Fat, unattractive and let myself go

LegacyUser

Just looking for some feedback back on the following.

Just after a fight with my husband only married a few months but apparently I've gotten fat and let myself go which he finds unattractive. Fair enough I've had a busy few months and with Christmas I have put on 6 pounds but am a tall size 10 at the most. I think that is a fairly average weight.

His argument is that I don't look after what I eat or that I should be doing exercise. I should watch what I eat and take care of myself like he does. We were together 5+ yes before we got married and nothing about the way I eat has changed. I have never commented on his appearance or have asked him to change and I'm shocked that he has said this to me.

He said he looks after himself for me and that I should be doing the same for him. Really hurt and upset that he has even said and am thinking imagine how unattractive he will find me if I ever get pregnant.

Am I being over sensitive or am I right to be upset?

Thanks
Guest16

Lucyfur

Hi OP,

I've moved your thread to Relationship Issues.

all the best,

Lucy.

Mr. Incognito

You can be upset all you want but you should be thankful that he loves you enough to voice these concerns to your face.

The only question is Is he right?

If you havent been making an effort then perhaps you should. A wedding ring isnt an excuse not to work on you or your relationship.

eviltwin

A weight gain of 6lbs does not equal letting yourself go. Even if you are starting to gain weight there is a way of bringing it up that that is sensitive. I would be wary of someone who deals with arguments by trying to make you feel bad. Can I ask what is he normally like when you have an argument?

njs030

How much weight have you put on through your relationship? 6lb at Christmas isn't a lot but 6lb every Christmas for 5 years is 2 stone!

As we get older we need more exercise to stay looking the same. If he genuinely isn't nasty the rest of the time then maybe you need to look at your health.

Daisy78

I'm sorry but that's ridiculous. You said your a size 10, which is what most women would aspire to be. If he has issue over you putting on a mere 6 pounds than I think he is your problem not your weight gain. Fair enough if it was a couple of stone but a few pounds? Cmon.

coolcat63

Wow. Just wow. Unless he said it as a result of you moaning about putting on weight (but with one hand in the biscuit tin) then that is an incredibly hurtful and insensitive thing to say. Is he a fitness fanatic? Or intolerant in general?

discus

When should he bring it up though? 10lbs? 20lbs? The more it goes on, the harder it is to shift. There's is no 'sensitive' way of bringing it up. Weight gain is weight gain, its happening, he's seeing a trend and he's bringing it up now.

eviltwin

discus wrote: »

When should he bring it up though? 10lbs? 20lbs? The more it goes on, the harder it is to shift. There's is no 'sensitive' way of bringing it up. Weight gain is weight gain, its happening, he's seeing a trend and he's bringing it up now.

Bringing it up isn't the issue, it's when he brought it up. An argument is not the right atmosphere to start pointing out your partners flaws. It just looks like you're saying it to be hurtful not helpful. If you want to raise a sensitive issue like this you pick your time, calling someone fat and unattractive when your angry is a ****ty thing to do even if you have a point.

njs030

eviltwin wrote: »

A weight gain of 6lbs does not equal letting yourself go. Even if you are starting to gain weight there is a way of bringing it up that that is sensitive. I would be wary of someone who deals with arguments by trying to make you feel bad. Can I ask what is he normally like when you have an argument?

I picked up the arguement was about him saying it rather than a general row that he threw this comment into.

Maybe Op could clarify as it would mean very different things depending on how he went about it.

Virgil°

6 lb over xmas is not much of anything and your husband isn't right to have a go at you over this.

That said, has your weight ever fluctuated before? The only thing i can think of that would cause your husband to react like this is some fear borne out of the recent marriage. Perhaps he thinks that you think its fine to let yourself go since the ring is on the finger? As the tired old cliche goes.

Maybe see first if you can weed out any insecurity that's causing him to act this way rather than stridently telling him to mind his effing business first. That is of course if this is an out of character behaviour to begin with?

eviltwin

notjustsweet wrote: »

I picked up the arguement was about him saying it rather than a general row that he threw this comment into.

Maybe Op could clarify as it would mean very different things depending on how he went about it.

You could be right. I took it he said it after a fight but if the comment was what triggered the fight it's a different thing altogether

ShaShaBear

I can weigh 6lbs heavier just after my bloomin' dinner.
Him pointing out that she put on weight or telling her its unattractive isnt the issue here.

Its him thinking she should take care of her physical appearance for ANYONE except herself.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies,

I'm still really annoyed so I actually just checked my BMI its 21.4 so definitely not overweight. BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9 (Normal Weight) I'm the same as any other female friend I know sure when its the time of the month the average female can gain 1-6 pounds due to water retention.

He knows how stressed and busy I was in Dec/Jan working 60 hour + weeks due to Christmas period and extra work, I'm literally just getting time to do anything other than work and sleep so not sure where I was supposed to pack in exercise in the last few months.

No we were not fighting at the time, we had a fight at the weekend (we don't actually fight much believe it or not) and he said something along the lines that I had a fat gut or something like that cant remember the exact words. I didn't even bother acknowledging it as he usually throws something like that in a middle of a fight. Fight was something stupid that was blown out of proportion by both of us and was sorted. I said to him last night that I didn't really like how he always makes comments like that during fights so that's what prompted the "conversation" last night.

I Have barely spoke to him since except to say how disgusted I am at him, he is defending himself by saying I took it up wrong. Not sure how I could have taken up the fact that he called me fat, unattractive with the extra weight and that I have let myself go.

As far as I'm concerned at the minute he is being a d**khead..

Guest16

Augme

ShaShaBear wrote: »

Its him thinking she should take care of her physical appearance for ANYONE except herself.

Relationships are built on compromise and doing things for you other half. If the husband just decided not to bother washing himself, or brushing his teeth than the partner I think has every right to bring it up and feel annoyed about it. If you want to life a live where you can just do things for yourself then you should never get married or at least tell your partner that will be your attitude.

Taboola

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I can weigh 6lbs heavier just after my bloomin' dinner.

If I put on 2lbs it would be vey noticeable. Some people show weight gain more than other. The 6lbs might look ok with clothes on but maybe her husband is finding her naked body unattractive.

I don't think it was right for him to bring it up the way he did but at the same time the OP should be looking after herself and not 'letting herself go'. Being physically attracted to someone is crucial to any relationship and weight issues cause so many problems down the line so I don't see a harm in nipping them in the bud quickly.

She said he looks after himself. It can be very disheartening if you're killing yourself in the gym a few times a week and limiting your favourite foods only to see your partner do nothing, eat what they want and put on weight.

Detached Retina

Augme wrote: »

Relationships are built on compromise and doing things for you other half. If the husband just decided not to bother washing himself, or brushing his teeth than the partner I think has every right to bring it up and feel annoyed about it. If you want to life a live where you can just do things for yourself then you should never get married or at least tell your partner that will be your attitude.

True, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere near that stage - she said herself after *6lb* weight gain post xmas she's tall and just about a size 10, implying on the small side of a 10. Really, would that count as letting yourself go??

njs030

Detached Retina wrote: »

True, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere near that stage - she said herself after *6lb* weight gain post xmas she's tall and just about a size 10, implying on the small side of a 10. Really, would that count as letting yourself go??

A 6lb weight gain plus loss of muscle tone can massively change how someone looks naked while not really affecting clothes size.

LegacyUser

6pounds is just shy of half a stone, yeah?
I've been following Operation Transformation the last few weeks, & they're "only" losing on average 2 points a week - & that's starting from an extremely heavy weight,& putting in a lot of hard work re diet& exercise.
So whilst the 6 pounds (or almost half a stone) might have crept up on OP over Xmas, it'll be hard enough to shift.
Cut the husband some slack, his delivery might have been found wanting, but at least he's trying to communicate his concern.

CaraMay

Omg I can't believe people are agreeing with him over 6 lb. that's shocking. Is he nasty in other ways op?

Lisacatlover

I'd hazard a guess that this is the most tangible manifestation of a general feeling for him of you not putting enough effort into the relationship. He's latched onto the weight gain as an opening to express his dissatisfaction with you taking the relationship and him for granted. Try coming at it from that perspective.

kylith

A 6lb weight gain is easy to do, and his reaction would have me querying whether a) he is incapable of bringing up something like this in a tactful manner and b) what would he be like if she had a medical condition that made her put on weight, or was struggling to lose baby weight.

I don't think it's necessarily something to split over, OP, but I'd recommend that you sit him down and calmly tell him that you found the way in which he brought it up very hurtful and upsetting. His reaction to that should speak volumes about the type of person he is.

MistyCheese

Taboola wrote: »

It can be very disheartening if you're killing yourself in the gym a few times a week and limiting your favourite food

Yeah but does OP ask him to 'kill himself at the gym'? Maybe she'd prefer him to be at home, spending time with her, helping her unload the dishwasher, watching a movie together.

Maybe him dumping his sweaty clothes and towels in the laundry basket and going on in excruciating detail about how he spent x amount of time on one machine and lifted y kgs z times is boring the face off the OP and turning her off way more than less than half a stone is turning him off.

Apparently it's important to stay attractive to your partner so does this not include maintaining your personality too and not becoming a giant, judgemental arse? Or now that he has a ring on his finger does that mean he can treat his wife however he wants? Less as a living, breathing human being but more like an object which has become slightly distasteful to him and therefore must be restored before possibly becoming even more so.

LegacyUser

I find this post crazy. 6 pounds is letting yourself go and he is now unattracted to you? You're right op I wouldn't be getting pregnant with him anytime soon.
As the op said, nothing about her eating habits have changed in general so what gives him the right to now criticise her?

Emme

I think the OP's husband is being unfair. If she was very busy and hadn't time to go to the gym those 6 lbs can go on very easily, especially if she was training hard before. Some women put on 6 lb coming up to their period and it comes off again. It sounds like the OP would easily have lost that weight if she wasn't so busy and her husband hadn't brought it up.

Did you change medication such as the pill when you got married? That could explain the weight gain. If its a new pill tell your husband you will go off the pill, lose the weight but that he can't have any nookie

Do you have any children together? If you do get pregnant and have children you will have to put the wellbeing of the children first and not worry so much about your weight. Obviously stay healthy and don't put on too much weight but with a new baby you can't stress about 2 or 3 lbs. Would your husband be happy with this? If not do you want children? If you do perhaps he isn't father material in that he is more interested in your body being perfect than supporting you if you become a mother.

It sounds like the OP was at a very high, maybe even elite, level of fitness. That is very hard to maintain long-term and especially hard to maintain if life gets busy or stressful. Her husband needs a reality check. If he was too busy to go to the gym or had to stop training for a few weeks due to unforeseen circumstances he would lose muscle and maybe gain some weight as well.

OP tell your husband it is unrealistic to expect you to be perfect all the time. Marriage is about supporting each other through hard times and responsibilities. If he can't support you through a hard time at work and flips because you have gained a small amount of weight you need to discuss this. Tell him you can and will lose the 6 lb over a realistic period of time but that you can't look like a supermodel all the time. Real life isn't like that.

Teyla Emmagan

6lb is hardly enough to see on a tall person OP. Maybe if you were 5 foot, but you're not. He was obviously just looking for something to have a go at you over. Have you been mentioning the 6lbs a lot or something? Most people couldn't even notice 6lb on anyone else. Either way, if that upsets him Lord help you if you ever get pregnant.

meeeeh

Who is doing the cooking. If it's you just suggest your partner that if he wants to make sure you both eat healthy food maybe he should start preparing all the meals.

I have no problem with gentle reminders about excessive weight gain or unhealthy habits because sometimes we need a bit of a kick but what was said to op was insulting, mean and shallow.

PinkLemonade

If your husband had suggested you both cut out desserts for a while and get more active before you get fat that'd be one thing- but the way he said it was in my opinion inexcusable.

Do you plan on having kids? Does he realise the affect it could have on your body? What if you get stretch marks? What if your skin sags? What happens when you start to age?

I think people do need to take pride in their appearance, and it is selfish to let yourself go thinking your partner has to put up with it, but the other extreme - abusive name calling over 6 pounds - is far worse IMO

squonk

Being blunt he sounds like a jerk. the way you wrote his comments OP he sounds like one of those health obsessed gym dwellers who post on FB all the time about their workouts and generally annoy the shíte out of everyone else with their posts. I notice those people too are always ready to tell other people they're overweight and need to be out exercising and running marathons like they are.

I'm sorry you have to put up with that sort of crap. Maybe have a chat with him and tell him to cop himself on. It's fine if you enjoy working out and are really into that. Different people have verying standards too. For some they just want to be fit, for others they want to lose weight and others will want to run the Dublin City Marathon. Everybody's health situation is different too so you can't necessarilly look at someone and start giving them crap about their weight or appearance without walkign a mile in their shoes first.

It's only 6 pounds and if it was something like a few stone and getting to the stage where your health was gong to be adversly affected then it might be time to sit you down and have a realistic chat and working through options, offering help and support but it's 6 pounds!

As you both age your bodies will change so if he's primarilly interested in looks and how you and he appear then he has some shocks awaiting him over the life of your marriage. I wouldn't have believed any man could carry on like this with someone he loved until you posted here OP. It's one thing taking potshots at co-workers and friends but you'd think that should be cut out for your wife. If you were dating a while it'd be bad enough but you're his wife! Crazy! It's disgraceful.

bluetomato

Emme wrote: »

Some women put on 6 lb coming up to their period and it comes off again.

Sure, sometimes the scales says you're 6 lbs heavier coming up to your period but it's only water weight, you haven't actually 'put on' anything, you haven't gained fat.
Go to google images and google 5lbs fat for example, it's actually a pretty big amount, especially if it is going to one particular spot more so than if it's spread evenly all over the body.

Theamia, what is your husband normally like as a person to you? Does he usually make personal comments in a fight? Has he ever judged your appearance harshly before? Did he ever make you feel good about yourself.

Is your diet mostly healthy or is it really unhealthy? I know some people who eat healthy food all the time would feel a bit sick when they see what other people eat if it's junk on a daily basis.....more so from a health perspective. Did your husband mention anything about your health at all or just go straight to your appearance?

Have you been complaining about gaining weight?

Augme

Detached Retina wrote: »

True, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere near that stage - she said herself after *6lb* weight gain post xmas she's tall and just about a size 10, implying on the small side of a 10. Really, would that count as letting yourself go??

In situations like this I generally take most things said with a pinch of salt. If (and that's probably a big if) she has only gained 6lbs and is a tall size 10 then I wouldn't count it as letting herself go.

SAMTALK

I cant believe anyone would justify OP's saying this to her. 6lbs.....letting herself go.???? SHES A SIZE BLOODY 10
Has society got to the stage that we can be so critical of people and others can see it as caring.
What will he be like when she starts getting wrinkles, maybe her hair thins out a bit, might get middle age spread?
Will he stop loving her then?

LegacyUser

It really depends, 6lb can be water weight and I can easily put that on over a few days (and I'm a size 6) if I'm not eating the best and am bloated but will go just as quick if I eat healthy and debloat for a few days. But if it's 6lbs of actual weight, as in its now your base weight that you fluctuate from, then that's a different thing. But it still is a very small weight gain, and your husbands reaction seems a bit much. You don't say OP what he is generally like, the fact that you are shocked by his reaction says this is out of character?
Some men do fear the whole cliché of once you're married their partner might start to not make as much effort, and that could have been on his mind and the small weight gain caused him to overreact. He didn't bring it up in a sensitive and caring way, explain to him that you were hurt by his bluntness and are worried by his being over critical of your appearance. Yes he did have a point that couples do need to make an effort for each other, and maybe he needs reassurance for the future that you will care about yours. It was one thing that turned me off my ex, but he had put on way more weight than you! Have a talk with your husband and explain your feelings and that he has made you feel insecure and unloved.

LeeLooLee

It's really impossible to say without knowing what you look like (and how much you have changed) and without knowing his personality and the way he made the comment. One thing I will say is that some women vastly underestimate their dress size. I know quite a few people who claim to be a size 10 and there's simply no way they are. Maybe a size 10 in brands who partake in vanity sizing and make their clothes way bigger. I'm 5'5, 8 stone and a petite build and am struggling to pull up my size 10 jeans because of the little bit of weight I put on over Christmas. So it might be that. Or maybe he's just a jerk. Hard to know with so little info.

power pants

I can put on and lose 2kgs overnight depending on lots of things. I think it would be impossible to notice if I had or hadnt.

Are you sure you put on only 6lbs and are a size 10? Sometimes people might not like to admit their true weight etc

questionmark?

It's 6 pounds. I can put that on after a weekend of beer and food and lose it again by the Wednesday. Your a size ten and you mentioned tall OP. Lets be honest a huge amount of woman would love to be your size.

Yes it's important to keep yourself healthy for yourself and attractive to your partner but that works both ways and if someone is letting themselves go they should bring it up in a sensitive way.

Carlos Orange

Where does the 6 pounds come from? If it is 6 pounds it is nothing, just weight going up and down and he is over reacting. If it is 6 pounds actual increase (ignoring daily/weekly up and down) you are keeping an eye on things and it is fine,nothing let go of. Just make sure you are honest without yourself about what is going on and where things are. Maybe he has jumped the gun or maybe ...

Theamia

6 pounds or 16 pounds, the issue for me would be this:

Theamia wrote: »

we had a fight at the weekend and he said something along the lines that I had a fat gut or something like that cant remember the exact words. I didn't even bother acknowledging it as he usually throws something like that in a middle of a fight. Fight was something stupid that was blown out of proportion by both of us and was sorted. I said to him last night that I didn't really like how he always makes comments like that during fights so that's what prompted the "conversation" last night.

So when you argue he usually takes a swing at your appearance and when you told him (outside of an argument) you don't think it's fair he makes comments like that during fights, he got defensive which ultimately led to:

Theamia wrote: »

I've gotten fat and let myself go which he finds unattractive.

and all of your concern about gaining 6 pounds and trying to explain why.

Honestly OP, I agree with you. He is being a díckhead. Do not let this go. Arguments are fine but resorting to personal insults as a way of shutting them down is immature at best. Stick to your guns and leave him in no doubt that this cannot continue. Good luck.

Neyite

The 6lbs is clouding the issue a bit. You can lose 6lbs if you put your mind to it, but you might be tempted to instantly lose 14 stone instead right now.

One thing I noticed in my own previous relationships is that name-calling sticks - you'll remember being called a bitch or fat or whatever long after you've made up and forgotten what the argument was about. And after a while it starts to build up if its habitual to be called names or insulted in a row over the dishes.

Like scrunching up a bit of paper (a marriage certificate perhaps??) You can smooth it out, and it might not be in too bad shape the first time, but the creases will stay there. If you keep crumpling up that bit of paper on a habitual basis, sooner or later that bit of paper will be in a bad state. Just like your self esteem will be if you have some hurtful thing thrown at you each time you have an argument (like most couples do) Maybe try to explain to him using this analogy if you think it might help?

You are right to not let this go yet. He needs to see where arguments should be about remaining civil and respectful to each other and only focusing on the issue of the immediate dispute without point scoring, name calling or yelling. We are far from perfect as a couple, but its a ground rule for us not to name-call, shout, or drag in other stuff to the argument, and overall it works pretty well.

Remind him of the vows he took - the sickness and in health bit. If he broke his leg tomorrow and was unable to go to the gym for 8 weeks and gained weight, lost muscle tone, and got a bit pudgy around the midriff, would he find your disgust at his body acceptable? He would understand if he had a no sex rule imposed on him until he got ripped again? And that when he turns 50 and gets a bit saggy the same applies? Because that's essentially what he is telling you - your relationship has a shelf life dependant on you being physically attractive to him in a very specific way and nothing outside of that is acceptable to him. So why agree to marry and grow old with you then?

6lbs is nothing when it comes to future baby weight. Some women gain loads, some don't. Some lose it quickly afterwards, some don't. Some women's bodies change dramatically after pregnancy and breastfeeding, others, not so much. So if he finds 6lbs a turn of to the point of insulting you, then honestly, he's nowhere near dad material.

He may have just thrown it into the argument to get the upper hand. I hope so, because that's something he can work on. If he really meant it, then you have bigger issues to worry about.

Potatoeman

You say you were busy for a few months but what were you doing? That's a long time to be busy. The longer you take a break from excercising the tougher it is to start again and you can always find an excuse. He's not asking you to do anything he isn't doing himself. The older you get and the more your metabolism slows the easier you gain weight. Even an hour or two of exercise makes a difference.

Someone above asked what is he going to be like when your pregnant but he's probably wondering the same thing about you.

woodchuck

I'm genuinely SHOCKED at some of the comments on here defending the OPs husband. I know there have been threads on here before from the other side, but it was always a case of someone had put on a lot of weight and hadn't been taking care of themselves for a long time and people were looking for advice on a gentle way to approach the topic. That's NOT what is happening here. The OP is a SIZE TEN ffs and it sounds like her husband didn't even attempt to discuss it in a 'nice' manner. I think the bigger issue is the attitude of the husband (name calling etc), not putting on very small bit of weigh (but still a healthy weight from the sounds of it) during the winter months.

Neyite

Potatoeman wrote: »

Someone above asked what is he going to be like when your pregnant but he's probably wondering the same thing about you.

If he's the kind of man that will comment on ANY weight gain during pregnancy, then the OP should run. Run as fast as she can. The only acceptable person to comment on a woman's weight gain during a pregnancy is her Obstetrician or Midwife. Anyone else can keep their mouths shut, particularly partners who would prioritise their requirements for arousal before the health and well being of their wife and child.

woodchuck

Neyite wrote: »

If he's the kind of man that will comment on ANY weight gain during pregnancy, then the OP should run. Run as fast as she can. The only acceptable person to comment on a woman's weight gain during a pregnancy is her Obstetrician or Midwife. Anyone else can keep their mouths shut, particularly partners who would prioritise their requirements for arousal before the health and well being of their wife and child.

Even aside from pregnancy, what about just natural aging. Peoples metabolisms generally tend to slow down the older they get. And unfortunately the older you get, the more likely you are to have other health problems that make exercise an ever increasing challenge...

Potatoeman

Neyite wrote: »

If he's the kind of man that will comment on ANY weight gain during pregnancy, then the OP should run. Run as fast as she can. The only acceptable person to comment on a woman's weight gain during a pregnancy is her Obstetrician or Midwife. Anyone else can keep their mouths shut, particularly partners who would prioritise their requirements for arousal before the health and well being of their wife and child.

Not during the pregnancy but after. Some women never lose the weight they gain and with kids you can always be busy. You need to make time, exercise in front of the tv of you have to.

SAMTALK

I cant believe some of the comments about this post. It is never right for a person to speak to someone about their weight in that way.
The issue here is not the 6 lbs but the way her husband spoke to her.
If for arguments sake OP had an accident and wasnt able to excercise again due to a disability I wonder would husband walk because she let herself go???
If husband was the one who had accident would he be ok with wife walking???
What a shallow world we live in

Augme

SAMTALK wrote: »

I cant believe some of the comments about this post. It is never right for a person to speak to someone about their weight in that way.
The issue here is not the 6 lbs but the way her husband spoke to her.
If for arguments sake OP had an accident and wasnt able to excercise again due to a disability I wonder would husband walk because she let herself go???
If husband was the one who had accident would he be ok with wife walking???
What a shallow world we live in

The difference is an accident is something you can't control Your weight is.

SAMTALK

Augme wrote: »

The difference is an accident is something you can't control Your weight is.

I think if someone is that shallow they wouldnt be able to reason this argument. I just cant believe that a husband could think its acceptable to speak like this.
If it was a serious weight gain and was damaging to her health yes maybe speak to her "nicely" but seriously shes a SIZE 10 and its 6 lbs we're talking about here

njs030

Did the Op post a second time? I haven't seen the bits quotes above before.

(Off topic but mods is there any chance anon posts could be posted at the time they are approved rather than the time they are written? It's confusing when the update is 4-5 or even more posts back and means reading the whole thread every time to check)

Potatoeman

SAMTALK wrote: »

I think if someone is that shallow they wouldnt be able to reason this argument. I just cant believe that a husband could think its acceptable to speak like this.
If it was a serious weight gain and was damaging to her health yes maybe speak to her "nicely" but seriously shes a SIZE 10 and its 6 lbs we're talking about here

I'm not sure how he said as it's not clear but six months is not the begining of a pattern but a change of lifestyle. Waiting until its serious weight gain isn't good for either party.

Neyite

notjustsweet wrote: »

Did the Op post a second time? I haven't seen the bits quotes above before.

(Off topic but mods is there any chance anon posts could be posted at the time they are approved rather than the time they are written? It's confusing when the update is 4-5 or even more posts back and means reading the whole thread every time to check)

We've no control over a post's time stamp so also no control over the order in which they appear. But we try to approve posts as soon as we can.

beks101

It's just so cold and unloving, that would be my main issue.

Weight is such a sensitive issue, if it ever got to the point where my OH wasn't attracted to me because I'd gained some I just can't imagine him barking at me and guilting and shaming me like that. It's just such a harsh, bullying kind of way to go about things. Over a couple of pounds? Is this how he generally approaches you over matters that dissatisfy him? I'm not sure I could live with someone like that.

If it were me I'd be sitting him down and telling him in no uncertain terms that he is never to speak/shout at me like that again. Yes, you've gained a few pounds, c'est la vie, **** happens. No, it does not give him the right to treat you like a piece of dirt on his shoe. You are his wife and as such you expect love and support, not abuse and aggression over matters which affect your confidence and self-esteem. And no, it doesn't constitute 'tough love', it constitutes abuse.