing it.

I would prefer if she did have the "aul fiddle", just because I feel it is important to explore yourself....its perfectly normal and natural!

The_Morrigan · 02-01-2011 10:49pm

Faith wrote: »

Am I the only one who finds it a bit dull and hollow? It scratches an itch, sure, but it's not even remotely close to the satisfaction I get from being with a partner. I only do it when I'm fairly desperate. I always wondered if I was missing something with it! But at the end of the day, orgasms are only a very small part of sex for me - it's the whole thing that I enjoy, especially feeling another body pressed against mine. So it would follow that self-love doesn't do much for me.

Interesting choice of words there Faith!!

I know what you mean though, and I think that's what Krudler was touching on (no pun intended there

) the whole porn/masturbation thing should be enjoyed alongside healthy physical sexual activities, rather than a replacement or preference over.
I prefer sex, think most people do, but there is nothing wrong with either activity or combining the two!

OP, by no means is there anything wrong with it or anything close to it being cheating.

LegacyUser · 02-01-2011 10:57pm

I was just afraid that I maybe doing it because I was sexually fraustrated - My boyfriend is amazing in bed and as the previous poster said there is nothing like being with someone skin to skin etc but I don't orgasm ...it's not a huge deal and I would never break up over it but I guess this is how I get it and thats why I feel guilty!

02-01-2011 11:01pm

Since when is looking at porn and masturbating considered to be cheating? I don't think I've ever heard a statement so ridiculous in my life. If I was going out with a girl and I saw her watching porn and masturbating, my first inclination would be to either sit beside her and join her (mutual masturbation can be quite a lot of fun), help her out with it, or even just watch, or just leave her to it if she rathers. I would definitely not think, "God, she's cheating!"

The_Morrigan · 02-01-2011 11:04pm

Hunny Nut wrote: »

I was just afraid that I maybe doing it because I was sexually fraustrated - My boyfriend is amazing in bed and as the previous poster said there is nothing like being with someone skin to skin etc but I don't orgasm ...it's not a huge deal and I would never break up over it but I guess this is how I get it and thats why I feel guilty!

you say you don't orgasm when you're with your bf - do you when you masturbate?

LegacyUser · 02-01-2011 11:08pm

Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored

it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!

Josh_Calvert · 02-01-2011 11:15pm

everyone masturbates at soem point in their lives.Most people daily.Like most things to do with women and sex, ireland is stuck in the 1600s.Women ****, women enjoy porn, women have explicit fantasies,are always horny etc...they're actually just the same as men.No guilt required.

verywell · 02-01-2011 11:16pm

I really think you should have a chat to him about this. As it is important to you, you should feel able to speak to him about it and come to a mutual compromise.

The_Morrigan · 02-01-2011 11:17pm

hunny nut wrote: »

Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!

I have that problem sometimes (even when its just me!!)

If he is getting bored and you can't relax with him, maybe you could combine other elements that don't revolve around just the sex - showers, baths, massage, toys, mutual masturbation etc etc.
You shouldn't get bored if you mix it up a bit.
Also, you both need to learn what works for each other, you can't use the same techniques on every person you sleep with, as the preferences and reactions will always be different depending on the person.

The upshot of it all is go have fun with it

02-01-2011 11:20pm

OP you should most definitely sit down and have a chat with him, it sounds like your sexlife within the relationship needs work. You mentioned that it happens infrequently, whose choice is that? Something you could do is try and get relaxed before sex, do things like have a shower before, where you are rubbing each other's bodies, then just lying down beside each other and trying to get your breathing in sync. These little things will help you relax.

Are there any aspects of sex that causes you to not be relaxed? Are there any concerns that might be running through your head?

vibe666 · 02-01-2011 11:33pm

hunny nut wrote: »

Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!

one of the best things about having a long term partner is getting to know their bodies and finding out exactly what does it for them and the best way to find that stuff out is by getting a guided tour by the person who knows your body best.

you've already said he is a great lover, so imagine how much better it could be if you showed him exactly what buttons he needs to press to really do it for you, and visa versa.

oh, and even with all that, you seriously need to think about installing google chrome and looking up "incognito" browsing.

apparently it's really useful for those times when you want to buy something online for your partner but don't want them to find out about it by finding it in your browsing history accidentally. or something.

annieire · 03-01-2011 12:10am

Ok first post so new to this...:)
I do masturbate and think its perfectly naturaly. That said, if a friend asked me if i masturbated...i'd brush the question away. I'm a little coy like that.
Do many women watch porn?

LegacyUser · 03-01-2011 12:14am

He has turned me down once or twice when I have initiated sex, so now I 'm afraid to do it so I wait for him to and it's about once a week /10days, so I dressed up the other day in sexy underwear and came into the bedroom, the sex was really passionate something I hadn't felt in a while...I want to keep this up, I really want to please him , I want him to want me more!How do I do that!!!

Pembily · 03-01-2011 12:18am

As already said mutual masturbation can be amazing, earth shattering orgasms, especially as the person knows exactly what to do! Some women (me included) can find it harder to orgasm through penetration alone. Defo talk to him and it shouldn't be boring, and it's nothing to do with the frequency... Being relaxed during sex comes with being relaxed with that person and fully trusting them! You made need to look at that rather than focusing on the frequency, which IMO is irrelevant...

Novella · 03-01-2011 12:21am

hunny nut wrote: »

Yes I do orgasm by myself...I have orgasmed a few times with him but it takes so long and he gets bored it's all about feeling relaxed and I don't think I am fully relaxed when we are having sex because it's a little infrequent.once a week maybe a fortnight sometimes!I'm young with loads of energy and I need it once a day!!!

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Well, not that I wouldn't worry, but I mean it's not that this is unusual. I have never had any problems achieving orgasm by myself, but it has been a problem with partners in the past. You know what works for you, so why not show him? Or just encourage him more when he is touching you in a way that feels good etc. Many women find it difficult to orgasm from penetrative sex alone.

And OT, no, have never felt bad or guilty about masturbation.

Kimia · 03-01-2011 12:29am

I remember in school it was SO taboo, you couldn't ever discuss it with anyone. I remember a guy spoke to his girlfriend about him doing it and that went around the school like wildfire - everyone knew (how I don't know, I suppose she told one of her friends and that friend told everyone).

I also had a close friend who couldn't even discuss it. I asked her about it when we were in our late teens and she said that she couldn't even look at her own body in the mirror - she had never seen her boobs in the mirror not to mind anything else!! :eek:

It should be part of sex ed imo. Oh and school was only like 10-15 years ago, in the 90s when things were supposed to be more open! HA!

thefireinside · 03-01-2011 1:19am

annieire wrote: »

Ok first post so new to this...:)
I do masturbate and think its perfectly naturaly. That said, if a friend asked me if i masturbated...i'd brush the question away. I'm a little coy like that.
Do many women watch porn?

Yes, lots of women do! Probably alot more than you think... And definately a good percentage of any girl that has good internet access!!

There are at least a handful of top porn sites that are really good quality, easy to navigate and easy to find what you want (or quick to give you some good options if you're not sure what you want

).

A few of these sites also have 'female friendly' or 'romantic sections' which i think is an awesome addition to the line-up

tatabubbly · 03-01-2011 1:25am

Not really. I'm not really comfortable with it, i suppose it stems from not being happy in my own skin.... I'm relatively young though, 22, so i might get the hang of it yet :P

Darlughda · 03-01-2011 1:31am

Does anyone else have this problem? I dunno, maybe its weird, I would be all ready and the rest, and then its like my area, clitioris specifically, is too sensitive, and I just have to stop.

Yes, this has happened before with real sex, but I find it strange that it is so sensitive, this area, demanding stimulation, and then its too much.

Anybody find this similar?

thefireinside · 03-01-2011 1:54am

Darlughda wrote: »

Does anyone else have this problem? I dunno, maybe its weird, I would be all ready and the rest, and then its like my area, clitioris specifically, is too sensitive, and I just have to stop.

Yes, this has happened before with real sex, but I find it strange that it is so sensitive, this area, demanding stimulation, and then its too much.

Anybody find this similar?

Frustrating!

Can't say I've had this experience but it has happened me a good few times after sex or after orgasming, if i touch myself again too soon...

Just a thought, maybe you could try playing with yourself (like a bit of rubbing/pressing etc) with your underwear still on first? so there is a buffer between you and the sensitivity! might ease you into it.

No idea if it'll actually help but maybe worth a shot

Its how i used masturbate for yrs when I was younger!

annieire · 03-01-2011 2:12am

thefireinside wrote: »

Yes, lots of women do! Probably alot more than you think... And definately a good percentage of any girl that has good internet access!!

There are at least a handful of top porn sites that are really good quality, easy to navigate and easy to find what you want (or quick to give you some good options if you're not sure what you want ).

A few of these sites also have 'female friendly' or 'romantic sections' which i think is an awesome addition to the line-up

Thanks, must get investigating this online world a bit more:D

Dudess · 03-01-2011 2:26am

Started doing it when I'd barely entered puberty - just discovered it randomly. True, it's not as good as the experience with a partner, but it can still be pretty great, and a fantastic way of getting in tune with yourself and what you enjoy.

Deeco · 03-01-2011 2:29am

do it in front of him!!! that'll get his sex drive up

:D

squishykins · 03-01-2011 12:11pm

Darlughda wrote: »

Does anyone else have this problem? I dunno, maybe its weird, I would be all ready and the rest, and then its like my area, clitioris specifically, is too sensitive, and I just have to stop.

Yes, this has happened before with real sex, but I find it strange that it is so sensitive, this area, demanding stimulation, and then its too much.

Anybody find this similar?

I find that sometimes, either by myself or with my boyfriend. What I have to do is get really turned on, by playing in other ways first, bit of visual/verbal (depending whether I'm on my own or not) stimulation, then it's more enjoyable

LegacyUser · 03-01-2011 2:02pm

Well, these are all great ideas!And I think , things hopefully will improve!Any other ideas out there?

ElleEm · 03-01-2011 2:47pm

Just referencing something you said about initiating sex with your boyf "once or twice and he refused", it may have been a bad time for him but I would encourage trying it on more often. Even have a whole sex session where you take control over him. It can be so liberating.
I would recommend casually dropping it into conversation with your boyf that you do masturbate.
Women don't speak about it enough so men are kept in the dark- I know my partner gets off on the idea of me playing with myself alone.
Have you tried introducing toys into the bedroom? They definitly reduce the amount of time it takes me to climax during sex.

seenitall · 03-01-2011 3:26pm

Most of what I would say to you, OP, has already been covered by lots of other posters (tl;dr: masturbation rocks!

), and as for getting off more while having sex with himself, I have discovered that whoever was talking about the benefits of good clit stimulation being achieved by the thrusting (as well as penetration), knew what they were talking about!

Position yourself so that the clit is being stimulated while having sex. I am not supposed to get too graphic about it on this forum, but a few completely run-of-the-mill positions come to mind...

Enjoy!

annieire · 03-01-2011 4:06pm

Ok just putting this out there...
I joined boards last night so was feeling a little adventerous about exploring the online world a little more. Took a look at a few porn sites and there are some seriously disturbed sites out there. They could do with a few more female friendly categories in my opinion.

baby and crumble · 03-01-2011 4:11pm

Thing is, what's disturbing to me might totally float your boat, and vice-versa. With the obvious excpetion of illegal stuff, you just need to get good at finding a few sites that DO cater to your likes, and steer clear of the ones that don't- like you've found out, there are a few VERY wrong tuns one can take- I would advise doing your wandering when not in the mood, per se, because what is seen cannot be unseen, and in the throes of it all you really don't need to click onto something involving a horse, a statue and a water balloon. (Trust me on this, I was scarred for LIFE :eek::eek::eek::eek:!!!)

03-01-2011 4:16pm

zoegh wrote: »

Thing is, what's disturbing to me might totally float your boat, and vice-versa. With the obvious excpetion of illegal stuff, you just need to get good at finding a few sites that DO cater to your likes, and steer clear of the ones that don't- like you've found out, there are a few VERY wrong tuns one can take- I would advise doing your wandering when not in the mood, per se, because what is seen cannot be unseen, and in the throes of it all you really don't need to click onto something involving a horse, a statue and a water balloon. (Trust me on this, I was scarred for LIFE :eek::eek::eek::eek:!!!)

I'm genuinely curious to see what fetishes could be made out of a horse, water balloon and statue.

LegacyUser · 03-01-2011 4:26pm

The only ones I would look at it or arouse me are romantic scenes nothing distusting like that!I do see titles of some of them and I just think who on earth would watch something so disgusting never mind be turned on by it!There are more female friendly sections to porn sites! My boyfriend is working nights now for the next few days DAMN IT!I'm all ready to try thses suggestions out!- a poster suggested different positions to stimulate bit I can never find that!!!

baby and crumble · 03-01-2011 5:33pm

The only ones I would look at it or arouse me are romantic scenes nothing distusting like that!I do see titles of some of them and I just think who on earth would watch something so disgusting never mind be turned on by it!

Ok, fair enough on the one I mentioned (and pretty much everything in the world can be fetishised!!) but I don't think it's fair to say porn is disgusting... TBH I'm a woman, with no major crazy weird fetishes that I'd be afraid to talk about in conversation, but the so called 'female friendly' and romantic bits of porn i find tedious in the extreme! Different strokes, and all that!

LegacyUser · 03-01-2011 5:41pm

I'm in a relationship so I don't bother atm. I don't have any difficulty cumming from penetration, but something else stops me masturbating, I don't find myself attractive. I hate the feel of vagina also. Eurgh!!!

I must be very narcissistic as I only really get turned on by someone else getting turned on by me! I don't find myself at all attractive.....so if you don't find yourself attractive do you bother?

I find myself a lot less attractive as I've gotten older and I have to say it wouldn't interest me to masturbate. I could physically cum, that's not the problem. The problem is fantasising, you can't fantasise without yourself being in the fantasy and that is an instant buzz killer for me.

This is sad because I used to love a good roll in the hay with myself as a younger girl !!!

Novella · 03-01-2011 6:28pm

I turn myself off wrote: »

I'm in a relationship so I don't bother atm. I don't have any difficulty cumming from penetration, but something else stops me masturbating, I don't find myself attractive. I hate the feel of vagina also. Eurgh!!!

I must be very narcissistic as I only really get turned on by someone else getting turned on by me! I don't find myself at all attractive.....so if you don't find yourself attractive do you bother?

I find myself a lot less attractive as I've gotten older and I have to say it wouldn't interest me to masturbate. I could physically cum, that's not the problem. The problem is fantasising, you can't fantasise without yourself being in the fantasy and that is an instant buzz killer for me.

This is sad because I used to love a good roll in the hay with myself as a younger girl !!!

But... You could just pretend that someone else is touching you? Then you don't have to picture yourself or whatever.

annieire · 03-01-2011 6:29pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm genuinely curious to see what fetishes could be made out of a horse, water balloon and statue.

Me too!

Vinta81 · 03-01-2011 6:34pm

"If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."

Women-masturbation

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