Driving behind a Funeral etiquette

TheChizler · 13-01-2016 12:59PM

farmchoice wrote: »

the original poster asked is their any reason in the normal course of events you would not overtake a funeral, a lot of posters myself included argued that the reason you would not is a question of manners and respect.

But what has not been explained is WHY it is considered unmannerly and disrespectful to overtake or pass by a funeral. It has been repeatedly stated that it just is.

Is it the noise of the vehicle passing? Is it an assumption that they are angry at the procession for going slowly? Is it a health and safety issue? Is this just what you have been told by somebody and you take it on face value? Is it simply that many people take being overtaken as a personal insult? Why exactly is passing considered disrespectful?

Captain Flaps · 13-01-2016 01:01PM

farmchoice wrote: »

we seem to be discussing slightly different things,
the original poster asked is their any reason in the normal course of events you would not overtake a funeral, a lot of posters myself included argued that the reason you would not is a question of manners and respect.

you seem to be arguing the reasons you might overtake a funeral procession, woman in labour, house on fire, and i agree they and others are very good reasons for doing such a thing.

I think it's only gone that way because there are certain posters whose reaction was akin to "You overtook a funeral procession? You MONSTER". Slightly hyperbolic there, but there are some strongly held views held by some who don't seem willing to accept an alternative.

TheChizler wrote: »

But what has not been explained is WHY it is considered unmannerly and disrespectful to overtake or pass by a funeral. It has been repeatedly stated that it just is.

Is it the noise of the vehicle passing? Is it an assumption that they are angry at the procession for going slowly? Is it a health and safety issue? Is this just what you have been told by somebody and you take it on face value? Is it simply that many people take being overtaken as a personal insult? Why exactly is passing considered disrespectful?

It's the same reason some people cross themselves passing a church/funeral/statue of mary. It's about tradition and religion and pomp and ceremony.

haveringchick · 13-01-2016 01:01PM

isn't it amazing how funerals or weddings or basically any life event with even the vaguest connection with old Irish religious traditions gets the blood boiling of those whose dearest wish is to consign those old religious traditions to the bin!
For some, the sooner the better we dispense with that old nonsense with the church and the priest and the prayers and the graveyard.
It'll be old, sick, nuisance, euthanized, speeding to the crematorium, consigned to history.
Then no one will have to worry that those pesky mourners are going to make me 5 minutes late for the Star Wars Convention!

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 01:02PM

haveringchick wrote:

isn't it amazing how funerals or weddings or basically any life event with even the vaguest connection with old Irish religious traditions gets the blood boiling of those whose dearest wish is to consign those old religious traditions to the bin! For some, the sooner the better we dispense with that old nonsense with the church and the priest and the prayers and the graveyard. It'll be old, sick, nuisance, euthanized, speeding to the crematorium, consigned to history. Then no one will have to worry that those pesky mourners are going to make me 5 minutes late for the Star Wars Convention!

Can you point out one post which states any of this? Where's the reasoning behind your post?

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 01:03PM

sup_dude wrote: »

And yet you have multiple posts where you condemn and disrespect anyone who doesn't follow your line of thinking. You have not taken the view that those who don't is because they see it as a sign of repect... your posts are mostly abusing those who do overtake.

If people want to sit behind a funeral because they believe it to be a mark of respect, fine. If people want/need to overtake in a quiet manner, fine.

there is a world of difference between want and need.

Captain Flaps · 13-01-2016 01:03PM

Perfect timing on my part there

TheChizler · 13-01-2016 01:03PM

haveringchick wrote: »

isn't it amazing how funerals or weddings or basically any life event with even the vaguest connection with old Irish religious traditions gets the blood boiling of those whose dearest wish is to consign those old religious traditions to the bin!
For some, the sooner the better we dispense with that old nonsense with the church and the priest and the prayers and the graveyard.
It'll be old, sick, nuisance, euthanized, speeding to the crematorium, consigned to history.
Then no one will have to worry that those pesky mourners are going to make me 5 minutes late for the Star Wars Convention!

I'd be interested to see which posts in this thread you deduced this from.

JustShon · 13-01-2016 01:04PM

haveringchick wrote: »

isn't it amazing how funerals or weddings or basically any life event with even the vaguest connection with old Irish religious traditions gets the blood boiling of those whose dearest wish is to consign those old religious traditions to the bin!
For some, the sooner the better we dispense with that old nonsense with the church and the priest and the prayers and the graveyard.
It'll be old, sick, nuisance, euthanized, speeding to the crematorium, consigned to history.
Then no one will have to worry that those pesky mourners are going to make me 5 minutes late for the Star Wars Convention!

I love how out-of-nowhere this is. Especially the random vitriol thrown at Star Wars right at the end, just because.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 01:05PM

farmchoice wrote:

there is a world of difference between want and need.

Not in this case there isn't. Why does it matter to you if someone overtakes, as long as they don't rev the engine/make a scene? How can you tell from a progression if someone is overtaking due to want or due to need? Are you going to ignore the rest of the post?

JustShon · 13-01-2016 01:06PM

farmchoice wrote: »

there is a world of difference between want and need.

I agree here. I think if you're just nipping down to the shops you can wait, or even if you're meeting up with somebody you can give them a quick call or text letting them know you'll be late.

I'm only on the side of overtaking in the case of genuinely important, time-sensitive issues.

Special Circumstances · 13-01-2016 01:06PM

JustShon wrote: »

I love how out-of-nowhere this is. Especially the random vitriol thrown at Star Wars right at the end, just because.

Them computer nerds have the country ruined you know!
http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/storms/computer-nerds-and-lack-of-common-sense-creating-safety-issues-in-floods-garda-34344307.html

Captain Flaps · 13-01-2016 01:06PM

He hadn't seen my edit when that post was published, hence my perfect timing comment. I hit edit, made the comment, then hit submit, and his claim had been made in the meantime.

Captain Flaps · 13-01-2016 01:10PM

Farmchoice, I live beside a church/graveyard in south Dublin. I park down the side of the church and there are traffic lights/a yellow box in front of the church allowing the road where I park access to the main road. There are often funeral processions which come along the main road and turn into the church via the junction with the yellow box/lights. Which is more rude, for the procession to be split by the lights and traffic to exit my road through the middle, or for the procession to break the red and move into the church as one continuous line?

haveringchick · 13-01-2016 01:10PM

TheChizler wrote: »

I'd be interested to see which posts in this thread you deduced this from.

Not the posts, but the posters, TBH.:o

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 01:11PM

sup_dude wrote: »

And yet you have multiple posts where you condemn and disrespect anyone who doesn't follow your line of thinking. You have not taken the view that those who don't is because they see it as a sign of repect... your posts are mostly abusing those who do overtake.

If people want to sit behind a funeral because they believe it to be a mark of respect, fine. If people want/need to overtake in a quiet manner, fine.

has anyone here actually said they have ever overtaken a funeral? i thought we were taking about a hypothetical.

i'm sticking to my guns on this, overtaking a funeral would be considered bad manners, because it shows a lack of respect. if this statement and others like it constitutes abusing posters on here then so be it.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 01:12PM

farmchoice wrote:

i'm sticking to my guns on this, overtaking a funeral would be considered bad manners, because it shows a lack of respect. if this statement and others like it constitutes abusing posters on here then so be it.

Except this isn't what you said. You've been implying that anyone who doesn't see it as manners are disrespectful and haven't been raised well.

What lack of respect and why?

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 01:14PM

Captain Flaps wrote: »

Farmchoice, I live beside a church/graveyard in south Dublin. I park down the side of the church and there are traffic lights/a yellow box in front of the church allowing the road where I park access to the main road. There are often funeral processions which come along the main road and turn into the church via the junction with the yellow box/lights. Which is more rude, for the procession to be split by the lights and traffic to exit my road through the middle, or for the procession to break the red and move into the church as one continuous line?

well in the first case would we be accusing the traffic lights of bad manners? in the second instance someone would be breaking the law, now as much as i abhor bad manners i have never elevated good manners to a place above the law of the land.

JustShon · 13-01-2016 01:17PM

farmchoice wrote: »

if this statement and others like it constitutes abusing posters on here then so be it.

I think it was other comments calling people psychopaths and knobs and a couple of other things for overtaking funerals. You've been respectful at least, even if I don't fully agree with you.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 01:17PM

Captain Flaps wrote:

farmchoice still hasn't answered my question of whether it's EVER acceptable, and if so under what circumstances, and if my idea of acceptable circumstances differ to his which of us is right etc.

I'd like to further this question and ask if it's ever acceptable, how can you tell a person is overtaking for an acceptable or unacceptable reason?

Captain Flaps · 13-01-2016 01:19PM

farmchoice wrote: »

well in the first case would we be accusing the traffic lights of bad manners? in the second instance someone would be breaking the law, now as much as i abhor bad manners i have never elevated good manners to a place above the law of the land.

In the first case we wouldn't, HOWEVER the traffic lights have been placed to allow cars to merge and keep traffic flowing. If it's not rude to move from one road to another at a lighted junction (potentially joining the procession between key vehicles) just because the traffic lights have said you legally can, I don't see why it's any worse for this to happen on a road with no lights.

sup_dude wrote: »

how can you tell a person is overtaking for an acceptable or unacceptable reason?

Exactly, can you not have the manners not to question the business of others and live and let live?

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 01:21PM

sup_dude wrote: »

Except this isn't what you said. You've been implying that anyone who doesn't see it as manners are disrespectful and haven't been raised well.

What lack of respect and why?

not raised well? ya that would be one of the reasons although i know some people who were were raised well and still have no manners but they would be the exception.

the question of why it is respectful has been answered over and over, in short because a family is grieving a loss and are in the process of burying that person, as part of that they take a journey from a church, hall, funeral home, whatever, to a grave yard. it is manners and respectful not to interfere with that and to give that procession the road for those few minutes.

in the case of an emergency a person may need to flaunt that social convention.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 01:25PM

farmchoice wrote:

not raised well? ya that would be one of the reasons although i know some people who were were raised well and still have no manners but they would be the exception.

And this right here is why I have a problem with your posts. You think there's something wrong with people who don't agree with your ideals, and yet you claim to be an advocate of respectful behaviour.

SterlingArcher · 13-01-2016 01:26PM

You roll down the windows.. play this track and chill.

https://youtu.be/iDpYBT0XyvA

MrMorooka · 13-01-2016 01:47PM

Can people accept that there are many people who have never heard of these traditions? I would just pass the funeral, or walk past, or continue operating my business, or whatever. I wouldn't have thought twice about it unless I saw this thread. So I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful, I and others are just completely unaware that these actions are considered as such by (apparently) many rural folk.

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 01:48PM

sup_dude wrote: »

And this right here is why I have a problem with your posts. You think there's something wrong with people who don't agree with your ideals, and yet you claim to be an advocate of respectful behaviour.

OK, i would say in reply that i don't believe they are my ideals, but a social norm, in this society.

you are now going to ask me well who decides these norms who is to say what is right and wrong. that is a whole different argument but in this case if you were to take a national poll i would be very surprised if less then 95% of people did not consider it bad manner to overtake a funeral for no good reason.

if there is a good reason well then there is a good reason.

obviously the people observing this bit of overtaking don't know there is an emergency provoking it and will probably just suspect that that person is a disrespectful manner less so and so, but that's life at least you as the over-taker knew you has little choice it was an unavoidable circumstance,an emergency.

duffman3833 · 13-01-2016 01:51PM

farmchoice wrote: »

OK, i would say in reply that i don't believe they are my ideals, but a social norm, in this society.

you are now going to ask me well who decides these norms who is to say what is right and wrong. that is a whole different argument but in this case if you were to take a national poll i would be very surprised if less then 95% of people did not consider it bad manner to overtake a funeral for no good reason.

if there is a good reason well then there is a good reason.

obviously the people observing this bit of overtaking don't know there is an emergency provoking it and will probably just suspect that that person is a disrespectful manner less so and so, but that's life at least you as the over-taker knew you has little choice it was an unavoidable circumstance,an emergency.

can any of those MOD guys on this setup a poll for this as im interested to see the results

Thoie · 13-01-2016 02:08PM

TheChizler wrote: »

But what has not been explained is WHY it is considered unmannerly and disrespectful to overtake or pass by a funeral. It has been repeatedly stated that it just is.

I explained why further up.

TheChizler wrote: »

Is it the noise of the vehicle passing? Is it an assumption that they are angry at the procession for going slowly? Is it a health and safety issue? Is this just what you have been told by somebody and you take it on face value? Is it simply that many people take being overtaken as a personal insult? Why exactly is passing considered disrespectful?

By the same token, why do we say thank you when someone hands us things? Why do you not slam the door on the face of the person behind you? Why do you say excuse me when you burp, or want someone to get out of your way? Why do we generally seek a bit of privacy to pee, rather than just piddling where ever we're standing?

The Sun King · 13-01-2016 02:29PM

If rushing home to your dying relative absolves you of rudeness, as some suggest, how do the people in the funeral line know this? "What a rude bast... Oh wait, he has a "rushing home to dead dad" sticker on his window. Phew."

Don't see the massive deal myself. Used to go out with a girl who would stop, look out the the hearse sadly and wait for it all to pass, while I'd be half way down the road. Nonsense.

Mesrine65 · 13-01-2016 02:33PM

American sight, but a reasonable guideline...

https://www.funeralwise.com/learn/procession/

smash · 13-01-2016 02:37PM

haveringchick wrote: »

But Lexie, your accompanying your mother on her last journey shouldn't impact on Seamus
Its not HIS mother and he's not grieving and he has somewhere to be so why should he care?
If you find his creeping past your funeral cortege disrespectfull then that's your problem, gettit?

You've changed your tune. Did the penny finally drop?

Driving behind a Funeral etiquette

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