Are Irish jokes as unfamiliar to you as they are to me?

Young Blood · 11-07-2015 09:44AM #1

I stumbled upon this on New Zealand's equivalent of boards.ie.

Maybe it's a generational thing or something but for some reason, in the English speaking world, Irish people seem to be the butt of many jokes yet I can't think of one thing that makes Australian or New Zealand culture superior to ours apart from nice weather.

Is there something we're missing that makes them think we're beneath them?

I've heard it said on more then one occasion while here that the 'new' generation [of Irish] are much cockier and 'smug'.

So this must mean, in their minds, that there is an expectation that we live up to a certain stereotype.

Are they just jealous that we have accomplished much more than we could have ever of accomplished in their silly empire?

It even comes as a surprise to most that we have our own language too.

And this is coming from a country that considers 1 GB of mobile phone data as 'whopping'.

NZ Trade Me wrote:

Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:49 pm, Fri 10 Jul #1
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:49 pm, Fri 10 Jul #2
The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:50 pm, Fri 10 Jul #3
An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"
"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:50 pm, Fri 10 Jul #4
Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?
Answer - So the English can understand them.

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:50 pm, Fri 10 Jul #5
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:51 pm, Fri 10 Jul #6
Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:51 pm, Fri 10 Jul #7
Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?"
"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:51 pm, Fri 10 Jul #8
Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?
A. A bachelor.

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:51 pm, Fri 10 Jul #9
Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home .

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:52 pm, Fri 10 Jul #10
Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" he said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:52 pm, Fri 10 Jul #11
"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?"
"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:52 pm, Fri 10 Jul #12
Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:52 pm, Fri 10 Jul #13
''My God! What happened to you?'' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
''I got in a tiff with Riley.''
''Riley? He's just a wee fellow,'' the barkeep said, surprised. ''He must have had something in his hand.''
''That he did,'' Kelly said. ''A shovel it was.''
''Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?''
''Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left tit.'' Kelly said. ''And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.''

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namtak (727 727 positive feedback) 4:52 pm, Fri 10 Jul #14
My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

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rif_raf13 (711 711 positive feedback) 4:52 pm, Fri 10 Jul #15
haha .. it must be "O'Rif-Raf's Irish Friday session' .. keep em coming.. ;-)

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tmg (1931 1931 positive feedback) 4:56 pm, Fri 10 Jul #16
Post a message in this thread

Samaris · 11-07-2015 09:48AM

Er, you might need to quote what you're talking about, that site requires a register to log in.

Sheep Lover · 11-07-2015 09:52AM

Young Blood wrote: »

The link is in the first sentence.

Here it is again.

I missed that one too, could you post the link again please?

Wang King · 11-07-2015 09:54AM

You're just posting a link to a kiwi buy and sell, spammy much?

Samaris · 11-07-2015 09:55AM

Young Blood wrote: »

The link is in the first sentence.

Here it is again.

Yes, I get that, but clicking on it just goes to a "log in here" page. Which isn't helpful if we don't really want to add in a load of useless log-ins to some website that most of us are never likely to go to again.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 11-07-2015 10:07AM

Ok, nothing to see here....move on please....

Samaris · 11-07-2015 10:17AM

I just read about half of those out to my partner. They're just a bit of fun, and one of them in there's actually a dig at the English.

I think you're taking them a wee bit too seriously.

eviltwin · 11-07-2015 10:19AM

They are a bit dated but offensive no.

11-07-2015 10:20AM

I was working late in England one night and was sitting at a colleagues desk when his father in law forwarded on some Irish jokes. The poor man was mortified.

darkpagandeath · 11-07-2015 10:21AM

Hang on, Am I the only one that Remembers.

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman set-up ?

marc96 · 11-07-2015 10:22AM

From my experience living abroad the Irish are regarded as not been the brightest out there.

Wang King · 11-07-2015 10:25AM

marc96 wrote: »

From my experience living abroad the Irish are regarded as not been the brightest out there.

Nah, that's the saffers I'd say

dxhound2005 · 11-07-2015 10:27AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Hang on, Am I the only one that Remembers.

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman set-up ?

Those three gentlemen walked into a bar. The barman says, Is this some sort of joke.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 11-07-2015 10:42AM

There's not a gag there that originated after 1975.

Anyway, trying to equate this site with Aussie or New Zealand society as a whole is like saying AH is typical of Irish opinions.

dxhound2005 · 11-07-2015 10:56AM

Raul Big Footlocker wrote: »

There's not a gag there that originated after 1975.

Anyway, trying to equate this site with Aussie or New Zealand society as a whole is like saying AH is typical of Irish opinions.

Irishman jokes are so passé. Latvian potato (and soldier rape) jokes are where it's at now.

•
Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! “More bread for me,” man think. But bread have worm.

•
Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already rape by soldier.

•
Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, “Why so long face?” Latvian say, “I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby. “

•
Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian. “Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!” Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.” “Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.

•
Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

•
Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.

•
Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.

I heard legend of place with many potato. I went on long boat ride to search for magical potato land. I rode on horses - three of them, two die - to Riga. I avoid many soldier on way to shipyard. I sneak on rickety boat and hide under canvas sheet. Also under dead dog.

Boat travels slowly for many days, and I have many sicks. Sicks mostly bile because of no food (except dog). But then - boat stop! I wait until is very quiet, and sneak off boat.

What I see is beautiful land. Green grass and green hills. Things Latvian only dream of. There are animals that look like clouds with legs! Can you imagine? I follow these animals to farmhouse. I knock on door. Old man open.

“I am from Latvia. I heard legend of land with many potato. I come to find potato for family to live,” I tell him.

He answer in very strange language I do not understand. It sound like English, but also like old man is gargle. I ask him repeat.

“T'ere aren’t any p'tatoes on t'is fair isle n'more. ‘aven’t yeh heard t'ere’s a famine here in Ireland?”

I walk back to dock and cry. I hide under dog and canvas and cry. I come back to Riga, still cry. I get home, out of tears. Also out of potato.

blade1 · 11-07-2015 10:58AM

Those jokes remind me of a story my mother told me years ago.
It's a bit of a legend but she claims it did really happen and she knew the guy.

A guy is in court with a claim after injuring his arm on a farm.
He tells th Judge he can only lift his arm so high and shows him by just raising his arm a little.
The Judge then asks him how high could he lift it before the accident.
He replies "this high" and shoots his arm straight up as far as he could reach!

dxhound2005 · 11-07-2015 11:02AM

blade1 wrote: »

Those jokes remind me of a story my mother told me years ago.
It's a bit of a legend but she claims it did really happen and she knew the guy.

A guy is in court with a claim after injuring his arm on a farm.
He tells th Judge he can only lift his arm so high and shows him by just raising his arm a little.
The Judge then asks him how high could he lift it before the accident.
He replies "this high" and shoots his arm straight up as far as he could reach!

It's a true story, I heard it many times. Also the one about the woman who asked the doctor whether she would be able to play the piano after her broken arm was fixed. Doctor says, of course, no reason why not. Woman says, that's great because I could never play the piano before.

Samaris · 11-07-2015 11:05AM

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I get home, out of tears. Also out of potato.

I laughed. I may be going to hell.

Eugene Norman · 11-07-2015 11:07AM

These jokes are both crap in general and racist/ethnic supremacist. If you doubt that put in black man.

It's funny that having died out in the UK and a long time ago in the U.S. ( replaced by polish jokes and then by observational comedy) the two most backward white colonies of the British empire keep the jokes, always a decade or two behind.

kupus · 11-07-2015 11:08AM

Fecking Latvians stealing our potato jokes.

jacksie66 · 11-07-2015 11:23AM

This post has been deleted.

fatknacker · 11-07-2015 11:23AM

I don't give a lot of hoots for these jokes, really. As an Irish person who's lived abroad most of their adult life, I feel it's up to us to either prove them wrong or prove them right about the outdated thick paddy stereotype. I haven't come across it much among my age group, but older generations who seem to be a few pennies short themselves are usually the ones to bring it up.

They are fairly easy to counteract. Just swap the "Irishman" in the jokes for their nationality and they soon stfu.

.Henry Sellers. · 11-07-2015 11:55AM

dxhound2005 wrote: »

But bread have worm.

This will keeps me smiling for the day.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 11-07-2015 12:34PM

Seriously OP stop rising to it, they're only jokes. Every nationality gets ripped on, Irish and British people in particular love laughing at the big ignorant no class Aussie stereotype, or the loud abrasive uncultured Yank. In most cases it's just general ball breaking with no malice behind it.

Are Irish jokes as unfamiliar to you as they are to me?

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