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Sensitive issue

2

Comments

  • #32
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    Tasden wrote: »
    Without going into too much detail, I'm assuming if a woman has a lot of hair and isn't very thorough in her cleaning then the hair is going to make things smell more than if there was nothing for odour to "hang to" if that makes sense. Also I'm guessing its easier for some to clean a smooth/neat/semi smooth surface! Maybe that's what people mean when they say it rather than it actually being more hygienic in the literal sense.


    I agree but I was trying to make the point that hair =/= smell and some people make that automatic assumption, which drives me potty. The implication that someone who has a preference for some hair down there (like myself) is somehow letting themselves go and is dirty is not on.

    Obviously lots of hair is harder to keep clean, of course, but not impossible. Having it reasonably neat and tidy is enough to make it manageable.


  • #33
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    OneOfThem wrote: »
    Well that'd be the thing all right. Straight out of the shower, clean pair of underwear, it wouldn't matter if it looked like Jimi Hendrix head down there, it'd be fresh as a daisy.

    At the end of a night out though for example... Yes it can make a big difference, odour wise. (and not just pheromones, if you urinate, there will be splashback, hair soaks up liquid, and odours, there can be a faint wiff of pee sometimes - then sweat/discharge /etc all can leave an odour clinging to the hair. It can be unpleasant.)

    Wee is one thing but tbh, I've slept with men who've gone crazy for certain smells.


    At the end of the day, what works for one couple might not for another so making sweeping statements about the "best" way is kind of a moot point.


  • #34
    OneOfThem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 667 ✭✭✭OneOfThem


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    Wee is one thing but tbh, I've slept with men who've gone crazy for certain smells.

    Different strokes and all that.


  • #35
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    OneOfThem wrote: »
    Different strokes and all that.


    Yep.:)


  • #36
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    When it comes to the OP, though, a bit of compromise is needed from the wife. Implying that the OP is somehow perverted for having a preference is ridiculously unfair. Keeping it reasonably trimmed and neat wouldn't be that big of a deal for her.


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  • #37
    OneOfThem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 667 ✭✭✭OneOfThem


    TheBeardedLady wrote: »
    When it comes to the OP, though, a bit of compromise is needed from the wife. Implying that the OP is somehow perverted for having a preference is ridiculously unfair. Keeping it reasonably trimmed and neat wouldn't be that big of a deal for her.

    Threads kind of gone off on a tangent. OP says he'd prefer smooth but wife wasn't into it so that's cool (so all talk of ingrown hairs and the expense and pain of waxing aren't applicable). Would just like it trimmed but she's isn't even doing that anymore. It takes literally 2 mins to run a body hair trimmer over the area, and there is no pain and no expense and no ingrown hairs. Sounds like she's just letting herself go. Which is in itself unattractive. Think people (and his wife) have been very unfair to the OP. It's a completely reasonable request/compromise.


  • #38
    TheBeardedLady
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,086 ✭✭✭TheBeardedLady


    OneOfThem wrote: »
    Threads kind of gone off on a tangent. OP says he'd prefer smooth but wife wasn't into it so that's cool (so all talk of ingrown hairs and the expense and pain of waxing aren't applicable). Would just like it trimmed but she's isn't even doing that anymore. It takes literally 2 mins to run a body hair trimmer over the area, and there is no pain and no expense and no ingrown hairs. Sounds like she's just letting herself go. Which is in itself unattractive. Think people (and his wife) have been very unfair to the OP. It's a completely reasonable request/compromise.


    In fairness, there's been some digs made on this thread purposely at women who choose to have hair and I think people were reacting to those - it's a contentious issue for many of us and nobody likes to feel shamed into doing something they don't want to do. Most comments have been supportive of the OP.


  • #39
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,744 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    OneOfThem wrote: »
    and not just pheromones, if you urinate, there will be splashback, hair soaks up liquid, and odours, there can be a faint wiff of pee sometimes - then sweat/discharge /etc all can leave an odour clinging to the hair. It can be unpleasant.
    Tasden wrote: »
    Ah I do understand that but at the same time when its mixed with sweat and other unpleasant smells that haven't been cleaned away properly it's not all that sexy!
    Well, it's not just women that suffer from 'smells of the day' in that department. Men's downstairs areas can get funky too, if they haven't had a wash. Groin smells are non-gender-specific. So the only option is to 1) ban underwear because it makes you sweaty and 2) enforce hair removal and showers for men and women. :pac:
    OneOfThem wrote: »
    Would just like it trimmed but she's isn't even doing that anymore. It takes literally 2 mins to run a body hair trimmer over the area, and there is no pain and no expense and no ingrown hairs. Sounds like she's just letting herself go.
    In fairness we don't know that, all we know is that they compromised on 'short' and she's not keeping it short enough for the OP's liking. Whether it used to be a #1 and now it's a #3 we just don't know. We also don't know how, and how often, the OP has been bringing it up with her. If I decided for whatever reason I wasn't going to shave for a couple of weeks and every time my partner saw me naked they asked when I was going to shave I'd get pretty pissed off myself and may say something hurtful.


  • #40
    Taboola
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭Taboola


    OneOfThem wrote: »
    Threads kind of gone off on a tangent. OP says he'd prefer smooth but wife wasn't into it so that's cool (so all talk of ingrown hairs and the expense and pain of waxing aren't applicable). Would just like it trimmed but she's isn't even doing that anymore. It takes literally 2 mins to run a body hair trimmer over the area, and there is no pain and no expense and no ingrown hairs. Sounds like she's just letting herself go. Which is in itself unattractive. Think people (and his wife) have been very unfair to the OP. It's a completely reasonable request/compromise.

    It's her body, it's her hair. If she doesn't want to shave/wax then that's her business.

    If she told the OP that she wanted him to dye his hair a different colour would you find that acceptable?


  • #41
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    Taboola wrote: »
    It's her body, it's her hair. If she doesn't want to shave/wax then that's her business.

    If she told the OP that she wanted him to dye his hair a different colour would you find that acceptable?

    Well the op explained that its affecting aspects of their sex life. Its not just that he would prefer to look at it styled a certain way. Plenty women ask their male partners to shave their beard so their skin doesn't become irritated from kissing. He doesn't feel comfortable performing oral on her as it stands.It's absolutely her right to do as she pleases with her own body but it's also his right to express his preferences regarding sex with his partner.


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  • #42
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Guest123789 wrote: »

    Anyway she basically suggested that there was something a bit weird, almost suggesting a type of interest in children, if a guy liked less hair or even no hair. I'm genuinely upset at that insinuation because there is no way that's what's going on in my head.

    I'd be furious about that tbh.
    That's not on to say it to you.

    As a woman I prefer to have no hair and I think it's a very weak argument when other women say they don't want to look like a little girl, it's just something that people have heard and they repeat it I think...but the argument does not stand up to scrutiny.

    When women shave their legs are they trying to look like little girls? or when they shave their armpits are they trying to have little girl armpits?

    Take your average woman and they will try to play up all their womanly features, push up bra to boost their boobs to make them look more curvy, corsets or clothing that show off their WOMANLY hips and waist.

    Heels, make up, glam hair etc. all designed to make you look sexier and more womanly but down below you want to look like a little girl?

    Nope, doesn't make sense. Many women just prefer it because they think it looks better and feels better.


  • #43
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Tasden wrote: »
    Well the op explained that its affecting aspects of their sex life. Its not just that he would prefer to look at it styled a certain way. Plenty women ask their male partners to shave their beard so their skin doesn't become irritated from kissing. He doesn't feel comfortable performing oral on her as it stands.It's absolutely her right to do as she pleases with her own body but it's also his right to express his preferences regarding sex with his partner.

    But the OP needs to come back and explain why after 10 years this is an issue. He hasn't said if she has changed how she's keeping down below or not. We are going in circles until he answers that question.


  • #44
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    can't log in wrote: »
    But the OP needs to come back and explain why after 10 years this is an issue. He hasn't said if she has changed how she's keeping down below or not. We are going in circles until he answers that question.

    He said in the OP that she 'has been less careful'.


  • #45
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    This is scpecific to the aspect of oral sex. How many people here would enjoy licking an ice pop covered in their partners long Pubic hair?
    If you enjoy giving and receiving oral sex from your partner surely it's a given that there is a little bit of extra grooming required to make it enjoyable for both?


  • #46
    OneOfThem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 667 ✭✭✭OneOfThem


    Taboola wrote: »
    It's her body, it's her hair. If she doesn't want to shave/wax then that's her business.

    If she told the OP that she wanted him to dye his hair a different colour would you find that acceptable?

    Well let me put it this way. Every time I am to meet up with my girlfriend, I shave my face. She prefers how I look clean shaven, and the stubble irritates her when we kiss. Sometimes it irritates my skin. Razors are expensive. It's a never ending thing I've to do. But it's not scaling mountains. She prefers it.

    I was shaving my body hair when we met. She mentioned she preferred hair on a man. I let it grow back.

    She prefers me with a shaved head. Thinks it suits me better. Means my heads cold in winter and I've to remember to rub sunscreen into it in summer. I'm apparently 1/16th yak, so it grows like you wouldn't believe, so I'm constantly trying to stay on top of it.

    Why would I do these things even though it's my body? She's my girlfriend, I love her to bits and want her to find me as attractive as possible. I have by entering into a monogamous relationship with her essentially told her that I'm it. The other three billion or so men in the world? Completely off limits. I'm the one and only man she gets to have, ever for any reason. Her one and only sexual and romantic outlet in all the world, potentially for the rest of her life.

    Are there limits? Sure. If she develops a fetish for amputee porn (yep, it's a thing) I'm not going to take a hacksaw to my left leg. It's permanent, it's potentially quite dangerous, it would massively diminish my quality of life, I need it for standing and working the wah pedal on my guitar, I'm a big fan basically.

    Would I shave my balls for her because she doesn't want hairs getting stuck in her throat when sexually pleasuring me with her mouth? Of fvcking course I would.

    And it goes both ways. She takes on board and makes an effort with my preferences.

    I don't think your body is just 100% entirely your own when you ask someone to forsake all other bodies in the world exclusively for yours. I'd personally, consider that attitude the absolute height of selfishness.

    Are there any limits from your point of view? He wants to tattoo the word "cock" on his face? Put on 5 stone? Grow a bin laden beard? Only shower once a week? Start waxing his legs? She should stay quiet and accept it's his body to do with as he wants? Come now, we all make requests and express preferences about our partners bodies.


  • #47
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Unfair to you wrote: »
    As a woman I prefer to have no hair and I think it's a very weak argument when other women say they don't want to look like a little girl, it's just something that people have heard and they repeat it I think...but the argument does not stand up to scrutiny.

    To be brutally honest with you, the first time I ever had a complete Hollywood wax I looked down and my initial thought was "wow, it looks like I did when I was 10!!!"

    But it's unfair to say that men who like it are angling towards anything child-related. They just seem to like it because it resembles what you see in porn. I think anyone who denies that fact is kidding themselves. Yes it's neat, maybe it feels/smells cleaner, maybe it's nice to go down on (as long as it's not at the stubbly stage) but ultimately, this entire trend has been massively fuelled by porn.

    I highly doubt our fathers'/grandfathers' generation pestered their wives to shave themselves bare? It's become an attraction for men because many of them have been "programmed", when gaining sexual pleasure from a young age by watching videos online, to desire a bare look.

    OP, by any chance when you broach this with your wife, do you start off by saying you'd like to see her completely bare, and then when that's off the table, say "ok, maybe you could keep it shorter though?"

    Maybe she thinks if she changes it at all, you'll keep angling for her to go the whole hog, so to speak, and is just rebelling outright. I'm trying to figure out why maybe she won't even groom it a little ...


  • #48
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    pookie82 wrote: »
    Yes it's neat, maybe it feels/smells cleaner, maybe it's nice to go down on (as long as it's not at the stubbly stage) but ultimately, this entire trend has been massively fuelled by porn.

    I highly doubt our fathers'/grandfathers' generation pestered their wives to shave themselves bare? It's become an attraction for men because many of them have been "programmed", when gaining sexual pleasure from a young age by watching videos online, to desire a bare look.

    I think this trend would have emerged anyway, many women now are more into grooming from head to toe, regular salon visits, HD eyebrows (that look nothing like hair), body sculpting, laser hair removal just so you can have bare legs/underarms/whatever all the time.

    It would have emerged anyway it wasn't for porn.


  • #49
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,744 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    unfair to you wrote: »
    I think this trend would have emerged anyway, many women now are more into grooming from head to toe, regular salon visits, HD eyebrows (that look nothing like hair), body sculpting, laser hair removal just so you can have bare legs/underarms/whatever all the time.

    It would have emerged anyway it wasn't for porn.

    And where do you think the overall hairless thing came from? Not porn, but movies. We are, male and female, continually bombarded with images of what we should look like. In the case of women this has included telling us that our natural body hair is dirty and disgusting.


  • #50
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    kylith wrote: »
    And where do you think the overall hairless thing came from? Not porn, but movies. We are, male and female, continually bombarded with images of what we should look like. In the case of women this has included telling us that our natural body hair is dirty and disgusting.

    People have been removing their body hair long before the invention of tv and magazines.


  • #51
    Taboola
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭Taboola


    OneOfThem wrote: »
    Well let me put it this way. Every time I am to meet up with my girlfriend, I shave my face. She prefers how I look clean shaven, and the stubble irritates her when we kiss. Sometimes it irritates my skin. Razors are expensive. It's a never ending thing I've to do. But it's not scaling mountains. She prefers it.

    I was shaving my body hair when we met. She mentioned she preferred hair on a man. I let it grow back.

    She prefers me with a shaved head. Thinks it suits me better. Means my heads cold in winter and I've to remember to rub sunscreen into it in summer. I'm apparently 1/16th yak, so it grows like you wouldn't believe, so I'm constantly trying to stay on top of it.

    Why would I do these things even though it's my body? She's my girlfriend, I love her to bits and want her to find me as attractive as possible. I have by entering into a monogamous relationship with her essentially told her that I'm it. The other three billion or so men in the world? Completely off limits. I'm the one and only man she gets to have, ever for any reason. Her one and only sexual and romantic outlet in all the world, potentially for the rest of her life.

    Are there limits? Sure. If she develops a fetish for amputee porn (yep, it's a thing) I'm not going to take a hacksaw to my left leg. It's permanent, it's potentially quite dangerous, it would massively diminish my quality of life, I need it for standing and working the wah pedal on my guitar, I'm a big fan basically.

    Would I shave my balls for her because she doesn't want hairs getting stuck in her throat when sexually pleasuring me with her mouth? Of fvcking course I would.

    And it goes both ways. She takes on board and makes an effort with my preferences.

    I don't think your body is just 100% entirely your own when you ask someone to forsake all other bodies in the world exclusively for yours. I'd personally, consider that attitude the absolute height of selfishness.

    Are there any limits from your point of view? He wants to tattoo the word "cock" on his face? Put on 5 stone? Grow a bin laden beard? Only shower once a week? Start waxing his legs? She should stay quiet and accept it's his body to do with as he wants? Come now, we all make requests and express preferences about our partners bodies.

    Does shaving your head cost 60e every 6 weeks? Is it sore? Do you get rashes? Does it leave your skin irritated in a very delicate area?

    Just to clarify - I don't think the OP is a pedo for wanting her to do it. I don't think there's anything wrong with it but there is obviously a reason for his wife to just stop doing it. Maybe it's because she's sick of paying for it, maybe its because the ingrown hairs were getting too much for her or maybe it's because SHE prefers having hair there.


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  • #52
    OneOfThem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 667 ✭✭✭OneOfThem


    Taboola wrote: »
    Does shaving your head cost 60e every 6 weeks? Is it sore? Do you get rashes? Does it leave your skin irritated in a very delicate area?

    Would his wife trimming her hair pubic hair short (Which is what he has actually requested if people would just read the OP before posting) cost her 60 every six weeks, be sore, give her rashes, or leave her skin irritated?


  • #53
    kylith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,744 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Taboola wrote: »
    Does shaving your head cost 60e every 6 weeks? Is it sore? Do you get rashes? Does it leave your skin irritated in a very delicate area?
    More importantly; if you told her that you wanted to stop shaving your head would she say she found it a turn off and didn't want to sleep with you any more?


  • #54
    OneOfThem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 667 ✭✭✭OneOfThem


    kylith wrote: »
    More importantly; if you told her that you wanted to stop shaving your head would she say she found it a turn off and didn't want to sleep with you any more?

    Again if we can just stick to the actual content of the OP. He said he would be even more up for sex of she was more on top of trimming. He didn't tell her he didn't want to sleep with her any more as he was so turned off.

    She wouldn't be kissing me and by extension riding me if I grew a beard, no. Doesn't like how they look, would scratch her face up. And more than that I'd imagine the fact that despite the fact that I knew her feelings on it, I'd decided to say "my face, I'll do what I want, couldn't care less how you feel about it" would kill her libido stone dead.

    I'm going to leave my contribution on that note. Threads veered way off giving an OP advice on a problem (as much my fault as anyone's I'm sure). Might make an interesting discussion in another forum.


  • #55
    Taboola
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭Taboola


    OneOfThem wrote: »
    Would his wife trimming her hair pubic hair short (Which is what he has actually requested if people would just read the OP before posting) cost her 60 every six weeks, be sore, give her rashes, or leave her skin irritated?

    Trimming hair leaves it stubbly.

    The stubble can cause itching and rashes yes.


  • #56
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Mod note
    Number of off topic and below standard posts removed including any that quoted them.
    Remember guys, if you can't post within the charter's guidelines please don't post at all.

    Taltos


  • #57
    frostyjacks
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,951 ✭✭✭frostyjacks


    Sounds like the lady's not for trimming. You're not weird for preferring that, but you have to respect your wife's wishes. Don't let it be a cause of friction between the two of you.


  • #58
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,960 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Taboola wrote: »
    Trimming hair leaves it stubbly
    .

    No it doesn't. There's a world of difference between trimming and shaving.

    The way people are going on you'd swear the OP was asking his wife to subject herself to the equivalent of Chinese water torture every couple of weeks just for his sexual pleasure, and then pay through the nose for it for good measure. All he has said is that if she had a whack of a trimmer every so often, their sex life would be much better. It's not as if she wouldn't be gaining anything from all this.

    Having said that, without more detail from the OP on why she has suddenly stopped playing ball in this regard, this thread is going nowhere.


  • #59
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,589 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    unfair to you wrote: »
    People have been removing their body hair long before the invention of tv and magazines.
    The concubines of Japanese feudal lords used to pluck every hair below their neck. :eek:

    Now, I've never been waxed myself but somehow I'm guessing that was a lot worse!


  • #60
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Absoloutely nothing wrong with the preference of having it well trimmed , im a woman and I prefer all hair gone down there, if im not up to it ill do a Brazilian type job(just a little bit left). there are a lot of men who like a well trimmed pubic area and you shouldn't feel like a paedo because that's your preference.


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  • #61
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Pookie is right - you look like a 10 year old girl when all hair is gone. Finding it attractive doesn't mean you are a paedophile (as there are many more facets tô that condition) but you can get away from the fact that kids genitalia do look the same as his preference.

    Not sure what age the op is but if he's pushing 40 thèn he had at least 10/15 years of experiencing women who didn't dare to bear all. Why is it suddenly so unattractive?


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