Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

Isaiah · 21-11-2015 02:15AM

katydid wrote: »

And women are incapable of being strong, capable and assertive? How hard do you think it is to stand on a bus? You really think women are so weak and feeble?

How patronising and insulting.

I did not say any of that so cannot answer that question.

The strongest and best people in my life are women.

circadian · 21-11-2015 02:18AM

Fat Christy wrote: »

I, personally, wouldn't offer my seat to either an able bodied man or woman but at the same time, I wouldn't get irked if a man offered me a seat.

I used to work in an office with all male managers and one female manager. The female manager made a point of never making coffee for anyway because she was a manager and the only female manager. The girls who worked under her were below her and her fellow managers were men, so she wasn't making coffee for them either. It was a real dominance thing with her. I just thought it was simply bizarre. Where I work now we all make tea and coffee for each other, regardless of gender or status. It's a nice thing to do, there's nothing better than getting a cup of tea handed to you and that's the way I was brought up. It's not all one sided either, if you make people tea or coffee they will return the favour.

I'm an awful ol' one. I'd be leaving dinner and cakes and making tea for everyone in my house. My housemates had 2 girls home one night. The following morning I was making tea for everyone and one of the girls told me 'oh he can make his own tea, you shouldn't be running after him'. Sorry what?! I find for all the nice things you do, it's returned 10 times over. My housemates cleaned the entire house for me when I was having people over. They gave me tablets and brought me bucket loads of tea when I was sick. The same with the people in the office I do favours for, they're returned ten fold! And my friends, the amount of times when I ended up down sh*t street and they've been there for me. It's not a gender thing, it's just being a nice person.

Don't be a dick to people in the name of equality. If you don't appreciate the gesture, just politely decline, there's no need to get offended and there's no need to be an ass. And hold the door people, hold the fecking door open!

Nice.

Edit: Didn't see the plural housemates.

Meh!

Bongalongherb · 21-11-2015 02:19AM

If I hopped onto a train or bus and it was packed but one seat available for me I'd give it to either a pregnant lady and/or an older person, I always have done. Without fail I will give my seat to other folk because I feel like it. Courtesy as well, but it's just in my nature to do so as a sign of respect. It costs nothing to be nice.

Isaiah · 21-11-2015 02:21AM

myshirt wrote: »

I say 'need' in respect of the people not able to stand for a bus journey, or who would have a better time sitting down. So an older person, a child with small legs who does twice the walking, a pregnant lady or so on.

The rest of people I just ask politely if they'd like the seat. I hope they don't take it as patronising. Christ, I must rethink. Never hit me that the equality agenda stretched this far. I'd just do it and think no more about it. Don't want a high five or anything. My god lads, this thread is mad.

If people like Katy had their way the world would be a very dark, miserable place. These "equality" warriors remind me of the Spanish Inquisition.

circadian · 21-11-2015 02:21AM

Bongalongherb wrote: »

If I hopped onto a train or bus and it was packed but one seat available for me I'd give it to either a pregnant lady and/or an older person, I always have done. Without fail I will give my seat to other folk because I feel like it. Courtesy as well, but it's just in my nature to do so as a sign of respect. It costs nothing to be nice.

How old are we talking here? Ye know really old people generally don't get pregnant.

The and/or is confusing.

ThinkProgress · 21-11-2015 02:22AM

sup_dude wrote: »

For the purpose of this thread, what is feminism?

Feminism: People who want to have their cake and eat it too.

3rd wave feminism: They've already got the cake, gobbled it up... now they want MY cake too!

True modern feminism is not about equality. It's about female dominance and male subordination. And it relies heavily on weak-minded men to promote it.

They want women to be less feminine and men to be less masculine.... There by creating some homogeneous, gender-less utopia.

A living nightmare if you ask me. (which if you're a feminazi, you more than likely wouldn't)

21-11-2015 02:24AM

I give up.

circadian · 21-11-2015 02:28AM

Candie wrote: »

I give up.

Your seat?

Fat Christy · 21-11-2015 02:29AM

circadian wrote: »

Nice.

Edit: Didn't see the plural housemates.

Meh!

circadian wrote: »

How old are we talking here? Ye know really old people generally don't get pregnant.

The and/or is confusing.

circadian wrote: »

Your seat?

You been out on the lash?

21-11-2015 02:30AM

circadian wrote: »

Your seat?

All the time.

One eyed Jack · 21-11-2015 02:37AM

Azalea wrote: »

"Mammers" - Freudian slip? :pac:

Awkward :pac:

The OP doesn't mean the offering of your seat in general though, she means specifically the offering of your seat to a woman just because she is a woman. The OP said she secretly got really annoyed that a seat wasn't offered to her based on her femaleness, and then it occurred to her that there's no real reason for this gesture, as healthy, able-bodied, non pregnant, non elderly women don't need someone else's seat, so she's wondering why she got so annoyed? Bit of self reflection in the form of thread.

Ah yeah, I see where they're coming from now, yeah I'd always offer a woman standing my seat anyway, but I'm sexist, no interest in modern notions of 'equality'. I've done it for years and never once has a woman been offended because I offered her a seat. She might politely say she couldn't or no thank you or whatever, but that'd be about it. I'd still feel awkward though if I'm sitting and she's standing, but if that's what she wants, at least I offered. I'd think a lot worse of myself if I didn't offer, and that's when I'd be engaging in a bit of self-reflection :pac:

Azalea · 21-11-2015 02:42AM

It's definitely something that a lot of men are conditioned to do - a reflex action, probably something they don't even think about. And as you say, they can feel uncomfortable if they don't do it. Nothing wrong with that at all - it's a very decent way to be, but I do think such men should remember that if they'd really like to stay sitting, they don't have to give their seat up for a healthy, able-bodied, non pregnant, non elderly woman, and they shouldn't feel bad for not doing it.

Bongalongherb · 21-11-2015 03:00AM

circadian wrote: »

How old are we talking here? Ye know really old people generally don't get pregnant.

The and/or is confusing.

Sorry, I'll be more precise... When I mean an old person that has to stand while I languish on a warm comfortable seat... I mean a very old person that needs to rest their weary bones with a bit of comfort instead of standing and wobbling while the bus bounces around.

In regards to a pregnant lady... I'd give my seat without question of nationality/age or other.

Bongalongherb · 21-11-2015 03:07AM

Azalea wrote: »

It's definitely something that a lot of men are conditioned to do - a reflex action, probably something they don't even think about. And as you say, they can feel uncomfortable if they don't do it. Nothing wrong with that at all - it's a very decent way to be, but I do think such men should remember that if they'd really like to stay sitting, they don't have to give their seat up for a healthy, able-bodied, non pregnant, non elderly woman, and they shouldn't feel bad for not doing it.

I disagree. I'm a focused person and it's not a conditioned thing to do, I do it out of respect for my fellow folk, nothing more. Why would you say that 'Definitely' a lot of men are conditioned to do so when I'm sure that most men are just courteous.

One eyed Jack · 21-11-2015 03:08AM

Azalea wrote: »

It's definitely something that a lot of men are conditioned to do - a reflex action, probably something they don't even think about. And as you say, they can feel uncomfortable if they don't do it. Nothing wrong with that at all - it's a very decent way to be, but I do think such men should remember that if they'd really like to stay sitting, they don't have to give their seat up for a healthy, able-bodied, non pregnant, non elderly woman, and they shouldn't feel bad for not doing it.

I know where you're coming from and all, but the way I'd see that is if the guy wants to stay where he is, and wouldn't care to even offer to give up his seat for a woman, then he's unlikely to care for my judgement of him as a bit of an arsehole either.

I mean, I know you're saying they shouldn't feel bad for not doing it, but this thing nowadays of every little interaction between people, being analysed to the nth degree, in the name of 'gender equality', it's all a bit much really. I personally just can't think at that level where I question every interaction I have with someone of the opposite gender, whether it's me offering them my seat, or them offering to make me a cup of coffee when "I can make my own coffee", the girls in work make me coffee the whole time, I'm not gonna complain

I can see the next thread already - "The girls in work make me tea/coffee, I'm deeply offended by this slight on my manhood". Of course I'm not, it's just them doing something nice for me, and I do nice things for them. None of us I don't think, analyse it at the level that I often see on Boards that leaves me wondering am I living in some alternate universe where adults actually interact with each other and get on great with each other without reading into every interaction?

Azalea · 21-11-2015 03:13AM

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I disagree. I'm a focused person and it's not a conditioned thing to do, I do it out of respect for my fellow folk, nothing more. Why would you say that 'Definitely' a lot of men are conditioned to do so when I'm sure that most men are just courteous.

But I'm referring to giving up a seat specifically to a woman, who doesn't actually need to take someone else's seat, just because she's a woman.
Simply being courteous would be giving up your seat to anyone. The reason I say "conditioned" is because I think chivalry is something that can be ingrained - nothing wrong with it, but if you think about it, there's no logical reason to giving a woman, who doesn't need to sit down, your seat just because she's a woman, however it's just one of those "done things" that stems from social conditioning a lot of the time; men being taught from boyhood to show more respect to women because "women are gentler and need to be more protected" and stuff. It's hardly a bad trait though, but nothing wrong with dissecting it a bit.

Bongalongherb · 21-11-2015 03:28AM

Azalea wrote: »

But I'm referring to giving up a seat specifically to a woman, who doesn't actually need to take someone else's seat, just because she's a woman.
Simply being courteous would be giving up your seat to anyone. The reason I say "conditioned" is because I think chivalry is something that can be ingrained - nothing wrong with it, but if you think about it, there's no logical reason to giving a woman, who doesn't need to sit down, your seat just because she's a woman, however it's just one of those "done things" that stems from social conditioning a lot of the time; men being taught from boyhood to show more respect to women because "women are gentler and need to be more protected" and stuff. It's hardly a bad trait though, but nothing wrong with dissecting it a bit.

For a healthy woman, I wouldn't give up my seat not a chance in the world

But I did once have a woman get up from her seat to let me sit there and that woman was a real decent person. Leg was banjaxed and found it a bit hard to keep balance standing holding the metal rail, a real woman.

Last month a woman opened the door for me in the post office on her way out which I was amazed because I don't see that happening much. Another beautiful lady, and I'm a reasonably fit male and reasonably young.

Some women are amazing regarding their compassion for the opposite sex, and some men also, but we need more people like this Imo.

NachoBusiness · 21-11-2015 04:12AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvinXX5ZX8Y

Bongalongherb · 21-11-2015 04:26AM

I think the Drunk Delhi police man on Delhi metro was good as well, I would have given him my seat any day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDCKHDfQSuk

everlast75 · 21-11-2015 06:33AM

Foxtrol wrote: »

I get universal good manners but I don’t understand how people justify being more mannerly towards a specific gender. Harking back to how you were raised is a bit of a cop out, as if you were raised in a family where you were taught it was ok to hit your partner I would presume you would reconsider it.

Why do you continue to be more mannerly towards one gender, is it for an ego boost or opportunity to pat yourself on the back for being such a great guy?

Didn't get a chance before now to reply.

I note however others (including Candie) have responded on my behalf and hit the nail on the head.

I'm not sure of your gender, but either way, you seem to fall into the category I mentioned, ie seeking to be offended... so I'm gonna leave you to it.

JupiterKid · 21-11-2015 07:01AM

Elderly and infirm/disabled - always offer up my seat. Pregnant woman - always. Other women - sometimes.

PLL · 21-11-2015 07:14AM

amdublin wrote: »

Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.

I'd rather pay for my 4 year than ever put her on my lap. It is dangerous and terrifies her.
Add this to the fact I have a back injury and I can assure you my 4 year old will not be giving up her seat for an able bodied adult.

Never mind women, the buses I use, workers in their 20's let old men stand, and laugh when they fall. They also don't move out of the buggy space for ladies with buggies.

Your gripe with men not giving up seats for women is arbitrary compared to what actually happens.

Whitewinged · 21-11-2015 07:51AM

Azalea wrote: »

It's definitely something that a lot of men are conditioned to do - a reflex action, probably something they don't even think about. And as you say, they can feel uncomfortable if they don't do it. Nothing wrong with that at all

When it's just my husband and I in the car and he is driving then I always sit in the front seat but if my father or his father or one of our brothers or male friends are going in the car with us then I always offer them to take the front seat. My mother always does this and I guess it's just something I got from her but I want to give up my seat and I don't see it as a big deal or equality thing.

DeanAustin · 21-11-2015 08:11AM

Foxtrol wrote: »

The act itself doesn’t bother me but the cop out of ‘that’s the way I was brought up’ does. If you're going to do it then be honest as to your reasoning behind it, especially when you selecting one gender.

If it’s just a nice thing to do then why is it nice to give a seat to a woman and not to a man?

If it’s a decision not driven by expectation from either side then I don’t have a problem. Can you explain why you would feel the need to do that every first date?

Haha ah come on. Jesus Christ. It's tradition. It might be illogical but guess what, lots of stuff in this world is illogical and the world can be a better place for it.

Maybe because men are naturally programmed to protect women and children is what is behind it, maybe I got it from my mam and dad...I'm not too sure. But I'm not doing any harm so don't worry yourself about it.

If you live your life in a world devoid of illogical acts, you'll live in a pretty dull world.

Cork Lass · 21-11-2015 08:54AM

This thread has really got me thinking. Do some people just get offended for the sake of it? I have been offered seats on a bus and have either accepted or refused as I saw fit - I've never been offended by it and I hope that those people I've offered a seat to have not been offended by me. I love when someone holds a door open for me and always make sure to thank them, I will also hold a door for someone behind me be they male or female. I think people do this out of politeness and nothing else. My husband would always offer his seat to a woman, he's a polite person and not a sexist. To those women who are offended by being offered a seat by a man answer me this - would you be as offended if he was offering you the last place on a lifeboat or would you be willing to sink ? There are lots of real problems in the world that we can get our feminist panties in a twist over but this to my mind is not one of them.

21-11-2015 08:57AM

Other kerrazzee stuff I do that has no real meaning, beyond being courteous, and that is gender and age specific (as in I might not do these for a young man).

I will hold an umbrella.

I will walk on the outside of the footpath.

And so on.

It never crossed my mind that I was being sexist, ageist etc.

El_Duderino 09 · 21-11-2015 09:00AM

DeanAustin wrote:

That's not what's happening though. Of course people shouldn't just blindly accept their parent's morals and beliefs.

That's exactly what a lot of posters are saying 'I was raised to give my seat to old, frail, injured people and women'.

DeanAustin wrote:

Offering a seat to a woman doesn't hurt anyone. It's a victimless gesture. Excluding someone from a conversation based on gender does hurt that person. I'd imagine that's the differentiation the poster would make.

It's well intentioned I'm sure, but it is precisely adopting morals from a time when women were not treated equally (hold the door and expect them to politely defer to men in important matters).

Now people are equal so there's no need to treat people differently, based on gender.

It's so simple I just can't understand the mentality that you could support gender equality and want to treat one of the genders differently in this way.

Buona Fortuna · 21-11-2015 09:03AM

Cork Lass wrote: »

This thread has really got me thinking. Do some people just get offended for the sake of it? I have been offered seats on a bus and have either accepted or refused as I saw fit - I've never been offended by it and I hope that those people I've offered a seat to have not been offended by me. I love when someone holds a door open for me and always make sure to thank them, I will also hold a door for someone behind me be they male or female. I think people do this out of politeness and nothing else. My husband would always offer his seat to a woman, he's a polite person and not a sexist. To those women who are offended by being offered a seat by a man answer me this - would you be as offended if he was offering you the last place on a lifeboat or would you be willing to sink ? There are lots of real problems in the world that we can get our feminist panties in a twist over but this to my mind is not one of them.

This is After Hours its the argumentative's and opinionated's equivalent of AA

El_Duderino 09 · 21-11-2015 09:03AM

Canterelle wrote:

Talk about first world problems. Gawd the amount of "pschoanalizing" and deeply inferred meanings here are ridiculous. A guy offers a girl his seat.....and wait, he's the biggest mysoginist ahole on the planet??? Ffs, get a life. If you can get offended by that, then I just worry. Such stupid reactions are what has given feminism a bad name. Tbh, it doesn't usually happen anymore, but if does it's just nice. Nothing more. Not him saying she's a weak helpless female. Not him asserting any superiority. Just, you know, nice.

I don't know if you're missing the point on purpose or not so I'll try to explain. It's about treating people equally. You're not the biggest arÅºeholes on the planet, but it's not treating people equally.

If you can't get your head around the concept of treating the genders equally, then I don't know what to tell you.

El_Duderino 09 · 21-11-2015 09:11AM

DeanAustin wrote:

Giving up your seat for a woman doesn't hurt anyone.

It's about treating people equally. You can't treat people equally if you're giving one gender preferential treatment.

Equality is the name of the game now. Unequal treatment of one gender is from a bygone era. Maybe unequal treatment of the genders will come back to into vogue, but right now it's just about equal treatment.

Resourceful people can adapt to the times. Those who can't keep up get left behind, however well intentioned they might be.

Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

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