Moving in together

MrWalsh wrote: »

We'll I can only speak from experience and having shared both beds and rooms with lovers and friends over the years, out of maybe 50 people I've only experienced 1 who needed total silence and total darkness to sleep. So yes, it's the extreme end of sleep needs.

Well having shared rooms with probably over a hundred people (teenaged girls do love their sleepovers) no-one has ever commented on my sleep habits as unusual. Quite the opposite, ime most people like it to be quiet and dark to sleep.

MrWalsh wrote: »

How do you think people siesta or nap lying out in the sun? Or how do people normally sleep in hospitals or busy environments?

Few people siesta in the sun, that's why they're having a siesta; to get out of the sun. In their house. Where it's darker.

MrWalsh wrote: »

Do you have any kind of link to back up your assertion? Recommended by who?

The CDC who recommend:

Sleep in a quiet, dark, and relaxing environment, which is neither too hot nor too cold.
Make your bed comfortable and use it only for sleeping and not for other activities, such as reading, watching TV, or listening to music.
Remove all TVs, computers, and other "gadgets" from the bedroom.

About Health (sleep disorders section) (Dr. Brandon Peters)
Make sure your sleep environment is quiet, dark, cool, and comfortable
Bedrooms are for sleeping and sex, not for watching television, indulging your pets, or doing work

The American National Sleep Foundation
Evaluate your room. Design your sleep environment to establish the conditions you need for sleep. Your bedroom should be cool – between 60 and 67 degrees. Your bedroom should also be free from any noise that can disturb your sleep. Finally, your bedroom should be free from any light. Check your room for noises or other distractions. This includes a bed partner's sleep disruptions such as snoring. Consider using blackout curtains, eye shades, ear plugs, "white noise" machines, humidifiers, fans and other devices.

And every piece of advice I have ever seen or read in any magazine or on any show offering advice on sleep.

MrWalsh wrote: »

Have you ever met anyone with a blackout blind? Me neither

Just my mum, my brother, another brother's wife, her 20 yo daughter, my friend, her lodger, and probably dozens of others I just haven't quizzed about their bedroom décor. If 'no-one' had them Argos would hardly stock them in all the colours of the rainbow.


I really can't understand why you think this is so unusual. Maybe you could put a poll in the Sleeping and Dreaming forum to find out. Oh, that reminds me, the Sleeping and Dreaming 'Tips for Good Sleep' thread also says:
*Lighting, if any, should be very dim. (Light can shine through your eyelids and send "wake-up" signals to your brain.) If you can’t get rid of the light, try black curtains, aluminum foil over windowpanes, or sleep masks/eye shades.
*If you don’t want complete silence, listen to a constant "white noise." (Radios and T.V.s are very disruptive to sleep, even if you believe they make you sleep better!) If you can’t get rid of noise, try ear plugs.

Personally I use a white noise track of a lake shore; it blocks out noise from the road and really relaxes me. Tracks of rain are good too.

MrWalsh wrote: »

^^^ The info you posted above and even the sites used are for people with sleep disorders.

So yeah, what you describe is still unusual. Cheers for the link to back that up.

Sorry guys but nothing is going to persuade me that forcing a partner to go to bed in darkness and silence using only a phone torch is normal. It just isn't. You may have normalised it but the vast majority of people do not have to sneak to bed like that.

The info is given everywhere for a good night's sleep in general (as can be told from the titles of the articles "How to get a better night's sleep" (no mention of disorders there) and "Healthy Sleep Tips (no mention of disorders either). If it doesn't suit you then it doesn't suit you. As I said, you're perfectly welcome to start a poll to find out which is more 'normal'

No one has forced anyone to do anything, like I said my ex CHOSE to use the light on his phone, as did I when he went to bed first. I wouldn't have minded if he turned on the light for a couple of minutes but he felt that it was more considerate not to do so. I do not think that 'the vast majority' of people would walk into a room where someone is asleep and turn the lights on and start making noise.

And as for silence? Did you miss the part where I said that I use a white noise track? The quiet I'm talking about is not having a 'tap, tap, tap' of a keyboard going next to you, or people trying to hold a conversation. Getting undressed noises, fine. Getting into bed noises, fine. Breathing, fine. Sleep noises, no problem. Daytime noises like TV programmes and computers, not fine. Do those in a room where people aren't sleeping.

If anything I think that asking someone to wear an uncomfortable eye mask and ear plugs which may mean they may not hear their alarm ring because you want to surf the net (which can be done anywhere) in bed is much more unusual.

Typer Monkey wrote: »

My husband and I both do shift work and so often arrive home and get into bed while the other is asleep. Never in a million years would I put on a light in the bedroom and neither would he. We undress in another room and come into the room by the light from our phones so as not to wake the other.

I would consider anyone who did put the light on or who made unnecessary noise to be very inconsiderate and selfish tbh

We've been the same. I worked shifts and my partner was on early starts so he would have his work clothes outside of the bedroom to get dressed in. I'm usually up first these days but have my planned clothes in a pile I could dress in the semi-dark from. If either of us are in bed asleep the other is very respectful at not turning on a light and using a phone as a flash light. While everybody is different, there is nothing worse for a relationship than one partner trying to sleep and the other one stomping around like a baby elephant.