Something That Happened That Changed You Forever

The end of my relationship with my ex. At the time I was utterly heartbroken and thought I'd never find happiness again. I pretty much rebuilt my life from scratch and have never been happier. He on the other hand has thrown himself into a premature midlife crisis, and I'm fairly certain he'll never let himself be truly happy. That just makes me sad for him.

The second life-shaping event is still actually ongoing and fairly recent. Being diagnosed with MS at 28 last September knocked me for six, but it's been relativity plain sailing so far. I'm scared most days by what lies ahead, but it's shown me just how amazing (most of) my friends and family really are.

Lollipops23 wrote: »

The end of my relationship with my ex. At the time I was utterly heartbroken and thought I'd never find happiness again. I pretty much rebuilt my life from scratch and have never been happier. He on the other hand has thrown himself into a premature midlife crisis, and I'm fairly certain he'll never let himself be truly happy. That just makes me sad for him.

The second life-shaping event is still actually ongoing and fairly recent. Being diagnosed with MS at 28 last September knocked me for six, but it's been relativity plain sailing so far. I'm scared most days by what lies ahead, but it's shown me just how amazing (most of) my friends and family really are.

One of the things that strikes me about so many failed relationships is that they act like cutting the string of a balloon tied to a rock. You got to be the balloon

Candie wrote: »

I know this, it's how you start to measure yourself.

"Am I the person they'd want me to be?"

Yep...that's it exactly.

Five years ago, I found out my then boyfriend and my best friend at the time were seeing each other behind my back. I took it very badly. I was all ready in a weird head space due to depression and anxiety and this just felt like an absolute kick in the stomach all together. In all honesty I couldn't give a **** about the boyfriend, it was my best friend that I felt so hurt by. I had suspicion something was going on with them all along but they told me to my face that there was nothing going on between them, I was being paranoid.

I found once and for all one Wednesday evening in March. I rang my friend to come for a few drinks with me and she confessed to me that she was on a get away with him. I remember feeling shocked. Headed to the pub on my own, happened to meet another friend of mine in there and just drank myself stupid.

Betrayed was an understatement I felt. Lost, broken. I know some are going to say that it's only over a fella but again I was more hurt over my best friend. I didn't want to hate her, I didn't want to be angry with her, I didn't want to blame her but I did. I was absolutely torn asunder over it.

A few days later an old buddy of mine rings me up. He heard about what happened and decides to invite me down to Kerry for a weekend of drinking. I was just so numb, I didn't care so without even thinking about it I just went with it. I knew myself I needed to just get away, go somewhere different. Only thing is however I couldn't stay at his place, he still lived with his mother so he arranged for me to stay with his best friend.

Next day I am catching a bus down to Kerry. My buddy rings me. He tells me he's off getting a tattoo and it's going to take a lot longer than anticipated. So he's sending his best friend, the guy who's couch I am supposed to be crashing on, up to meet me. Get to Killarney bus station and I walk around the front. I am standing there waiting for this friend. I am waiting there for about five minutes when this bearded young fella, in ripped jeans, a leather biker jacket and a band tee shirt walks up to me and says "You must be Mozz."

I honestly never believed in love at first sight but the minute I lay my eyes on him I knew. We instantly clicked and a few days after meeting first we ended up together. Five years later and I am still mad about him as ever, he's the love of my life. He's helped me along so much with my anxiety, helped me gain back my confidence and trust in people. He's taught me how to relax and just go with the flow. It hasn't being easy for him but I wouldn't be where I am today only for him.

jungleman wrote: »

I honestly thought that story was going in the direction of the best friend standing you up altogether, and the friend who was going to pick you up ended up attacking you or something.

I'm so glad the last paragraph was not that scenario!!

Ya know something, I remember thinking something like that on the way down on the bus but my friend getting the tattoo was like a mother hen with me. He kept apologising and that he'd meet up as soon as the tattoo was finished. He gave me my now OHs phone number and got me to ring him and tell him when I was arriving in Killarney.

In hindsight, I was pretty reckless about it all. If I was to go blindly somewhere like that now I'd have a stroke :pac:

God, I think I take a lot of things granted.

Nothing truely traumatic has ever halppened me but of course I have my own issues.


Something that changed me forever and is a predominantly happy one is the following

Going by wikipedia it happened around 7th October 1996.

As I remember it but I could be wrong it was a sunny evening, either a Thursday or a Friday and I was panned out on the couch watching Top of the Pops. [google it :pac: ]

Back in those [more or less] pre-internet days you often watched Top of the pops to find out what was number one.

It was the October before I did my Leaving Cert.

So we get through the Top Ten and then they announce "and at number one is The Chemical Brothers with Setting Sun".

And they played that iconic video of the girl at the end of the party int he country manor.

I remember being transfixed. This relentless, almost 3 dimensional, wall of sound belting out of a crappy cathode-ray tube telly. It felt like it was all around me and I was in the middle of it.

I just could not believe that someone or some people were able to create something like that.

I was never the same again.

I went out the next day or the day after and bought the album on CD which I listened to all the time while studying.

It was swiftly followed up by Prodigy amongst others. A very happy time looking back.

Of course, dancey DJ nights with all the trimmings followed in College.

Great days.

Still listen to DJ sets today when I'm working, rather than individual songs.

Loads of stuff from back in the day on Youtube

You are about to read about dreams! Few others I havn’t included but most are here! Have a feeling this is going to be woefully long but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. You will have to hang on in there till the last paragraph! Be patient! Don’t cheat!!

One of the first dreams that I can remember is being at a Gathering, a Wedding or something with a pile of Family and distant relatives and their kids and everyone. Away from Dream-land, a Local Car Accident happened with the 2 ladies that I dreamed about. Distant relatives but funny thing is, I don’t think I actually knew that I was related to one of the women. Even though the 2 and their own/families and kids were in my dream but we never get together for anything.

Another time, I dreamt of a huge white fluffy dog bounding up the back field at home-house and us all crowding around said Dog in the Kitchen. Had been wanting a Doggie at the time so I thought maybe it was just my brain working over-time pining for a Doggie. Then at some point afterwards, I downloaded some App on my Phone and the loading screen of the App was a lovely lil white cutie doggie. So I thought that must be my dream association. But then, lo and behold, one day at home, I was standing in the Living-Room and next thing I just turned around and what did I see running down the back field.... A huge big white fluffy Dog!! Had no idea where it came out of. Have never seen such a white Dog in my life hah. There bounding and leaping and jumping about the place! It was like an Apparition hah. So I ran outside to see was I seeing things. Dad was just driving in the Driveway from Work, all/most of my Siblings were outside at the time, I saw Mam walking to Next-Door Neighbour’s house with said dog. Didn’t live at home myself, no idea what pets our Neighbours had. But anyways, only difference between that and my dream was where it took place, - we were all with the Dog in the Kitchen in my dream and we were all outside when it happened!

Another time, I dreamt my Family and I were all out in the Backyard at home, and my Mam was in 1 of those Balloon-Basket things flying high up into the sky, and Dad and me and my Siblings were doing our damnedest to try pull her back down to ground, we eventually got her back down. * I’m still waiting for something out of that dream to come to light or fruition. *

Another time, I dreamt my Cousin was in a Bus holding a Baby and the Bus couldn’t stop, it had to work the pedals or whatever while the people were jumping off while the Bus was slowing down. A few years later said Cousin’s Sister was in a Bus-Crash.

Another time, twice on 2 separate occasions I heard my Mam call my name in my sleep. Both times it did wake me up. One of the 2 times my Landlord called to the door 10 minutes later so as a result of that, I had enough time to wake up right and get clothes on lol and be someways half-awake and coherent lol. The other time a few minutes later after I woke up someone rang me.

Another time, it was 5.30am-6am and I heard Dad calling Mam in my sleep sitting in his chair in the Living-Room. The next evening I heard Dad shouting. Couldn’t hear what he was roaring about or which of us he wanted so I ran down to him from my Bedroom, he was sitting in his chair in the Living-Room calling Mam who was outside gardening to make him tea! I looked up at the Wall-Clock, it was 5.30pm.

Another time, I had a dream that I was sitting in a car with some Soldier type outside my deceased Granny’s empty house (as ya randomly do lol?!? :confused :pac: ) and there was something about us continuously revving the car / backing into Granny’s kirb or wall or something like we were trying to knock stuff down. I was with a lovely guy there for a while and guess what his job turned out to be! An Army Sergeant!! But better still, a few weeks after meeting him, my Mam said to me one day, randomly totally-out-of-the-blue and un-expectedly, that Dad was thinking of knocking down/renovating Gran’s old house for me to live in!! :eek::eek: (I really hope my lovely Army Sergeant isn’t on here ‘cos how in the world would I ever explain this?!? This sh1t is insane!)

At this present moment in time, for the past few weeks, 3/4 nights I’ve been dreaming about driving along wherever and I crash straight into the car in front of me and I just wake up each time just as it’s happening. It’s horrendous. No idea what that’s about!

Also lately, I had a dream that a Male Neighbour a few doors down from me where I’m currently living and his young daughter were involved in a Hit&Run the next street over from us. I have a clear picture in my mind of the little girl lying there crumpled, still, and lifeless, on the road. And actually just after that, there was some Family Fun Festival thingy on in the area and I’m not from around here, wouldn’t have a clue what’s going on in the place and don’t know the Streets here. But then not long after, I was driving to the local Shop and co-incidentally one section of the same Street that I had dreamed about with the Hit&Run was closed and barricaded off for the Festival!


Another time a couple of nights I had been having a recurring dream, about loads of people driving straight through Cross-roads. It was crazy! It was somewhere foreign and there was more people sitting in Construction-Site-Machinery something akin to Toll Booths, I dunno what they’re called, they’re really high with Joystick-type-controls. Anyways, there was people sitting in these Machinery controlling all the cars driving through the Crossroads and nobody was stopping everyone was just driving straight through. Then a few weeks later, My Dad, Mam, a Sibling and 2 Family-friends were involved in a Crash in a Jeep. Crash happened in Ballinasloe which might explain the notion my dream had about place being Foreign lol, no offence intended to anyone from Ballinasloe btw! And incidentally one of these Family-friends owns an Engineering Company!

AND NOW THE KICKER! THIS REALLY AFFECTS MY LIFE. I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT MOST DAYS. IT HAUNTS ME. AND PROBABLY ALWAYS WILL.

On this occasion, it wasn’t a dream, I just had a premonition, strong sense of urgency whatever it is, that death was imminent, somebody was going to die and there was nothing I could do about it. For some reason there was something telling me it was related to sport. And I think at the time, my Sibling had just returned to playing sport after being away from it for a while, and I got it into my head it was my Sibling but all I could do was tell myself that they always have a Team Doctor with them so had to convince myself that everything was going to be okay. Fast-forward few weeks on, I think it was a Saturday, came up to the Kitchen, Dad looked like a ghost, his Boss just drowned. :( ;( ;( He was a lovely lovely man, got on great with Dad and they were very alike. Dad had been reading the News Headlines on Aertel, and there was a News-story about something happening the Boat of 6 Fisher-men, but that didn’t sit right with me, this death thing playing on my mind was only 1 person. But anyways it turned out Dad’s Boss and a friend of his were out Fishing and he fell out of the Boat. The friend lived, and he was with him all the time till they were rescued but Dad’s Boss unfortunately didn’t make it through. (As an aside to really get freaky, after I found out he died, I remember going out into the Front-Hall down to Bedroom, and as I passed my Brother’s Bedroom I saw a shadow of a little boy in my Brother’s room window, I immediately went back to Kitchen to ask if there were any Visitors or Neighbours supposed to be calling ‘cos there was a kid outside. My Dad said he didn’t think there was anyone calling over and he came to check and couldn’t see any kid out the window where I was!! :eek: Dad’s Boss does have one Nephew as far as I know, God I don’t even want to think about that now. :eek: )

Soooooo, anyways getting back on track a bit, associating it with my premonition, it wasn’t my Sibling’s Sport, it was my Dad’s Boss Fishing doing his sporting thang! But just prior to that, I had been dreaming off and on about a favourite Family Restaurant in Salthill that we used to frequent years and years ago when we were kids, and in the dream there was just lots and lots of plates crashing and lots of noise and it really did liken itself to something out of the Titanic Movie!! Soooo messed-up! It was mental. I remember reading something on Facebook at the time about someone going up to the North to see the Titanic Exhibition so I just told myself that I was thinking about that Titanic Exhibition and so that’s why I was dreaming about Salthill Restaurant and crashing plates. And incidentally, Dad’s Boss was from Salthill, and the name of the Restaurant is The Galleon, and the Restaurant itself / walls / Paintings / patterns / décor was all adorned, absolutely adorned with the theme of… water and boats….. I know there was nothing I could have done. But it haunts the high hell out of me. And I guess a small little piece of me wonders if Dad had happened to have known that the 2 were going fishing and mentioned it in passing, - a small little part of me wonders, - had I known, would anything have clicked or registered with me…, would I ever have been able to prevent them going fishing some way somehow lol or helped them avoid the tragedy someway. Ridiculous I know, I know there wasn’t anything that I could have done as it was just a random activity that took place, me knowing or not knowing had no bearing on it really, but I just can’t stop thinking about it. It really haunts me so much.

THE END!

I bet I’m gonna get a few giving out here now that it would have been much juicier a story if God Forbid, my last premonition had been about my Brother dying through sport, but it wasn’t him lol! Havn’t told anyone all about my dreams before! :eek::eek: Have always wanted to write a Letter to my parents telling them all about my dreams.

Can it be put on the record that I’m happy enough and won’t be complaining if I never ever ever have another dream ever again! :pac::cool::pac: Perhaps just all coincidences, maybe some timed sequences have some way prevented bad things from happening I don't know! Bat-sh1t-crazzzzyyyyy!!

Shint0 wrote: »

Without quoting the whole thread but it's not just you and your family that have been changed forever but your brother sounds like he's suffering from some kind of Stockholm Syndrome going by the whole 'if she told me it was Monday and it was Sunday I would believe her'. Look there's no point trying to analyse or make sense of these kind of people. They are disturbed. Something has usually happened in their childhood or family to make them this way but unlike others who have problems they try to drag everyone else down with them into the depths of their own misery and self-hatred. I feel sorry for the child on the way. It is possibly doomed from the start. A lot of children with personality disordered parents end up with mental health issues. I would still suggest keep an eye out for your brother. He may see through her one day and need your support.

Thanks for that.

I guess he's become conditioned to do whatever she says lest she explode into a temper tantrum, a defence mechanism to just simply go along with whatever she says. He's in an abusive relationship and he can't see the wood for the trees.

It was just a major changing point that day in November. He was in full attack mode. The Stockholm Syndrome is very appropriate. I've pointed out to him that he is being manipulated against me. I feel that his wife has succeeded now in isolating him from his family, convinced him we have no time for him. He never answered his phone to me since our last meeting with our father. That was October 2014. She probably knows that I can see through her manipulation and refuses to let him speak with me, in case I make a very compelling case for why she is batsh1t crazy. For the record, he has met Jessica three times. One of those occasions is described below.

To illustrate the kind of person his wife is, consider the below;

Apr 2013. Note: All this happens on the same day.

Gillian and Jessica meet with another friend for lunch in the city centre. This is when they are still friendly and before her meltdown in the bar/street and before she starts her bullying of Jessica.

After the lunch, their friend goes home but Gillian want's Jessica to go to Debenham's department store. The reason for this is that she wants to show her Brian's ex-girlfriend. Gillian points her out and whispers something along the lines of "Look at the state of her! Isn't she ugly and fat?" and has a laugh to herself. Brian had split up with this girl in 2003. Ten years before, he then met Gillian on the rebound after their break up.

I am in the city centre too and meet up with my two brothers for a coffee. We get a text from Gillian that they are in a nearby bar. Older brother heads home and we meet them in the bar. I have a couple of drinks but Gillian, Brian and Jessica decide to stay on. I am training for a race and have a 'long' training cycle the following morning and have no intention of staying on.

A few hours later, I get a few text messages from "Jessica". Or so I think it is her. The text says something along the lines of "Why did you leave so early? Is something wrong?" and "Just wanted to know if you're ok? Thought we might have had a nice night out together but hey whatever". There is some back and forth about my cycle the next morning and I would see her tomorrow evening as planned. It turns out that they were after a few glasses of wine in the bar and Jessica told me the next evening that Gillian was furious that I had left. She grabbed Jessica's phone and insisted on texting me, from Jessica's phone, the above text messages. There was nothing Jessica could do as she is shy and non confrontational, to someone like Gillian, a soft touch. There I am like a fool, thinking it is Jessica. She apologises profusely and says it will never happen again.

Sorry for banging on about all this. It's therapeutic to write it down.