Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

Dramatik · 08-09-2015 11:56AM

I was asked a few years ago in work by a randomer if I would like to hear a poem that they had written, I wish I was more a cut throat person and could have replied "No, **** off!" would have spared me the awkward next few minutes listening to her talk about withering flowers ect.

smash · 08-09-2015 12:44PM

Wasn't a request that I got, but a friend forwarded on a request he got while working for a classified ads website. There was an option to submit photos through mms and someone had used their phone, to take a photo of their computer screen where they had the photos in their email client.

RainyDay · 12-09-2015 12:47AM

Deleted User wrote: »

had a minister of state write in to ask us to consider changing our number as it was similar to one of his constituents and she was mithered with wrong numbers

The Minister of State knew well that you weren't going to change your number, but just wanted to show the constituent how much he/she cared for their problem.

We used to get phone calls for a taxi firm that had a similar number, and get a bit pi$$ed off if the calls became frequent. Some people (usually late night callers) found it quite hard to accept that they had called a wrong number, so we'd just take their booking, and leave them to it.

Triangla · 18-09-2015 06:33PM

When working in a butchers in a local super market during college I was asked by a customer for some fillet steak.

I cut a slice, weighed it up. She then asked me to cut the fat off it. I looked at it and said to her there's no fat to cut off. She pointed and the tiniest marbling running through it.

At that point I knew nothing I could say would satisfy her so I told her to point and I would cut. Completely decimated a good steak.

deni20000 · 18-09-2015 07:40PM

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Does the shop sell fluffy animals?

And how much are they?

starling · 18-09-2015 09:53PM

Aisling(",) wrote: »

When In catering I had someone ask if I could only give them peas that were all the one shade of green.

Aahahahhaha no fúcking way that's so bizarre!

Used to work at a tiny place, I was the only woman there, I did all the admin/reception. One day the manager says to me "I'm having a meeting with some prospective clients, I really hope to get a lot of business out of them, can you make sure you've taken your break and will look after anything that comes up while I'm with them," you know, usual stuff. Sure thing, says I. Of course I'll do that.

Then there's a pause. Then "I better go and get some nice biscuits in for them, they can have them with their tea or coffee..." Says I "Good idea, boss."

Off he goes and buys "fancy" biscuits (He's not a biscuit person, himself).

Ten minutes before these folk are due to arrive, he's looking around, making sure the place looks decent, and "I suppose I'll bring them a tray, with cups, maybe make a pot of tea, oh wait we've no teapot, I know, I'll just ask them when they get here would they like tea or coffee, and then go out to the break room and make it and bring it back in......." It's clear to me by now that he's hoping I'll just say "I'll do it" but he's afraid to ask me outright in case I tell him not to be so sexist or whatever. So I'm playing dumb.

Finally he looks at me and goes "Er......................how do you make coffee?"

This man was in his 50's.

New Home · 18-09-2015 09:56PM

So did you put him out of his misery and make the coffees/teas?

starling · 18-09-2015 09:59PM

New Home wrote: »

So did you put him out of his misery and make the coffees/teas?

Of course not. I told him how to make coffee. He managed quite well. The man ran a fúcking factory, he was well able to put a spoonful of instant sh1te into a cup and add boiling water.

Teach a man to fish, and all that

New Home · 18-09-2015 10:00PM

Mmmh, instant coffee... the clients must've been impressed

starling · 18-09-2015 10:02PM

New Home wrote: »

Mmmh, instant coffee... the clients must've been impressed

At least they could be confident he wasn't padding the prices to pay for extravagant luxuries like real coffee!

Manach · 18-09-2015 10:04PM

Remove references to Master and Slave database connections. It was deemed non-PC.

New Home · 18-09-2015 10:05PM

starling wrote: »

At least they could be confident he wasn't padding the prices to pay for extravagant luxuries like real coffee!

That's true... but then... what about the fancy biscuits?? :eek: Rich tea, were they? :rolleyes:

Anyway, he learnt something new that day, so that's a productive day right there. :pac:

nikpmup · 18-09-2015 10:08PM

"Is that photocopier working?"

"That's.... A shredder"

tnegun · 19-09-2015 12:38PM

Had one of the accounts team ask me to stop removing the date column from the excel reports I was sending him. I was at a loss and resent it but he came back with the same complaint when I called him I was told the date columns was full of gate signs ########

Wanderer78 · 19-09-2015 11:18PM

do you want to do over time or will you do over time?

matchthis · 19-09-2015 11:47PM

Wanderer78 wrote: »

do you want to do over time or will you do over time?

"Yes".....then walk away

starling · 19-09-2015 11:48PM

"What size underpants should I buy for a forty year old man?"
"Do you think this tie will suit my dad? Oh, he's not here, he's in hospital."

(Answers: Medium, and yes).

paleoperson · 20-09-2015 12:01AM

New Home wrote: »

Mmmh, instant coffee... the clients must've been impressed

No waiting around like the regular coffee suckers...

languagenerd · 20-09-2015 12:19AM

starling wrote: »

"What size underpants should I buy for a forty year old man?"
"Do you think this tie will suit my dad? Oh, he's not here, he's in hospital."

(Answers: Medium, and yes).

Oh I remember those days.

"Will these dresses fit my sisters?"
"Well, what sizes do your sisters take?"
"One is very skinny, the other's a bit fatter than her. These should fit, right?"

starling · 20-09-2015 12:40AM

languagenerd wrote: »

Oh I remember those days.

"Will these dresses fit my sisters?"
"Well, what sizes do your sisters take?"
"One is very skinny, the other's a bit fatter than her. These should fit, right?"

Whenever I hear about some eejit buying his missus a bra and knicker set I always feel pity for the poor one in the shop trying to guess a bra size for a woman she's never seen. "She's about your size..." Yeah, sure.

evo2000 · 20-09-2015 04:39AM

Customer ordered a big mac a large taco chip 2 chicken breasts.....aaannd a diet coke...

arayess · 20-09-2015 10:11AM

evo2000 wrote: »

Customer ordered a big mac a large taco chip 2 chicken breasts.....aaannd a diet coke...

but i like diet coke...i find regular coke too sweet....:(

Ray Palmer · 20-09-2015 01:47PM

I took a low level contract in a company as I thought it would be less stress for a while. I was so wrong, my boss who claimed to be an IT master was in charge of testing a new system, QA was her expertise apparently. She told one of the QA people to print out the entire database and check 6 pieces of data per main customer record against the new system data base and give it out to the team to check. 170,000 records! I was sure the QA person was wrong at which point I was informed she was now the team lead and was telling me what to do. I asked her could I have 5 minutes to show her a better and she reluctantly agreed, I wrote an SQL script confined to compare a sample of the old DB against the new one. 5 records came up and I showed the were missing in the new system. She said she didn't trust it because she didn't know how I had such access when she didn't and accused me of hacking into the system.
After I stopped laughing I tried to explain we all had this access on the test systems and she had sent the e-mail with the details to me for my access when I started. Anyway I told her I was not going to manually check the records as I was sure she was wrong but I'd have the results to her for the entire database in about an hour. She left the papers by my desk, two huge piles.
The QA manager comes over raging that I refused to do as I was told. When I explained what I was asked to do I expected her to laugh say she was sorry and of course that was not what she expected. She did not she asked was I somehow special in the team that I shouldn't do it. Then the query finished and I showed her that I had completed the objective of the team using a different method in a fraction of the time it would have taken.
Then she starts going on about me hacking the system. It was escalated up to senior managers with this accusation of hacking accusation being brought up all the time. When I first started I pointed out the team had a lot of access and we should not have access to the live system but it was ignored. As the IT manager didn't want them to know he had been lax he would only say he was not sure how I had been given such access. There was a vague apology for being asked to do a ridiculous but the QA manager claim the team lead had come up with the method and she would not have printed it out but used two screens instead! The project manager didn't notice this was the same task but applauded her saving paper.

liquoriceall · 20-09-2015 02:20PM

I had a man ring me up at work and ask me what time his appointment was at. I asked him which consultant he was attending..the name he gave didnt work in our hospital. I explained that he needed to ring the hospital he was going to be attending to find out and he got very irrate that I was being unhelpful and he was going to report me! I hope he does so management can see the nonsense we have to deal with!

Wanderer78 · 20-09-2015 02:48PM

matchthis wrote: »

"Yes".....then walk away

hahaha yea right. 39 hour weeks are enough in fact i think the french are right at 35

J Mysterio · 21-09-2015 11:54AM

evo2000 wrote: »

Customer ordered a big mac a large taco chip 2 chicken breasts.....aaannd a diet coke...

They have taco chips and chicken breasts in McD's now?

evo2000 · 21-09-2015 12:09PM

J Mysterio wrote: »

They have taco chips and chicken breasts in McD's now?

Mighty mac! my bad

T K · 28-09-2015 01:37AM

To fax a document including the paperclip, so the pages would stay together on the other side.

starling · 28-09-2015 01:42AM

T K wrote: »

To fax a document including the paperclip, so the pages would stay together on the other side.

No way, you've got to be making that up!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 28-09-2015 01:47AM

Someone I know works in a charity, so they'd have email addresses like info@charityx.ie, policy@charityx.ie, fundraising@charityx.ie and so on, and within the organisation they'd have laptops that are earmarked for use for different things if people have to do presentations and stuff off site. Someone asked him recently if he could load the education email account onto the education laptop

Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

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