When you say "I love you" to someone and they don't say it back :(

When my boyfriend told me he loved me, I said "that's lovely" (patronizing, wha :pac:), kissed him and shut the door on him. It took me a few weeks after that to get the words out.

Not because I didn't feel the same. I'd loved him for months. But it was a scary word for me at that point, one that had been shoved in my face insincerely and manipulatively in other relationships and one that I hadn't become accustomed to saying in my life because I always felt it should really mean something. It shouldn't be thrown about.

That and it was 7am and he was heading out the door to work while I was groggily heading back to bed. I didn't want to spit the word back at him without thinking, or in a panic, and it wasn't the right moment for me.

I think it's a good sign that your fella didn't do that either. It probably means a lot to him too, and he wants to say it from the heart, when he's not rushing away from you, or he wants to make sure you know it's true and are not just parroting it back at him out of pressure, or any number of reasons.

You've said it now, and he knows how you feel, and you should step back and let things be. It's hard to be vulnerable, especially when you're rushing about surrounding by crowds of people in a train station. If he feels the same, he won't leave you in any doubt. But you have to let him express it in his own time and in his own way.

TracyFlick wrote: »

Now he's not bothered coming over today, says he has a cold. Is it too much to expect my boyfriend who I've just laid my heart out for to want to spend my last weekend here with me. An afternoon of packing alone for me.

Ah Op! It's not that he's not bothered, he's sick. And you did say in your original post:

However, he's loving in his actions to me and that does help.

That's what really counts. If he's generally a stand up guy and is loving towards you, then why assume he's simply "not bothered"? That doesn't make sense. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would try to make you miserable and upset intentionally.

I understand why you feel the way you do as you put yourself in a vulnerable situation by telling him you love him but I believe you're catastrophising the situation and letting your emotions get out of hand. I've told people in the past I loved them when I didn't (I believed I did) and I've been told the same when they've not meant it. My current boyfriend who I've been with almost 5 years told me after a few months but I didn't respond in kind. Not because I didn't feel I was falling in love with him but because I understood the levity of the word and what it meant and didn't want to bull**** someone I cared about - I wanted to say it with absolute sincerity but in my own time. I also wanted to be absolutely sure he really meant it.

I don't want to patronise you here because I can totally see it from your POV but I think you have to get a grip a little bit here: love isn't about everything on your terms and what you want and can get out of the relationship - it's a two-way relationship and lots of compromise and seeing the other person's POV and letting the small stuff slide and understanding your individuals with your own idea of how things should be is needed to make it work. Things simply won't go the way you want them to a lot of the time - reality is not like that, though I understand why you're in such a rush for him to say it if you're leaving soon. You're the one leaving the country for a fairly long time embarking on this exciting adventure, so you don't know how the guy is feeling. Perhaps he's upset you're going and doesn't want to say such meaningful words when your future is up in the air (LDRs are tough, believe me). Perhaps he feels too upset to see you along with the cold.

You said yourself he's loving towards you, OP and that speaks volumes, believe me. People don't act that way when they don't care about someone. I'd say don't make an issue out of this and try and leave things on a positive note. You don't want to be moving country feeling like crap and resolving this a million miles apart will be even harder. Try and see it from his POV and have a rational, calm talk about it before you go (forget whatsapp - face to face or phone). Good luck, OP.