How has the death of a loved one affected you and your life / daily life ever since?

Over a period of maybe 6 years beginning in 2005 we lost my father, our family dog, 2 grandmothers and a grandfather. I was deeply affected by my father's passing as he was also my best friend. I didn't recover for almost 6 years and was in a very bad dark place. I was existing rather than living. I came to realise with the help of a councillor that I was deeply grieving for all who had passed and also my life before they passed. My life has improved drastically and although I miss my father every minute of every day I didn't stop living the morning he left and I owe it to myself and his memory to be happy and enjoy life. All of your stories have touched my heart and I hope you all find your peace, in your own time.

Glad this thread can be in AH.
There are many out there for whom Christmas isn't the happy time you'd think.
The pressure to be happy and celebrate can take it's toll on many who are grieving, or still trying to grieve properly for loved ones lost, whether it be recently or well in the past.

What a wonderful thread.

I lost my mother 3 years ago today. My Dad died just over 2 years ago.

The world is just not the same without them. I have lots of friends, a wonderful wife and my first baby on the way, however, sometimes I feel like the lonliest person on the planet. I feel like a fool for being such a sap when I have been so lucky in life but my world will never be the same without my parents.

It's somewhat comforting to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

Bereavement has never affected me, as i've never been bereaved.

Age 30, and still have all 4 grandparents, both parents, all aunts and uncles.

Very lucky thus far.

It's funny how it *will* affect us all over time, but we rarely talk about it.
We need to be more open about bereavement and stop putting pressure to be all happy and rosy all the time.
When it does happen, many people tend to avoid you... I guess they simply don't know what to say. Sometimes a chat, phone call, or 'how are you?' can really help. If you know someone who's going through it, please don't 'give them space' unless they specifically have asked for it.

lost my dad 14 months ago , spoke to him on the quay in wexford in the afternoon and said i would call in that night for a drink , got phone call at half five from mam saying he was in hospital with pains in his belly would i come in to sit with her . got to hospital and he asked about my kids and work , the usual stuff .I ashed how he was and he said ' i dont think im to good this time son ' . he was gone 20 minutes later .. anurism burst.
not only did i loose my father but only realised later he was also my best friend. I will have that drink for him over christmas.

Music....... its the one trigger I have left that brings my dad back to the front of my mind- he died on the 27th of dec 8 years ago.
I got my love of music from him- he was too poor to afford lessons or instruments back when he was young so he instead became a very talented and accomplished dancer.
My mam and him met through dancing and they danced right up until shortly before he died.

He enabled me to learn music as a kid and often commented that he'd have loved to swapped his skill set for mine.
Both my kids are currently learning music and I know he's proud of that.

I don't "talk" to him and tbh I don't visit his grave often ( I feel he's not there) , but I do hear him in my head when I try to teach my kids about life, he was so sound and so kind.
I'm a hairy arsed ,6"3 tall, ignorant,grumpy Irish fella and still even after 8 years I miss him everyday, but especially at this time of year.

December that year was a blur- but every year since we've had his anniversary mass and had a family get together for the grandkids, and yes..... music is a huge part of it and I hope it always will be!

ps 2016 goal- ( learn to dance)!

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

That is incredibly lucky. I'm 20 years old all my Grandparents are dead, One of my sisters died, as had a n uncle and an auntie.

Sorry to hear that.

I'm lucky now maybe. Not so lucky when it starts happening in a ball, and me not prepared for it.

Both granddads were diagnosed with cancer this year. Both now declared cancer-free after radiotherapy/surgery.

Both grandmothers are fine. One had a stroke from which she has recovered 95%. One broke her hip and is now fine again after that surgery, and her knee replacement.

So, everyone is fine now, but yeah, i'm nowhere near mentally prepared for when it does start happening.

My father died 20 years ago and although I was sad he had cancer so we knew what was coming.

My mam died 8 years ago, I came home one day and found her dead in the room, it affected me badly and I don't think I've ever really got over it but at the same time life has to go on.

My brother died when we were both kids, 30 years ago now, and although was too young at the time to fully understand it, and have many memories, I do remember looking out for him, and feeling like the big brother.

I would still think about him most days, more so around his birthday and anniversary, and do wonder what we might have gotten up to growing up. Not married or any kids my self, but would think would miss some of the stuff that entails having a brother, being an uncle (have no other siblings), having an uncle to my kids should I have any, picking my best man or having one, etc. Or simply having someone that close, that you can share stories with, confide with, go for pints, etc. I know all the above you can do with friends, or other close male relations, and that I do, but its not quite the same.

If there's one thing that bereavement shows, it's that there are a huge amount of people and families who have suffered really tragic, heartbreaking losses. Until it happened to my family, we never realised just how many families in our parish alone had lost people far, far too young. I was 18 when we buried my brother, two months before his 16th birthday. He was born with heart problems which finally caught up with him. Walking around the graveyard in the weeks after, we began to notice headstones for newborns, slightly older children, teenagers, people in their 20s, 30s, etc. All people who died far before their time.

The first few years after were incredibly tough and lonely. I missed him hugely and my heart broke for my Mom, she had spent her life holding a family together, providing for us all, doing an immense job in rearing us to people that I'm proud we are. She had worried about my brother all his life and it was horrible to see him taken from us after all she sacrificed. Time being the great healer it is, we all gradually moved from the sadness to live our lives again.

Things were great for a few years, my older sister moved back around having lived and worked abroad for a few years. Then, out of the blue, Mom got diagnosed with cancer and died less than five weeks later, the day before my brother's anniversary. Never smoked, drank maybe two glasses of sparkling wine a year, ate very healthily. Just wrong. It was a horrible time and if I'm brutally honest, I was angry that it was Mom instead of Dad who had been taken from us. For reasons I won't go into, neither my sister or I had much time for him and we dreaded what life would be like. Mom had been the barrier.

I moved home soon after that, I guess I didn't have much time to grieve as my father proved to be even more difficult than we'd feared. A year later, he was diagnosed with cancer and died just over two years after Mom. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a relief but I also regretted what could have been if he or maybe I might have been slightly different.

That was six years ago. I'm not sure if I think about them every day, but, as a poster above alluded to, I no longer feel guilty if I don't. Time and life has healed a lot. I'm married now, as is my sister and she has a wonderful little daughter whom I adore. Life goes on, new life starts. As my wife and I begin to think about starting a family I do get pangs though, especially for Mom. We're building a house behind my home place. Mom would have loved to have us there, have her (fingers crossed) grandkids running down to visit her.

It won't happen and that does make me sad but again, time has healed and will continue to heal, in my case at least. The most important thing for me is to not forget them. I don't have to remember them every day but just not forget them.

My OH lost both his parents at Christmas 2013 and 2014. I know he feels very alone and I wish I could take his grief and pain away. The last 2 Christmases passed in a blur as we just wanted to get the day over with. This year it's just the 2 of us for Christmas and I'm trying to make it as special as I can for him. Life is short and I'm thankful for everyday we are together.