am i being unreasonable :-o

simone79 · 26-05-2016 03:58PM #1

Hi all just wondering how many married couples would be happy if they went toba club with single mates staying overnight in their friend my partner works 5 days goes sees mates every Friday or sat all day and comes home at midnight and staying over at times also I don't know these guys anyhow he said he going clubbing Saturday night with these guys but I'm not happy about this am I wrong? He doesn't go clubs much but does go see friends allday Saturday up till midnight I think tats fair?

simone79 · 26-05-2016 04:00PM

Oh and plans to stay over night there also

Mr. Incognito · 26-05-2016 05:16PM

Do you trust your wife?

How old are you

Merkin · 26-05-2016 06:08PM

What do you mean by saying you don't know these guys? Has he suddenly just developed a whole new set of 'friends'?

Ursus Horribilis · 26-05-2016 07:42PM

No, you're not being unreasonable but I get the impression that there is a LOT more going on here than just your husband going out to a nightclub. It is odd that he doesn't want to spend his spare time with you. It's a little difficult to decipher your original post but it seems to suggest he's spending an awful lot of his weekends away from you and isn't coming home. Are you sure it's friends he's seeing? Is there a chance he has met someone else?

simone79 · 27-05-2016 10:31AM

I'm 37 him 33 he works Monday -Friday so I see him for 2 hours every evening before he sleeps then Saturday he leaves to see friends at 1pm comes home at midnight every Saturday lately he is going to see then after work Fridays staying in their house that night and comes home next day at midnight he says he needs see friends and works hard all week and I should be happy will all say sunday he has with me and

simone79 · 27-05-2016 10:33AM

I mean I've never met any of his friends I don't even know their names

sbsquarepants · 27-05-2016 10:40AM

Why don't you go with him sometime?
You don't have to live in each others pockets but if he actively wants to keep you away from his friends - then there is something wrong plain and simple. If that is the case, I'd be out of there if I was you.

FortySeven · 27-05-2016 10:44AM

You are not being unreasonable .Sounds like he is taking the piss frankly.

simone79 · 27-05-2016 10:48AM

If inwent id be the only girl he said i feel he needs space away from me he says the two hours a nite before bed watching tv is spending time with me but its the going every Saturday and I I ask him Sta home with me he accused me of trying to control his life so I spend Saturdays alone till midnight every week

Ursus Horribilis · 27-05-2016 10:48AM

There is something very odd about this. I replied to another thread of yours recently regarding finances in a household. I could be barking up the wrong tree but he seems to be treating you/his home as little more than a boarding house. What's your relationship like in general? Does he act like he loves you?

Ursus Horribilis · 27-05-2016 10:54AM

Here's a question for you. What do YOU think is going on here? Do you think your husband loves you? Do you believe him when he talks about these all male friends who he doesn't want you to meet?

simone79 · 27-05-2016 10:54AM

I think he loves me were only married a year and half but I feel like I must be so boring he would rather go c friends then be around me he doesn't plan anything with me but can with his friends I feel taken for granted I'm a good wife and even give him money to go see his friends yes our outgoing bills he pays just 25euro to it rest I dont know where it goes as he doesn't let me c his bank accounts

claregal1 · 27-05-2016 10:56AM

I think he is been totally unreasonable- when I first met my partner we moved in totally different circles and didn't know each other's friends so in the beginning I would go out with my friends and him with his friends on a Sat night but we would always meet up with each other at some stage durning the night . When we moved in together he would spend Saturday's with his friends watching the football or whatever but weekend nights were always for us - whether it would be out with a group , alone or having drinks in either our house or one of our friend's houses ..... To be honest it sounds like he might have met someone else or is still living the life of a single lad .....

Just read your previous post - surely at your wedding you must have met his friends ?
And any man who is only contributing €25 to the household is taking the pi*s !

simone79 · 27-05-2016 10:56AM

I have to believe if I don't he would see me as not trusting him and a bunny boiler

heretochat · 27-05-2016 11:03AM

So you have never met his friends he regularly stays away from home after being with them..

You are not allowed sight of his bank accounts and he contributes €25 to bills..

This is not a relationship to me and certainly not a marriage..

Sounds like he has another life that he does not want you knowing about.

At the very least you are being taken for a fool in my opinion.

simone79 · 27-05-2016 11:06AM

We were only dating a year then married yes I feel I'm doing everything alone even decorating the house I do alone his motto I why bother leave it I feel I might as well be single as I'm no better off married I'm crying writing all this because deep down I know its not like a real marraoge should be like

simone79 · 27-05-2016 11:09AM

He also has a possessive thing with his ph if I ask to look at I he gets angry and accuses me of invading his privacy I know there is something on his phone he is hideong but has a pin on I so I cant even prove my suspicions he tells me I'm overthinking everything

claregal1 · 27-05-2016 11:11AM

simone79 wrote: »

We were only dating a year then married yes I feel I'm doing everything alone even decorating the house I do alone his motto I why bother leave it I feel I might as well be single as I'm no better off married I'm crying writing all this because deep down I know its not like a real marraoge should be like

Maybe you should start showing him tough love - pack his bags and show him the door , be interesting to see how long he would survive in the real world with only paying €25 a week towsrds the bills and living the life of a single lad .
To be honest I would rather be called a bunny boiler than a doormat. .... people treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated .....

Wonzy · 27-05-2016 11:16AM

You need to put your foot down. Don't pay the bills any longer and tell him they are to be split 50/50. Tell him you don't want him to be going out all the time with his "mates" and to start doing things together like cinema, nature walks, meals and drinks etc. Does he have a drinking problem or could be secretly gambling his money. Sounds like a 21 year old to be honest instead of a 32 year old.

I know this might sound stupid but have a mate or family member follow him that he doesnt know. At least this will put your mind at ease and can finally find out wha he is doing. But if it comes to this the trust is obviously gone and might be time to pack his bags

simone79 · 27-05-2016 11:19AM

I was thinking of following him sounds terrible but I dont want be made a fool of no he does not drink he is indian and muslim

FortySeven · 27-05-2016 11:20AM

Have to agree op. You need to grow a pair here and take some kind of action. Make sure you have a support network in place beforehand. Do not rush in blindly. Be prepared for the worst but you cannot surely be expected to live like this.

heretochat · 27-05-2016 11:23AM

simone79 wrote: »

He also has a possessive thing with his ph if I ask to look at I he gets angry and accuses me of invading his privacy I know there is something on his phone he is hideong but has a pin on I so I cant even prove my suspicions he tells me I'm overthinking everything

This gets worse. He is definitely making a fool of you, hard as it is for anyone to be told that.

I agree with the earlier poster who advised you not to be a doormat. You seem to be nothing more than window dressing for him, the dutiful wife at home while he does what he likes.

Life is too short and I would be showing him the door. You should never let anyone treat you with the disrespect that he is showing you

Ursus Horribilis · 27-05-2016 11:38AM

I'm not being funny here but do you think he married you to get a visa?

simone79 · 27-05-2016 11:42AM

I can't think that or id go crazy that would devastate me

claregal1 · 27-05-2016 11:43AM

simone79 wrote: »

I was thinking of following him sounds terrible but I dont want be made a fool of no he does not drink he is indian and muslim

How long were you seeing him before you got married ?
Are you Irish yourself ?

simone79 · 27-05-2016 11:45AM

I'm Irish we were together near a year when got married

ChampagnePop · 27-05-2016 11:46AM

This just gets worse and worse

simone79 · 27-05-2016 11:47AM

I've told him everything he calls me a mad old woman im trying to control him but all I want I to be first on his list before friends

claregal1 · 27-05-2016 11:53AM

To be honest I think your idea and his idea of marriage are two totally different things .

You need to stand up for yourself and put your foot down and show him the door .

You've stated already that he has called you a mad old woman ? Why because you are older than him ? So what !!

Are you afraid of been on your own ? Beacuse going by all your previous posts you may as well be single .

It's tough as you say you love him - but you will get over it - you don't want to look back on this in your 40's and think of all the years you wasted with someone who doesn't seem to respect you .

You need to face up to the facts that this marriage is not a joint contribution and move on if he isn't willing to change .

What do your friends and family think of the situation ? Have you confided in anyone close to you how you feel ?

simone79 · 27-05-2016 11:57AM

Ny family dont care to be honest there motto is why get married to him u made your bed lye in it I dont have anybody to be honest only him and yes being alone is one of my biggest fears I feel its all over for me if this marriage is gone ill be alone forever and that thought terrifying me

am i being unreasonable :-o

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