Asking people you don't know when their baby is due

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 16-05-2016 01:44PM #1

Why do people do this? I've seen friends nearly in tears because a shop assistant, receptionist or some other person they barely know has asked them when they're due, and they're not pregnant at all.

One friend had suffered a late miscarriage, another had really bad fibroids that had caused her stomach to swell and a couple of others were battling with their weight.

Why don't people use a bit of common sense in this regard, instead of upsetting and insulting people who are already feeling bad enough about their lost baby/health issues/weight problem. It really is not a question you should ask anyone, unless you know for definite that they're expecting a baby.

Stoolbend · 16-05-2016 01:46PM

I was told once that unless you actually see a baby coming out of someone don't ask if they're pregnant.

Wabbit Ears · 16-05-2016 01:49PM

its rude but, in fairness, its hilarious also!! Esp if she isn't actually pregnant..

16-05-2016 01:50PM

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

its rude but, in fairness, its hilarious also!! Esp if she isn't actually pregnant..

Super hilarious if they've had a miscarriage

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 16-05-2016 01:52PM

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

its rude but, in fairness, its hilarious also!! Esp if she isn't actually pregnant..

Why is it hilarious?

Story Bud? · 16-05-2016 01:52PM

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

its rude but, in fairness, its hilarious also!! Esp if she isn't actually pregnant..

Or just found out the baby isn't going to survive the birth, but have to go to full term anyway because thems the rules in Ireland.

MarkR · 16-05-2016 01:53PM

So.... Any news?

Story Bud? · 16-05-2016 01:53PM

Or already having given birth, still have post pregnancy bump, but baby didn't survive.

Chronicler · 16-05-2016 01:56PM

Chance Teeny Gin wrote: »

Why is it hilarious?

Because, fat people?

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 16-05-2016 02:04PM

Chronicler wrote: »

Because, fat people?

No, still not getting it. Could you elaborate?

Olishi4 · 16-05-2016 02:07PM

I think people are just trying to be friendly. Most women who I know that have been pregnant wanted to talk about the pregnancy even with just small talk. They were excited and looking forward to it.

Do people really get asked when they are due when they are not pregnant that often?

Unfortunately sometimes people make mistakes and don't know that someone had a miscarriage or maybe they looked pregnant but we're not pregnant. There is no offense intended though. They just accidentally got it wrong but I would think that making the question "when are you due" where someone is showing a polite interest in someone else, out of bounds is crazy. How would we ever make new friends or just enjoy small moments with other people around us when getting on with our day to day.

It's kind of like saying that you shouldn't smile at strangers in case they've had a bad day. You are not to know and the majority of times the smile will be well reciprocated.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 16-05-2016 02:10PM

Olishi4 wrote: »

I think people are just trying to be friendly. Most women who I know that have been pregnant wanted to talk about the pregnancy even with just small talk. They were excited and looking forward to it.

Do people really get asked when they are due when they are not pregnant that often?

Unfortunately sometimes people make mistakes and don't know that someone had a miscarriage or maybe they looked pregnant but we're not pregnant. There is no offense intended though. They just accidentally got it wrong but I would think that making the question "when are you due" where someone is showing a polite interest in someone else, out of bounds is crazy. How would we ever make new friends or just enjoy small moments with other people around us when getting on with our day to day.

It's kind of like saying that you shouldn't smile at strangers in case they've had a bad day. You are not to know and the majority of times the smile will be well reciprocated.

There's a big difference between smiling at someone who's having a bad day, and asking someone who's not pregnant when their baby is due.
There are lots and lots of ways you can make small talk with people without asking them 'when's your baby due', when you haven't even been told they're pregnant. Can you not see that?

osarusan · 16-05-2016 02:12PM

Chance Teeny Gin wrote: »

There's a big difference between smiling at someone who's having a bad day, and asking someone who's not pregnant when their baby is due.
There are lots and lots of ways you can make small talk with people without asking them 'when's your baby due', when you haven't even been told they're pregnant. Can you not see that?

I thought it was more of a reference to the 'cheer up, it might never happen' comments to somebody who isn't smiling, when something terrible might have already happened.

They're both innocent and well-intentioned, with a pleasant outcome in the best case scenario, but there is the possibility of real pain in the worst-case scenario.

Wabbit Ears · 16-05-2016 02:19PM

Chance Teeny Gin wrote: »

No, still not getting it. Could you elaborate?

why so serious, what, its now completey unacceptable in your mad PC world that a faux-pas of asking a non pregnant woman if she is pregnant isn't hilarious? now you'll be telling me kids getting hit in the face accidentally by footballs is no longer funny, and well, everything that's darkly hilarious must be explained to the internet anal-retentives? Is anal retention also now not funny?

stoplooklisten · 16-05-2016 02:20PM

Why would you ask random people, unless you think you're the father?

Olishi4 · 16-05-2016 02:22PM

Chance Teeny Gin wrote: »

There's a big difference between smiling at someone who's having a bad day, and asking someone who's not pregnant when their baby is due.
There are lots and lots of ways you can make small talk with people without asking them 'when's your baby due', when you haven't even been told they're pregnant. Can you not see that?

I can but when someone is pregnant and it is visible, they often enjoy that small talk with other people.

When my neighbour first moved in beside me. We were chatting outside and she mentioned her husband. I can't remember what I said but I assumed he was alive because of the way that she had spoke about him. She had to then tell me that he had unfortunately passed away the year before. We are great friends now and she didn't get offended because she knew I was not trying to be hurtful.

It's not nice when misunderstandings happen especially in tragic circumstances but they do happen sometimes. You can't ban people from making conversation with each other.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 16-05-2016 02:25PM

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

why so serious, what, its now completey unacceptable in your mad PC world that a faux-pas of asking a non pregnant woman if she is pregnant isn't hilarious? now you'll be telling me kids getting hit in the face accidentally by footballs is no longer funny, and well, everything that's darkly hilarious must be explained to the internet anal-retentives? Is anal retention also now not funny?

There's nothing PC or anally retentive about thinking it's not hilarious to upset someone by asking them if they're pregnant if they're not.
There is something deeply childish, however, about finding upsetting someone who is overweight by making an insensitive comment funny.

Mr. CooL ICE · 16-05-2016 02:26PM

I pat the woman on the belly when I ask. Both pregnant and non pregnant women love that.

lertsnim · 16-05-2016 02:28PM

Same as those arseholes telling strangers "don't worry it might never happen"

eviltwin · 16-05-2016 02:30PM

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

why so serious, what, its now completey unacceptable in your mad PC world that a faux-pas of asking a non pregnant woman if she is pregnant isn't hilarious? now you'll be telling me kids getting hit in the face accidentally by footballs is no longer funny, and well, everything that's darkly hilarious must be explained to the internet anal-retentives? Is anal retention also now not funny?

Are you saying you would deliberately ask an obese woman when her baby is due to get a laugh or are you talking about a genuine misunderstanding?

PandaPoo · 16-05-2016 02:30PM

A friend of mine was telling me that her husband asked their next door neighbour....twice!! She wasn't pregnant either time. Id say she hates him

My sister was asked once, she just laughed it off. I can understand if you've had a miscarriage it would be very upsetting, but if someone is obviously pregnant it would almost be weirder if you ignored it. If they're huge and you say nothing I think that's a bit odd. I was asked when I was due by girls behind the tills in shops on a weekly basis, the mothers at school, neighbours, strangers on the road. Its just a nice question not meant to cause any upset.

Malari · 16-05-2016 02:32PM

lertsnim wrote: »

Same as those arseholes telling strangers "don't worry it might never happen"

And don't EVER pat a woman on the belly and say "don't worry, it might never happen" because either way, that could be a faux pas.

Liam McPoyle · 16-05-2016 02:48PM

Chance Teeny Gin wrote: »

Why do people do this? I've seen friends nearly in tears because a shop assistant, receptionist or some other person they barely know has asked them when they're due, and they're not pregnant at all.

One friend had suffered a late miscarriage, another had really bad fibroids that had caused her stomach to swell and a couple of others were battling with their weight.

Why don't people use a bit of common sense in this regard, instead of upsetting and insulting people who are already feeling bad enough about their lost baby/health issues/weight problem. It really is not a question you should ask anyone, unless you know for definite that they're expecting a baby.

Because some people are braindead.

16-05-2016 03:01PM

Years ago was at a family gathering and brought along my then-girlfriend. Over waddles a lovely neighbour of my parents, who pops over to my ex and I and asks, happily, "so, when are you due?"

Cue the biggest and most shocked face ever and blurting out, "I'm not pregnant!" with the poor neighbour apologizing profusely and waddling away again.

I may have burst out laughing as I was not sure what else to do ..

biko · 16-05-2016 03:10PM

I ask fat men when the baby is due.
It's funny because they're too fat to chase me.

uck51js9zml2yt · 16-05-2016 03:13PM

I was asked was my wife in having a baby today by staff on the tills in Dunne's.
I was guilty of buying womens pyjamas. Seemingly its a sign that another sprog is imminent.

They were for my mother:)

stoplooklisten · 16-05-2016 03:15PM

Knox Tasty Restaurant wrote: »

I was asked was my wife in having a baby today by staff on the tills in Dunne's.
I was guilty of buying womens pyjamas. Seemingly its a sign that another sprog is imminent.

They were for my mother:)

What'll you call it? You broson or your sonbro?

Sapphire · 16-05-2016 05:15PM

I guarantee if you've ever known a someone who has experienced a Fatal Fetal Abnormality pregnancy you'd never ask anyone ever again.

Almost on a weekly basis someone I know would be asked by shop assistants or randomers if they were looking forward to the birth, when she was due, did she know what she was having, was she excited, that sort of thing. Horrendous and in the end she not only barely left the house but barely answered the door as well.

Stick to the weather for small talk IMO

FizzleSticks · 16-05-2016 06:29PM

This post has been deleted.

Tasden · 16-05-2016 06:45PM

FizzleSticks wrote: »

Why do we feel the need for constant small talk.

The worst type is the passive aggressive small talk;

When someone is asking about something they already know about i.e they know you're not pregnant, they know you're not getting married, they know you're not on a diet etc. but they bring things up in small talk anyway.

I don't always think its an honest mistake when people ask about pregnancy (I know you're not I'm trying to seem nice while sneaking in a put down and I'm trying to tell you you've put on a stone without telling you you've put on a stone)

are you going away this year (I know you're going to say no and I get to talk about my upcoming trip)

it'll be your turn next (I'm trying to make things seem upbeat and lighthearted while I insult your spinster status)

Thats a lovely dress is that the one you wore to X (I'm giving you a compliment while pushing the pressure to buy a new dress for everything you go to because I'm taking note)

Look at what you're having for lunch thats rather naughty (I'm really jealous you're eating that so I'm going to make you feel bad about it while making myself seem like a better person for not going to a naughty option)

Basically small talk with the intention of making themselves feel superior.

Do you seriously believe all that?
Im genuinely unsure whether you're taking the piss or if that is what you think when people make small talk with you...

Robsweezie · 19-05-2016 01:15AM

ive been tempted to ask on occasion when I know the woman is visably pregnant , just for small talk, but never have. too risky and they might not want to disclose such a thing with strangers.

Asking people you don't know when their baby is due

Comments