Single life as a guy...

I think ultimately most people can read situations well. Very few if any would ask someone out "cold" without first trying to establish If the feeling is mutual or at the very least build up a rapport with someone and it's ill advised to do otherwise.

Re the gym, I actively did my best to ignore everyone in it, I was just there to exercise, not that I was ever chatted up in the gym but it's not a place I personally would like to be approached.
Also I think a lot of people who wear make-up/fake tan etc are just very insecure/self conscious for whatever reason. Although I wouldn't wear make up myself to the gym, I never really passed much remarks of them because I can understand that feeling of being self conscious.

Confucius say wrote: »

Same here. It's the last place I'd ever try and chat up a girl. It's kind of private time when you're at the gym, most people don't want to be disturbed.
Although Beks did say it was a run in a park, different circumstances I guess.

I don't see how a "run in the park" would be any different - it the same concept, the person running is there to run, not to "get chatted up"; Besides, the whole "chatting up" doesn't actually mean "Hey, me Tarzan, you Jane, we go bedroom!" but actual, proper talking between civilized people. Getting to know the individuals around you. If anything else comes out of it, then good.

blacklilly wrote: »

I think ultimately most people can read situations well. Very few if any would ask someone out "cold" without first trying to establish If the feeling is mutual or at the very least build up a rapport with someone and it's ill advised to do otherwise.

Re the gym, I actively did my best to ignore everyone in it, I was just there to exercise, not that I was ever chatted up in the gym but it's not a place I personally would like to be approached.
Also I think a lot of people who wear make-up/fake tan etc are just very insecure/self conscious for whatever reason. Although I wouldn't wear make up myself to the gym, I never really passed much remarks of them because I can understand that feeling of being self conscious.

But why? Why is it more "acceptable" to talk to people, say, running in a park, or at cooking lessons to mention a few random ones? The same reasoning can be applied to anywhere - you're at the pub to get a drink, you're at the art gallery to look at the crafts, you're at the library to get some books, you're in a class to follow the lesson, you're at work to get work done, you're at the watercooler to get water, you're on the train to go somewhere, you're on the bus stop to wait for a ghost bus, I could go on forever. The gym example is one I use and have experience of for a completely voluntary activity people engage in, which does happen in a shared public space, where everyone try to avoid each other like the plague.

You don't need to be self conscious, anymore than you'd be at a pub or bar - I'll reveal something, men don't care in the least if you're sweaty and flush-faced. Actually, it might trigger attraction as a form of ancestral mechanism - in order to push yourself, you need to be in reasonably good health

I suspect the attitude of a sizable chunk of male gym-dwellers plays a role as well - you know what I am talking about, the "closest-thing-to-bare-chest-allowed" wearing, protein shake gulping, grunting showoffs. They put ME off, to the point I sometimes end up doing some lighter weight work on the cardio floor, if I'm not in anybody's way, or seek an empty class studio. I can imagine most women die a little bit inside every time they find themselves close to one such individuals - or many, as it often happens.

Confucius say wrote: »

I've been a member in gyms in loads of countries and it seems the same everywhere. I wish girls would come onto me at the gym though

Relatively - to be honest, it seems to be going with the times rather than anything else. As we go ahead, we get less and less inclined to actually acknowledge people around us. I started getting into exercise about 10 years ago, in Italy, and at the time it was absolutely normal to know everyone from the gym - you spoke more or less every time you were there, and the instructors even organized nights out / pizza parties (I know, kinda seems to defeat the purpose!) and the likes. It slowly started dying out; When I moved here in 2009, it was still more or less possible to speak to people - it has been going down and down with time. Now you see everybody absolutely staring at the wall in front of them, if not nervously checking their effing smartphone between repetitions...

Emme wrote: »

I got chatted up by an American post-grad at a college gym in Ireland. Never got chatted up by Irish guys. I wouldn't go to a gym to get chatted up. I suppose the gym is a better place to meet somebody who's healthy and into fitness than a bar or a club. A GAA night out combines the two nicely did anyone here meet anyone through GAA or other sports clubs?

Not to mention somebody who clearly shares a common interest/activity with you, rather than what happens in the nightlife spots - which are more or less a place where people go to "get chatted up" and often have absolutely zero in common. You don't go to the gym with the intent of being "chatted up", but why try to avoid it at all cost - especially since we've established it's a fairly rare occurrence and not a constant stream of punters?

BlibBlab wrote: »

The gym is different to the other settings you mentioned imo. People are usually a lot more focused at the gym, it's a totally different attitude to something like being on a hike say. It's not somewhere I like people talking to me tbh. Afterwards is fine or in the sauna like the previous mentioned, you're in a different mindset

Totally agree, I don't view the gym as a social setting, I'm there to concentrate on what I'm doing.
On a hike or similar its more social, friendly, interactive ete and is more conducisive to chatting and getting to know people.

beks101 wrote: »

She was already mates with the guy, knew he was single, interactions were flirty and she just took the bull by the horns.

Kudos to her! (cue in obvious double-entendres about bulls and horns!);

beks101 wrote: »

That's the thing about asking someone out. It's most often successful when you're already on terms with the person and that sort of subtle nod of approval via body language etc is already there and it's just down to one party making the move.

Granted, and it's unbelievable how often one of the parties (usually, the guy) simply fails to detect/acknowledge all the "signals". I've been guilty of this in the past. Again, seems to be a guys' thing.

beks101 wrote: »

I'm guilty of reacting in a WTF :eek: way to those kind of approaches in the past, as I'd usually have been in my own little world and was put on the spot out of nowhere. It's like encountering a chugger on the street - you just try to get away as fast as possible because it's uncomfortable and strange and you don't have time to think. And it's totally impersonal - you could be anyone, any girl, how many did he ask before you? etc.

And avoid the "how are you? where are you from? CAN I HAZ UR BANK DETAILS PLZ?" questions .

However, is this reaction a signs of the times? Have we got so used to people only approaching us if they want to sell/ask/bother us, that we automatically reject the contact?

Different contect, but it did happen to me that somebody was actually looking for directions; also one evening while I refueled the car, this guy with a tank of petrol in his hand was looking for a lift back to where his car was. I automatically assumed they were looking for "a coin for a bus fare" and initially set to brush them off.

Furthermore, are there differences between men and women? I know I would react differently if it was a woman approaching me; I wouldn't automatically assume she's a bother. Would guys approached in a social setting (bar, pub, whatever) be more "receptive" to establish contact?

beks101 wrote: »

I have noticed though that Irish lads don't tend to do that cold approach. They're more of the former, softly softly, mates-first, flirty banter, facebook message asking you out variety

I've seen plenty of cold, stomp on from 3000 feet above, approaches - normally alcohol fueled, but still. Also, I don't get the Facebook thing. Do people really just seek women/men they like on FB and "cold friend request" them? How is this better than just talking to them face-to-face?

There's no way I would have the guts to go up to someone in the street and ask them out, for me the chances of being told to fook off would be too much and anyway there is no way of knowing if the person was even single.

And even if they were single the chances are unless someone looks like Dan Carter the success rate is low.