Girlfriend is obsessed with junk food

LegacyUser

Not sure how to go about this and if really appreciate any input. Is it something to act on or ignore..if I should act on it how do I go about it?I'm with my gf for 6 months now. Things have moved fairly quickly, we live together and we generally get on great. I love her to bits and I know she feels the same. The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food. She likes to endulge into chocolate,cake, ice cream and reacts completely different compared to when she just eating healthy/ regular food. The closest comparison is that kick one gets from having a much needed cigarette. I find it gross to look at and personally concerning when we argue over"me not buying biscuits, ice cream etc. Most times id simply forget however I've stopped altogether purely because I've changed since the new year. I've gone cold turkey off the fags and aligned this with health dieting, running and the gym. I never really had a sweet tooth anyways but I've completely giving it the boot. It's tough but it's something I've always wanted to do and it was something she hated(my smoking)
She isn't skinny likewise she isn't heavy either. She is highly sensitive when it comes to her belly and I've tried encouraging her by telling her I'd do what I can to help. So my issue is how can one help without looking like a control freak.

zoobizoo

I don't think that you can.

As for her not being heavy.... she may not be now, but with a diet like that she will be.

Is it a slice of cake after dinner or a whole cake?

Does she exercise at all?

ultimately, is it a problem for her? Because if it isn't, it seems like it will be for you soon.

CaraMay

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

LegacyUser

You can help her by leaving her alone about it. You've made changes and like a lot of people who give up smoking and change their lifestyle, you start looking at the people around you and decide they should too. Some people start evangelising their new lifestyle and boring everyone around them to tears, a direction you seem to be looking even if you haven't started heading that way just yet. She's not a project and from what you've described there, she's far from obsessed with junk food, she just likes a bit of a treat, same as most of us. She's not at a level that endangering her or doing you any harm and if you have such a problem with this that you can't just ignore it, then it's your problem, not hers and you really should be questioning whether or not you love her. If she decides she needs to make some change, best of luck to her with that, but that's not your decision to make.

zoobizoo

CaraMay wrote: »

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

He said it was her obsession with eating junk food that bothers him.

Hardly the definition of controlling behaviour.

kunst nugget

To me, it sounds like you've rushed into living with each other and are now only realizing your different approaches to health and fitness. It's great that you've taken the bull by the horns, given up the smokes and are starting to get fit - you're probably doing the exact opposite of most people when they move in with their partner initially which is to pile on the pounds. There's not much you can do but continue keeping fit and hope it encourages her to look after herself. Getting at her to look after herself is probably going to have the opposite effect of encouraging her tbh and do nothing but create resentment.

CaraMay

inapickle12 wrote: »

I find it gross to look at.

It's not just the idea of it he finds it gross watching her eat cake etc

kunst nugget

CaraMay wrote: »

It's not just the idea of it he finds it gross watching her eat cake etc

I find looking at people eating tinned tuna gross. It's hardly controlling behaviour.

zoobizoo

kunst nugget wrote: »

are now only realizing your different approaches to health and fitness. .

Is it less about her eating cake and more the fact that she is doing nothing to counterbalance the calories going in?

I know a girl who loves her cake but she's at the gym five days a week and is then active running.

kunst nugget

zoobizoo wrote: »

Is it less about her eating cake and more the fact that she is doing nothing to counterbalance the calories going in?

I know a girl who loves her cake but she's at the gym five days a week and is then active running.

That's what I was taking from it.

maggiepip

Sugar and trans fats are the absolute worst things you can eat, so I presume its her health you're worried about. That's not being controlling.

It took my husband years nagging me to finally get me to give up sugar and its the best thing I ever did. I don't miss it now, and not only that but my whole appetite has decreased as sugar grows the bad bacteria responsible for making you crave all sorts of junk food.

I would be consistent (but not obsessive and overwhelming) with pointing out the health benefits of quitting junk food. It only becomes controlling if you start emotionally punishing her for eating the stuff. Encourage her to cut down at least (although I think its easier to quit altogether). Buy her a few healthy alternatives like fruit and nut mixes etc to try. Honest to god theres nothing like a portion of prunes to fill you up and satisfy a sugar craving, and they have huge health benefits. I kid you not

Just don't overdo the nagging and never get sulky if she wants to eat a cake, at the end of the day it's her choice.

silverharp

A couple of points , I think its important for a partner to back you up especially if its in an effort of self improvement, its selfish not to. Your girlfriend hasn't in this case. With my own wife if either of us have felt the need to improve how we eat the other person rolls in behind it.
Secondly with an eye on the future , what if she does balloon , will you still find her attractive? Having arguments about what you didn't buy in the shops is odd behaviour and indicates she has genuine issues with food. Its not an issue you should sit on, for her sake and yours

silverharp

maggiepip wrote: »

Sugar and trans fats are the absolute worst things you can eat, so I presume its her health you're worried about. That's not being controlling.

It took my husband years nagging me to finally get me to give up sugar and its the best thing I ever did. I don't miss it now, and not only that but my whole appetite has decreased as sugar grows the bad bacteria responsible for making you crave all sorts of junk food.

I would be consistent (but not obsessive and overwhelming) with pointing out the health benefits of quitting junk food. It only becomes controlling if you start emotionally punishing her for eating the stuff. Encourage her to cut down at least (although I think its easier to quit altogether). Buy her a few healthy alternatives like fruit and nut mixes etc to try. Honest to god theres nothing like a portion of prunes to fill you up and satisfy a sugar craving, and they have huge health benefits. I kid you not

Just don't overdo the nagging and never get sulky if she wants to eat a cake, at the end of the day it's her choice.

The low carb "movement" certainly highlighted some issues with food. And people can actually be addicted to sugar which creates cravings. You could sum it up that a boiled egg for breakfast is much healthier than car by bowl of special k

SB_Part2

CaraMay wrote: »

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

TBH this is what I took up from it as well. Did you have this issue with her before you started eating healthy?

Magicmatilda

inapickle12 wrote: »

The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food. She likes to endulge into chocolate,cake, ice cream and reacts completely different compared to when she just eating healthy/ regular food. The closest comparison is that kick one gets from having a much needed cigarette. I find it gross to look at

Can you describe this reaction in more detail? I think that would help posters to get a picture of what you are talking about?

Keane2baMused

OP how often and how much junk food are you talking about?

Really what may be 'excessive' junk food eating to you could actually be within the norms for most others. It's really odd that you find her eating treat food as repulsive. Is she picking cake up and shoving it into her face??? Or eating it off a plate with a fork?

I love cake myself (don't have it daily and im a normal weight) and if my other half told me he found it repulsive seeing me eat I would show him the door tbh. And maybe eat some more cake in front of him first.

forestgirl

Maybe the answer lies within yourself,you may want to eat that slice of cake but your afraid to.you have got to ask yourself if your girlfriend gives in to you and stops eating all junk food,what then?.will you be posting back here in a few weeks my girlfriend does not exercise enough.it maybe the case that her only fault is that she does not give in to you,their is just no pleasing some people.if her habits are not suiting you rock on

Augme

inapickle12 wrote: »

The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food. She likes to endulge into chocolate,cake, ice cream and reacts completely different compared to when she just eating healthy/ regular food. The closest comparison is that kick one gets from having a much needed cigarette. I find it gross to look at

CaraMay wrote: »

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

The problem is her reaction when eating cake that was gross, not just the simple fact she eats cake.

Augme

Sounds like she has a very unhealthy relationship with food and with her own low self-confidence and it's a vicious circle. It's tough to bring up and I can't see that going well. But looking into the future it's only going to get worse. I wouldn't mention it from a food/weight point of view but maybe ask her about her self-esteem and see what she says.

LegacyUser

Augme has my post summed up
Perhaps my OP wasn't clear but I wanted to give as much information as I could. I don't want to sound controlling(I really don't think I am)
I just think it's very abnormal to act so differently towards eating it. It's as if she gets a kick out of it. It's this difference in behaviour in which I find both repulsive and equally alarming.

Cupcake_Crisis

It sounds a bit like you're trying to force someone into making a lifestyle change their not ready to make. It's great that you have opted for a healthier lifestyle, but trying to push it on others is in no way helpful.

Keane2baMused

inapickle12 wrote: »

Augme has my post summed up
Perhaps my OP wasn't clear but I wanted to give as much information as I could. I don't want to sound controlling(I really don't think I am)
I just think it's very abnormal to act so differently towards eating it. It's as if she gets a kick out of it. It's this difference in behaviour in which I find both repulsive and equally alarming.

Maybe you have the problem OP, you may be seeing a reaction that is nothing more than a pleasure response (albeit excessive, in your opinion) to her eating food she really enjoys??

What is she doesn't want to change how she eats? It's within her rights, free will and all to that!

kunst nugget

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Maybe you have the problem OP, you may be seeing a reaction that is nothing more than a pleasure response (albeit excessive, in your opinion) to her eating food she really enjoys??

What is she doesn't want to change how she eats? It's within her rights, free will and all to that!

And he's within his rights to not like it. Free will and all.

Obviously he has the problem but it is clearly symptomatic of how they approach food differently and is something that is going to become a bigger issue if they continue down different paths in terms of food and fitness.

SarahMollie

OP you havent said how much cake etc we're talking here. A slice or a whole cake? Whats normal to one might be excessive to another.

My BF and I occasionally row about food. He's naturally skinny and I'm not, he knows I struggle to keep things under control. Sinec we've moved in together I think I've actually substantially improved his diet, as he was a big fan of jar sauces and frozen potato wedges etc, whereas I insist on making everything myself. He loves my cooking, is helpful in the kitchen and often comments on how he wouldnt go back to his old ways. That said, if I'm out for the night, he sometimes goes to the chipper, so he's no angel.

He can sometimes eat tonnes of junk because hes hungover/just feels like it/whatever, but if I just fancy some crisps he gives me weird looks and sometimes comments - this is when i lose the head altogether.

Now to be fair this hasnt happened much lately but was a bit of a feature when we first moved in. We had enough "YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" arguments that he now knows how I feel, and that if someone who eats healthily 90% of the time, wants some walkers Sensations.

Maybe try make small changes around the home, healthy substitutions etc, but nagging her will get you nowhere.

zoobizoo

Hold up.

Is it just that she goes "OMG this chocolate fondant is amazing!!!!!"..... because even at my healthiest, I would still react like that with a dessert if it was amazing.

I would use the word amazing and I would tell people "that was the best dessert I've ever eaten".

On the other hand, if my partner was complaining about her weight and at the same time talking about amazing desserts, I would be a bit "well, lay off the cakes" and I would expect her to do the same to me.

LegacyUser

kunst nugget wrote: »

And he's within his rights to not like it. Free will and all.

Not when it forms a controlling behaviour. He may not like how short her skirts are or who she hangs out with or how much makeup she wears next, but he'll be just as wrong to try to control them. Unless what your partner is doing is actually harmful to themselves or others, you have no business trying to change it in this fashion.

Keane2baMused

kunst nugget wrote: »

And he's within his rights to not like it. Free will and all.

Obviously he has the problem but it is clearly symptomatic of how they approach food differently and is something that is going to become a bigger issue if they continue down different paths in terms of food and fitness.

Well that's obvious to be honest. But why should the OP's girlfriend have to change what she enjoys because the OP finds it revolting?

Big difference between someone smelling like an ashtray than someone who loves cake. So long as that person doesn't have a medical/ mental health condition causing them to indulge.

kunst nugget

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Well that's obvious to be honest. But why should the OP's girlfriend have to change what she enjoys because the OP finds it revolting?

She doesn't. I've never said she should. You can't force someone to change by chiding them - you can try and lead by example and hope that's enough encouragement. He either accepts that or moves on.

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Big difference between someone smelling like an ashtray than someone who loves cake. So long as that person doesn't have a medical/ mental health condition causing them to indulge.

Not really when it comes down to what attracts you on a personal level. If he doesn't find it attractive to stuff cake in your mouth, then it's going to be as bad as smelling like an ash tray to him.

Penny Dreadful

CaraMay wrote: »

It's not just the idea of it he finds it gross watching her eat cake etc

My mother has been on one diet or another for as long as I can remember. She also has a bad relationship with food and has an addicition to sugar although she will never agree to that.
I find watching her eat very hard at the best of times and if I see her (which is inevitable) reaching for dessert after having had a big dinner I find it horrible.
She will never had tea and a biscuit (or even two) the odd time. She would eat a whole packet of biscuits.

My father in law has serious serious health problems mostly brought about through his weight problems although he totally ignores this. I find being around him (or his wife who is pretty much the same) at meal times very difficult. Once, after having an evening meal, he ate an entire lemon meringue pie.
It made me want to throw up.

I have no problem in the world with someone taking a bite of an apple tart or chocolate eclair and saying that it is delicious. I'm sure I've done that myself. I've also said it about the perfect apple, a lovely orange, etc, etc.

Seeing people gorge themselves on food is horrible.

Keane2baMused

kunst nugget wrote: »

Not really when it comes down to what attracts you on a personal level. If he doesn't find it attractive to stuff cake in your mouth, then it's going to be as bad as smelling like an ash tray to him.

That's just it. If she was stuffing cake into her mouth and gorging I probably could understand in a way what the OP is saying. He hasn't however actually said she does this. He said she has a love of junk food and gets annoyed if he doesnt buy it, and also that he finds her reaction to it pretty ridiculous/gross.

Maybe the OP can clarify how often she eats this food and how she actually eats it, it would give a clearer picture as to whether it's something more than just loving cake and sweets a little too much.

CaraMay

He never said she gorges and shes not overweight! Sounds like they rushed into living together and now the nitty gritty is irritating him.

SarahMollie

CaraMay wrote: »

He never said she gorges and shes not overweight! Sounds like they rushed into living together and now the nitty gritty is irritating him.

Yeah I suspect this might be right.

The OP itself was too vague on what exactly shes doing so how are we supposed to comment on whether or not its abnormal behavior.


Also, regarding his recent lifestyle change - theres nothing like the morals of a reformed hooker. The OP might just be being really annoying whilst all caught up in his new lifestyle.

Taltos

Mod Note
OK back on topic please. And no more posts berating the OP in the manner some of the above did.
Remember if you can't offer constructive advice in a civil manner please don't post, doing otherwise you run the very real risk that you'll be carded or possibly banned.

dudara

OP - you still haven't managed to explain (to me at least) how she is "obsessed" with junk food. You haven't given us any information to baseline her behaviours against the "norm".

All I am getting at this point from your post is that you do not like her eating cake, and that you find it repulsive. But again, you haven't said why you find it repulsive.

This lack of information is causing a lot of speculation from posters, and hence a lot of debate. It would be great if you can share some more insight.

LegacyUser

OP here,

Sorry about being vague. Since I have changed my lifestyle I have not condoned unhealthy goods in the house nor have I frowned upon her wanting them. I am just concerned. The main thing I am concerned about his her attitude and behavior when consuming them. an example would be with a big tub of ben and jerrys it would be gone in fairly quick(5-10mins) she looses her way and is completely unaware how quickly she gets through it.
Another recent happening was when I was coming home from she asked me to pick up strawberry ice cream, I went to 3 different shops, couldn't find it, found strawberry frozen yougart and brought it home. She was disgusted by this, threw it in the bin and went on a tangent. eventually she found cheese cake which my mother made 2 weeks prior. I had forgotten about it as it wrapped in foil.

I havn't really let on to her. I am posted here for help on how to tackle it as she is very sensitive about her weight and I want constructive advice on how to deal with it.

Carlos Orange

dudara wrote: »

All I am getting at this point from your post is that you do not like her eating cake, and that you find it repulsive. But again, you haven't said why you find it repulsive.

Since it is compared to smoking I presume it is the compulsive element that gets to the OP. That is where I see the overlap between eating and smoking anyway.

LegacyUser

Op without sounding harsh, it is not your job to figure out her eating habits or why she is doing what she is doing. If she's been like this since you both entered into the relationship you have nothing to really go on.
Guaranteed if you mention anything about her eating habits, taking into consideration you have mentioned she is a bit paranoid about her weight, it will drive her binge eating into secret. She will still be eating cake and what not,only it will be in private.
I would nearly bet my life she will get defensive if you bring it up so the best thing you can do is wait till she finally wants to change

maggiepip

Well I'd consider eating a full large tub of ben & jerrys in less than ten minutes binge eating. Consistent food "binges" are more complex than just overeating. A person who binge eats will feel quite overwhelmed by their cravings and lack control over them. If your girlfriend is binge eating I would be careful in how you approach this, as its a far more sensitive issue than just plain old overeating.

Ursus Horribilis

I wonder would it be worth contacting Body Why's for some advice about how to deal with this?

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

Keane2baMused

OP,

I have personal experience of an eating disorder and I have previously met individuals who compulsively eat / binge.

Thread very carefully with your approach to this as this sounds like it could run deeper than you realise. There is a common misconception that eating disorders only apply to very thin people.

I would agree that contacting body whys could be a good start, they can give you advice on what to do.

Hemerodrome

inapickle12 wrote: »

Since I have changed my lifestyle I have not condoned unhealthy goods in the house

You haven't "condoned" what foods don't suit you? I think your controlling attitude is a bigger problem than your girlfriend's eating habits, habits which may be a reflection of her current unhappiness with your attitude to her no matter how well you incorrectly think you hide it.

kunst nugget

Hemerodrome wrote: »

You haven't "condoned" what foods don't suit you? I think your controlling attitude is a bigger problem than your girlfriend's eating habits, habits which may be a reflection of her current unhappiness with your attitude to her no matter how well you incorrectly think you hide it.

It's his fault that she's devouring a large tub of ice cream in ten minutes? Sorry but that is pure nonsense. I'd wager that she's had issues with food long before the OP arrived on the scene and I think it's completely unfair that he's been castigated for being controlling. I think he was concerned about her eating habits, handled it badly when talking to her and came on here looking for advice on how to help her.

OP, I'd check out the link someone posted up above and see if it's of any help to you and your girlfriend.

Edit: also, I get the feeling that condoned was used in the wrong context in his post.

Taltos

Mod Note
Hemerodrome, one poster has already been infracted for taking this line with the OP. There are plenty of ways of getting your point across without making it personal and unless you want to get a card I suggest you reconsider how to post here.

All, as above if you can't keep your advice constructive please don't post. Otherwise we'll have no choice but to issue cards/bans or just to shut this thread down.

SarahMollie

OP it does sound like binge eating . 1 tub (assuming 500ml) of Ben and Jerrys should make a person feel sick if they eat it, its too much to be enjoyable.

You mention she's not overweight despite eating this way. Are there any signs of binging followed by purging. That would be something to be concerned about.

silverharp

A practical suggestion might be to keep a food diary for a week and stock up supplies , it might give you a better idea of what you are dealing with? As well as the obvious junk food include stuff like bread butter and other high calorie savory stuff.

Emme

Odus fell down wrote: »

I wonder would it be worth contacting Body Why's for some advice about how to deal with this?

http://www.bodywhys.ie/

This is the best reply on this thread so far.

OP, if you care about your GF and are willing to work through her binge eating issues contact Bodywhys. If it bothers you too much perhaps you should consider ending the relationship.

I had bulimia in the past which would rear its head during stressful situations. I dated a guy for a little over a year and when we first dated he told me I was too skinny. I was 8 and a half stone. I am 5'5" tall. He started feeding me up with cooked breakfasts when I stayed at his place. He also wanted me to move in with him after a few months. At his insistence I moved in with him after a year of dating. He had always been controlling and mildly verbally abusive and I was too naive to see the warning signs. The controlling and verbal abuse ramped up big time when I moved in with him. He told me I was too fat at 9 stone- the weight gain was partly due to his feeding! My bulimia resurfaced as a reaction to his controlling behavior. When he discovered my bulimia he became physically abusive and unceremoniously threw me out as I was not behaving the way he wanted me to.

I'm not criticizing the OP but his reaction sounds a bit like that of my ex without the physical abuse. Perhaps the stress of moving in together has made his GF's binge eating worse or perhaps it was an issue all the time. Eitherways she needs help and if possible a supportive partner. If she can't have a supportive partner she is better off seeking help alone.

OP you have to decide if you want to help your GF with this issue. If not break up with her as gently as you can and give her a chance to seek help. If she gets proper help she will be able to deal with the binge eating triggers more effectively. It will also help her self eateem and she will have the confidence to attract people into her life who are good for her and not controlling or judgemental. I'm not saying the OP is controlling or judgmental but people with eating disorders sometimes attract people like this.

woodchuck

I'm sorry, but you're her boyfriend not her parent. If she chooses to eat unhealthily, well that's up to her frankly! If you're genuinely concerned about her health, by all means broach the topic in a sensitive manner. But it sounds like you're just disgusted looking at her eating, which is totally different...

kunst nugget

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm sorry, but you're her boyfriend not her parent. If she chooses to eat unhealthily, well that's up to her frankly! If you're genuinely concerned about her health, by all means broach the topic in a sensitive manner. But it sounds like you're just disgusted looking at her eating, which is totally different...

I think that's why the OP posted originally - to find out how to do it in a sensitive manner.

beks101

Does she eat regular meals along with the junk food? Like a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as the sweet stuff?

I'm asking because she sounds totally sugar-addicted, which is something I was for a long time and I controlled my weight by forfeiting actual regular meals to "allow" for sugar binges. No breakfast, often just one proper meal a day, if at all. To look at me I was a healthy, normal weight and that's the problem with eating issues like this. They're not taken seriously, often even by medical professionals who might weigh you or take your BMI as a gauge of how unwell you are.

If her whole diet is out of whack, she may well be malnourished, anaemic, high cholesterol, any number of health issues, without even realizing it. Not to mention the moodiness and crabbiness that comes with the sugar crashes.

It's probably time to say something in a sensitive manner and try to get her to a dietician who can help her to start branching out with healthier foods. For me, it took a long time to finally stop bingeing and commit to a healthy meal plan - I'm talking years. There were a lot of psychological issues at play. But generally if she was eating a balanced diet with enough protein, carbohydrates and healthy fats, the cravings would all but disappear.

woodchuck

kunst nugget wrote: »

I think that's why the OP posted originally - to find out how to do it in a sensitive manner.

I respectfully disagree. The original post doesn't say anything about being concerned for her health. In fact, the OP says she's not heavy. However the original post does state:

The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food.

I find it gross to look at

concerning when we argue over"me not buying biscuits, ice cream etc

To me sounds like the OP simply does not like seeing his girlfriend eating junk food. And doesn't like buying it for her (which is actually fair enough, if she's so fussy about what she wants).

My point is, he's not going to be able to broach the subject without upsetting her unless his problem stems from actually being concerned about her mental and physical health. And it just doesn't sound like that to me...

kunst nugget

woodchuck wrote: »

I respectfully disagree. The original post doesn't say anything about being concerned for her health. In fact, the OP says she's not heavy. However the original post does state: .

The original post said she's not skinny either. In fact it says:

She is highly sensitive when it comes to her belly and I've tried encouraging her by telling her I'd do what I can to help.

woodchuck wrote: »

To me sounds like the OP simply does not like seeing his girlfriend eating junk food. And doesn't like buying it for her (which is actually fair enough, if she's so fussy about what she wants).

The OP has since clarified her eating habits which would be alarming to someone who tries to look after themselves and would be off putting to many.

woodchuck wrote: »

My point is, he's not going to be able to broach the subject without upsetting her unless his problem stems from actually being concerned about her mental and physical health. And it just doesn't sound like that to me...

She has issues with her body image and the weight she's carrying at the moment. Surely trying to encourage her to lose that weight, however misguided he is going about it, is concern for her physical and mental health?

He's come here asking for help in helping her without looking like a control freak but ends up being called a control freak for daring to want to help his girlfriend lose the weight she is sensitive about. If he really had a controlling personality, I sincerely doubt he'd be coming on to the Personal Issues forum looking for tips.