Pressures around Church weddings

stinkle · 12-02-2015 08:41PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Well it's a legal wedding of course but without the church part it does lack a significant part of the meaning of a wedding from a catholic perspective so it really depending on your definition of what a wedding is or involves.

I'll being going to a very good friends wedding later this year, going to be over 300 people at it full on traditional wedding over two days. That will feel like a proper do compared to a small ceremony in an office followed by a bit of food and drinks with a small crowd in pub or whatever. In opinion it wouldn't feel like a wedding.

Catholic perspective is irrelevant if the couple getting married arent catholic. if your talking about being in the audience and thinking that as a catholic yourself, then that's your problem. Its their day and no one is making you attend. As an example we had people from several major faiths at our wedding - would have been impossible to please them all, no one gave us hassle for not Muslim/Jewish/Hindu/CofI/Catholic aspects to the ceremony.

Ceremonies arent jsut restricted to big fat catholic >300 people affairs or simple reg office do either. If anything they are outliers and most weddings are nicely in between. Maybe the reg office followed by small party is all the couple can afford. The amount of guests you have makes no odds to how married you are at the end of it.

lazygal · 12-02-2015 08:46PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Well it's a legal wedding of course but without the church part it does lack a significant part of the meaning of a wedding from a catholic perspective so it really depending on your definition of what a wedding is or involves.

I'll being going to a very good friends wedding later this year, going to be over 300 people at it full on traditional wedding over two days. That will feel like a proper do compared to a small ceremony in an office followed by a bit of food and drinks with a small crowd in pub or whatever. In opinion it wouldn't feel like a wedding.

Neither of my two weddings were anything like you describe. Maybe you need to judge not lest ye be judged. What would happen if your partner was atheist and refused to have a religious wedding?

One eyed Jack · 12-02-2015 08:54PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Well it's a legal wedding of course but without the church part it does lack a significant part of the meaning of a wedding from a catholic perspective so it really depending on your definition of what a wedding is or involves.

I'll being going to a very good friends wedding later this year, going to be over 300 people at it full on traditional wedding over two days. That will feel like a proper do compared to a small ceremony in an office followed by a bit of food and drinks with a small crowd in pub or whatever. In opinion it wouldn't feel like a wedding.

There is no meaning of a wedding from a Catholic perspective though. There's the religious ceremony of matrimony which takes place in a church alright. Anything after that is just bells and whistles that are your definition of a wedding occasion

My wedding occasion I was surrounded by the people that I cared about and I couldn't care less if we'd been married in a haybarn (was good enough for Jesus!). I get it depends on your definition of a proper "do" is or involves, and not so much on your definition of a "proper" wedding occasion.

12-02-2015 08:57PM

Wompa1 wrote: »

Depends. Without fail? Do you feel homesick if you don't? Are you going because your mammy is giving you something you crave? I may not have put that well. I mean if you are co-dependant on your parents and that's why you're going home...that in turn would lead to you not wanting to or fearing hurting that relationship which then in turn would lead to you not wanting to disappoint them when it comes to big decisions, such as a wedding.

I go home vey regularly because I really like being around my parents and other family members, being around my home area and getting out on the farm to name but a few reasons. Its why I see myself settling down at least in my home area if not right at home (at some point in the future the farm will become my responsibility also). I don't see any problem with having a close relationship with them and talking their opinions into account be they positive or negative.

Why do people see it as a badge of honour almost that they live their lives completely seperate from their parents, I just don't see why people think it's so great.

Electric Sheep · 12-02-2015 09:04PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

I've yet to be at a wedding that wasn't a church one and I've been to 3 last year alone. I've 5 weddings this year and only one of the 5 isn't a church wedding (I'm invited as a +1, not one of my own friends) all the rest are full proper weddings. To be honest I expect it wont feel like a wedding really without a church or proper reception in a hotel. I think out of all my friends (male and female) there is only one who may not have a church wedding.

I'm not married but if/when I do it will be a church wedding.

Sounds like you don't have a very diverse group of friends. Are all your friends Catholic, or do the non-Catholics get married in a Catholic church for some bizarre reason?

Electric Sheep · 12-02-2015 09:10PM

shruikan2553 wrote: »

Its nox, if they aren't catholic they are wrong and need to be put back into line.

You mean it is the schtick of the character known as Nox, that if they aren't catholic they are wrong and need to be put back into line.;)

MrWalsh · 12-02-2015 09:12PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Why do people see it as a badge of honour almost that they live their lives completely seperate from their parents, I just don't see why people think it's so great.

If you'd ever met my parents you'd understand!!

eviltwin · 12-02-2015 09:16PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

I go home vey regularly because I really like being around my parents and other family members, being around my home area and getting out on the farm to name but a few reasons. Its why I see myself settling down at least in my home area if not right at home (at some point in the future the farm will become my responsibility also). I don't see any problem with having a close relationship with them and talking their opinions into account be they positive or negative.

Why do people see it as a badge of honour almost that they live their lives completely seperate from their parents, I just don't see why people think it's so great.

That's grand. You obviously have a good relationship with them. It will be hard for your partner, an outsider, to deal with that. She would need to be a very patient woman to be okay with her inlaws being so involved in her life.

lazygal · 12-02-2015 09:19PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

I go home vey regularly because I really like being around my parents and other family members, being around my home area and getting out on the farm to name but a few reasons. Its why I see myself settling down at least in my home area if not right at home (at some point in the future the farm will become my responsibility also). I don't see any problem with having a close relationship with them and talking their opinions into account be they positive or negative.

Why do people see it as a badge of honour almost that they live their lives completely seperate from their parents, I just don't see why people think it's so great.

Is your partner equally attached to their parents? Do they also want to consult them on everything and build a house beside their family farm?

One eyed Jack · 12-02-2015 09:29PM

eviltwin wrote: »

That's grand. You obviously have a good relationship with them. It will be hard for your partner, an outsider, to deal with that. She would need to be a very patient woman to be okay with her inlaws being so involved in her life.

I think Nox's girlfriend is probably a very patient woman anyway

My brother and his wife actually live beside her parents, and her sister lives across the road, they're all a very close family, but I couldn't be doing with that now myself as close and all as I am to my wife's family. I guess it just depends on what suits some people too. I know a good few farmers that pass the land down through the family and the new labour spouse is brought in and expected to help out on the farm! It's like a whole other world that farming craic :pac:

12-02-2015 09:51PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Sounds like you don't have a very diverse group of friends. Are all your friends Catholic, or do the non-Catholics get married in a Catholic church for some bizarre reason?

All would be Catholic or at least one half of the couple (where the other half is not irish). Some would be practising but mostly they want traditional weddings and woundn't see it as one without the church aspect.

eviltwin wrote: »

She would need to be a very patient woman to be okay with her inlaws being so involved in her life.

Patient about what though? Living next door doesn't mean you don't have your own space too.

lazygal wrote: »

Is your partner equally attached to their parents? Do they also want to consult them on everything and build a house beside their family farm?

Close to parents yes, calls home a few times a week. From the city so no farm or land etc.

lazygal · 12-02-2015 10:25PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Close to parents yes, calls home a few times a week. From the city so no farm or land etc.

What if she insisted on buying the house next door to them to maintain a close daily relationship with them?

Electric Sheep · 12-02-2015 10:26PM

lazygal wrote: »

What if she insisted on buying the house next door to them to maintain a close daily relationship with them?

Don't be silly, no site to be got from them, no "land" to be got from them. No money to be gained from living beside them.;)

lazygal · 12-02-2015 10:30PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Don't be silly, no site to be got from them, no "land" to be got from them. No money to be gained from living beside them.;)

No frontage

Eutow · 12-02-2015 10:38PM

Couldn't live beside the parents, and I would never live beside any in-laws. Need my space and independence. I would feel I am constantly being monitored, constantly under a microscope. It obviously works for some people though.

MistyCheese · 12-02-2015 10:38PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

going to be over 300 people at it full on traditional wedding over two days.

So two-day weddings are going to be a thing next? Could his and her majesty the happy couple not be content with just the one day? No? It has to be a weekend.

Eutow · 12-02-2015 10:40PM

MistyCheese wrote: »

So two-day weddings are going to be a thing next? Could his and her majesty the happy couple not be content with just the one day? No? It has to be a weekend.

Imagine the politics/rows with that many people.

lazygal · 12-02-2015 10:41PM

Eutow wrote: »

Imagine the politics/rows with that many people.

Imagine making 300 people sit through mass.

Eutow · 12-02-2015 10:43PM

lazygal wrote: »

Imagine making 300 people sit through mass.

Very easy if they have a two day session afterwards to look forward to.

lazygal · 12-02-2015 10:44PM

Eutow wrote: »

Very easy if they have a two day session afterwards to look forward to.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. I'm not sure mass is ever worth it.

MrWalsh · 12-02-2015 10:48PM

lazygal wrote: »

Imagine making 300 people sit through mass.

I worked with a fella back in pre crash time, he was getting a 100% mortgage on a shoebox in a badly infrastructured area so he could use his savings to fund a wedding for 280 people, back home, where he freely admitted he'd only know a fraction of them. He was waiting on the planning permission to come through on a bit of the parents land too.

Poor guy, that wedding cost him his life savings plus 100k+ negative equity. I often wonder if he ever got to build the dream house in his parents shadow.

Electric Sheep · 12-02-2015 10:49PM

lazygal wrote: »

Hmmmmmmmmmm. I'm not sure mass is ever worth it.

I'm not sure a two day session is worth it either. One day of wedding is quite more than enough for me;)

Eutow · 12-02-2015 10:51PM

lazygal wrote: »

Hmmmmmmmmmm. I'm not sure mass is ever worth it.

I'm sure if anyone wanted to avoid it they could. Very hard to check that everyone out of the 300 went to the church bit.

Eutow · 12-02-2015 10:53PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I'm not sure a two day session is worth it either. One day of wedding is quite more than enough for me;)

There is also the cr@p music to put up with. Does anybody like going to weddings?

Electric Sheep · 12-02-2015 10:59PM

Eutow wrote: »

There is also the cr@p music to put up with. Does anybody like going to weddings?

I think people used to before they became expected to drive for hours then do an all nighter the first day, and then attend a second day.

charlietheminxx · 12-02-2015 11:15PM

The nicest wedding I went to was a blessing ceremony, where they had even married in a registry office the day before. 80-ish people, beautiful setting, beautiful (and brief!) ceremony and no messing or fuss. It started late in the day and was all held in one hotel, so there was no messing or travelling involved.

I have no plans to get married but would not have a church wedding if/when I do.

mzungu · 12-02-2015 11:43PM

Eutow wrote: »

There is also the cr@p music to put up with. Does anybody like going to weddings?

I hear a lot of weddings these days have a more alternate mix. Mate of mine attended one that belted out classic rock until 1:30am....then techno from there on in.

Magenta · 12-02-2015 11:44PM

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Why do people see it as a badge of honour almost that they live their lives completely seperate from their parents, I just don't see why people think it's so great.

It's called independence. Some of us like being adults who are able to make their own decisions.
The more you post the more I'm convinced that you are still being breastfed... actually, on second thoughts, I'm pretty sure your beloved Catholic church wouldn't be having that, it involves a breast and women's bodies are dirty shameful things.

Electric Sheep · 13-02-2015 12:17AM

Eutow wrote: »

Imagine the politics/rows with that many people.

Probably not that much more than normal. With that many guests, most of them are likely to be barely more than acquaintances.

13-02-2015 12:35AM

MistyCheese wrote: »

So two-day weddings are going to be a thing next? Could his and her majesty the happy couple not be content with just the one day? No? It has to be a weekend.

Hardly a new thing, the vast majority of weddings I have attended over the years have had a meet up the second night. It's always nice to have the second night imo.

Pressures around Church weddings

Comments