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Are lesbians not taken seriously or something?

  • 22-12-2015 12:56PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,005 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys,
    First off, I'm a straight woman, but something has been bothering me lately about how lesbians are seen in society.
    I was out with a female friend last night (not in a gay bar) and some guy came over and asked if we were lesbians. We said no, and he wouldn't take it for an answer. He kept asking us to "kiss, go oonnnn". Then when we wouldn't "you're not really lesbians, kiss and prove it!". It was as if he thinks lesbians are performing seals for his amusement. I've never seen a gay male couple treated like this- and definitely never a hetero couple. I bet he wouldn't be as brave going up to a man and telling him to kiss his gf to "prove" they're a straight couple.
    And it's not just him. I see it on these boards too- the mere mention of lesbians in After Hours gets all the usual "pics or gtfo" misogynistic rubbish that Boards.ie seems to relish.

    I'm annoyed about this and I'm not even gay. Is it not really, really frustrating to be treated like this day in day out? Having men think that you being a lesbian is for their amusement and not because you actually are into women?

    Thanks!


Comments

  • #2
    irish_dave_83
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 144 ✭✭irish_dave_83


    That's a crazy thing to happen in my opinion, although men can be idiots a lot of the time, especially if they are with mates and had a few drinks on them(not an excuse, i know). The sad/funny thing is that, even if you did kiss each other just to get him to leave you alone, he would have probably tried to chat you up later on in the night.


  • #3
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,966 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    Wondering777 wrote: »
    Hi guys,
    First off, I'm a straight woman, but something has been bothering me lately about how lesbians are seen in society.
    I was out with a female friend last night (not in a gay bar) and some guy came over and asked if we were lesbians. We said no, and he wouldn't take it for an answer. He kept asking us to "kiss, go oonnnn". Then when we wouldn't "you're not really lesbians, kiss and prove it!". It was as if he thinks lesbians are performing seals for his amusement. I've never seen a gay male couple treated like this- and definitely never a hetero couple. I bet he wouldn't be as brave going up to a man and telling him to kiss his gf to "prove" they're a straight couple.
    And it's not just him. I see it on these boards too- the mere mention of lesbians in After Hours gets all the usual "pics or gtfo" misogynistic rubbish that Boards.ie seems to relish.

    I'm annoyed about this and I'm not even gay. Is it not really, really frustrating to be treated like this day in day out? Having men think that you being a lesbian is for their amusement and not because you actually are into women?

    Thanks!

    I don't think you can judge all of society on one lunatic you met in a bar or the cesspit that After Hours often is.


  • #4
    Vojera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,812 ✭✭✭Vojera


    Some people have the mindset that lesbians are only with women because they haven't had a "real" man and they love the idea that they'd be "man enough" to turn them back. But they completely miss the fact that being a lesbian has little to do with your feelings towards men and everything to do with your feelings towards women.

    Society generally seems to take issue with female sexuality (in any capacity) and to some out there the idea that a woman's sexual fulfillment is not dependent on a man (whether that be through going solo or being with another woman) just doesn't compute. It's not uncommon to hear, "What do lesbians even do anyway?", which, in my view anyway, says more about their ideas of what is and is not sex than it does about anyone else's sex lives.

    One of my good friends was genuinely asked once, "Are you a lesbian because you think no man would have you? Because I know you're a bit fat and all but I'd still give you a go." No point even arguing with that mindset :rolleyes:


  • #5
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,344 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Wondering777 wrote: »
    I was out with a female friend last night (not in a gay bar) and some guy came over and asked if we were lesbians. We said no, and he wouldn't take it for an answer. He kept asking us to "kiss, go oonnnn". Then when we wouldn't "you're not really lesbians

    Given you are not lesbians - you told him you were not lesbians - I do not see his actions or attitudes as being in any way relevant to anything to do with lesbians or how seriously they are taken in our society. It sounded like - for whatever reason, likely drink related - it was you - not lesbians - that he was not taking seriously. His words and actions are nothing to do with Lesbians it appears to me - and everything to do with you having met an idiot who has no idea how to treat or talk to women.

    That said I can not deny there are a significant minority of such idiots - especially when lesbianism shows up in any form. A user above has already described one such type - the ones who think lesbians are only lesbian because they have not had a good shag yet.

    A slightly more common - and just as annoying - type which we meet all too often when out for a night alas - are the ones who think that it means the girls in question must be "up for anything". So there is that low life type of guy who will cop a sexual dynamic between two girls and instantly assume they must be up for threesomes - sex on the side - easy sex or whatever. As if being into something slightly "different" means you must be into or up for anything. I remember one guy who - after getting nowhere for quite some time - finally exasperated shot out "Ok ok you aren't into guys I get it I get it - would you at least let me watch???"

    Thankfully my GFs take it mostly with amusement and can well handle themselves so I never feel the need to step in and chase these guys off on their behalf. Nor would they want me to. Unless the guy in question is at the seriously extreme end of pushy - demanding - or sleazy. But thankfully I would not even need a full hand to count how many times THAT happens.

    But overall no OP - I see nothing to support your fears about how seriously lesbians are taken in our society. There is as I said that annoying but amusing minority - but there always is isn't there?

    As for After Hours - it has it's uses and amusements - but I would warn against forming any impression of society as a whole from what you read or experience there. Ever.


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