Driving behind a Funeral etiquette

haveringchick · 13-01-2016 12:12PM

seamus wrote: »

The thread is about etiquette.

Apparently some people think it's a hanging offence to dare to overtake a funeral, even when it's perfectly safe to do so in a way which does not affect or disturb the funeral taking place.

I'm simply asking why. And nobody has yet provided any reason beyond some vagueries about respect and manners.

Disturbing a funeral by revving your engine and blaring out music as you pass is disrespectful. Cruising by quietly and with plenty of room? What's the issue?

As I thought, respect and manners are vagueries, and of no interest to some terribly terribly important people.

Thoie · 13-01-2016 12:14PM

LexieOnRale wrote: »

My own mothers funeral was travelling the morning of her being buried from the church (in a town) to the graveyard (a village just outside town) and while driving up the street, some jerk cut out behind the hearse in front of my brothers car, followed the hearse through the town, and overtook it as soon as he was on the straight stretch of road out of town.

Jerk

This is one of the main reasons you don't overtake a funeral on a country road. A dual carriageway or a motorway is fine - you have all the room to pass (but should still do so with as little fuss as possible - no revving, turn the music down a little).

In a town or a country road, the chance that you can overtake the entire funeral in one go is unlikely, and there's a high chance you'll end up in the middle of the line, or worse, in the first few cars behind the hearse.

The other problem with inserting yourself into a country funeral cortege is that it's not unusual for the graveyard to be in some god forsaken spot that only the hearse knows how to get to. If other cars get in the middle of the line and are going elsewhere, a lot of cars in the funeral will blindly follow the car in front (and that's how you end up with 50 mourners pulling up outside Tesco while you get your chicken roll).

The other thing to bear in mind is that in a rural setting, there's a strong possibility half the mourners will recognise you, and while it may never be mentioned, it won't be forgotten if you're the one blasting through the middle of Mackey Joe's funeral.

c_man · 13-01-2016 12:15PM

JustShon wrote: »

I'm honestly not sure why quietly moving past a funeral is such a big deal. Surely it depends on why you're overtaking?

Well yeah. Look if you've a pregnant woman about to pop in the backseat, consider yourself absolved of the rudeness of overtaking. The way I read this thread was people asking why they shouldn't regardless.

JustShon · 13-01-2016 12:15PM

haveringchick wrote: »

Theres nothing to stop you, when you realise your going to be behind a funeral on your way to work (few funerals are in rush hour, but, whatever)
turning your car around and taking an alternative route.
Regarding a job interview or other appointment, do you not leave 15 or 20 minutes , for unforeseen circumstances? I would have thought that was standard procedure?

On point one; there's not always an alternate route, or perhaps taking an alternate route would also make me late. Funerals rarely take place during rush hour but not everyone works 9-5.

Yes of course I leave time for unforeseen circumstances. I'm just trying to make the point that there's a clear difference between overtaking quietly because you're going to be late for something genuinely important and "Eff these effers, I've a pint waiting for me down the local" *guns engine*

seamus · 13-01-2016 12:16PM

c_man wrote: »

And that's not good enough? Why not?

Because for the vitriol being thrown at me and others, one would think there was more to this than, "That's just the way I feel about it", or "It's just tradition, get in line there".

I mean, not holding a door open is irritating, but I wouldn't go around accusing someone of being a psychopath, stupid or incapable of empathy for failing to hold a door open.

As far as I'm concerned being mannerly and respectful is treating other people as human beings and avoiding upsetting or otherwise disrupting them as much as is possible.

Civilly overtaking a funeral isn't at odds with that.

Captain Flaps · 13-01-2016 12:18PM

I think it's a bit of a stretch suggesting that someone who doesn't see the harm in passing a funeral procession has no use for etiquette and manners. Is it hard seeing everything in black and white?

Also, for the people saying it's poor form, is there a distance between the church and the graveyard whereby it becomes acceptable to pass? Is a hearse with one car the same as 200 mourners shuffling 2 miles? Genuinely interested to see if there's a sliding scale of acceptability.

EndaHonesty · 13-01-2016 12:19PM

Special Circumstances wrote: »

You'd think so... but no real guarantee of that. Unless the national road speed limit in North Cork is single digit kph, my speedometer doesn't register speeds that low, apologies for the guesstimation.

You keep repeating this. It's simply not true. It's bogus.

Funerals do NOT travel a walking speed unless there are people walking behind the hearse. Why would they?

Stop making stuff up.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 12:20PM

EndaHonesty wrote:

You're not being genuine, this is a thread about driving behind a funeral, and you're asking the question above? you're just trolling. Grow up.

Actually, he's not. I'm just as bewildered. The only funerals I've been at, I was a bit too preoccupied to notice other people. If a close relative to you dies, I'd be more shocked at the fact somebody was concerned over whether or not they were overtaken than the fact a relative had died. It reeks of busybody-ness.

Also, with regard to manners... if I decide tomorrow that everyone coming into a house needs to knock three times before spinning in a clockwise circle (because it's only manners), it doesn't give me any right to abuse those who don't know the expectation. Seriously, some of the replies on here are ridiculously narrowminded.

c_man · 13-01-2016 12:21PM

seamus wrote: »

As far as I'm concerned being mannerly and respectful is treating other people as human beings and avoiding upsetting or otherwise disrupting them as much as is possible.

Civilly overtaking a funeral isn't at odds with that.

Well it is for a lot of people. As said again and again. I don't really know what more you're looking for.

EndaHonesty · 13-01-2016 12:22PM

sup_dude wrote: »

Actually, he's not.

You're speaking for another posters bona fides? :pac:

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 12:23PM

seamus wrote: »

Because for the vitriol being thrown at me and others, one would think there was more to this than, "That's just the way I feel about it", or "It's just tradition, get in line there".

I mean, not holding a door open is irritating, but I wouldn't go around accusing someone of being a psychopath, stupid or incapable of empathy for failing to hold a door open.

As far as I'm concerned being mannerly and respectful is treating other people as human beings and avoiding upsetting or otherwise disrupting them as much as is possible.

Civilly overtaking a funeral isn't at odds with that.

maybe we have gotten to the root of our differences, i value manners very very highly, having manners and respect for others is to me the most important attribute a person can have. much more important then how bright they are or how successful or funny or how great at their job they may be.

manners and respect for others are above all what makes us a society worth living in.

wardides · 13-01-2016 12:25PM

For something that would rarely happen, the fact people can't wait five, ten however many minutes is astounding. You're not that important.

fullstop · 13-01-2016 12:26PM

Tigger wrote: »

It expected that if you are driving the opposite direction that you stop and let the coffin pass you not you pass the coffin as well.
Just saying but these things are important to a lot of people

For example in Mayo

Biggest load of bollox ever. It's not some priests fault Mayo ****e themselves at the sight of Sam Maguire.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 12:27PM

farmchoice wrote:

manners and respect for others are above all what makes us a society worth living in.

Then surely you can respect the fact that manners are different for different people and that not everyone was raised with the same ideals? Or is it only your version of manners that's accepted? That's not very respectful, nor have been your replies.

seamus · 13-01-2016 12:33PM

farmchoice wrote: »

maybe we have gotten to the root of our differences

The root of our difference is that you feel it's rude, and I don't.

Unlike say, playing Snoop Dogg at full blast out the door as a funeral passes can be explained in its disrespect, you have no explanation for overtaking being disrespectful beyond the idea that it's "not the done thing".

kylith · 13-01-2016 12:33PM

farmchoice wrote: »

maybe we have gotten to the root of our differences, i value manners very very highly, having manners and respect for others is to me the most important attribute a person can have. much more important then how bright they are or how successful or funny or how great at their job they may be.

manners and respect for others are above all what makes us a society worth living in.

But only manners and respect as it pertains to what you consider important? Who are you to pass judgement on someone who overtakes a cortège and decide that they are unmannerly? For all you know they are on their way to a dying relative, or their partner is in labour, or their house is on fire, their dog is dying, they're late for work. Or whatever other reason someone may have to not sit behind the procession for someone they don't know for an unspecified distance/period of time and cause a tailback.

Seems to me that you have more respect for the dead than the living.

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 12:33PM

sup_dude wrote: »

Then surely you can respect the fact that manners are different for different people and that not everyone was raised with the same ideals? Or is it only your version of manners that's accepted? That's not very respectful, nor have been your replies.

no as a rule good manners don't change from person to person in a given society. in Ireland for example what are considered good manners and respectful behavior are understood by everyone by the time they have left primary school, people are taught by their parents and grandparents, brothers, sisters, neighbors, teachers.

now it is a said fact that not everyone has manners but it is because they choose not to not because they don't know what they are.

now there are exceptions but at least 90% of the population would share the same notion of good manners and respect.

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 12:36PM

kylith wrote: »

But only manners and respect as it pertains to what you consider important? Who are you to pass judgement on someone who overtakes a cortège and decide that they are unmannerly? For all you know they are on their way to a dying relative, or their partner is in labour, or their house is on fire, their dog is dying, they're late for work. Or whatever other reason someone may have to not sit behind the procession for someone they don't know for an unspecified distance/period of time and cause a tailback.

Seems to me that you have more respect for the dead than the living.

oh are those the things we are talking about? i thought we were talking about people who pass a funeral because they want to, not just in emergencies like their partner is in labor or they are late for work.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 12:36PM

farmchoice wrote:

now there are exceptions but at least 90% of the population would share the same notion of good manners and respect.

Really? Do you think? Why it considered good manners? Because you were told so? Why is wearing a hat indoors considered rude? There are a lot of things considered manners than a merely notions someone took.

It's still laughable that you consider respect very important and yet come out with posts like this.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 13-01-2016 12:36PM

sup_dude wrote: »

Then surely you can respect the fact that manners are different for different people and that not everyone was raised with the same ideals? Or is it only your version of manners that's accepted? That's not very respectful, nor have been your replies.

If you were raised with manners most others find rude and disrespectful it's generally an indication maybe in fact manners are lacking and not different. You overtake a funeral, you look like a knob, you don't look like anything else.

seamus · 13-01-2016 12:37PM

sup_dude wrote: »

Really? Do you think? Why it considered good manners? Because you were told so? Why is wearing a hat indoors considered rude? There are a lot of things considered manners than a merely notions someone took.

It's still laughable that you consider respect very important and yet come out with posts like this.

Some people seem to confuse "manners" with "etiquette".

Not following etiquette does not automatically make you rude and disrespectful, and many rules of etiquette could be considered rude and disrespectful.

JustShon · 13-01-2016 12:38PM

I've noticed that the ones on the side of "manners" are also the ones throwing insults at the others.

Insulting people isn't bad manners then?

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 12:39PM

LexieOnRale wrote:

If you were raised with manners most others find rude and disrespectful it's generally an indication maybe in fact manners are lacking and not different. You overtake a funeral, you look like a knob, you don't look like anything else.

Ah come off it. This is completely ridiculous. I was raised with manners. I was also raised to think outside the box, not follow pointless crap randomly, to respect that not everyone is the same, and to realise that me getting in the way of others people's lives is far more rude and unmannerly than any idea someone made up sometime about what is rude.

Special Circumstances · 13-01-2016 12:39PM

EndaHonesty wrote: »

You keep repeating this. It's simply not true. It's bogus.

Funerals do NOT travel a walking speed unless there are people walking behind the hearse. Why would they?

Stop making stuff up.

They do in Doneraile apparently. I only wish the general Doneraile Buttevant area and their prehistoric pace of life were a figment of somebody's imagination.

Boom_Bap · 13-01-2016 12:39PM

EndaHonesty wrote: »

Etiquette when encountering a funeral, it's not hard to understand Seamus.

No one said it's a "hanging offence", you're just using hyperbole to justify your ridiculous, inane, trolling questions.

You're not being "genuine", or "simply asking why", you're trolling. Grow up.

There's a rule on boards, "don't be a dick" - it applies in life too, whether you want to accept it or not.

MOD
Rather than calling someone out as a troll on thread, report it.
Rather than telling another poster to grow up, be civil.
Rather than being a back seat mod, leave the modding to the mods.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 12:40PM

JustShon wrote:

Insulting people isn't bad manners then?

No, no. It's only bad manners when it goes against their own personal idea of manners. You are of course expected to know this personal notion they've taken.

Special Circumstances · 13-01-2016 12:42PM

farmchoice wrote: »

now there are exceptions but at least 90% of the population would share the same notion of good manners and respect.

It's more of a venn diagram I suppose, with 90% share SOME common beliefs.
Where not everybody believes in not throwing rubbish on the ground and out of cars, and others don't believe in being forced to partake in a funeral parade for 20-30 minutes.

kylith · 13-01-2016 12:46PM

farmchoice wrote: »

oh are those the things we are talking about? i thought we were talking about people who pass a funeral because they want to, not just in emergencies like their partner is in labor or they are late for work.

My point is that you don't know why they're overtaking. Maybe they just don't want to take 20 minutes to go the next mile, maybe they've have somewhere urgent that they have to be. YOU have still decided that everyone overtaking a funeral procession, regardless of how politely, is an uncouth moron without the manners of a cat when in fact you have no idea why they're doing so.

So since you want everyone to assume that a funeral is for the beloved only son of Widow Geraghty maybe you should take a leaf out of your own book and assume that anyone overtaking a funeral is rushing to the bedside of their dying grandpapa.

farmchoice · 13-01-2016 12:54PM

kylith wrote: »

My point is that you don't know why they're overtaking. Maybe they just don't want to take 20 minutes to go the next mile, maybe they've have somewhere urgent that they have to be. YOU have still decided that everyone overtaking a funeral procession, regardless of how politely, is an uncouth moron without the manners of a cat when in fact you have no idea why they're doing so.

So since you want everyone to assume that a funeral is for the beloved only son of Widow Geraghty maybe you should take a leaf out of your own book and assume that anyone overtaking a funeral is rushing to the bedside of their dying grandpapa.

we seem to be discussing slightly different things,
the original poster asked is their any reason in the normal course of events you would not overtake a funeral, a lot of posters myself included argued that the reason you would not is a question of manners and respect.

you seem to be arguing the reasons you might overtake a funeral procession, woman in labour, house on fire, and i agree they and others are very good reasons for doing such a thing.

Ave Sodalis · 13-01-2016 12:58PM

farmchoice wrote:

we seem to be discussing slightly different things, the original poster asked is their any reason in the normal course of events you would not overtake a funeral, a lot of posters myself included argued that the reason you would not is a question of manners and respect.

And yet you have multiple posts where you condemn and disrespect anyone who doesn't follow your line of thinking. You have not taken the view that those who don't is because they see it as a sign of repect... your posts are mostly abusing those who do overtake.

If people want to sit behind a funeral because they believe it to be a mark of respect, fine. If people want/need to overtake in a quiet manner, fine.

Driving behind a Funeral etiquette

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