Songs you can't listen to because they are too emotional for you

Azalea wrote: »

Bright Eyes by Art Garfunkel. Simply can't. It doesn't thankfully mean anything significant in my life but it's just such a heartbreakingly sad song IMO...

Great tune, the kind that makes you hug any pet about the place. Maybe not a snake.

Merry Christmas, Darling by the Carpenters. I was away from the missus one Christmas a few years ago. We are very attached to one another and it was very difficult being away at that time!

Another here for Mike and the mechanics. The living years.My ma's favourite song. She's in the grips of alziemhers now.

Smile... Nat king Cole gets me too.

Buzzcut Season by Lorde.
I was in a terrible place. Everything in my life was falling to **** - on the inside, from the outside it all looked fine, and that only made it feel worse. That's why the song hits me so hard, its like the epitome of teenage escapism.

DareGod wrote: »

My greatest fear is my mother dying. I have no desire to continue living without her. I have no idea how people go on without their mothers. I suppose that having a lover/spouse/child helps. I have none of those things, and I have no desire to have any of those things right now. My point is: I have no idea how you guys do it. My own mother was extremely close to her mother, who died when my mam was in her mid 30s. Last year I asked my mam how she coped with losing her mother, who she was so close to. I can't really remember her response, probably because it wasn't the answer I was hoping for.

Try to ignore my ramblings. Long story short, I'm sure that losing ones mother is one of the toughest experiences in the world, and I hope that you guys are okay. Lets all be in this together.

Not to belittle your feelings, but I found in those situations you can actually surprise yourself, you'll be surprised at how your own body will protect you from trauma it knows it can't cope with if you fully process it.
If you replace mother with father, I could have written your post 2.5 years ago.

Without a shadow of a doubt, my father was my best friend in the whole world. We were unbelievably close. He was amazing. My mother died 9 years ago and although I was sad and distraught, I was also (God forgive me) relieved it was my mom and not my dad that died. It also made me even more paranoid that he was next, and the next time, there wouldn't be anyone to sit with me in the front pew to hold my hand, there wouldn't be anyone to sit with me in the funeral home holding my hand. Even on the days that we had to say goodbye to my mother, that was the only thing I can recall being on my mind.

For the next 7 years I was paranoid out of my tree that my dad was going to die.
My mother was 44 when she died and was sick for maybe 3/4 days so, I knew there didn't have to be a warning. It could just happen, anytime any place.
Once a year I made him go to the doctor, he'd laugh at me but he'd humor me.
St Stephens night and New Year's Eve night were all nights my friends would go out but I was always so paranoid they'd be his "last years" that I'd stay with him and we would go out together. I tried to make every birthday special, every Christmas. And honestly, now I wish I wasn't so paranoid or I wish I hadn't let fear be the main feeling I had. I should have just enjoyed being with my dad and not worried.

About two months before he was diagnosed with cancer, I knew he was sick. I had a really close friend who I could have said anything to back then, and even him - I couldn't bring myself to even say the words out. I was afraid of him going to the doctor, I knew deep down what was coming. It was coming up to Xmas. I was like a lunatic, snapping, acting crazy. Taking it out on everyone else.
I snapped at this friend one evening, over nothing I can't even remember over what, but obviously needed to apologise, and drove 2.5 hours to tell him why I was so stressed out. 2.5 hours of a drive to avoid having to type 6 letters. Cancer. I couldn't even bring myself to put it in a text.
It was a few weeks before Xmas, my friend convinced me that it might not be cancer, it might not be as serious as I'd worked myself up to thinking it was.
So, off he went to his doctor. She sent him for an X-ray and I was in work, not able to sleep, eat, think, concentrate. I knew his dr wouldn't tell me anything but never the less, I made an appointment to see her over something stupid. And while I was there. I just blurted it out "I think my dad is going to die". And knowing how paranoid I can be, I needed her to tell me I was paranoid, or at least jumping the gun. But she didn't. She looked at me with sad eyes and said "he has become quite frail, hasn't he?" And stressed how important it was for him to have that X-ray done. I knew there and then, deep down - I knew she thought the same.

We left the X-ray until after Christmas. Tried make Xmas good for him. But I was so stressed out I was hospitalised a couple of times with tachycardia- basically my pulse and my blood pressure went up way too high and it was brought on by pure panic.

But - when he was diagnosed, although I was an absolute mess - Self medicating, over indulging in alcohol/anything I could get my hands on - you become stronger than you think. You deal with what's before you and worry about what's to come later. Despite him being sick and it being a horrible year, I have pretty good memories with him his last few months. We had a pretty good summer, we had great chats,

When he passed away, I think most people commented on how calm I was. He will be 2 years dead tonight (well, 2am tomorrow morning). By 9am, I had called the undertaker, and got the funeral plans rolling. Chose the nicest coffin they had for him. Picked the flowers. Had his clothes ready. Had my brothers suit ready. Had my clothes ready. Everything was organised, and perfect, and ready to go. No tears, no hysterics, nothing.
I think my friends were waiting for an absolute meltdown, but nothing.
I don't think I even cried when he was buried. I drank all that day, no tears. My friend stayed with me that night and there were tears in the middle of the night, but that was the first time.

It's pretty much 2 years to the day - and little by little it's like my body lets me deal with it a little more. I know it sounds stupid, but I do honestly believe you don't know your own strength until you have to know it. When he died, I had nobody left either, and I'm pretty sure I put in his Christmas card that we put into coffin with him, that I would be with him soon.

But, you do cope. Maybe not in the healthiest way (drugs, drinking, one night stands, being cold, not talking about things, burying your head in the sand, blocking it out and keeping yourself distracted) but, you do cope.

I'm sorry, I hope I haven't trivialised how you feel because I do understand exactly how you feel, but things will be okay, very far into the future when you do have to deal with it. Enjoy every single moment, silly story, leave nothing unsaid because to be honest I think that prob helped me the most, knowing (even though it was out of paranoia) that I had so many fun times with my dad, knowing so much about people I didn't even know because they were dead before I was born, but there was nothing that was left unsaid and it's the most comforting thing in the world. You will be okay.