You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

28-04-2015 05:50PM

Cienciano wrote: »

Lol! Pretty much every child in the country loses their parents at some point. Does that make them crap parents?

No they're crap children
:pac:

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

I found a little girl running around M&S by herself a while ago. She was clearly alone so I just trailed after her for 10 minutes and made sure she didn't pull anything down on her head or run into the car park. She was about 2 and didn't seem to be able to talk (at least she wouldn't talk to me). Eventually we passed a young fella and I asked him to call his manager. His manager appeared and decided to bring her to customer services. Once she picked her up the little girl started screaming like she was being murdered. I have never heard anything like it, the whole shop turned around. I still don't know if her parents turned up, but I presume they did.

Embarrassing as it is I suppose it's good for kids to learn to do that in case of actual kidnapping

bnt · 28-04-2015 06:22PM

I would have kept one eye on the child and had the other eye looking out for a staff member, preferably female. I would not approach a lone child without someone else there as a witness, unless it was a genuine emergency (i.e. child's life in iminent danger).

LizT · 28-04-2015 06:30PM

I'll never forget being in my local shopping centre, seeing a girl about 4/5 years old absolutely distraught, roaring crying and obviously lost. The amount of people that walked by without even looking at her was disgusting.

I went over to her, calmed her down and asked her who she was with. She told me she was with her dad and I asked if she knew his number. She did and I called and he was there in a minute, worried out of his mind because she had left the supermarket while they were doing the shopping without him realising.

It's worth asking a lost child if they know their parents' numbers, I work with 3/4 years olds and a lot of them have their numbers memorised, it would surprise you.

Reventon93 · 28-04-2015 06:34PM

Been reading the majority of this thread, and definitely agree that if i was ever in a situation where i found a lost child, i would never touch them, and would try and find someone, preferably female, to help me. It was also made clear that in my job (retail), we are never to touch children, and that even goes for my female cowokers. I wouldnt be as worried about public opinion when helping a somewhat distressed child, but some parents can be pretty mental. And im referring to those that go crazy on you as if you planned to eat the kid or something, and take 0% of the blame for the kid getting lost in the first place.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 06:37PM

Reventon93 wrote: »

Been reading the majority of this thread, and definitely agree that if i was ever in a situation where i found a lost child, i would never touch them, and would try and find someone, preferably female, to help me. It was also made clear that in my job (retail), we are never to touch children, and that even goes for my female cowokers. I wouldnt be as worried about public opinion when helping a somewhat distressed child, but some parents can be pretty mental. And im referring to those that go crazy on you as if you planned to eat the kid or something, and take 0% of the blame for the kid getting lost in the first place.

I wouldnt touch them only because I wouldn't want to scare them. IF they are already in a state of high alert, you could freak them out.

I was on a stair way with my then smallie and a buggy and this lady thought she was being helpful and just picked him up and he FREAKED and then him freaking stressed me out in an already stressful circumstance. She was alarmed, I was overwhelmed. Oh dear.

Maximus Alexander · 28-04-2015 06:38PM

LizT wrote: »

I'll never forget being in my local shopping centre, seeing a girl about 4/5 years old absolutely distraught, roaring crying and obviously lost. The amount of people that walked by without even looking at her was disgusting.

I went over to her, calmed her down and asked her who she was with. She told me she was with her dad and I asked if she knew his number. She did and I called and he was there in a minute, worried out of his mind because she had left the supermarket while they were doing the shopping without him realising.

It's worth asking a lost child if they know their parents' numbers, I work with 3/4 years olds and a lot of them have their numbers memorised, it would surprise you.

Now imagine you're you inside, but outside you're a slightly unkempt, moderately overweight, forty year old man with glasses. Would you still feel as comfortable kneeling down beside a lost little girl?

folamh · 28-04-2015 06:39PM

LizT wrote: »

I'll never forget being in my local shopping centre, seeing a girl about 4/5 years old absolutely distraught, roaring crying and obviously lost. The amount of people that walked by without even looking at her was disgusting.

In fairness, children often behave like this in the company of parents. People who'd walk by such children are probably conscious of keeping out of other families' affairs. I don't think many people would deliberately ignore a child they knew to be lost and in distress.

castletownman · 28-04-2015 06:43PM

Posted in the Trivial Annoyances thread a few months ago about an incident that befell me in a local retail store. I was in the shoe section looking to purchase a new pair for an upcoming wedding and saw a young girl of say 4/5 crying a few feet away. Asked her had she lost her mammy and she said "yes" so asked her what colour hair her mammy had etc. Gave a quick glance around the immediate area for someone matching the description but when it came blank I told her to stay were she was and I'll find her. Kept a track on her from the corner of my eye without getting too close and eventually came across two female members of staff who dealt with the matter.

But my annoyance was the distrusting look the mother gave me when the two staff members acknowledged my role in informing them of her daughter going missing. Not even a cursory thank you. We're not all fecking peados like

Reventon93 · 28-04-2015 06:46PM

zeffabelli wrote: »

I wouldnt touch them only because I wouldn't want to scare them. IF they are already in a state of high alert, you could freak them out.

I was on a stair way with my then smallie and a buggy and this lady thought she was being helpful and just picked him up and he FREAKED and then him freaking stressed me out in an already stressful circumstance. She was alarmed, I was overwhelmed. Oh dear.

If i was that age again, i'd definitely freak out if some random stranger tried to touch me (i still do tbh

)

The only time i can remember running off on my parents was when i was about 3, i think. Whatever happened i cant really remember, but i was suddenly on my own in a massive shopping centre (for a three year old at the time).

My parents had always told me that if i ever got lost to make my way back to our car. So, thats what i did. Then a few minutes later, or maybe an hour ( i wasnt too sure on time) i hear some man (that wasnt my dad) call my name. Sure enough it was one of the security guards and he was with my parents. The mother was frantic and there i was thinking "what the fu*k is up with this one :rolleyes:".

And last saturday a kid went missing near our store. My manager was out trying to console a distruaght mother while all of us were on the lookout for the kid and the other lad in was going around the shops asking them to keep an eye out. Never found out if he was found, now that i think about it

martingriff · 28-04-2015 06:47PM

John_D80 wrote: »

You're picking up a few bits in the drapery section in Dunnes when you notice a small child (estimate 2 and half years old, walking but not really talking age, if you know what I mean) that appears to be lost. The child is not yet showing any signs of distress but is obviously searching for its mother and there are no other adults in the immediate vicinity. It's a quiet Tuesday morning.

What would you do in this situation??

There are no staff members nearby so if you want to alert the staff to this, you will have to leave the area where the child is and leave the child alone.

Would you approach the child and try to help him find his mother??

Keep your distance from the child but keep him in your field of view until he finds his mum??

Or something else??

A friend of mine found himself in the awful situation recently of being accused of attempting to abduct a child that he had seen wandering alone through Dunnes. Just as he was about to pick the child up to bring him to find his mother she appeared and started screaming at him. Guards were called etc. and he ended up having to explain himself for over an hour before he was allowed to go on his way.

As a man it pains me to say I will do nothing. Find security and tell them but as a man unfortunately in this day and age a blame scaremongering I am at risk. Man on his own going up to a child equals a pedophile

LizT · 28-04-2015 06:51PM

folamh wrote: »

In fairness, children often behave like this in the company of parents. People who'd walk by such children are probably conscious of keeping out of other families' affairs. I don't think many people would deliberately ignore a child they knew to be lost and in distress.

I think a lot of people are conscious of how they would be perceived and that would prevent them from helping a child in distress, people have even admitted that in this thread.

The child was clearly by herself btw, I watched for a few seconds just to make sure she wasn't just throwing a tantrum with her parents nearby.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 06:53PM

LizT wrote: »

I think a lot of people are conscious of how they would be perceived and that would prevent them from helping a child in distress, people have even admitted that in this thread.

The child was clearly by herself btw, I watched for a few seconds just to make sure she wasn't just throwing a tantrum with her parents nearby.

I think honestly some people are just not bothered. Ive seen people walk by other people in distress so many times.

They have excuses, like I dont want to be accused of pedophilia but I don't believe them. I don't believe people actually get accused of child molestation when they help a distressed child.

John_D80 · 28-04-2015 06:58PM

FactCheck wrote: »

See, here's the thing.

I don't believe you. Maybe it's just your mate has codded you. Or maybe you didn't think your OP had enough punch, so you thought you'd embellish a little story at the end to stop people in their tracks. But I don't actually believe for a moment that the Guards interviewed your friend for an HOUR in Dunnes because they suspected him of trying to abduct a child he hadn't even touched. I might believe a frightened mother started roaring at him out of tension and embarrassment. But I don't believe that Dunnes called the cops, or that the cops took an hour to sort it out. It's a fib.

And you know how I know? Because in the real world, the actual Ireland of 2015, men who help lost children are not in fact called paedos and harassed by the police. They get glowing commendations in the Irish Times. The country calls them a hero.

That guy, by the way, was not in a shop in the middle of the day. It was the middle of the night with nobody else around, and he took his own clothes off to warm the kid up. And not a single person pointed a finger at him - quite rightfully, he got a ton of praise.

That's what actually happens when adults help out little children in need. And all these fevered imaginings "ooooh I'd never help a kid, my life would be over, I bet blah blah blah" (and I'm not talking about just the OP, but everyone here who's had a go "imagining" what might happen to them) that is the problem. You are the ones creating the narrative that it's dangerous to help children. Not "society". "Society" writes editorials in the Irish Times calling people heroes. You.

So get back in the real world, and stop making the world a more dangerous place - for men, and for little kids.

Dunnes didn't call the cops, the mother did.

Security staff did get involved but we're very sympathetic to him.

He stayed there and waited for the cops because he did not want to incriminate himself by leaving when he knew they were on they way.

He spent over an hour explaining it to everyone, mother, staff and the cops. The police took over three quarters of an hour to get there and he was speaking to them for about 20 mins before they realised what had happened. Sorry if that was not clear or you were too intent on jumping on such minor details.

Don't see how you can say that I or my mate basically made this story up. I'm glad that most decent people out there would give well deserved praise to someone who helped out a kid like this but as much as you find it hard to believe, not everyone is like that unfortunately, as can be read from some other examples posted here.

folamh · 28-04-2015 07:00PM

I suppose what they're really afraid of is a few moments of awkwardness or a few contemptuous looks, since no one is going to charge you with pedophilia if you have a justification for being with the child. Is it worth letting a child continue to be distressed and possibly get abducted by an actual pedophile, because of a few moments of discomfort on your part?

DM addict · 28-04-2015 07:05PM

I'm honestly surprised by the number of people that wouldn't get involved. Kids get lost all the time, mostly they just need someone to mind them until mammy/daddy/whoever gets them.

I see a lost kid, I'd glance around for a frantic adult, crouch down and ask the kid if they're lost. I'd take them to customer service, or use a loud voice and say "is someone with this little one?" or something else equally inane and non-threatening. If needs be I'd pick the kid up, but I'd rather take them by the hand as from experience kids aren't always pleased to be picked up by strangers.

blatantrereg · 28-04-2015 07:09PM

John_D80 wrote: »

A friend of mine found himself in the awful situation recently of being accused of attempting to abduct a child that he had seen wandering alone through Dunnes. Just as he was about to pick the child up to bring him to find his mother she appeared and started screaming at him. Guards were called etc. and he ended up having to explain himself for over an hour before he was allowed to go on his way.

Definitely not that so.

LizT · 28-04-2015 07:09PM

folamh wrote: »

I suppose what they're really afraid of is a few moments of awkwardness or a few contemptuous looks, since no one is going to charge you with pedophilia if you have a justification for being with the child. Is it worth letting a child continue to be distressed and possibly get abducted by an actual pedophile, because of a few moments of discomfort on your part?

Well exactly. Look, it's absolutely worst case scenario that a child would be abducted and it's obviously very rare. But if it did happen, it would be awful to think that it could have been prevented if someone hadn't been worried about getting a few contemptuous looks.

bnt · 28-04-2015 07:12PM

I wouldn't say "blame the parent" every time a kid gets lost ... based on personal experience. No, I didn't lose my kid: I was the kid of about 5 who wandered out of a shop by himself in Edinburgh, and I don't blame my mum at all. I decided to head back to the train station where we'd arrived, and crossed a very busy street to get there. The plan worked: half an hour later, after I'd coolly given a staff member my name, a cop car comes screeching in, my mum and sister tumble out and drag me back to the train by the scruff of my neck ... :cool:

Summer wind · 28-04-2015 08:28PM

I remember when my niece was about 4 years old and started school and my sister was telling her that she was never to leave the school yard with a stranger just in case she would ever be late picking her up. My niece said no she wouldn't and my sister was happy until I asked my niece what a stranger was and she replied "I don't know".

I would always help a child that was lost or in anyway distressed. The welfare of a child should always override any uneasiness you may feel by becoming involved. I know I would always be grateful to anyone who helped my child if he went missing.

AndonHandon · 28-04-2015 09:30PM

If I saw a stray child in a shop like Dunnes and could not see any parent then I would either keep them in sight but not approach until the parent appeared or else I got the attention of a staff member (if they weren't frightened or upset) or else go over and asked if they were lost and wanted their mother or father (if they were upset) then get a member of staff who could announce it. Not a big deal and then I've done a small but useful act to get the child back to the parent.

I'd be more concerned about being seen in the drapes section of Dunnes.

doolox · 28-04-2015 09:53PM

I work free lance and on occasion I while some time away in shopping centres between engagements. My time is precious. Often I have allowed myself 20 minutes to get to an engagement.

If some daft bint accused me of robbing her child and wanted me to wait around to explain myself to the police who then take 45 minutes to arrive she can get right off. I have my life to lead and work to do and money to make and I don't get enough engagements to throw them away and annoy customers by not showing up when expected to. Also I am not going to avoid public places in fear of careless hysterical mothers and their precious brats.

In future you can be damned sure I won't go near any child in distress or any body at all for that matter. Modern life has demonised men and made them all out to be monsters and needing to be detained and questioned at random at any time. The man in this scenario is clearly not aware of his civil rights in a free society and should now bill the woman for time wasted.

Cold War Kid · 28-04-2015 10:22PM

Bit of cop-on needed here.

Most people will think you're doing what anyone with a bit of logic/decency would do - helping or keeping an eye on a missing child while awaiting assistance.
A paedo is very unlikely to let the world know they're abducting a child, particularly when there is such a paedo bat-signal prevalent these days.

And even if some drooler does (want to) suspect you of trying to harm the child... and? What can they do? Let them drown away in their drool.
People shouldn't be dictated to by such idiots.

If it's a situation where the man has less back-up, it's more understandable - but in a supermarket... cop-out tbh, and victimisation complex too.

Stheno · 28-04-2015 10:29PM

I'm in a sports club with dedicated time for children's lessons

Duringb that time no one apart from vetted coaches and parents are allowed any contact with the children so I take that same view in my wider life

They are following child safety protocols to protect the club and the children

bb1234567 · 28-04-2015 10:36PM

Stheno wrote: »

I'd ignore them nothing to do with me
and I've no interest dealing with hysterical parents accusing me of all sorts
and tbh if they lost their child they are craps parents

'nothing to do with me'
Wheres your humanity, bet you wouldn't be feeling so cool if the child you saw came up on the news as missing or murdered.

bb1234567 · 28-04-2015 10:40PM

Also if I was your friend Id cuss that ****ing b!tch the fck out, no lazy ass retarded parent is going to accuse me of being a paedophile for doing the moral thing , the only reason the childs in that situation is due to her incompetency as a mother.
My blood is boiling just writing this ugh I want to kick that woman in the face

Stheno · 28-04-2015 10:40PM

See my post above about how restrictive my sports club is

Thatv engenders a sense of never intervene

strobe · 28-04-2015 10:51PM

Stheno wrote: »

I'm in a sports club with dedicated time for children's lessons

Duringb that time no one apart from vetted coaches and parents are allowed any contact with the children so I take that same view in my wider life

They are following child safety protocols to protect the club and the children

Expect to hear from my legal team!

Gah, I've all the sympathy in the world.

It's not to protect children, that's the subterfuge, it's to protect people from fvck head weirdo's that are looking to sue and tantrum. Is that really a thing here? Few years ago we'd laugh about it, 'Merica! Is that really becoming a thing here?

One eyed Jack · 28-04-2015 10:54PM

bb1234567 wrote: »

'nothing to do with me'
Wheres your humanity, bet you wouldn't be feeling so cool if the child you saw came up on the news as missing or murdered.

bb1234567 wrote: »

Also if I was your friend Id cuss that ****ing b!tch the fck out, no lazy ass retarded parent is going to accuse me of being a paedophile for doing the moral thing , the only reason the childs in that situation is due to her incompetency as a mother.
My blood is boiling just writing this ugh I want to kick that woman in the face

Well, that didn't last long :rolleyes:

jackofalltrades · 28-04-2015 10:57PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

And even if some drooler does (want to) suspect you of trying to harm the child... and? What can they do? Let them drown away in their drool.
People shouldn't be dictated to by such idiots.

Accusse them of trying to abduct the child in public.
Call the guards. You then have to wait for the guards to turn up.
While all around you people are looking at you and judging you.
You then get to be questioned about what you were doing.

Can you imagine how humiliating that would be?
In a smaller down where rumours spread this could be disastrous for the person involved.

One eyed Jack · 28-04-2015 11:10PM

jackofalltrades wrote: »

Accusse them of trying to abduct the child in public.
Call the guards. You then have to wait for the guards to turn up.
While all around you people are looking at you and judging you.
You then get to be questioned about what you were doing.

Can you imagine how humiliating that would be?
In a smaller down where rumours spread this could be disastrous for the person involved.

You actually don't though. The OP's friend could easily have walked out and there's nothing anyone could have done about it.

That aside anyway, my child decided to kick off in a shopping centre one afternoon, I simply left the trolley there, picked the child up and over my shoulder, and walked out. You'd be surprised the amount of fcuks people don't give. Sure, I got a couple of glances, but in a busy shopping centre, not one person came over to stop a man walking out with a screaming child slung over his shoulder.

In that moment, I didn't give two fcuks myself about humiliation, or rumours or shame or any of that nonsense. My priority was to remove the child from the situation. I left him down when we got outside, gave him a stern talking to, and we went back in about ten minutes later and finished our shopping.

It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal tbh.

You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

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