Girlfriend is obsessed with junk food

LegacyUser · 08-03-2016 11:56PM #1

Not sure how to go about this and if really appreciate any input. Is it something to act on or ignore..if I should act on it how do I go about it?I'm with my gf for 6 months now. Things have moved fairly quickly, we live together and we generally get on great. I love her to bits and I know she feels the same. The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food. She likes to endulge into chocolate,cake, ice cream and reacts completely different compared to when she just eating healthy/ regular food. The closest comparison is that kick one gets from having a much needed cigarette. I find it gross to look at and personally concerning when we argue over"me not buying biscuits, ice cream etc. Most times id simply forget however I've stopped altogether purely because I've changed since the new year. I've gone cold turkey off the fags and aligned this with health dieting, running and the gym. I never really had a sweet tooth anyways but I've completely giving it the boot. It's tough but it's something I've always wanted to do and it was something she hated(my smoking)
She isn't skinny likewise she isn't heavy either. She is highly sensitive when it comes to her belly and I've tried encouraging her by telling her I'd do what I can to help. So my issue is how can one help without looking like a control freak.

zoobizoo · 09-03-2016 10:02AM

I don't think that you can.

As for her not being heavy.... she may not be now, but with a diet like that she will be.

Is it a slice of cake after dinner or a whole cake?

Does she exercise at all?

ultimately, is it a problem for her? Because if it isn't, it seems like it will be for you soon.

CaraMay · 09-03-2016 10:07AM

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

LegacyUser · 09-03-2016 10:14AM

You can help her by leaving her alone about it. You've made changes and like a lot of people who give up smoking and change their lifestyle, you start looking at the people around you and decide they should too. Some people start evangelising their new lifestyle and boring everyone around them to tears, a direction you seem to be looking even if you haven't started heading that way just yet. She's not a project and from what you've described there, she's far from obsessed with junk food, she just likes a bit of a treat, same as most of us. She's not at a level that endangering her or doing you any harm and if you have such a problem with this that you can't just ignore it, then it's your problem, not hers and you really should be questioning whether or not you love her. If she decides she needs to make some change, best of luck to her with that, but that's not your decision to make.

zoobizoo · 09-03-2016 10:47AM

CaraMay wrote: »

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

He said it was her obsession with eating junk food that bothers him.

Hardly the definition of controlling behaviour.

kunst nugget · 09-03-2016 10:50AM

To me, it sounds like you've rushed into living with each other and are now only realizing your different approaches to health and fitness. It's great that you've taken the bull by the horns, given up the smokes and are starting to get fit - you're probably doing the exact opposite of most people when they move in with their partner initially which is to pile on the pounds. There's not much you can do but continue keeping fit and hope it encourages her to look after herself. Getting at her to look after herself is probably going to have the opposite effect of encouraging her tbh and do nothing but create resentment.

CaraMay · 09-03-2016 11:00AM

inapickle12 wrote: »

I find it gross to look at.

It's not just the idea of it he finds it gross watching her eat cake etc

kunst nugget · 09-03-2016 11:06AM

CaraMay wrote: »

It's not just the idea of it he finds it gross watching her eat cake etc

I find looking at people eating tinned tuna gross. It's hardly controlling behaviour.

zoobizoo · 09-03-2016 11:10AM

kunst nugget wrote: »

are now only realizing your different approaches to health and fitness. .

Is it less about her eating cake and more the fact that she is doing nothing to counterbalance the calories going in?

I know a girl who loves her cake but she's at the gym five days a week and is then active running.

kunst nugget · 09-03-2016 11:13AM

zoobizoo wrote: »

Is it less about her eating cake and more the fact that she is doing nothing to counterbalance the calories going in?

I know a girl who loves her cake but she's at the gym five days a week and is then active running.

That's what I was taking from it.

maggiepip · 09-03-2016 11:28AM

Sugar and trans fats are the absolute worst things you can eat, so I presume its her health you're worried about. That's not being controlling.

It took my husband years nagging me to finally get me to give up sugar and its the best thing I ever did. I don't miss it now, and not only that but my whole appetite has decreased as sugar grows the bad bacteria responsible for making you crave all sorts of junk food.

I would be consistent (but not obsessive and overwhelming) with pointing out the health benefits of quitting junk food. It only becomes controlling if you start emotionally punishing her for eating the stuff. Encourage her to cut down at least (although I think its easier to quit altogether). Buy her a few healthy alternatives like fruit and nut mixes etc to try. Honest to god theres nothing like a portion of prunes to fill you up and satisfy a sugar craving, and they have huge health benefits. I kid you not

Just don't overdo the nagging and never get sulky if she wants to eat a cake, at the end of the day it's her choice.

silverharp · 09-03-2016 11:39AM

A couple of points , I think its important for a partner to back you up especially if its in an effort of self improvement, its selfish not to. Your girlfriend hasn't in this case. With my own wife if either of us have felt the need to improve how we eat the other person rolls in behind it.
Secondly with an eye on the future , what if she does balloon , will you still find her attractive? Having arguments about what you didn't buy in the shops is odd behaviour and indicates she has genuine issues with food. Its not an issue you should sit on, for her sake and yours

silverharp · 09-03-2016 11:50AM

maggiepip wrote: »

Sugar and trans fats are the absolute worst things you can eat, so I presume its her health you're worried about. That's not being controlling.

It took my husband years nagging me to finally get me to give up sugar and its the best thing I ever did. I don't miss it now, and not only that but my whole appetite has decreased as sugar grows the bad bacteria responsible for making you crave all sorts of junk food.

I would be consistent (but not obsessive and overwhelming) with pointing out the health benefits of quitting junk food. It only becomes controlling if you start emotionally punishing her for eating the stuff. Encourage her to cut down at least (although I think its easier to quit altogether). Buy her a few healthy alternatives like fruit and nut mixes etc to try. Honest to god theres nothing like a portion of prunes to fill you up and satisfy a sugar craving, and they have huge health benefits. I kid you not

Just don't overdo the nagging and never get sulky if she wants to eat a cake, at the end of the day it's her choice.

The low carb "movement" certainly highlighted some issues with food. And people can actually be addicted to sugar which creates cravings. You could sum it up that a boiled egg for breakfast is much healthier than car by bowl of special k

SB_Part2 · 09-03-2016 12:00PM

CaraMay wrote: »

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

TBH this is what I took up from it as well. Did you have this issue with her before you started eating healthy?

Magicmatilda · 09-03-2016 12:04PM

inapickle12 wrote: »

The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food. She likes to endulge into chocolate,cake, ice cream and reacts completely different compared to when she just eating healthy/ regular food. The closest comparison is that kick one gets from having a much needed cigarette. I find it gross to look at

Can you describe this reaction in more detail? I think that would help posters to get a picture of what you are talking about?

Keane2baMused · 09-03-2016 12:08PM

OP how often and how much junk food are you talking about?

Really what may be 'excessive' junk food eating to you could actually be within the norms for most others. It's really odd that you find her eating treat food as repulsive. Is she picking cake up and shoving it into her face??? Or eating it off a plate with a fork?

I love cake myself (don't have it daily and im a normal weight) and if my other half told me he found it repulsive seeing me eat I would show him the door tbh. And maybe eat some more cake in front of him first.

forestgirl · 09-03-2016 12:19PM

Maybe the answer lies within yourself,you may want to eat that slice of cake but your afraid to.you have got to ask yourself if your girlfriend gives in to you and stops eating all junk food,what then?.will you be posting back here in a few weeks my girlfriend does not exercise enough.it maybe the case that her only fault is that she does not give in to you,their is just no pleasing some people.if her habits are not suiting you rock on

Augme · 09-03-2016 12:44PM

inapickle12 wrote: »

The only thing that I can't stand is her obsession with eating junk food. She likes to endulge into chocolate,cake, ice cream and reacts completely different compared to when she just eating healthy/ regular food. The closest comparison is that kick one gets from having a much needed cigarette. I find it gross to look at

CaraMay wrote: »

You find her eating cake gross? You sound really controlling. Just because you d gone on a health kick doesn't mean she has to. What are you saying to her about her weight?

The problem is her reaction when eating cake that was gross, not just the simple fact she eats cake.

Augme · 09-03-2016 12:57PM

Sounds like she has a very unhealthy relationship with food and with her own low self-confidence and it's a vicious circle. It's tough to bring up and I can't see that going well. But looking into the future it's only going to get worse. I wouldn't mention it from a food/weight point of view but maybe ask her about her self-esteem and see what she says.

LegacyUser · 09-03-2016 12:57PM

Augme has my post summed up
Perhaps my OP wasn't clear but I wanted to give as much information as I could. I don't want to sound controlling(I really don't think I am)
I just think it's very abnormal to act so differently towards eating it. It's as if she gets a kick out of it. It's this difference in behaviour in which I find both repulsive and equally alarming.

Cupcake_Crisis · 09-03-2016 01:03PM

It sounds a bit like you're trying to force someone into making a lifestyle change their not ready to make. It's great that you have opted for a healthier lifestyle, but trying to push it on others is in no way helpful.

Keane2baMused · 09-03-2016 01:09PM

inapickle12 wrote: »

Augme has my post summed up
Perhaps my OP wasn't clear but I wanted to give as much information as I could. I don't want to sound controlling(I really don't think I am)
I just think it's very abnormal to act so differently towards eating it. It's as if she gets a kick out of it. It's this difference in behaviour in which I find both repulsive and equally alarming.

Maybe you have the problem OP, you may be seeing a reaction that is nothing more than a pleasure response (albeit excessive, in your opinion) to her eating food she really enjoys??

What is she doesn't want to change how she eats? It's within her rights, free will and all to that!

kunst nugget · 09-03-2016 01:14PM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Maybe you have the problem OP, you may be seeing a reaction that is nothing more than a pleasure response (albeit excessive, in your opinion) to her eating food she really enjoys??

What is she doesn't want to change how she eats? It's within her rights, free will and all to that!

And he's within his rights to not like it. Free will and all.

Obviously he has the problem but it is clearly symptomatic of how they approach food differently and is something that is going to become a bigger issue if they continue down different paths in terms of food and fitness.

SarahMollie · 09-03-2016 01:19PM

OP you havent said how much cake etc we're talking here. A slice or a whole cake? Whats normal to one might be excessive to another.

My BF and I occasionally row about food. He's naturally skinny and I'm not, he knows I struggle to keep things under control. Sinec we've moved in together I think I've actually substantially improved his diet, as he was a big fan of jar sauces and frozen potato wedges etc, whereas I insist on making everything myself. He loves my cooking, is helpful in the kitchen and often comments on how he wouldnt go back to his old ways. That said, if I'm out for the night, he sometimes goes to the chipper, so he's no angel.

He can sometimes eat tonnes of junk because hes hungover/just feels like it/whatever, but if I just fancy some crisps he gives me weird looks and sometimes comments - this is when i lose the head altogether.

Now to be fair this hasnt happened much lately but was a bit of a feature when we first moved in. We had enough "YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" arguments that he now knows how I feel, and that if someone who eats healthily 90% of the time, wants some walkers Sensations.

Maybe try make small changes around the home, healthy substitutions etc, but nagging her will get you nowhere.

zoobizoo · 09-03-2016 01:19PM

Hold up.

Is it just that she goes "OMG this chocolate fondant is amazing!!!!!"..... because even at my healthiest, I would still react like that with a dessert if it was amazing.

I would use the word amazing and I would tell people "that was the best dessert I've ever eaten".

On the other hand, if my partner was complaining about her weight and at the same time talking about amazing desserts, I would be a bit "well, lay off the cakes" and I would expect her to do the same to me.

LegacyUser · 09-03-2016 01:23PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

And he's within his rights to not like it. Free will and all.

Not when it forms a controlling behaviour. He may not like how short her skirts are or who she hangs out with or how much makeup she wears next, but he'll be just as wrong to try to control them. Unless what your partner is doing is actually harmful to themselves or others, you have no business trying to change it in this fashion.

Keane2baMused · 09-03-2016 01:29PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

And he's within his rights to not like it. Free will and all.

Obviously he has the problem but it is clearly symptomatic of how they approach food differently and is something that is going to become a bigger issue if they continue down different paths in terms of food and fitness.

Well that's obvious to be honest. But why should the OP's girlfriend have to change what she enjoys because the OP finds it revolting?

Big difference between someone smelling like an ashtray than someone who loves cake. So long as that person doesn't have a medical/ mental health condition causing them to indulge.

kunst nugget · 09-03-2016 01:42PM

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Well that's obvious to be honest. But why should the OP's girlfriend have to change what she enjoys because the OP finds it revolting?

She doesn't. I've never said she should. You can't force someone to change by chiding them - you can try and lead by example and hope that's enough encouragement. He either accepts that or moves on.

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Big difference between someone smelling like an ashtray than someone who loves cake. So long as that person doesn't have a medical/ mental health condition causing them to indulge.

Not really when it comes down to what attracts you on a personal level. If he doesn't find it attractive to stuff cake in your mouth, then it's going to be as bad as smelling like an ash tray to him.

Penny Dreadful · 09-03-2016 01:57PM

CaraMay wrote: »

It's not just the idea of it he finds it gross watching her eat cake etc

My mother has been on one diet or another for as long as I can remember. She also has a bad relationship with food and has an addicition to sugar although she will never agree to that.
I find watching her eat very hard at the best of times and if I see her (which is inevitable) reaching for dessert after having had a big dinner I find it horrible.
She will never had tea and a biscuit (or even two) the odd time. She would eat a whole packet of biscuits.

My father in law has serious serious health problems mostly brought about through his weight problems although he totally ignores this. I find being around him (or his wife who is pretty much the same) at meal times very difficult. Once, after having an evening meal, he ate an entire lemon meringue pie.
It made me want to throw up.

I have no problem in the world with someone taking a bite of an apple tart or chocolate eclair and saying that it is delicious. I'm sure I've done that myself. I've also said it about the perfect apple, a lovely orange, etc, etc.

Seeing people gorge themselves on food is horrible.

Keane2baMused · 09-03-2016 02:17PM

kunst nugget wrote: »

Not really when it comes down to what attracts you on a personal level. If he doesn't find it attractive to stuff cake in your mouth, then it's going to be as bad as smelling like an ash tray to him.

That's just it. If she was stuffing cake into her mouth and gorging I probably could understand in a way what the OP is saying. He hasn't however actually said she does this. He said she has a love of junk food and gets annoyed if he doesnt buy it, and also that he finds her reaction to it pretty ridiculous/gross.

Maybe the OP can clarify how often she eats this food and how she actually eats it, it would give a clearer picture as to whether it's something more than just loving cake and sweets a little too much.

CaraMay · 09-03-2016 02:23PM

He never said she gorges and shes not overweight! Sounds like they rushed into living together and now the nitty gritty is irritating him.

Girlfriend is obsessed with junk food

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