Miserable in job but can't find a way out

16-05-2016 11:03PM #1

As the title says... I'm really unhappy in my job, I've been at the company quite a few years now and have progressed somewhat in that time although there aren't many opportunities to advance my career there. My boss is very overbearing and controlling, a definite micro-manager and a downright bully at times. Her behaviour has stressed me out no end, in fact I posted here a couple of months ago to gauge opinions on whether I should just leave, even without another job lined up.

Unfortunately things have got worse since then, to the point where I got very low and started suffering from anxiety (I had to be signed off work for two weeks). I literally felt sick walking back into the office on my return to work. I need to get out of there, and I have been job hunting but I'm getting nowhere. I have a masters and several years of experience but I'm getting very little in the way of responses to job applications. I recently had a meeting with a recruiter and he was confused about what kind of roles to put me forward for, as my experience is quite specialized in a small industry. I'm trying to push my transferable skills, and my masters is in a more general business area, but nobody's biting. I have done everything you're supposed to do, tailor my CV and cover letter to each role, use linkedin, network, etc, but no joy.

As much as I would love to quit now and job hunt later, I'm conscious that I could end up making life even more difficult for myself, so I need to be sensible. I suppose my question is, how difficult is it to move jobs in the current market and is my lack of success a sign that I'm doing something wrong? I'm feeling very trapped at the moment and need to find some light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for reading.

Wanderer78 · 16-05-2016 11:17PM

if you can afford to go out on sick leave for a longer period ,do. keep job searching though and best of luck with it

realdanbreen · 16-05-2016 11:27PM

Flying Fox wrote: »

As the title says... I'm really unhappy in my job, I've been at the company quite a few years now and have progressed somewhat in that time although there aren't many opportunities to advance my career there. My boss is very overbearing and controlling, a definite micro-manager and a downright bully at times. Her behaviour has stressed me out no end, in fact I posted here a couple of months ago to gauge opinions on whether I should just leave, even without another job lined up.

Unfortunately things have got worse since then, to the point where I got very low and started suffering from anxiety (I had to be signed off work for two weeks). I literally felt sick walking back into the office on my return to work. I need to get out of there, and I have been job hunting but I'm getting nowhere. I have a masters and several years of experience but I'm getting very little in the way of responses to job applications. I recently had a meeting with a recruiter and he was confused about what kind of roles to put me forward for, as my experience is quite specialized in a small industry. I'm trying to push my transferable skills, and my masters is in a more general business area, but nobody's biting. I have done everything you're supposed to do, tailor my CV and cover letter to each role, use linkedin, network, etc, but no joy.

As much as I would love to quit now and job hunt later, I'm conscious that I could end up making life even more difficult for myself, so I need to be sensible. I suppose my question is, how difficult is it to move jobs in the current market and is my lack of success a sign that I'm doing something wrong? I'm feeling very trapped at the moment and need to find some light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for reading.

I don't know your circumstances regarding dependants, commitments etc but if possible I would leave sooner rather than later. Even if it meant a job outside of what your qualifications should allow you to do. Your peace of mind, your health, is the most important thing. You do not deserve to be made feel sick by anybody least of all your boss. Everyone deserves happiness in this life.

Keane2baMused · 17-05-2016 07:30AM

Does the company have a HR dept? If so you really should discuss how you feel with them. You should not have to leave because you're being treated like crap.

There is possibility of you having a case for constructive dismissal also if the environment has been made impossible to work in. Someone specialising in employment law could advise you best.

Regardless you may be best taking some leave for now if you can afford to.

Clampdown · 17-05-2016 07:46AM

Would you be able to make ends meet without work for a while (ie: with savings plus the dole) until you get another job?

If so, get outta there. Just be aware the grass isn't always greener and like you said the job market can be tough, even for highly qualified people. Struggling to pay bills and having no job to get up for can be very stressful and demoralizing too when it goes on too long.

Hard to advise without knowing your situation, ie: married/kids, rent/mortgage, savings, debts/car payments, etc.

I'm currently broke and on the dole but pursuing what I really want to do (took a while to figure that out). I have in the past quit jobs that did to me what yours is doing to you. Many times I missed having the money, but overall I don't regret it. Life is short, and if you're going to be miserable for any length of time you better at least have a darn good reason for doing it. Because ultimately it is your choice.

For some, the choice may be that you have to choose between being homeless and working a job you hate. It's not much of a choice, but it is one. Or you may have to only choose something like giving up your car, moving to a cheaper area or house sharing or moving back home for a while in order to leave that toxic workplace.

Stress at work can end up causing physical health issues also. It's not worth it.

BabySlam · 17-05-2016 08:26AM

Leave and make job hunting your fulltime occupation 8 hours every day til you get something. A job is where you make a living - it is not your persona. If you don't get satisfaction from it/ if you get ill from it, it is time to move on. Life is short.

bilbot79 · 17-05-2016 08:35AM

If your boss is as bad as you say then by rolling the dice your circumstances are likely to improve. I would move as soon as possible. Some people perform well when they are supported, others when they are pushed. You sound like the former and the manager is unfortunately holding you back but ultimately you only have merit if you perform. For that reason you've got to move asap. Don't go out on extra sick leave or take a case with HR, just get out. Be prepared to make huge efforts to have to find something but you'll find once you're looking the ice will start to thaw

Keane2baMused · 17-05-2016 08:41AM

bilbot79 wrote: »

Don't go out on extra sick leave or take a case with HR, just get out. Be prepared to make huge efforts to have to find something but you'll find once you're looking the ice will start to thaw

Why? It's exactly this reason there are some terrible managers out there, continually getting away with treating their staff like garbage.

The OP can take sick leave and deal with HR (if there is one) and if this proves fruitless then hopefully a job will be lined up if he/she can job hunt while off work.

Sick leave is completely justified if the persons mental health is affected.

I know of someone who went through something very similar (although I don't have specifics from the OP) and they had to take long term sick leave their anxiety was so strong. They ultimately took a case of constructive dismissal and won, and also landed a brilliant new career.

bilbot79 · 17-05-2016 08:46AM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Why? It's exactly this reason there are some terrible managers out there, continually getting away with treating their staff like garbage.

The OP can take sick leave and deal with HR (if there is one) and if this proves fruitless then hopefully a job will be lined up if he/she can job hunt while off work.

Sick leave is completely justified if the persons mental health is affected.

I know of someone who went through something very similar (although I don't have specifics from the OP) and they had to take long term sick leave their anxiety was so strong. They ultimately took a case of constructive dismissal and won, and also landed a brilliant new career.

Nothing you say is wrong but the approach will not help the OPs career advance. Work isn't the same as life. I think it's better for the CV to exit quietly and move onwards and upwards, depending on the case of course

Keane2baMused · 17-05-2016 09:01AM

bilbot79 wrote: »

Nothing you say is wrong but the approach will not help the OPs career advance. Work isn't the same as life. I think it's better for the CV to exit quietly and move onwards and upwards, depending on the case of course

Well that all depends on if the situation can be dealt with (if there's a HR at least) which it should be in any case.

I agree to a certain extent but I think it sounds like quite a serious case if the OP feels physically sick going to work, they shouldn't have to just quit to get away from it all.

It reminds me of an old school teacher of mine, I stopped going to class because I felt physically ill at what she would say to me next or how humiliated she would make me. When the problem was faced head on the bully stopped and life went back to normal. It's obviously a different situation but whether in the workplace or otherwise a bully is a bully.

Without details though it's obviously difficult to ascertain whether this is a bullying case or if this particular manager is just extremely difficult in general towards all staff.

17-05-2016 10:27PM

Thanks for the replies.

I would like to leave, take a little bit of a breather and then properly focus on job hunting, but I'm just afraid of how it looks to future employers to leave with nothing lined up. I'm finding it hard enough to find a job while I'm still in one, so I'm just worried it'll be an even bigger struggle if I'm unemployed. On the plus side, I have no major commitments like kids or a mortgage and I would be ok financially for a little while. It's the impact on my career I'm more concerned about. But then I also need to think of my health.

As for HR, I have raised concerns before but it just seemed to mark me out as a whinger. My boss used to manage quite a large department and got moved out to a much smaller one (I suspect her awful people management skills were a factor in this) and I'm the lucky one who's lumped with her. Other people who have worked with her in the past have had similar experiences, so I don't think she's specifically targeting me, but it's very hard to put up with her behaviour.

bilbot79 · 17-05-2016 10:34PM

I really feel for you. It's a horrible situation and only you will know what's right for you. I've been there myself and made huge efforts to get a new role and now I'm back on my feet. I hear you about HR. If they label you as whinger they will never try to understand. Time to move on. My advice, try to move into something else rather than quit working altogether

Miserable in job but can't find a way out

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