Fat, unattractive and let myself go

You can be upset all you want but you should be thankful that he loves you enough to voice these concerns to your face.

The only question is Is he right?

If you havent been making an effort then perhaps you should. A wedding ring isnt an excuse not to work on you or your relationship.

Wow. Just wow. Unless he said it as a result of you moaning about putting on weight (but with one hand in the biscuit tin) then that is an incredibly hurtful and insensitive thing to say. Is he a fitness fanatic? Or intolerant in general?

discus wrote: »

When should he bring it up though? 10lbs? 20lbs? The more it goes on, the harder it is to shift. There's is no 'sensitive' way of bringing it up. Weight gain is weight gain, its happening, he's seeing a trend and he's bringing it up now.

Bringing it up isn't the issue, it's when he brought it up. An argument is not the right atmosphere to start pointing out your partners flaws. It just looks like you're saying it to be hurtful not helpful. If you want to raise a sensitive issue like this you pick your time, calling someone fat and unattractive when your angry is a ****ty thing to do even if you have a point.

6 lb over xmas is not much of anything and your husband isn't right to have a go at you over this.

That said, has your weight ever fluctuated before? The only thing i can think of that would cause your husband to react like this is some fear borne out of the recent marriage. Perhaps he thinks that you think its fine to let yourself go since the ring is on the finger? As the tired old cliche goes.

Maybe see first if you can weed out any insecurity that's causing him to act this way rather than stridently telling him to mind his effing business first. That is of course if this is an out of character behaviour to begin with?

I can weigh 6lbs heavier just after my bloomin' dinner.
Him pointing out that she put on weight or telling her its unattractive isnt the issue here.

Its him thinking she should take care of her physical appearance for ANYONE except herself.

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Its him thinking she should take care of her physical appearance for ANYONE except herself.

Relationships are built on compromise and doing things for you other half. If the husband just decided not to bother washing himself, or brushing his teeth than the partner I think has every right to bring it up and feel annoyed about it. If you want to life a live where you can just do things for yourself then you should never get married or at least tell your partner that will be your attitude.

Augme wrote: »

Relationships are built on compromise and doing things for you other half. If the husband just decided not to bother washing himself, or brushing his teeth than the partner I think has every right to bring it up and feel annoyed about it. If you want to life a live where you can just do things for yourself then you should never get married or at least tell your partner that will be your attitude.

True, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere near that stage - she said herself after *6lb* weight gain post xmas she's tall and just about a size 10, implying on the small side of a 10. Really, would that count as letting yourself go??

Taboola wrote: »

It can be very disheartening if you're killing yourself in the gym a few times a week and limiting your favourite food

Yeah but does OP ask him to 'kill himself at the gym'? Maybe she'd prefer him to be at home, spending time with her, helping her unload the dishwasher, watching a movie together.

Maybe him dumping his sweaty clothes and towels in the laundry basket and going on in excruciating detail about how he spent x amount of time on one machine and lifted y kgs z times is boring the face off the OP and turning her off way more than less than half a stone is turning him off.

Apparently it's important to stay attractive to your partner so does this not include maintaining your personality too and not becoming a giant, judgemental arse? Or now that he has a ring on his finger does that mean he can treat his wife however he wants? Less as a living, breathing human being but more like an object which has become slightly distasteful to him and therefore must be restored before possibly becoming even more so.

I think the OP's husband is being unfair. If she was very busy and hadn't time to go to the gym those 6 lbs can go on very easily, especially if she was training hard before. Some women put on 6 lb coming up to their period and it comes off again. It sounds like the OP would easily have lost that weight if she wasn't so busy and her husband hadn't brought it up.

Did you change medication such as the pill when you got married? That could explain the weight gain. If its a new pill tell your husband you will go off the pill, lose the weight but that he can't have any nookie

Do you have any children together? If you do get pregnant and have children you will have to put the wellbeing of the children first and not worry so much about your weight. Obviously stay healthy and don't put on too much weight but with a new baby you can't stress about 2 or 3 lbs. Would your husband be happy with this? If not do you want children? If you do perhaps he isn't father material in that he is more interested in your body being perfect than supporting you if you become a mother.

It sounds like the OP was at a very high, maybe even elite, level of fitness. That is very hard to maintain long-term and especially hard to maintain if life gets busy or stressful. Her husband needs a reality check. If he was too busy to go to the gym or had to stop training for a few weeks due to unforeseen circumstances he would lose muscle and maybe gain some weight as well.

OP tell your husband it is unrealistic to expect you to be perfect all the time. Marriage is about supporting each other through hard times and responsibilities. If he can't support you through a hard time at work and flips because you have gained a small amount of weight you need to discuss this. Tell him you can and will lose the 6 lb over a realistic period of time but that you can't look like a supermodel all the time. Real life isn't like that.

Who is doing the cooking. If it's you just suggest your partner that if he wants to make sure you both eat healthy food maybe he should start preparing all the meals.

I have no problem with gentle reminders about excessive weight gain or unhealthy habits because sometimes we need a bit of a kick but what was said to op was insulting, mean and shallow.

Detached Retina wrote: »

True, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere near that stage - she said herself after *6lb* weight gain post xmas she's tall and just about a size 10, implying on the small side of a 10. Really, would that count as letting yourself go??

In situations like this I generally take most things said with a pinch of salt. If (and that's probably a big if) she has only gained 6lbs and is a tall size 10 then I wouldn't count it as letting herself go.