Your most embarrassing sex story

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I also remember one time I got to riding my ex gf in the living room of a college house. All good and dandy. Maybe 2 days later when I arrived in from college a disgruntled housemate pointed at a teatowel beside the fireplace and asked that I lift it up. I wondered why but lifted it up anyway only to find the used condom from the night with her. Housemate went on a rant of how his mam and sister were visiting the previous night and he only noticed it half way through their tea and biscuits. He described how he had to stealthily drop the towel over it before they saw it but they might still have. And he also gave out that while they were there me and ex were squeaking away upstairs in the bed. He said he was never so mortified in all his life. We fell out for a time over it and I felt really bad about it. I often felt reluctant about sex when someone else was in the house but bitch ex pressured me into it. The more I expressed my discomfort the more she'd pressure me and then would intentionally make stupid noises just to piss off me/housemates. dumping that bitch was the best thing I ever did.

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

She mocked me for being uncomfortable about sex in a squeaky bed with people downstairs. Then I couldn't get it up with the upset of it and then she'd mock me for that too. To get her to give over with her ****e it was easier to just try stuffing it in soft to shut her up. Proper bitch in general that one.

DanielODonnell wrote: »

I don't believe in promiscuous behaviour as I am a man of God, nowadays you would have to cross over to the Protestants to find good Christian girls.

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

She mocked me for being uncomfortable about sex in a squeaky bed with people downstairs. Then I couldn't get it up with the upset of it and then she'd mock me for that too. To get her to give over with her ****e it was easier to just try stuffing it up her completely soft to shut her up. Proper bitch in general that one.

DanielODonnell wrote: »

"riding my ex gf"
romance is not dead i see

I suppose she wasn't even wined and dined, just a drop of tae and a soggy bourbon.

BattleCorp wrote: »

Pressured you into it eh. :rolleyes:

Cartoon_Head wrote: »

I met this girl once in Coppers. Anyway a few pints later and we're back in her place and things are going well. Standard Coppers night.

Next thing she asked me to take a dump in her mouth. Turns out she was kinda into that whole scat thing.

Grand job love, no bother says I, just lay yourself down there and open your gob.

So I whip of the Tommy's and squat over her face, all lined up with the target, ready to drop the brown bomb but wouldn't you know it, I didn't need to go, I hadn't got it in me. Pushed and strained for a while, thought my head was going to explode from the pressure building up so I had to give up.

Best I could manage was a gassy fart. Morto!!

Things were a bit awkward after that. I tried to make small talk for a while to see if anything was coming from the colon but no joy I'm afraid. I left not long after.

The worst part of it was that about three months later I saw her out with her friends. She spied me and pointed me out, telling them that I was the guy who couldn't squeeze a log out for her. They were laughing and jeering me, I've never felt so humiliated in all my life.

I googled it, apparently there's a term for it, Faecal Dysfunction. Who would have thought it?

True story that.