How do you poo??

Fulton Crown · 09-06-2008 09:48AM

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

There was one in the apartment that I was staying in Breda in the south of Holland. (Tiesto's Birth place ), I couldn’t get over it, especially after eating sweet corn or pistachio nuts :eek:

Once knew a chappie who for some obscure reason was into what he called colorful sh1tes.

claimed life was dull an least you could do was try brighten it up by leaving a nice colorful dump in the pan.

Bastid never flushed an would even disable the water so as to get the full "effect"

came home one day and he had a whole table full of ingrediants chopped up - peppers / corn / carrots / curry powder etc - "I'M building a colorfull sh1te" was his answer to the obvious question....fcuker was pure madd.once even bought an expensive canvas an "held" a sh1te forabout four days - then injested a nice strong laxitive -

SSSSSSPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!!

Could have made the gallery of modern art if it wasn't for the pegg !!

He is back in the UK now ..Broadmoor I think ...

Sherifu · 09-06-2008 10:05AM

Shit down and be as comfartable as pissable.

Ponster · 09-06-2008 10:08AM

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

The French don't have any toilet bouls so they either squat or stand up
Interesting link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet

No we don't. And our fridges are large ice-blocks that need to be replaced every 2 days due to melting.

po0k · 09-06-2008 10:13AM

I protest the continued existence of this thread.

jester77 · 09-06-2008 10:19AM

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

Anyone ever use take a cr*p on a dutch or German toilet? The crap stays on the dry part of the bowel until you flush it. I dont know why they do this, maybe just in case you want to inspect it for tape worms before you flush it away. http://www.cromwell-intl.com/toilet/netherlands.html

I lived in an apt for a few months that had one of them, bloody nightmare. I had to do a midway flush a few times due to backlog. Plus after a rough night out they are not the most ideal of bowls!

The Artist · 09-06-2008 10:21AM

Rb wrote: »

Who is that?

yora ma!
this is a crap thread:p

elmolesto · 09-06-2008 10:23AM

utick wrote: »

anyone ever get those floating ones? happend to me yesterday and couldnt flush it down for ages, eventually had to get a stick and mush it up

I used to make a lot of those years ago, I don't know why but it doesn't happen anymore.

superfly · 09-06-2008 10:30AM

elmolesto wrote: »

I used to make a lot of those years ago, I don't know why but it doesn't happen anymore.

you stopped swallowing balloons?

Steve_o · 09-06-2008 10:30AM

elmolesto wrote: »

I used to make a lot of those years ago, I don't know why but it doesn't happen anymore.

They tried to prove on Brainiac, that if you ate foods that float i.e. fruit and so on, your poo would float... they failed... its still a mystery!! I guess some things man isn't meant to know.

Duggy747 · 09-06-2008 10:52AM

As odd as it sounds shìtting standing up ain't uncommon. I've often had to do it when I'm at the pub and I either realise I forgot to take a dump before I left the house or I have an "Ass Attack" where I gotta go. Now, we all know pub toilets aren't known for their..........eh, cleanliness and this cubicle in particular has no lock and nobody can ever tell if it's occupied.

So, with the valuable few seconds I have before General Shìt leaves Fort Ass I put my cunning MacGuyver abilities to the test. It's a very upsetting experience:

I have to use my jumper to hold the door closed
Make sure me arse doesn't touch the grimy toilet seat which has seen many people empty themselves on from every possible hole in the body.
Rush it out of me before someone enters the jacks and find it hilarious to chuck water or a pint over the cubicle on me while I'm in my MacGuyver stance.
And, finally, hope to Christ there's enough bog roll!!

Terrifying stuff!!

Steve · 09-06-2008 11:02AM

how can you shit standing up without ending up with a bovril sandwich?

Even using the hovercraft position doesn't give enough butt cheek clearance.

bandit197 · 09-06-2008 11:13AM

Duggy747 wrote: »

As odd as it sounds shìtting standing up ain't uncommon. I've often had to do it when I'm at the pub and I either realise I forgot to take a dump before I left the house or I have an "Ass Attack" where I gotta go. Now, we all know pub toilets aren't known for their..........eh, cleanliness and this cubicle in particular has no lock and nobody can ever tell if it's occupied.

So, with the valuable few seconds I have before General Shìt leaves Fort Ass I put my cunning MacGuyver abilities to the test. It's a very upsetting experience:
I have to use my jumper to hold the door closed

Make sure me arse doesn't touch the grimy toilet seat which has seen many people empty themselves on from every possible hole in the body.

Rush it out of me before someone enters the jacks and find it hilarious to chuck water or a pint over the cubicle on me while I'm in my MacGuyver stance.

And, finally, hope to Christ there's enough bog roll!!

Terrifying stuff!!

I lol'd. Quality, I love this thread

weeder · 09-06-2008 11:36AM

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

The French don't have any toilet bouls so they either squat or stand up
Interesting link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet

People experiencing diarrhea can spray fecal matter over the floor and onto the back of the ankles and/or clothing.

:eek:

Kold · 09-06-2008 11:52AM

dougee19 wrote: »

instead a new thread ye can answer here, this one i found just weird

do you look at your poo after you take a dump??? 5/9 of the people in this discussion did.

Hell yeah. Wouldn't a mother want to look at her newborn child? Same thing.

dbs_sailor · 09-06-2008 12:32PM

ac slater style

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=3597281

JangoFett · 09-06-2008 12:39PM

Sitting down.....I get to sit down, relieve myself and read something

MarkR · 09-06-2008 12:51PM

Top Deck all the way.

FlutterinBantam · 09-06-2008 02:47PM

Myself, when in a public conveniance like to hover.

Straddle the bowl as far as possible and aim the walnut towards the top back of the pan(allows for gravity and drift)

face the ground and increase the the pressure until the load begins to bite.

When the N1 ,as the say in aviation, has spooled up properly unload the lot vigourously and remember to follow through.

In some instances there may be overshoot ,ignore that and evacuate the bowels fully.

Inspect the damage and flush or not as one sees fit.

If she's of artistic value leave her there for others to admire.

A tad of topic, dropped a whizzer at my golf club on Sunday morning, cleared the bowel with ease and sprayed the walls and floor.

Unintentional but , fcukin stall was like a slaughterhouse.

kowloon · 09-06-2008 03:24PM

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Straddle the bowl as far as possible and aim the walnut towards the top back of the pan(allows for gravity and drift) a slaughterhouse.

Have you had your arse rifled?

speaktofrank · 09-06-2008 04:27PM

Run_to_da_hills wrote: »

The French don't have any toilet bouls so they either squat or stand up
Interesting link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet

Obviously you have never been to France then.
:rolleyes:

Gael23 · 21-12-2014 09:03PM

I just do it the normal persons way usually:

Sit down,
make myself conformable and ensure I'm aiming the anus correctly so as to minimise skidmarks.
Then relax the muscles down there and let it happen.

If I'm in a public place with questionable hygiene standards then i won't sit on the seat fully so my ass will be slightly raised.

I remember once I needed to do a poo in a restaurant in Italy and they had a sqaut toilet, I did what I had to do but an experience i'd rather not repeat

GLaDOS · 21-12-2014 09:08PM

Zombie thread closed

Don't bump old threads necessarily

How do you poo??

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