Girlfriend is obsessed with junk food

SarahMollie · 09-03-2016 02:31PM

CaraMay wrote: »

He never said she gorges and shes not overweight! Sounds like they rushed into living together and now the nitty gritty is irritating him.

Yeah I suspect this might be right.

The OP itself was too vague on what exactly shes doing so how are we supposed to comment on whether or not its abnormal behavior.

Also, regarding his recent lifestyle change - theres nothing like the morals of a reformed hooker. The OP might just be being really annoying whilst all caught up in his new lifestyle.

Taltos · 09-03-2016 02:39PM

Mod Note
OK back on topic please. And no more posts berating the OP in the manner some of the above did.
Remember if you can't offer constructive advice in a civil manner please don't post, doing otherwise you run the very real risk that you'll be carded or possibly banned.

dudara · 09-03-2016 03:23PM

OP - you still haven't managed to explain (to me at least) how she is "obsessed" with junk food. You haven't given us any information to baseline her behaviours against the "norm".

All I am getting at this point from your post is that you do not like her eating cake, and that you find it repulsive. But again, you haven't said why you find it repulsive.

This lack of information is causing a lot of speculation from posters, and hence a lot of debate. It would be great if you can share some more insight.

LegacyUser · 09-03-2016 04:23PM

OP here,

Sorry about being vague. Since I have changed my lifestyle I have not condoned unhealthy goods in the house nor have I frowned upon her wanting them. I am just concerned. The main thing I am concerned about his her attitude and behavior when consuming them. an example would be with a big tub of ben and jerrys it would be gone in fairly quick(5-10mins) she looses her way and is completely unaware how quickly she gets through it.
Another recent happening was when I was coming home from she asked me to pick up strawberry ice cream, I went to 3 different shops, couldn't find it, found strawberry frozen yougart and brought it home. She was disgusted by this, threw it in the bin and went on a tangent. eventually she found cheese cake which my mother made 2 weeks prior. I had forgotten about it as it wrapped in foil.

I havn't really let on to her. I am posted here for help on how to tackle it as she is very sensitive about her weight and I want constructive advice on how to deal with it.

Carlos Orange · 09-03-2016 05:20PM

dudara wrote: »

All I am getting at this point from your post is that you do not like her eating cake, and that you find it repulsive. But again, you haven't said why you find it repulsive.

Since it is compared to smoking I presume it is the compulsive element that gets to the OP. That is where I see the overlap between eating and smoking anyway.

LegacyUser · 09-03-2016 09:35PM

Op without sounding harsh, it is not your job to figure out her eating habits or why she is doing what she is doing. If she's been like this since you both entered into the relationship you have nothing to really go on.
Guaranteed if you mention anything about her eating habits, taking into consideration you have mentioned she is a bit paranoid about her weight, it will drive her binge eating into secret. She will still be eating cake and what not,only it will be in private.
I would nearly bet my life she will get defensive if you bring it up so the best thing you can do is wait till she finally wants to change

maggiepip · 09-03-2016 09:49PM

Well I'd consider eating a full large tub of ben & jerrys in less than ten minutes binge eating. Consistent food "binges" are more complex than just overeating. A person who binge eats will feel quite overwhelmed by their cravings and lack control over them. If your girlfriend is binge eating I would be careful in how you approach this, as its a far more sensitive issue than just plain old overeating.

Ursus Horribilis · 09-03-2016 10:11PM

I wonder would it be worth contacting Body Why's for some advice about how to deal with this?

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

Keane2baMused · 09-03-2016 10:25PM

OP,

I have personal experience of an eating disorder and I have previously met individuals who compulsively eat / binge.

Thread very carefully with your approach to this as this sounds like it could run deeper than you realise. There is a common misconception that eating disorders only apply to very thin people.

I would agree that contacting body whys could be a good start, they can give you advice on what to do.

Hemerodrome · 09-03-2016 11:10PM

inapickle12 wrote: »

Since I have changed my lifestyle I have not condoned unhealthy goods in the house

You haven't "condoned" what foods don't suit you? I think your controlling attitude is a bigger problem than your girlfriend's eating habits, habits which may be a reflection of her current unhappiness with your attitude to her no matter how well you incorrectly think you hide it.

kunst nugget · 09-03-2016 11:40PM

Hemerodrome wrote: »

You haven't "condoned" what foods don't suit you? I think your controlling attitude is a bigger problem than your girlfriend's eating habits, habits which may be a reflection of her current unhappiness with your attitude to her no matter how well you incorrectly think you hide it.

It's his fault that she's devouring a large tub of ice cream in ten minutes? Sorry but that is pure nonsense. I'd wager that she's had issues with food long before the OP arrived on the scene and I think it's completely unfair that he's been castigated for being controlling. I think he was concerned about her eating habits, handled it badly when talking to her and came on here looking for advice on how to help her.

OP, I'd check out the link someone posted up above and see if it's of any help to you and your girlfriend.

Edit: also, I get the feeling that condoned was used in the wrong context in his post.

Taltos · 10-03-2016 06:41AM

Mod Note
Hemerodrome, one poster has already been infracted for taking this line with the OP. There are plenty of ways of getting your point across without making it personal and unless you want to get a card I suggest you reconsider how to post here.

All, as above if you can't keep your advice constructive please don't post. Otherwise we'll have no choice but to issue cards/bans or just to shut this thread down.

SarahMollie · 10-03-2016 10:25AM

OP it does sound like binge eating . 1 tub (assuming 500ml) of Ben and Jerrys should make a person feel sick if they eat it, its too much to be enjoyable.

You mention she's not overweight despite eating this way. Are there any signs of binging followed by purging. That would be something to be concerned about.

silverharp · 10-03-2016 12:51PM

A practical suggestion might be to keep a food diary for a week and stock up supplies , it might give you a better idea of what you are dealing with? As well as the obvious junk food include stuff like bread butter and other high calorie savory stuff.

Emme · 10-03-2016 01:03PM

Odus fell down wrote: »

I wonder would it be worth contacting Body Why's for some advice about how to deal with this?

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

This is the best reply on this thread so far.

OP, if you care about your GF and are willing to work through her binge eating issues contact Bodywhys. If it bothers you too much perhaps you should consider ending the relationship.

I had bulimia in the past which would rear its head during stressful situations. I dated a guy for a little over a year and when we first dated he told me I was too skinny. I was 8 and a half stone. I am 5'5" tall. He started feeding me up with cooked breakfasts when I stayed at his place. He also wanted me to move in with him after a few months. At his insistence I moved in with him after a year of dating. He had always been controlling and mildly verbally abusive and I was too naive to see the warning signs. The controlling and verbal abuse ramped up big time when I moved in with him. He told me I was too fat at 9 stone- the weight gain was partly due to his feeding! My bulimia resurfaced as a reaction to his controlling behavior. When he discovered my bulimia he became physically abusive and unceremoniously threw me out as I was not behaving the way he wanted me to.

I'm not criticizing the OP but his reaction sounds a bit like that of my ex without the physical abuse. Perhaps the stress of moving in together has made his GF's binge eating worse or perhaps it was an issue all the time. Eitherways she needs help and if possible a supportive partner. If she can't have a supportive partner she is better off seeking help alone.

OP you have to decide if you want to help your GF with this issue. If not break up with her as gently as you can and give her a chance to seek help. If she gets proper help she will be able to deal with the binge eating triggers more effectively. It will also help her self eateem and she will have the confidence to attract people into her life who are good for her and not controlling or judgemental. I'm not saying the OP is controlling or judgmental but people with eating disorders sometimes attract people like this.

woodchuck · 10-03-2016 01:41PM

I'm sorry, but you're her boyfriend not her parent. If she chooses to eat unhealthily, well that's up to her frankly! If you're genuinely concerned about her health, by all means broach the topic in a sensitive manner. But it sounds like you're just disgusted looking at her eating, which is totally different...

kunst nugget · 10-03-2016 01:46PM

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm sorry, but you're her boyfriend not her parent. If she chooses to eat unhealthily, well that's up to her frankly! If you're genuinely concerned about her health, by all means broach the topic in a sensitive manner. But it sounds like you're just disgusted looking at her eating, which is totally different...

I think that's why the OP posted originally - to find out how to do it in a sensitive manner.

beks101 · 10-03-2016 02:00PM

Does she eat regular meals along with the junk food? Like a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as the sweet stuff?

I'm asking because she sounds totally sugar-addicted, which is something I was for a long time and I controlled my weight by forfeiting actual regular meals to "allow" for sugar binges. No breakfast, often just one proper meal a day, if at all. To look at me I was a healthy, normal weight and that's the problem with eating issues like this. They're not taken seriously, often even by medical professionals who might weigh you or take your BMI as a gauge of how unwell you are.

If her whole diet is out of whack, she may well be malnourished, anaemic, high cholesterol, any number of health issues, without even realizing it. Not to mention the moodiness and crabbiness that comes with the sugar crashes.

It's probably time to say something in a sensitive manner and try to get her to a dietician who can help her to start branching out with healthier foods. For me, it took a long time to finally stop bingeing and commit to a healthy meal plan - I'm talking years. There were a lot of psychological issues at play. But generally if she was eating a balanced diet with enough protein, carbohydrates and healthy fats, the cravings would all but disappear.

woodchuck · 10-03-2016 03:31PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

I think that's why the OP posted originally - to find out how to do it in a sensitive manner.

I respectfully disagree. The original post doesn't say anything about being concerned for her health. In fact, the OP says she's not heavy. However the original post does state:

The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food.

I find it gross to look at

concerning when we argue over"me not buying biscuits, ice cream etc

To me sounds like the OP simply does not like seeing his girlfriend eating junk food. And doesn't like buying it for her (which is actually fair enough, if she's so fussy about what she wants).

My point is, he's not going to be able to broach the subject without upsetting her unless his problem stems from actually being concerned about her mental and physical health. And it just doesn't sound like that to me...

kunst nugget · 10-03-2016 03:48PM

woodchuck wrote: »

I respectfully disagree. The original post doesn't say anything about being concerned for her health. In fact, the OP says she's not heavy. However the original post does state: .

The original post said she's not skinny either. In fact it says:

She is highly sensitive when it comes to her belly and I've tried encouraging her by telling her I'd do what I can to help.

woodchuck wrote: »

To me sounds like the OP simply does not like seeing his girlfriend eating junk food. And doesn't like buying it for her (which is actually fair enough, if she's so fussy about what she wants).

The OP has since clarified her eating habits which would be alarming to someone who tries to look after themselves and would be off putting to many.

woodchuck wrote: »

My point is, he's not going to be able to broach the subject without upsetting her unless his problem stems from actually being concerned about her mental and physical health. And it just doesn't sound like that to me...

She has issues with her body image and the weight she's carrying at the moment. Surely trying to encourage her to lose that weight, however misguided he is going about it, is concern for her physical and mental health?

He's come here asking for help in helping her without looking like a control freak but ends up being called a control freak for daring to want to help his girlfriend lose the weight she is sensitive about. If he really had a controlling personality, I sincerely doubt he'd be coming on to the Personal Issues forum looking for tips.

woodchuck · 10-03-2016 03:57PM

It's still unclear to me if she's overweight, but of course her eating sounds unhealthy. If she's sensitive about her belly, it's up to HER to do something about it. IF she decides to eat more healthily, this could be nurtured and encouraged by the OP, but the decision to change has to come from her first.

Emme · 10-03-2016 04:02PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

He's come here asking for help in helping her without looking like a control freak but ends up being called a control freak for daring to want to help his girlfriend lose the weight she is sensitive about. If he really had a controlling personality, I sincerely doubt he'd be coming on to the Personal Issues forum looking for tips.

He comes across as a control freak because he doesn't want to buy food for his GF that he isn't eating himself. He is on a health kick (good for him) and this seems to have made him hypersensitive to his GF's eating habits.

This indicates to me that his GF might not have eaten like this before she moved in with him. Surely they would have gone out for food together before she moved in and she would have eaten a dessert in front of him. If so did that gross him out?

Ironically the guy who dumped me for being bulimic used to eat pizza, chips and ice-cream and that grossed me out. I chose to ignore it and never said anything to him about it. It was up to him what he ate.

Her craving for junk food is definitely cause for concern. Eating disorders get worse under stress. I'm not saying he is stressing her out but he's not helping her at the moment.

m-a-i- · 10-03-2016 04:14PM

HI OP

I get where you are coming from and although probably not having chose the words correctly (worry can do that ) I think your heart is in the right place
I'd echo a lot of what people are asking in that is she eating regular meals?

I'm an emotional eater.. the first thing I crave when I'm not well or sad or happy is chocolate... I wonder.. is she stressed or down? What struck me to this was that she might finish a tub of ice cream really quickly. Sounds to me that she is not enjoying the food more the feeling of having a sugar high or a fix.
Maybe instead of talking to her about her eating habits see if everything else is ok.. ask her how her day was, does she want to do something.. is she ok? etc.. you get the gist

Best of luck OP

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 04:18PM

Emme makes some great points.

Also for someone with an eating disorder almost every comment, no matter how helpful you think it is, will pretty much be misconstrued and twisted into that you're telling them they are fat slobs.

And that is not the fault of the person with disordered eating (nor their families or friends, so long as they don't play a part in how the person is feeling).

Imagine looking in the mirror, being of normal weight but seeing a beached whale staring back. Some people react by eating more, binging and possibly purging. And some cut calories, often to a dangerous level.

Unfortunately people with bulimia OR binge eaters (without purging) may from time to time just seem like they have Man V Food tendencies and it's not taken as seriously as it should.

It's a very VERY hard battle to fight.

I would be interested to know what she is eating when the OP is out of sight if she eats that way in view of him. Many with disordered eating get to the point where they hide what they are doing out of embarrassment/shame.

kunst nugget · 10-03-2016 04:23PM

Emme wrote: »

He comes across as a control freak because he doesn't want to buy food for his GF that he isn't eating himself. He is on a health kick (good for him) and this seems to have made him hypersensitive to his GF's eating habits.

This indicates to me that his GF might not have eaten like this before she moved in with him. Surely they would have gone out for food together before she moved in and she would have eaten a dessert in front of him. If so did that gross him out?

Ironically the guy who dumped me for being bulimic used to eat pizza, chips and ice-cream and that grossed me out. I chose to ignore it and never said anything to him about it. It was up to him what he ate.

Her craving for junk food is definitely cause for concern. Eating disorders get worse under stress. I'm not saying he is stressing her out but he's not helping her at the moment.

Going to three different shops to find the strawberry ice cream she wanted and buying a strawberry frozen yoghurt instead hardly sounds like not buying the food his girlfriend wants. He said she gives out to him if he forgets to pick up some of the treats she wants.

Just on that point, if she wants to eat unhealthily why should he buy it for her? When I smoked, I never got my wife to buy me cigarettes.

Keane2baMused · 10-03-2016 04:25PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

Just on that point, if she wants to eat unhealthily why should he buy it for her? When I smoked, I never got my wife to buy me cigarettes.

That's just it. She may well not want to. It doesn't mean she can stop her impulses and she may feel embarrassed/ashamed getting it herself

kunst nugget · 10-03-2016 04:28PM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

That's just it. She may well not want to. It doesn't mean she can stop her impulses and she may feel embarrassed/ashamed getting it herself

Okay, so by that logic assuming she has an eating disorder (which we don't know), if he's buying unhealthy food is he not enabling her behaviour? Would you give a person with a drink problem more beer?

Emme · 10-03-2016 04:31PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

Going to three different shops to find the strawberry ice cream she wanted and buying a strawberry frozen yoghurt instead hardly sounds like not buying the food his girlfriend wants. He said she gives out to him if he forgets to pick up some of the treats she wants.

Just on that point, if she wants to eat unhealthily why should he buy it for her? When I smoked, I never got my wife to buy me cigarettes.

Fair enough. If a bf bought me strawberry frozen yoghurt I'd be delighted but I like it because it's a healthier choice than ice cream. Perhaps the GF felt he bought her frozen yogurt deliberately instead of the ice cream she craved.

She definitely has a problem and needs help. It's up to the OP if he chooses to stay with her and help her or gently break up with her.

Could she be craving junk food because she is pregnant? Does she crave junk food at certain times of the month and not others?

Augme · 10-03-2016 04:51PM

While you say you love her OP, it's only been 6 months so I'd seriously consider if you want to go down the path of therapy etc while dating her. Considering her alright horrible behaviour towards you and the fact it's only going to get worse, you need to have a serious think if you want to put yourself through hell for this relationship.

Ave Sodalis · 10-03-2016 11:28PM

I personally think there isn't much wrong with the examples the OP has posted so far. I mean, I've ate a big tub of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting. I wouldn't be particularly impressed if someone who had been harping on to me about my eating bought me frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. I mean, maybe the OP's girlfriend does have a problem (not that I'm convinced she does) but at the end of the day, I don't think the OP can do anything about it. Certainly not with the attitude he has displayed so far.

Girlfriend is obsessed with junk food

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