Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

jay1988 · 15-01-2015 12:33PM

Worked installing sky a few years ago and had one woman ask me " is there any way you could get the TV working without putting up that awful looking dish" She wasn't happy with the answer that you need a satellite for satellite TV.

UCDVet · 15-01-2015 12:34PM

OSI wrote: »

No, because when you return a broken item it's noted on the old receipt and a new one issued showing it was exchanged.

You mean that little piece of paper that I can (and do) trivially reprint at home? I also print myself fake eye prescriptions - none of that 'annual visit to the eye doctor' crap for me.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=receipt%20printer&sprefix=receipt+printer%2Caps

Joking aside - I obtained a receipt printer years ago and it was worth every last penny. Most places all have the same width receipt (and if they don't it's the 'other' size - 80cm and 54cm) and all it takes is a scanner to make a near perfect replica. As long as you can match the dpi used in the shop.

Dark Phoenix · 15-01-2015 12:48PM

Once had a very high up person in the company send his assistant to me to ask for 'a copy of that software in PDF form'. I politely explained that as it was software and an actual program I couldn't make it exist in another form. I asked were they looking for a PDF about the software but no apparently the software itself. Had to repeat this about three times as they didnt understand!

Also recently had someone go on a rant as one of their users was set up incorrectly. Had to explain that if they spell their employees name wrong on a user request form, funnily enough thats the name I use to set them up!

have also had someone in the UK tell me a phone number was wrong and they couldn't dial in. Explained (again) that its an irish number and therefore has the irish country prefix only to be asked why I used an Irish number instead of a UK one. Given that I was located in Ireland I wasn't sure how this was going to work!

I have a lovely colleague who has the irritating habit of asking questions that she could easily find the answer to if she looked up online. Last week this included 'what time is that flight at' - every time she asks this I tell her to look it up on the airline website as the times change frequently. She does, and then asks me what time she should leave at to get to the airport. Now given that we are in different counties I am not sure how I am supposed to know this! Then she asks me, every time, what time will she get to the foreign office at if she gets X flight. The office is 15 mins from the airport but she cant grasp that if you add 15 - 20 mins time to the flights arrival time you can work this out.

finally we have a work colleague who is famous for calling up a customer, in the middle of the office where everyone could hear her, and telling him very loudly that she needed to do ' a telephone survey on his cervix before scheduling the onsite'. Bless her she meant server. I nearly wet myself laughing.

smash · 15-01-2015 12:49PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

Obnoxious mid level management stereotype complete.

Your Superior · 15-01-2015 12:53PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

A 5 Series BMW, the company's way of saying you're a bit better than a Passat level employee (i.e. low level mediocrity) but only by a tiny amount. Well done...

JillyQ · 15-01-2015 12:53PM

Worked in an alarm monItoring centre, had a customer ring us wanting to know why his alarm didn't set with all if his doors open. You have to close them, no he was told he could go out and leave them open. We told him he had an entry/exit door like ever other system. Told me he wanted to set his alarm & leave hIs doors open. No talking to some people.

Electric Sheep · 15-01-2015 12:54PM

Dark Phoenix wrote: »

I have a lovely colleague who has the irritating habit of asking questions that she could easily find the answer to if she looked up online.

Taught my staff at my old job to reply to such queries with "Shall I Google that for you?" Shamed them out of stupid questions after a while...

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 12:55PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Taught my staff at my old job to reply to such queries with "Shall I Google that for you?" Shamed them out of stupid questions after a while...

"No no, no time!!" "What do you mean?" "Google is broken! I need to inform the President immediately, if not sooner!!"

UCDVet · 15-01-2015 12:57PM

OSI wrote: »

Yes yes. You walk into the store with your plain white scanned and reprinted receipt and expect them not to notice the complete lack of the store branding in full colour that's printed on the reverse side. Or that when they scan the transaction barcode on the receipt to bring it up on the till it doesn't match what's printed on the receipt. Brilliant!

The barcode would match perfectly. As would any logo. I can't say as though I've ever seen a receipt with colour branding on the reverse side. Can you give an example.

I'm not saying scan it and print it on a regular sheet of paper. I'm saying print an identical b&w receipt from an actual receipt printer, like the stores use. I'm lookign through old receipts I have here and I can't see any with colour.

Edit - I take that back An Post has colour ads on the back, none of the rest that I have laying around have any colour. I could reproduce them perfectly, with the valid barcode.

Aongus Von Bismarck · 15-01-2015 01:00PM

Your Superior wrote: »

A 5 Series BMW, the company's way of saying you're a bit better than a Passat level employee (i.e. low level mediocrity) but only by a tiny amount. Well done...

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

I bought the car myself. It's a lovely drive and worth every penny. Premium German engineering. And when I do get it serviced, it will be in a garage where professionalism, courtesy and knowledge are always shown.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 01:03PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion?...

If I had any grandmothers left I'd consider sending one of them to a glue factory for a nice, fresh 1986 1.6l CVH.

smash · 15-01-2015 01:07PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

usually a company will provide a car allowance or give the staff member a budget for a lease plan. The 520D (or even any 5 series) these days, are the Mondeo of the 21st century. Keep up with the Jones' and get your misses a golf!

Anyway, back to the work stuff. A friend who was an architect went on site one day and asked a junior carpenter to go to the hardware store and get a new bubble for the spirit level.

Your Superior · 15-01-2015 01:11PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

I bought the car myself. It's a lovely drive and worth every penny. Premium German engineering. And when I do get it serviced, it will be in a garage where professionalism, courtesy and knowledge are always shown.

It's my own company so I have whatever car I choose. I chose a Tesla. The directors in my company drive Jaguar XJs or a 7 series BMW/Audi A7 as a rule, management have a budget of £35k and can choose what they want, other staff get £28k to use.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 01:13PM

Your Superior wrote: »

It's my own company so I have whatever car I choose. I chose a Tesla. The directors in my company drive Jaguar XJs or a 7 series BMW/Audi A7 as a rule, management have a budget of £35k and can choose what they want, other staff get £28k to use.

<Runs out into the car-park doing Helicopter Mickey and roaring "I'm the Bawss Maun, I awwwmm!!"> :pac::pac::pac:

Your Superior · 15-01-2015 01:14PM

On topic, about ten years ago I had an external partner ask me how on earth we managed to keep our online store open 24 hours, and didn't it cost us a fortune to have people sat at the desks all night.

anncoates · 15-01-2015 01:19PM

We all get company space shuttles in my job.

wilhelm roentgen · 15-01-2015 01:23PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

As Aongus drove along in his new BMW 5 Series, loads of other motorists have signalled to him that they plan on having a wánk later.

Xios · 15-01-2015 01:24PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

I bought the car myself. It's a lovely drive and worth every penny. Premium German engineering. And when I do get it serviced, it will be in a garage where professionalism, courtesy and knowledge are always shown.

Ah lol, the chest puffing on this here, bullied individual, is rather amusing.

somesoldiers · 15-01-2015 01:26PM

I have noticed the word "ping" creeping into work conversations in my office. "I'll ping him an email", "I will ping that over to you". I must confess I cringe and feel a little bit of vomit build up every time someone uses it.

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 01:28PM

somesoldiers wrote: »

I have noticed the word "ping" creeping into work conversations in my office. "I'll ping him an email", "I will ping that over to you". I must confess I cringe and feel a little bit of vomit build up every time someone uses it.

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

Absolutely not. "Ping" refers to an ICMP Echo-Request, and is used to verify that whatever/whoever is supposed to be at the other end is indeed at the other end and able to respond. It has its uses between people, but none of the above are them. Unless the purpose is to make sure the other person is present and alive.

LenaClaire · 15-01-2015 01:28PM

somesoldiers wrote: »

I have noticed the word "ping" creeping into work conversations in my office. "I'll ping him an email", "I will ping that over to you". I must confess I cringe and feel a little bit of vomit build up every time someone uses it.

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

No, it should not. IT has spoken.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 01:30PM

LenaClaire wrote: »

No, it should not. IT has spoken.

I'll just add that these days we recommend such terms as "Funt", "Larrup", "Kick For Touch" and "Trebuchet".

somesoldiers · 15-01-2015 01:31PM

Great I can tell them to Ping off next time I hear it, thanks

anncoates · 15-01-2015 01:35PM

somesoldiers wrote: »

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

Don't start the neckbeards off again.

They're already hit agitation level 5 (Programming Language Put-Down). :pac:

somesoldiers · 15-01-2015 01:43PM

anncoates wrote: »

Don't start the neckbeards off again.

They're already hit agitation level 5 (Programming Language Put-Down). :pac:

when do they hit "Halt and Catch Fire"? ok I don't really know what that means but watched the tv show recently

gman127 · 15-01-2015 01:45PM

anncoates wrote: »

So, what's the collective noun for a group of outraged IT workers? :pac:

A SCRUM I believe

JapaneseLove · 15-01-2015 01:47PM

Got asked by my boss one time how to change the colour of his screen. I went in and changed it to blue, as he asked. When he came back he shouted at me for 10 minutes for not doing what he asked. I told him and showed him that i had done it. He said i hadent and that it was still black and he wanted me to change it now. I was confused somewhat but done it again. He shouted "no you idiot the outside of the screen". The idiot wanted me to change the colour of the plastic casing around the screen.

Needless to say i laughed all day at him.

15-01-2015 02:00PM

bucketybuck wrote: »

This thread was a lot more interesting when it was about stupid requests at work rather than a parade of people responding to an obvious wind up.

The thing is she/he/it is getting better at the wind ups pulling themselves in a bit, it was only when they mentioned the BMW that they stared to lose it.

Jon_459 · 15-01-2015 02:14PM

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I can't get over this rage all the IT drones here are expressing at the fact that the "higher-ups" of their company don't know the ins and outs of their software systems.

Of course they don't! If they did then they wouldn't bother paying you to sort out that stuff.

Just to pre-empt the shrill cries of "You think they'd at least learn the basics!!". It's a complete waste of time. If I have a problem printing off a document, or connecting to the internet, then its a complete waste for my firm to have me crawling around on all fours pulling wires in and out of a computer. I get paid to do a job that very few other people can do and thus am remunerated accordingly. It would cost the company a fortune to have me sorting out trivial IT problems. It's much more efficient to call one of the scruffy lads from 'the dungeon' to come up and sort it out whilst I get on with more pressing issues.

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you stop slagging off IT, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will format your hard drive.

paulbok · 15-01-2015 02:43PM

jimgoose wrote: »

Absolutely not. "Ping" refers to an ICMP Echo-Request, and is used to verify that whatever/whoever is supposed to be at the other end is indeed at the other end and able to respond. It has its uses between people, but none of the above are them. Unless the purpose is to make sure the other person is present and alive.

Useful in submarines as well I believe, put to a similiar use

Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

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