Stories/Memorable moments from secondary school

DA7800 · 07-07-2015 12:16AM #1

Do you have any funny or otherwise entertaining tales from your tenure in secondary school?

I was rembering recently that when I was in transition year, there was a guy who missed a week of school (presumably dossing or not bothered) who was questioned on the spot when he got back in the following week by the teachers. Not one for planning in advance or thinking on his feet, he said that he had been participating in the World Chess Championship in Dublin and had reached the semifinals. I never could figure out how the staff could have bought into such an ambiguous tournament taking place, not even keeping in mind the fact that some 16 year old from the local VEC who sat all ordinary level subjects in his exams the previous year managed to make it to said semifinals.

Eventually, word worked its way into the staffroom, and the principal caught wind of it. There was an announcement congratulating him over the achievement, made by the principal, talking about what pride he brought to the school. The students in transition year, knowing the truth, got a great kick out of the inside joke. It was printed in the annual newsletter a few months later, again causing amusement at the expense of the teachers. It wasn't until we learned in the following year that an award was being prepared for the student on awards night, long after we had forgotten about the whole thing, did the truth come to light. There was absolute uproar...

The staff had their revenge by lecturing the year group and handing everybody an envelope with a severe punishment and explanation which was to be read by parents. At the end of the stern talk, after which many were visibly afraid, we were told to open the envelopes. Inside was a blank piece of paper. There was an audible sigh of relief that day.

the_monkey · 07-07-2015 12:26AM

I remember in 2nd or 3rd year these classmates during one night hopped the fence of the school and climbed up on to the roof.

We had windows at a height, anyway they wrote mirrored graffiti so it could be read indoors.

Insulting graffiti about teachers and some students, it was pretty cruel, especially seeing one of the teachers get a ladder and trying to clean it off to no avail.

kenmc · 07-07-2015 12:27AM

what WERE you doing for the week?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 07-07-2015 12:34AM

Our horrible cnut of a caretaker (hi bazz!) used to mop the piss off the floors in the jacks, then make his way up to the assembly area and use the same mop and water to clean the tables we'd to eat our lunch off.

Used to try to give us 100 lines if we cursed or called a teacher by a nickname. Lucky enough nobody was naive enough to actually do them. Jaysis, thinking back.. what a pr1ck :eek:

fleet_admiral · 07-07-2015 12:43AM

Science teacher said orgasm instead of organism

mackeire · 07-07-2015 12:47AM

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Our horrible cnut of a caretaker (hi bazz!) used to mop the piss off the floors in the jacks, then make his way up to the assembly area and use the same mop and water to clean the tables we'd to eat our lunch off.

Used to try to give us 100 lines if we cursed or called a teacher by a nickname. Lucky enough nobody was naive enough to actually do them. Jaysis, thinking back.. what a pr1ck :eek:

I'm going to have to call bullsh1t on this one!!
He could end up going to prison for doing something like that so no, I don't believe ya.

Chain Smoker · 07-07-2015 12:51AM

The time a little first year thug of a traveller kid who was throwing his weight around on account of who his family were took on this quiet fat farming kid in a fight. The fat lad pushed him to the ground, sat on him and, while sitting on him, proceeded to give a big rant about how he wasn't afraid of his family cos they weren't gonna waste their time on schoolyard disputes and that he needed to cop on and grow up.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 07-07-2015 01:04AM

mackeire wrote: »

He could end up going to prison for doing something like that.

I seriously doubt it!

SMJSF · 07-07-2015 01:28AM

I have many!
On the last day of 3rd year, we had our geography teacher/year head coming down to us, and she can laugh about things, so the class went into the others in our year, and thought it would be funny to "go missing".... Hiding 60 something students in 8 cubicles, then running around the back of the school and hiding behind the sports hall, when we seen her coming we went up to the basketball courts, then when she spotted the gang we ran back into the building, into our rooms and were sat quietly pretending that we didn't make the teacher do a 40 minute lap around the school grounds.
Plus, one of the girls was on crutches at the time so 3 girls had to carry her around!

5th year
We had a English class exam, and we just finished our lunch break, and some twat decided to put the smallest student in the class into a locker.
So we got our papers, and 15 minutes in, the teacher pipes up "where's *name*".
Well the class just couldn't hold it together and we fell around laughing.
She had a slight smile on her face, but we got detention.

We done the same to our deputy principal, and he thought it was hilarious when in the middle of a class, he heard a muffled voice saying "sir?" From the back of the class.

In 6th year, someone flooded the science lab by clogging the sink, over filling the sink with water, and not turning off the tap, which damaged the ceiling of the toilets on the floor below. We had to stay back for 3 hours after school and mop it up.

On our last day of 6th year, the deputy principal brought us up to the basketball courts and bought us all a cornetto

Duffy the Vampire Slayer · 07-07-2015 02:45AM

Some of the lads in my year got drunk in a car park on Saturday night and ended up throwing a shopping trolley through a school window.

Armchair Andy · 07-07-2015 03:01AM

Fr. Joe used to always sometimes make us stand up to say a decade of the rosary kneeling down while he blew the dust of the duster and if he winked at you you knew you were gonna get a half day to go to the sacristy and get some special vanilla drink. He was so nice he'd let you have it all yourself and even give you a sip of wine afterwards and let you go for a sleep in the altar boys robes and then when you wake up he'd give you a pound for yourself.
At school the next day Fr Joe wouldn't even look at you but everybody always got their turn so it was only fair.

NachoBusiness · 07-07-2015 03:07AM

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Our horrible cnut of a caretaker (hi bazz!) used to mop the piss off the floors in the jacks, then make his way up to the assembly area and use the same mop and water to clean the tables we'd to eat our lunch off.

Oh, really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Huh? Maybe so, but following a broom around after s***heads like you for the past eight years I've learned a couple of things; I look through your letters, I look through your lockers...I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution my friends. By the way, that clock's twenty minutes fast.

toastedpickles · 07-07-2015 03:29AM

1st year - two lads starting a fight at lunchtime, got messy, coleslaw was involved, the two of them looked as if they ran through a salad bar afterwards, hilarity ensued and they never lived it down

3rd year someone let off a few black cats taped together in the jacks, made shyte. literally, of the toilet and flooded half the school, it was big square that sloped to one side,

4th year - we had a computer lab with one computer that had limewire on it and a folder the size of everest full of porn vids in it, spoiled we were! So, I walk in one day to see about 12 lads huddled around the screen and as i went down i seen a bit of it and yer man was unloading on this lovely girl but as he was this sound started playing :pac:

Broke my ass laughing at it, along with half the group, when the teacher asked what the hell was going on the answer was simply, we're learning! :pac:

TheBiz · 07-07-2015 04:20AM

My school has a strict rule on mobile phones (never seen and never heard = no problem) and a stricter no smoking rule (no smoking, no smell of it, no hanging around the typical smokers areas and no fags found = no problem) and well a friend of mine who spends his lunch smoking was as you'd guess smoking.
He being a smoker was standing in the smokers area out of view of cameras by a corner of the school. Teachers always check those areas and when one teacher did burst out the near by door to find someone my friend being brilliant on the spot decided to take out his phone.
Teacher saw the phone took it off him and smelt the smoke from his fag burning his trousers!

He ended up with a hole in his trousers, 4 black makers (6 = suspension) and no phone for two weeks.

We enjoyed the show from the near by pitch.

SeaFields · 07-07-2015 07:41AM

Cant remember what year but one of the small members of our class was dared to spend the class in the ceiling. So they lifted off one of those panels and a few lads lifted him up until he was sitting on a wall dividing two rooms. He lasted about 5 minutes before slipping and coming down bringing the ceiling with him. The whole class had to pay a fiver to repair it. Good times.

razorblunt · 07-07-2015 08:42AM

This one time I didn't do my homework and when the teacher asked if I'd done it, I said yes. But really I hadn't done it at all.

Boring username · 07-07-2015 10:47AM

In the early 90's, at the height of the drugs panic, the local council organised a lecture for all the local school kids with a reformed hardcore drug addict to warn us of the dangers of illegal narcotics. So a druggie was procured from somewhere in London, flown to Western Ireland, and treated to a VIP all expenses paid package. Apparently it cost over 2,000 pounds to put on this event.
It turns out our 'druggie' was a recovering marijuana 'addict'....i.e. some chancer who couldn't believe his luck that naive culchies would pay him to tell them what they wanted to hear.

failinis · 07-07-2015 12:01PM

Not as exciting as some stories but in GCSE year we all hated our English teacher, she left the room (I think to photocopy, or more likely have a smoke) and the louts in the back of the room started throwing the novels up the front of the class. A lot joined in and we were all laughing - till someone threw a book which hit the coffee mug on her desk.
The drink spilt all over the desk, someone went to look, it was all over some poor persons course work - it was the lesson before lunch so after standing there looking at it the whole class grabbed our stuff and left.
(We ended up having to say sorry to the student whose coursework was ruined)

Another less fun story was that our form room was in side the technology department, you needed to go through the workshops to reach the class room. It was just at lunch time and one girl in my class washed her hands in the workshop room. There was no paper towels so she shook her hands in the air. The water landed on the floor in a slight puddle but no one thought much of it.
We came back after lunch to get our bags and found that some paramedics were in the room - a first year ran out of the room and slipped on the water, and split her head open on the corner of a table. No one in our class said anything about it but we all know who split the water. It was an accident and as far as I know the girl only needed stitches, no lasting injuries.

Pyr0 · 07-07-2015 12:14PM

One of the teachers was doing the rounds outside during break and suddenly let out a big scream. He was trying to be a bit of a snake and eat a Yorky out of his pocket but ended up breaking his thumb trying to snap a piece off

razorblunt · 07-07-2015 12:59PM

We were on a school tour in 2000 to Barcelona, we had picked up pellet guns on the Rambles and were running around the hotel acting like SWAT teams.
The next day we were heading home through Paris and the teachers had obviously got wind of the commotio (most of them went out for sneaky pints).
A black bag was put at the top of the bus and a general amnsesty was declared to hand the guns in. 4 bin liners were filled including Uzi type ones, sniper rifles ... the whole lot.
We only ever got back the small guns.

kkhornet · 07-07-2015 06:23PM

Pyr0 wrote: »

One of the teachers was doing the rounds outside during break and suddenly let out a big scream. He was trying to be a bit of a snake and eat a Yorky out of his pocket but ended up breaking his thumb trying to snap a piece off

He was obviously a she, Yorkie, it's not for girls!!

ToddyDoody · 07-07-2015 06:47PM

In 3rd year science the teacher spots someone throwing a bit of folded paper across the floor and interrupts:

"Little boys passing notes? Give it here"
*opens*
"Hey man, Lola's back in town. she has great pussy... whatever that means"

The class was absolutely screaming with laughter. The classmate was sitting in front, rigid, with deep red around his ears for a good half hour until the end of the class, such was his mortification.

2nd year French we had a nice young French assistant student taking every other French class every other week.

I had a friend from the other class telling me how someone in the class figured out she didn't know what "blowjob" meant and refused to answer questions "until I get a blowjob"

He noted that their class didn't have any further sessions with her following that. (no-one said why)

fiachr_a · 07-07-2015 07:00PM

Got asked in school is there a guy in my street whose dad had a certain business. They meant me but there was another guy like that there so I said his name. He used to stand outside his house staring at me in shock on the way home from school. A few years later he drowned.

demanufactured · 07-07-2015 08:39PM

fiachr_a wrote: »

Got asked in school is there a guy in my street whose dad had a certain business. They meant me but there was another guy like that there so I said his name. He used to stand outside his house staring at me in shock on the way home from school. A few years later he drowned.

What?

Aidric · 07-07-2015 08:46PM

We had an assignment in secondary school English class to write a review of a film we had seen recently.

One of the guys who wasn't the brightest in the class by a long way obviously copied verbatim some quotes he'd seen on the video box. When he started coming out with phrases like 'magnum opus' the game was up and the room was in stitches.

07-07-2015 08:51PM

My school experience was a mixed bag. Interesting times, to say the least.

First week of First Year - a friend and I were playing tag, as young teenagers do, and chasing each other around. He sprints down a corridor, jumps down some steps - at the bottom of which was a swinging door, one of those ones covered with glass panes. This guy pushes open the door and pushes them right back at me - I'm a super fast runner, with incredibly slow reaction speeds at the best of times and I'm going too fast to stop myself when I land at the bottom of the steps. Out goes my right hand to stop the door -- and it goes right through the pane. Palm first, slicing it open from just below my pointer finger to just below my ring finger. And I mean sliced open. I won't go into details, but I'm sure you'll get the gist. Anyway, straight down to the secretary, who was quite shocked with the amount of blood there was, and a trip straight to the hospital to be stitched up. Still have a pretty big scar.

One year some guy discovered you could make a slingshot out of the finger from a rubber glove and the top of a water bottle. Lets just say that the sale of skittles, minstrels, malteasers, or anything that could have been potentially used as ammo, were all banned in the school.

And of course the usual stories of broken legs (both purposefully and accidents), injuries, cops, and ambulances.

Egginacup · 08-07-2015 12:51AM

Got expelled weeks before the LC by a blubberheaded dick of a headmaster from Clare. I was expelled because he was from Feakle...I asked "as in Feakle matter?"

That was the straw that did the breaking. 5 years of his hatred and frog-marched I was along with the echoes of "You can feck your referUrence from heeeeere. I wouldn't recommend you to da Farrin Leeeeegion!"

I had, however, paid my fee to sit the Leaving Cert so couldn't be denied.

Sat my exams and was only 1 of 3 out of 110 to waltz into TCD.

in your face, prick!

dubscottie · 08-07-2015 01:07AM

In Scotland we had to do half an hour of RE every week.. Minister (state school) came in and stuck on a video.

This was when the first TV remote watches came out.. The video was going backwards, TV being switched on and off, the video being ejected, the list goes on..

We convinced him that the little red light from the burglar alarm in the room was bouncing of the metal venetian blinds (that were in every room) and playing havoc with the TV.. All the while it was your man with the watch.

When the teacher came back he apologized to the Minister and told us all off and the minute the Minister was out of earshot it was the best prank he had seen since in all his time as a teacher!

Tragamin2k2 · 08-07-2015 03:36AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuY4FR-bmGY

the theme song to messin on the library computers

Corvo · 08-07-2015 09:50AM

Remember one guy, who got put out of class

"Brian, get outside in the draft! NOW!" and he would have to bring his chair and sit in the doorway, staring into the class while the teacher carried on. We would look up from our books, and he'd be sitting there, doing nothing. A couple of minutes later, same again. Third or fourth time, looks up and there is an A4 sheet of paper stuck to the chair "GONE TO JACKS - BACK IN 5"

You had to have been there, but it was hilarious at the time.

Oh and one summer, we threw a fish up into those ceilings (you know the ones, they are real easy to push in) and this was the last day before the summer holidays. It caused awful bother, nearly ruined part of the school between the stink and the rats.

anti-venom · 08-07-2015 11:47AM

When asked to describe the transit of food in the digestive system by our female biology teacher a lad in my biology class started with ''the food is first masturbated in the mouth...''. She turned a deep shade of crimson and nearly fainted.

Stories/Memorable moments from secondary school

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