Multiple Engagements + Same Family = Problem?

cmac2009 wrote: »

It's easy to write out all that on a message board, but when it happens you can't help but being affected. Getting engaged is a very special moment, one which we share with your friends and family. When someone gets engaged the same week as you it slightly knocks the shine off the occasion. Maybe it is selfish. But as I said if your the type of person to do that to a friend it says a lot about what you think of them.

You don't "do" anything to a friend when you get engaged. Seriously.

Is it only me thinking that it would be extremely cool if all engagements for the year would be done on the same day so you can congratulate everyone and be done with it. About half of the couples will be divorced in ten years anyway.

I don't think it matters when anyone gets engaged but it is great if couples coordinate a bit among themselves about the dates and locations. Two weddings in the middle of the week two weeks apart would be hard to attend. It's a common sense approach, you don't book the same venue and leave just a little bit of breathing time between the dates because it can be very stressful for everyone otherwise. But that is about it.

Sligo1 wrote: »

What exactly would you be doing to a good friend? If a partner proposes unexpectedly and you wanted to marry him/her you're hardy going to say no!

Tbh, some of the reponses on this thread are ridiculously self-indulgent and narcissistic. People are getting engaged for god sake... Be happy for them! I'm so glad I'm married and dont have to deal with this sh*te. I've travelled and lived elsewhere and As far as I'm aware this seems to be an Irish thing as I've not heard of this ridiculous selfish behaviour in any other country I've been in.

I doubt there is many people on here that have got engaged a few days after one of their good friends did. As I said I wouldn't have proposed had a friend got engaged a few days before me. Maybe you would. Thats where we differ.

Sligo1 wrote: »

What exactly would you be doing to a good friend? If a partner proposes unexpectedly and you wanted to marry him/her you're hardy going to say no!

Tbh, some of the reponses on this thread are ridiculously self-indulgent and narcissistic. People are getting engaged for god sake... Be happy for them! I'm so glad I'm married and dont have to deal with this sh*te. I've travelled and lived elsewhere and As far as I'm aware this seems to be an Irish thing as I've not heard of this ridiculous selfish behaviour in any other country I've been in.

( P.s. I'm not generalising Irish people here as it's obvious plenty of people here don't think this way and and I'm Irish myself, merely saying this "convention" seems slightly less common elsewhere...).

I think you might be right. It's a cultural thing, possibly closer to USA than continental Europe. When we got engaged bf's family was excited and so on and my parents response was, why all the fuss, it's not like you set the date. Considering we are still not married (a house, dog and two kids later) their reaction was probably more realistic.

Sligo1 wrote: »

A good friend of mine got married 2 weeks after I did. And when she was making the date (she knew our date) she actually asked me if I thought her date was ok and was thy ok with me. I was like "why on earth are you asking me that!!!???" God love her... Life is short. Do what makes you happy!

We did this. We got married last week and have a friends in eight days. They were so happy for us but I was nervous when we told them. I can't wait for her wedding. It's lovely to have something to look forward to so soon afterwards

I genuinely think it's insane that anyone would be miffed at a friend/family member getting engaged soon after them.

To the poster who mentioned her SIL to be (I think it was) getting engaged a week after. How do you know it wasn't planned for that week? Maybe your fiancé pipped him to the post. However why should he have changed his plans just so your so called 'limelight' would remain? I think it's quite selfish for anyone to suggest that. They had been together 10 years so he may have had it planned alot longer than your guy did!

Booking the wedding day within a few weeks of each other seems silly but I certainly wouldn't feel my limelight is being stolen.

The important part to me is the marriage and its significance to me and my hubby to be, not the party.

maisiedaisy wrote: »

I got engaged over a year and half after my sister did, 6 months before her wedding. She didn't speak to me for a month afterwards. We had no intention of setting a date until after her wedding, for our own reasons. I had no idea my fiancée was going to propose to me, but she blamed us both for 'ruining the build up to her wedding'.

Wow. Just wow :-O

cmac2009 wrote: »

I doubt there is many people on here that have got engaged a few days after one of their good friends did. As I said I wouldn't have proposed had a friend got engaged a few days before me. Maybe you would. Thats where we differ.

But if that happens I really doubt it would be intentional. Maybe the second proposal was planned for ages, or they wanted it to be on a specific date. You would want someone to cancel their engagement of they heard a friend had gotten engaged? Why not just let everyone be happy!

And with engagements and weddings, it's possible people have a planned time line for when they want to be engaged and married, and putting things off to suit someone else doesn't really make sense to me.

Life's not a rehearsal folks!

To the poster who said they wouldn't "do it to a friens" ie. would not propose in quick succession. What if something awful happened while you were waiting through their "limelight period". (Awful thoughts but what if you or your future fiance were in an accident).

My point is life is not a rehearsal don't be waiting around over (let's face it) silly things like grown adults needing a period when only they can be engaged.

Engagement is a special time for the engaged couples and their families. Someone else getting engaged at the same time does not make it less special.

I agree with a lot of posters on here - how the hell are grown women acting so childish? Stealing thunder, ruining the build up etc. It's absolutely ridiculous that people can't just be happy for other people when they're getting ready to get married!
To be honest, after the initial phone calls and congratulations, I was getting a bit embarrassed with the constant demand to see the ring etc. It's supposed to be a special time for YOU AND YOUR FIANCÉ, if anyone else had got engaged after me I probably would have been a bit relieved! Then again, being the centre of attention isn't really for me, dunno how I'll handle the actual wedding!
This reminds me of people who keep their plans for the wedding day top secret in case someone else "steals their ideas". Yeah ok , a few surprises for guests are always good, but some people take it to another level! Your engagement and wedding day are both unique to you and your partner because you are both unique individually and as a couple. Why can't people just be happy for each other and get on with it??

Keane2baMused wrote:

Some people are like that no matter what it's about. If they lose weight...oh god they're too skinny. If they get a new house..no way would I live there. If they land a new job...pfft Id rather work in Mcdonalds than work there.

Yeah you're right and it's totally childish and egotistical. Don't get me wrong, your wedding is about the two of you so a bit of ego has to play a part, but people wasting good energy by moaning and bitching about other people's business just grinds my gears!

Miss Merry Berry wrote: »

Lesson learnt! I knew the usual cavalry on their high horses would gallop in and give advice on the way we should all live our lives and make us feel bad for God forbid having an opinion different to theirs and now I have to feel like a selfish person who goes around begrudging my friends and family for where they live, what they eat, what they work as. Yeah that's how I live my live! I really need to find a more positive forum.

Woah

FYI I wasn't referring to you, it was a general statement as there are many people who cannot be happy for others, that's true. I don't know you so can't claim to know what your feeling is in general terms, but can only go by how you said you feel regarding engagements etc and it does come across as a little self indulgent and selfish. Sorry if that offends you but just how it looks!