Why do we apologise a lot?

#62 14-10-2015 10:32AM

One eyed Jack

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zeffabelli wrote: »

Yes it's definitely an Irish thing.

When it's a sorry for a real screw up..., sorry is a good start but you need a step 2.

It's probably just me, but I can't hack anyone saying sorry to me at all or apologising for anything, I do it myself, I rarely ever apologise, because for me I'd sooner show I was sorry for my actions by rectifying the situation, or at least showing an attempt to rectify the situation. I'd sooner just move on, because I feel that's what adults should do, rather than thinking they have to apologise to me for. I get remorse and all, but there's no need to hammer home the point and make them feel worse.

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#63 14-10-2015 10:35AM

sbsquarepants

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basillarkin wrote: »

Apologise for nothing

Couldn't agree more.
I apologise for nothing, I'm sorry but that's just the way I am.:D

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#64 14-10-2015 11:18AM

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It's a load bollicks really. I hate actually doing it but I cannot help it, it's hammered into me at this stage.

Someone bumps off me, I say "ah sorry mate" then that cúnt walks off without saying a word and I'm left thinking why the fook did I say sorry to that príck.

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#65 14-10-2015 11:24AM

rubadub

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SonicBoom87 wrote: »

"sorry to bother you"

Thats what I take it to mean, and so is pretty much the same as saying "excuse me", which could be seen as short of "excuse me for bothering you"

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#66 14-10-2015 11:56AM

LordSutch

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rubadub wrote: »

Thats what I take it to mean, and so is pretty much the same as saying "excuse me", which could be seen as short of "excuse me for bothering you"

Noting wrong with 'sorry to bother you' or excuse me please, but its the 'sorry' in isolation that just sounds so out of place (in certain situations) Like I bumped into you, so why are you saying sorry to me?

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#67 14-10-2015 12:00PM

Ush1

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South American fella working for me couldn't get his head 'round the phrase "no bother".

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#68 14-10-2015 12:31PM

languagenerd

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It does backfire, alright. I worked in a huge department store years ago and trying to push a rail of new clothes through the shop on a Saturday afternoon was no mean feat. I used to shout "Sorry!" at people in front who weren't looking (meaning "excuse me - move please!"), but sometimes the person would look up and say "Ah, don't worry, you're grand!" and stay standing in front of me, browsing the shelves :mad::mad:

So yeah, "excuse me" might be the better option!

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#69 14-10-2015 12:47PM

zeffabelli

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One eyed Jack wrote: »

It's probably just me, but I can't hack anyone saying sorry to me at all or apologising for anything, I do it myself, I rarely ever apologise, because for me I'd sooner show I was sorry for my actions by rectifying the situation, or at least showing an attempt to rectify the situation. I'd sooner just move on, because I feel that's what adults should do, rather than thinking they have to apologise to me for. I get remorse and all, but there's no need to hammer home the point and make them feel worse.

There's a very good argument for suggesting forgiveness in the first place is an arrogant, narcissistic position.

I hear what you are saying ... Definitely...

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#70 14-10-2015 01:03PM

_Whimsical_

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Tarzana2 wrote: »

Not at all, the definitions are quite different.

And, as said, it is not everywhere!

You're wrong. All are used to express polite apology in social contexts, all mean exactly the same thing. Just because American's don't use it doesn't mean it's not still correct english or correct in a social setting. In the UK in more affluent educated circles "I beg your pardon" is still commonly said if someone wants to get your attention or if someone bustles past you etc, ie situations where we might say "sorry" for the same purpose.

excuse me
phrase of excuse
1.
used as a polite apology in various contexts, such as when attempting to get someone's attention, asking someone to move so that one may pass, or interrupting a speaker.

Sorry
used to express apology.
exclamation: sorry
"sorry—I was trying not to make a noise"
used as a polite request that someone should repeat something that one has failed to hear or understand.
"I'm sorry—you were saying?"

I beg your pardon ( pardon me)
phrase of pardon
1.
used to express polite apology.
"I beg your pardon for intruding"

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#71 14-10-2015 01:09PM

recylingbin

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py2006 wrote: »

Have you ever noticed that we (irish people) say the word 'sorry' alot and incorrectly??

Just noticed a guy in restaurant saying "sorry" to waitress in order to get her attention. I find my self saying it when trying to get passed somebody.

Why don't we say "excuse me"? How did it come about? Are we all insecure and afraid to offend?

sowwy.

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#72 14-10-2015 02:07PM

stoneill

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Sorry I started to read this thread.

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#73 14-10-2015 02:20PM

bur

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The problem seems to be them foreigners, we know what it means when we say or hear it.

I think it's endearing no matter what one aussie chef or german family thinks.

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#74 14-10-2015 03:12PM

py2006

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Atually, today I noticed I say "Sorry, excuse me"

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#75 14-10-2015 03:57PM

rubadub

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LordSutch wrote: »

Noting wrong with 'sorry to bother you' or excuse me please, but its the 'sorry' in isolation that just sounds so out of place (in certain situations)

1 word sounds fine to me, as using several seems overly formal. You will hear exchanges like
"alright"
"alrgiht" just shortening down "are you alright", "yes I am alright are you also?", nobody is putting much thought into it, I would find fuller exchanges of words a bit peculiar and unnecessary.

LordSutch wrote: »

Like I bumped into you, so why are you saying sorry to me?

I do this, it is to indicate to you that though you have bumped into me I am totally fine with it, there is no need for you to apologise or be concerned. It is also a pre-emptive action incase the person bumping into me though they were in the right, or they area scumbag looking for a fight (this used to be quite common 20 years ago, scumbags purposely shouldering into people, not sure if it happens anymore).

What would you suggest people say instead?
"please excuse yourself", or nothing and stand around waiting for you to say "sorry" and then I say "thats ok" or "no bother". If you do say sorry first I would say those things, but I am not going to wait around in case you were not planning on saying anything, or thinking you were in the right, or were a scumbag looking for a fight. I would also not ignore it completely.

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#76 14-10-2015 04:13PM

Tarzana2

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_Whimsical_ wrote: »

You're wrong. All are used to express polite apology in social contexts, all mean exactly the same thing. Just because American's don't use it doesn't mean it's not still correct english or correct in a social setting. In the UK in more affluent educated circles "I beg your pardon" is still commonly said if someone wants to get your attention or if someone bustles past you etc, ie situations where we might say "sorry" for the same purpose.

Who mentioned America?

I still disagree that sorry and excuse me mean the same thing. There's a difference. Sorry is offering contrition or expressing sorrow. Excuse me us more of an alert. The connotations are different. Yeah, you provided those definitions, but IMO, sorry is more downbeat, always. I guess our interpretations differ. And, as said in this thread, people from other countries question it.

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#77 14-10-2015 04:55PM

_Whimsical_

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Tarzana2 wrote: »

Who mentioned America?

I still disagree that sorry and excuse me mean the same thing. There's a difference. Sorry is offering contrition or expressing sorrow. Excuse me us more of an alert. The connotations are different. Yeah, you provided those definitions, but IMO, sorry is more downbeat, always. I guess our interpretations differ. And, as said in this thread, people from other countries question it.

But that's the nature of language, every native people who adopt a language adapt it as their own and add their own colloquialisms, it becomes an expression of themselves and their culture. I like it personally, I think it reflects a people with a more humble respectful nature, the opposite of "hey I'm the most important person here so listen up/give me/etc".There's a sound basis for it in terms of basic dictionary definition,every language and culture has their own version of it as a form of polite classical etiquette. I don't see why we'd change it because foreigners don't immediately get ours. .We don't go to Australia and wander around baffled as to why they are calling us "mate" when we don't know them from Adam, or correcting Americans for bandying around "awesome". It's a little bit of who we are and there's nothing at all incorrect in it.

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#78 14-10-2015 05:33PM

bodhrandude

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I'm sorry for your trouble, I don't mind saying that at funerals, it would sound weird if you said excuse me for your trouble.

If you want to get into it, you got to get out of it. (Hawkwind 1982)

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#79 14-10-2015 06:27PM

Rubberlegs

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bodhrandude wrote: »

I'm sorry for your trouble, I don't mind saying that at funerals, it would sound weird if you said excuse me for your trouble.

"Sorry for your trouble and move on "

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#80 14-10-2015 07:31PM

LordSutch

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rubadub wrote: »

I do this, it is to indicate to you that though you have bumped into me I am totally fine with it, there is no need for you to apologise or be concerned. It is also a pre-emptive action incase the person bumping into me they were in the right, or they area scumbag looking for a fight (this used to be quite common 20 years ago, scumbags purposely shouldering into people, not sure if it happens anymore).

What would you suggest people say instead?
"please excuse yourself", or nothing and stand around waiting for you to say "sorry" and then I say "thats ok" or "no bother". If you do say sorry first I would say those things, but I am not going to wait around in case you were not planning on saying anything, or thinking you were in the right, or were a scumbag looking for a fight. I would also not ignore it completely.

I don't know about " scumbags" and scumbag situations, (I'd steer clear and say nothing), but in everyday life in the office or the shops, if somebody bumps into me, then I would expect them to say sorry to me (and not the other way around). If they don't say sorry then that's fine by me too, because maybe they have something on their mind, or they've just stumbled? But either way I would never say "sorry" if somebody bumped into me, as I just can't see the point.

PS; Depending on the situation, I might clear my throat and ask (with a slight smile) "are you OK"?

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#81 14-10-2015 08:37PM

Fat Christy

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I already asked this question. Cheek of ya. Apologise at once!!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=91648605

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#82 14-10-2015 09:57PM

py2006

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Fat Christy wrote: »

I already asked this question. Cheek of ya. Apologise at once!!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=91648605

Sorry about that...

Although my question is why? Yours was do we? :-p

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#83 15-10-2015 10:07AM

Fat Christy

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py2006 wrote: »

Sorry about that...

Although my question is why? Yours was do we? :-p

Whatever.

Same difference.

I'm sorry that you have a problem with my question. #Notsorry

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#84 15-10-2015 10:31AM

OhDearyMe

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_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I like it personally, I think it reflects a people with a more humble respectful nature, the opposite of "hey I'm the most important person here so listen up/give me/etc".

Bingo. I miss how people go about their business in Ireland. I'm living in a city now where people won't even acknowledge you in anyway, shape or form if they've bumped into you and day-to-day, I find that kind of way of being quite stressful and cold.

Whether there's logic in smiling and saying "sorry" to someone who's just bumped into you is kind of missing the point, I think; I think Irish people don't want to go about their business going out of their way to ignore strangers and appreciate that little bit of human interaction and will take it wherever we can, no matter how strange it might seem to an outsider. As you say, Whimsical, it's just a way to show a humble, respectful nature that I think is a tactic we use to endear ourselves to each other. It's the acknowledgement that we co-exist and it just makes going about your day that little bit more pleasant. Perhaps foreign people don't get this about the Irish but as an Irish person, I appreciate it.

Edit: Or maybe I'm talking out of me arse.

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#85 15-10-2015 10:42AM

LordSutch

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Poppycock.

...and I say that as somebody who should be the first to say sorry, if I bumped into someone.

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#86 15-10-2015 10:46AM

Menas

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Some people don't apologise enough!

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#87 15-10-2015 02:30PM

Badly Drunk Boy

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LordSutch wrote: »

Noting wrong with 'sorry to bother you' or excuse me please, but its the 'sorry' in isolation that just sounds so out of place (in certain situations) Like I bumped into you, so why are you saying sorry to me?

It's used as an interjection in some cases, not a statement or an admission. You could equally say that 'excuse me' is wrong. Excuse you for what? Have you done something wrong? Are you in somebody's way?

And anyway, is apologising such an Irish thing? (Apologies for the source of that link!) :pac:

How the British habit of constantly apologising (even if you've done nothing wrong) makes you look MORE trustworthy.
American researchers said apologising for situations an individual cannot change, such as rain, makes them appear more trustworthy to others.
Researchers at Harvard Business School found superfluous apologies represent a powerful tool for social influence.
In a series of experiments, people were more likely to lend a stranger a phone if they apologised for an unrelated event before asking for the favour.

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#88 15-10-2015 03:36PM

Paramite Pie

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Tarzana2 wrote: »

Saying 'excuse me' is polite and makes more sense.

If "Excuse me" can have more than one meaning, why can't sorry? Both are apologetic words after all.

Even in the Irish language the words sorry, regret and 'excuse me' were one word (ie; Tá brón orm).

Ireland is not a formal culture, it's not considered impolite to use casual phrases -- in fact it's preferred. I don't care if it's not recognised by some dictionary company but it is recognised as a correct usage in Hiberno-English.

languagenerd wrote: »

Residual Catholic guilt maybe?

Oh come on!!:rolleyes:

zeffabelli wrote: »

Yes it's definitely an Irish thing.

Nope, it's a British thing too. Only slight differences in usage.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/things-that-will-make-a-british-person-say-sorry#.xvR5m8qnv

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#89 15-10-2015 03:38PM

DellyBelly

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Sorry. I can't answer that for you I'm afraid.....ha ha ha

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#90 17-10-2015 08:37AM

zeffabelli

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Paramite Pie wrote: »

If "Excuse me" can have more than one meaning, why can't sorry? Both are apologetic words after all.

Even in the Irish language the words sorry, regret and 'excuse me' were one word (ie; Tá brón orm).

Ireland is not a formal culture, it's not considered impolite to use casual phrases -- in fact it's preferred. I don't care if it's not recognised by some dictionary company but it is recognised as a correct usage in Hiberno-English.

Oh come on!!:rolleyes:

Nope, it's a British thing too. Only slight differences in usage.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/things-that-will-make-a-british-person-say-sorry#.xvR5m8qnv

I love how real transgressions like adultery, personal abuse, betrayal etc are not on that list!

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#91 17-10-2015 09:00AM

Archeron

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I absolutely refuse to apologize for anything, I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.

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