Are you easily intimidated?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-03-2016 03:12PM #1

An incident a few weeks ago got me thinking. I would say I'm strong enough as a person, wouldn't be insecure or overly nervous as a person. I'd like to think I could stand up for myself if the need ever arose.

However, the only times I seem to be easily intimated are on nights out. And some men - both old and young - seem to enjoy intimidating women. Maybe they don't mean to, and perhaps I'm overly sensitive. But in the past 6 weeks there have been three incidents I felt a bit vulnerable. It's usually when I'm by myself, and it could be young lads in a car sounding the horn as they drive past, or it could be older men making lewd comments out loud if you're walking past.

I am fine in other awkward situations, I'm confident in most other aspects of my life. But I'm curious to find out what other people's weaknesses are to make them doubt their confidence.

07-03-2016 03:23PM

Physically, I can be easily intimidated. I'm under 5ft, so nearly everyone alive over the age of 12 is bigger than I am. I've had one guy tell me I'd be easy to put in a wheelchair, and on another occasion a stranger picked me up as I was leaving a bar and threw me across a table of drinks to his friend, and other incidents like the one in the OP. Things like that can leave you shaken and feeling very vulnerable.

I can't say there's any other situation I'd be intimidated in, I'm fairly confident in all other situations both professional and personal.

Your Face · 07-03-2016 03:26PM

I worry about my potential reaction if I felt genuinely intimidated.

dinorebel · 07-03-2016 03:27PM

I am the danger.

Junkyard Tom · 07-03-2016 03:29PM

I'm delicate like a butterfly.

Speedwell · 07-03-2016 03:31PM

Who's asking? :P

Yamanoto · 07-03-2016 03:31PM

Candie wrote: »

...on another occasion a stranger picked me up as I was leaving a bar and threw me across a table of drinks to his friend...

Mike Tindall?

seamus · 07-03-2016 03:33PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

An incident a few weeks ago got me thinking. I would say I'm strong enough as a person, wouldn't be insecure or overly nervous as a person. I'd like to think I could stand up for myself if the need ever arose.

I guess the thing about physical intimidation is that it doesn't really matter how confident you are as a person, or how well you'd handle yourself in a fight.

The vast majority of people don't want to get into physical conflicts and naturally fear being injured. So any kind of behaviour that leads you to believe an assault may happen, will intimidate you.

Even if you're pretty sure you'd lay the guy flat on his back, you don't really want to have to test that out, because you may be wrong.

People who aren't easily intimidated are the kind who end up in a fight every now and again because they don't really fear getting hurt. These are the kind of people who'll turn up to the pub with a cut on their nose or their face a couple of times a year while the rest of us haven't been in any kind of fight since we were 14.

07-03-2016 03:33PM

Yamanoto wrote: »

Mike Tindall?

It was very frightening and left me shaken and wary for a long time. I'd like to laugh about it but when I think about it, the memory makes me tremble.

Frowzy · 07-03-2016 03:34PM

I never felt intimidated until recently when someone became physically aggressive with me. I'm a confident person who always considered myself able to look after me but I just froze, shock I think. To be honest if he hadn't stopped I don't think I could have done anything!

So I'm going to take a self defence class and never allow myself to be put in that position again. Although I'll learn from experience so I'll be ready if it happens again.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-03-2016 03:37PM

Candie wrote: »

It was very frightening and left me shaken and wary for a long time. I'd like to laugh about it but when I think about it, the memory makes me tremble.

I think as soon as another person puts their hands on you, uninvited, they're fair game for a kick in the nuts.

07-03-2016 03:39PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think as soon as another person puts their hands on you, uninvited, they're fair game for a kick in the nuts.

Absolutely, if you get the chance.

Penny Tration · 07-03-2016 03:42PM

I'm very easily intimidated.

I work all the time on being assertive, but I find it incredibly difficult to stand up for myself.

If someone speaks harshly to me, I'm intimidated. If someone shouts at me, I'm intimidated. If someone slags me in a nasty way, I'm intimidated. If someone squares up to me or gets physically intimidating, I'm terrified and intimidated (probably doesn't help that I'm aboit 5'1).

Pretty much everyone who isn't pleasant and friendly, scares me.

I'm working on it though

Peregrine · 07-03-2016 03:51PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think as soon as another person puts their hands on you, uninvited, they're fair game for a kick in the nuts.

A pre-emptive assault?

Push them, slap them but potentially harming them for life before they do anything is a bit much.

It's been trivialised and popularised as a comedic device but people don't really think like this, do they?

07-03-2016 03:53PM

Peregrine wrote: »

A pre-emptive assault?

Push them, slap them but potentially harming them for life before they do anything is a bit much.

It's been trivialised and popularised as a comedic device but people don't really think like this, do they?

I think she means if someone is trying to harm you and you need to get away asap.

Mint Aero · 07-03-2016 03:54PM

Not me buddy. I'm a grasshopper leaping in the dark at night pouncing on my prey

everlast75 · 07-03-2016 03:57PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think as soon as another person puts their hands on you, uninvited, they're fair game for a kick in the nuts.

Peregrine wrote: »

A pre-emptive assault?

Push them, slap them but potentially harming them for life before they do anything is a bit much.

It's been trivialised and popularised as a comedic device but people don't really think like this, do they?

Its not pre-emptive as putting one's hands on another person can be legally interpreted as assault. In fact, you don't need to physically touch someone for assault to occur*

If it is in a threatening manner, a kick in the nuts is proper in my view and is self-defence.

*An assault is carried out by a threat of bodily harm coupled with an apparent, present ability to cause the harm.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-03-2016 03:58PM

Peregrine wrote: »

A pre-emptive assault?

Push them, slap them but potentially harming them for life before they do anything is a bit much.

It's been trivialised and popularised as a comedic device but people don't really think like this, do they?

Can I just say I've never actually done it, that said generally if a stranger in a pub is touching me, telling them to stop is enough. Only Friday evening I had to tell some old fella to take his hands off my waist. He made a joke about me being cross but he took his hands away. No crotch kicking needed.

In candies situation, where someone physically picked her up and threw her to another person? Fuc k that noise. If anyone tried pick me up like that, doubtful and all as that is to happen, I wouldn't think twice to lobbing one in their nuts.

You don't touch strangers or pick someone up just because she's smaller than you, and if you feel unsafe then fight back as best you can to get yourself out of the situation

uck51js9zml2yt · 07-03-2016 03:59PM

I'm not intimidated, its just that people scare me

07-03-2016 04:02PM

Peregrine wrote: »

A pre-emptive assault?

Push them, slap them but potentially harming them for life before they do anything is a bit much.

It's been trivialised and popularised as a comedic device but people don't really think like this, do they?

This is bugging me.

In my case I was picked up by a person behind me, whom I couldn't even see. They threw me across a table of glasses, and I nearly hit it. I did hit his friend and fell, hurting myself badly in the process. It was an assault, and it could have had much more serious consequences than it did.

If I'd had the chance of stopping him going further when he first touched me with the intention of using me as a missile, I'd have taken it.

So yes, people do think like that when they're under threat. My safety isn't something you compromise for comedic effect or trivialise either.

LeeLooLee · 07-03-2016 04:04PM

Candie wrote: »

This is bugging me.

In my case I was picked up by a person behind me, whom I couldn't even see. They threw me across a table of glasses, and I nearly hit it. I did hit his friend and fell, hurting myself badly in the process. It was an assault, and it could have had much more serious consequences than it did.

If I'd had the chance of stopping him going further when he first touched me with the intention of using me as a missile, I'd have taken it.

So yes, people do think like that when they're under threat. My safety isn't something you compromise for comedic effect or trivialise either.

I'm actually beyond shocked at this. Were they strangers?

07-03-2016 04:05PM

LeeLooLee wrote: »

I'm actually beyond shocked at this. Were they strangers?

Total strangers.

Darkglasses · 07-03-2016 04:09PM

I'm not easily intimidated, although I don't bother my hole arguing with anyone.

LeeLooLee · 07-03-2016 04:09PM

Candie wrote: »

Total strangers.

Jaysus. What did you do?

07-03-2016 04:11PM

LeeLooLee wrote: »

Jaysus. What did you do?

The bouncers kicked them out instead of hanging on to them, the cops were called but there was no sign of them when they arrived. CCTV was taken and all that, but nothing happened and I was told what a lucky girl I was that I wasn't hurt.

Lucky, lucky, me.

LeeLooLee · 07-03-2016 04:15PM

Candie wrote: »

The bouncers kicked them out instead of hanging on to them, the cops were called but there was no sign of them when they arrived. CCTV was taken and all that, but nothing happened and I was told what a lucky girl I was that I wasn't hurt.

Lucky, lucky, me.

Glad you weren't seriously hurt, but I'd be so raging that they never had to face the consequences of their actions. What a bunch of pr1cks! I know how people tend to manhandle small people because something similar to what happened to you happened to my brother, but it was his own 'mates' messing around. What sort of subhuman scumbag would throw a woman, a stranger across as table?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 07-03-2016 04:15PM

Scumbags, guess they can feel very manly and masculine and clap each other on the back knowing they only stood a chance against a tiny woman.
Some boys alright.

intheclouds · 07-03-2016 04:15PM

Yes I am easily physically intimidated. Ive had a lot of knee surgery and cant move suddenly or easily as a result. So I am always afraid I might be in a situation where I need to run but I cant - I can run, but it takes my leg some time to warm up.

Olishi4 · 07-03-2016 04:20PM

Looking back, there have been quite a few occasions where I was physically intimidated.

Heading into college once and an old man tried to grope me in broad daylight. I was shocked tbh. A few people saw him but no one asked if I was ok.

Once I was waiting at a bus stop and a man passing by randomly put his hand on my head and ruffled my hair aggressively. Also had my backside slapped by one of a group of lads while I was standing at traffic lights. My friend shouted something to them but they just laughed and walked on.

The worst was when I was on a bus, sitting at the back seat. A man was sitting directly across from me. He was staring at me and seemed agitated. Then he tried to make conversation. I am usually very approachable and chatty but something was a bit off about him. He asked me where I was going so I said I was going to meet my boyfriend. Then I just kept looking out the window. He got up and switched seats and then sat right beside me. A bit too close and was still looking at me. Then he moved back and sat directly across from me. I got up to put my coat on but he must have thought I was getting off the bus so he started to walk to get off but when I sat back down, he went upstairs. A few stops later, he came back down and started staring at me again. I was getting off at the last stop so I waited until he left before leaving the bus. I was still ****ting myself when I got off the bus though.

07-03-2016 04:20PM

LeeLooLee wrote: »

Glad you weren't seriously hurt, but I'd be so raging that they never had to face the consequences of their actions. What a bunch of pr1cks! I know how people tend to manhandle small people because something similar to what happened to you happened to my brother, but it was his own 'mates' messing around. What sort of subhuman scumbag would throw a woman, a stranger across as table?

Well, I was raging but it wasn't getting me anywhere to rage over it so at some point I have to let it go or it'd eat me up.

Their defence was that they were 'only messing'.

I've been picked up before, not lately though. True to type, these guys pick on the smallest, youngest people they can target. People who don't look like they won't do anything about being abused.

Peregrine · 07-03-2016 04:24PM

Candie wrote: »

I think she means if someone is trying to harm you and you need to get away asap.

That would make more sense.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

In candies situation, where someone physically picked her up and threw her to another person? Fuc k that noise. If anyone tried pick me up like that, doubtful and all as that is to happen, I wouldn't think twice to lobbing one in their nuts.

Candie wrote: »

This is bugging me.

In my case I was picked up by a person behind me, whom I couldn't even see. They threw me across a table of glasses, and I nearly hit it. I did hit his friend and fell, hurting myself badly in the process. It was an assault, and it could have had much more serious consequences than it did.

If I'd had the chance of stopping him going further when he first touched me with the intention of using me as a missile, I'd have taken it.

So yes, people do think like that when they're under threat. My safety isn't something you compromise for comedic effect or trivialise either.

That's a very serious assault and you'd be entitled to do everything in your power to stop it. It's just entirely different to the kind of situation I interpreted from this:

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I think as soon as another person puts their hands on you, uninvited, they're fair game for a kick in the nuts.

Are you easily intimidated?

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