Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Friend's Questionable Behaviour

2»

Comments

  • #32
    Sound Bite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 788 ✭✭✭Sound Bite


    Wow, she's a piece of work! Just do what you would normally go and don't let her have any influence on your decision. Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her knowing she's got to you.

    Not sure if you watch Coronation Street but think of her as akin to Tracey Barlow...all she wants is a reaction to make herself feel like she's better than everyone else. Deluded, self centred and misguided.


  • #33
    CBFi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 439 ✭✭CBFi


    I feel terrible reading this OP - I could written some of this right after my Masters! A lot of what other posters have replied really resonated. In my case, the 'friend' thought she was superior to me but when I got a first in my thesis, a job straight away etc she suddenly started leaving me out, acting passive aggressive and not responding to messages. Like others have said, leave her behind, go to the party if you want to but don't if you won't enjoy it and remember that you have done NOTHING wrong. Took me a long time to stop feeling embarassed and like I was the problem.


  • #34
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    This is easier said than done but if you can avoid falling out with her completely, it would be better. You're still stuck with her in your class and she's tied in with your mutual friends. That's awkward. You said at the start that the masters you're doing is in a specialised area. Would that mean that there aren't that many people working in that field? In other words, when you graduate and start working, there's a chance you'll be encountering her again? If you can, try to be polite but treat her as an acquaintance rather than the rip she is someone you've fallen out with. What could backfire horribly is if your friends are pushed into an "it's her or me" type of a scenario. As the others have mentioned as well, you need to be on your guard. She has form when it comes to starting rumours about people so you wouldn't know what she could do next. Stay in the loop with your friends and try to make sure she doesn't isolate you either.


  • #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hello everyone,

    Well class has ended for us so thankfully I won't be seeing her on a daily basis anymore. I asked my housemate and she said my friend (sorry, I have no name for her so resorting to friend here) wasn't upset at all when she told them, so I think it was just to embarrass me.

    She text me today asking for a book of hers back and worked in a fake "I hope your internship is going well", as I am currently doing the internship that I got over her. I just responded saying she would get her book back and then re-deleted her contact details.

    I learned that she has already rallied a mutual friend around her and is talking about me being "dramatic". I am just so sick of it, I wish she would just go away, honestly. It is exhausting. When I see her on Friday I will just give her the book and do as you guys say, act as if nothing has happened but avoid her and be distant but polite. Very good advice from you all.

    I just want this to be over. I really hate conflict and drama. My thoughts keep going back to her but already I am feeling a bit over it, I really pity her as a human. She has lost a very good friend in me but I have just gained clarity.

    I have been retracing the events and the second night they had sex the three of us had actually been hanging out earlier in the evening but I left to meet a friend that was coming to stay with me for a few days. I really think they are just both vile, I am very glad I wasn't invested emotionally in the guy, he could be a bit of a fool anyway so meh, good riddance.

    Thankfully she lives here under a visa which will be revoked if she doesn't find a job by sometime in October... fingers crossed :P


  • #36
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    You have the right attitude; fair play to you it can't be easy. Wishing you all the best!


  • Advertisement
  • #37
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    Hate slugs like this.

    I'll tell you, youre a wiser woman than me on this, because TBH OP - I would be letting the cat out of the bag, telling the truth, and shaming the life out of her.

    So, please ignore my advice, and just ignore her.

    The reality is its not up to you to teach her a lesson. She is who she is. And maybe she will learn at some stage in her life.


  • #38
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ConfusedAndUpset wrote: »
    ... I think she has mental issues and I don't know if I should go or not. She would have no problem turning up and acting as if nothing happened. I just want her out of my life but I feel like if I don't go I am letting her win?

    A bit of a bug of mine, but please do not equate someone behaving horribly with someone having mental health issues. I'm sure you just used that as an unfortunate turn of phrase, but it still hurts.

    She is behaving dreadfully, and yes, it's possible that she does have mental health issues - but to automatically tie bad behaviour to mental health issues only increases the stigma that people with genuine issues feel.

    It's quite possible that her bad behaviour has less to do with 'mental issues', and more to do with her being a jealous person, to whom you had the blinkers on for ages.


  • #39
    Aimeee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 499 ✭✭Aimeee


    Hi OP
    Similar experience here a few years ago. Yes i was feeling the "this is 14year old girl stuff/ridiculous at my age" too. Even now i find myself remembering the odd thing and getting annoyed for not seeing things sooner.
    I really just want to echo the advice not to avoid things that you want to attend. I did avoid as I just couldn't deal with any (more) confrontation.
    This did lead to a social isolation from what was a decent group of friends at the time.
    Go to your outings and if you can, act like nothing is wrong, like you don't care what she's done etc. You have to act like her really but keep your emotions out of it. The best way to move on from people like her is to give them a taste of themselves and they cannot deal with it at all.
    It's hard as it's not your natural way and you will feel mean. Think of it as self preservation. Lesson learned on your part too. It was for me anyway. Be very careful of the ones you click with so quickly & intensely.
    I see the person involved every few days, still some mutual friends and it's still hard but i see her in a completely different way now. It's the type of person she is. There's only so far those friendships go anyway. I've seen her since move onto someone else as there was gains to be had at the time. It's fascinating really and i kind of admire her gaul in a way. You will meet more like her in the workplace but you'll recognise her/him this time.


  • #40
    Mongfinder General
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,992 ✭✭✭Mongfinder General


    OP, just get rid. Put as much distance as possible between you and her.


Advertisement