Faking washing hands in pubs

Thargor · 03-12-2014 12:35AM

Bizarro thread.

Armistice · 03-12-2014 12:40AM

Hooked wrote: »

So, to recap.

We pee. We turn the tap on (who everyone else who's peed has touched) and then we wash our hands.

We take these clean hands and touch the same tap again. Magic.

And then we pass under a hand dryer to seal in all that pissy goodness.

Shall I be honest? I've never given it too much thought. I piss, I leave. I touch my own knob (mostly the hinge end, it's not like I'm poking around under the hood) and I'm gone.

Im still here. And so are all of my mates that I've drank with for the last 20 years.

Jesus wept

What about respect for other people. I am sure they wouldn't be shaking your hand or letting you pass them a beer If they knew you had micky fingers.

ringadingding · 03-12-2014 12:43AM

I've done this, had a slash, got to the sink to find no soap, no dryer and no paper towels.
Tap is already on before I've assessed the situation.
At which time I bow out of being forced to wipe wet hands on my jeans.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 03-12-2014 12:44AM

I honestly wouldn't worry a whole lot about it.. I've worked in dozens of bars & clubs over the last twenty plus years, and anyone who has worked in one will tell you ~ they're the filthiest places you'll ever visit.. If most people seen a pub or a club when the doors are closed and the lights are on they'd be horrified.

Someone not washing their hands after a pee really doesn't bother me too much, like I do think its pretty dirty but they're not making the kip you're in any dirtier by not washing, trust me.

Me, I'm a washer. I try to time someone else opening a door for me, then I'll hold the door with my foot. I know that makes me a hypocrite but I'm a germpphobe in general anyway.

Hooked · 03-12-2014 12:54AM

Armistice wrote: »

What about respect for other people. I am sure they wouldn't be shaking your hand or letting you pass them a beer If they knew you had micky fingers.

I was out with 8 good friends sat night. Can't think of once I shook hands with any of them. Passing beers? The bottles and glasses we drink from are kept in the dampest, dingiest places and often not washed properly. The whole hygiene thing is done to death as far as I'm concerned.

Like I said. This is all a bit OTT.

Maybe I'm just a bit 'meh' about it all. Can't see how it's a pressing 'life or death' hygiene issue. We touch our bits. We touch a lot of other unhygienic stuff daily.

My dogs lick their bits one min and are licking me the next. I just don't her hung up on it. Some people let their dogs into their beds FFS.

What about sex? Oral, anal, all the other fun stuff (with a significant other). Do we stop to worry about who's washed what when bumping uglies? Or when we're lying in bed afterwards?

Bit more to be worrying about that lads that don't wash their hands after a piss. As for the OP, what's with lads 'faking' the wash... No. Just no.

The Strawman Argument · 03-12-2014 12:59AM

I know a guy who only buys his condoms from the machines in pub bathrooms because he's too embarrassed to buy them in a shop, he's 27.

I always wash and dry my hands pretty thoroughly. There's definitely a lot of people who just rinse their hands and acknowledge the dryer but I'd imagine they do that in any situation where they've been trained to wash their hands, I'd blame their parents and primary school teachers for not training them properly.

JONJO THE MISER · 03-12-2014 01:05AM

Armistice wrote: »

Do you mean the finger wetters who literally just wave the tips of their fingers under the tap once and then wave them under the dryer for a split second? I see them all the time in work.

There are also the ones that just don't wash. Seems to be common enough. Just wizz and walk out the door. Probably will shake hands with a few people that night.

Im one.

siblers · 03-12-2014 01:08AM

Anytime when I go to a public bathroom and someone is already in a stall or goes into one, I turn on the hand dryer to drown out the potential sound of any farthing or subsequent plops.

Crooked Jack · 03-12-2014 05:41AM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

I hate when I wash my hands and then someone who doesn't bother paws all over the door handle. I sometimes delay at the dryer until someone else opens the door for me.

Don't touch the handles in the men's toilets.

Jesus. How do you manage to leave the house in the morning?

03-12-2014 07:09AM

Yeah I've noticed it too. In fact it's endemic. This wouldn't be the time or place to go into details but I once got a (mild) dose of food poisoning at age 18 as a result of me not washing my own hands. Years later and I had a couple of jobs where hygiene was essential, handling food, sterile rooms for specialist manufacturing, that sort of thing. So I don't actually mean to "check out" other men in the pub jacks, it's just something that comes kind of instinctively to me from experience.

The fact that men will turn on the tap, leave it run while they fix their hair/check their phones/etc, then pull out a dry paper towel to dispense directly into the bin without using it is just baffling.

I mean FFS if you're going to go to all that trouble going through the motions in order for some random stranger not think you're a lazy filthy slob who literally eats his own sh!te off his own hands, then just wash your Goddamn hands for Christ's sake! It won't hurt you, you know.

Oh yeah, always always always either open the jacks door with my elbow, or if not possible pull my sleeve over my hand. Just because there isn't big brown scutter stains up and down the walls doesn't mean the people who don't wash their hands don't leave bacteria behind to share with the rest of us.

03-12-2014 07:15AM

siblers wrote: »

Anytime when I go to a public bathroom and someone is already in a stall or goes into one, I turn on the hand dryer to drown out the potential sound of any farthing or subsequent plops.

That's all well and good, but what do you do about the sound of guineas, sovereigns, and shillings?

To Elland Back · 03-12-2014 08:52AM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

I hate when I wash my hands and then someone who doesn't bother paws all over the door handle. I sometimes delay at the dryer until someone else opens the door for me.

Don't touch the handles in the men's toilets.

I do this too. I call it my pervy technique. I wait and follow some other bloke in to the jacks and try and hang back until I can follow him out the door without having to touch anything. Got to get close sometimes

Pinch Flat · 03-12-2014 12:16PM

I've trained myself just to wash my right hand - does all the holding and shaking. Saves water too.

NoCrackHaving · 03-12-2014 12:21PM

The Strawman Argument wrote: »

I know a guy who only buys his condoms from the machines in pub bathrooms because he's too embarrassed to buy them in a shop, he's 27.

Wow, how much does that end up costing? Those things are miles more expensive than a shop/pharmacy.

whisky_galore · 03-12-2014 01:10PM

Don't go to pubs or, if you go to pubs, don't go to the toilet. Problem solved.

awec · 03-12-2014 02:02PM

Paco Rodriguez wrote: »

It's their business I have on my hands once I touch the toilet door!

Going to a public bathroom in a pub and you are worried about what you touch on the toilet door? :pac:

everypenny · 03-12-2014 02:04PM

I don't see what the problem is. I have an incredibly clean penis.

Grandpa Hassan · 03-12-2014 02:11PM

Reading this thread you'd think that shaking hands with someone who hasn't washed their hands after taking a whizz, or touching a toilet door, could result in death!

Don Kedick · 03-12-2014 02:20PM

In the womens toilets they always wash their hands and have a close inspection of their faces to check if they need a make up or lipstick top up. There's always a nice smell, unlike the mens, that's why I only use womens toilets.

laugh · 03-12-2014 02:26PM

You take out your cock and hold the shaft, how is that bit of skin somehow contaminated in a way that the skin on any other part of your body is not?

- You shower in the morning.
- You put on boxers, jeans and go about your business.
- Several times during the day you take your clean cock out and have a piss.

If anything you should clean your hands before touching your cock.

sbsquarepants · 03-12-2014 02:28PM

siblers wrote: »

Anytime when I go to a public bathroom and someone is already in a stall or goes into one, I turn on the hand dryer to drown out the potential sound of any farthing or subsequent plops.

Those cubicles are for doing coke, nothing for shítting you filthy animal!

sbsquarepants · 03-12-2014 02:32PM

laugh wrote: »

You take out your cock and hold the shaft, how is that bit of skin somehow contaminated in a way that the skin on any other part of your body is not?

- You shower in the morning.
- You put on boxers, jeans and go about your business.
- Several times during the day you take your clean cock out and have a piss.

If anything you should clean your hands before touching your cock.

Away with your sense boy!
Cocks are made of germs and aids, everyone knows that. That's why I wear a johnny at all times and piss through a hole in the little nipply bit!

pockets3d · 03-12-2014 02:32PM

Gave a woman who works with me cleaning night club toiets a lift home one saturday night. Went to the pub during the week and met her son in the jacks with his fingers down his throat having a "tactical chunder", I politely refused to shake his hand while he thanked me for doing his mother a favour.

Sam Kade · 03-12-2014 02:35PM

Anyone ever eat form the communal tayto bowl on the counter more than likely laced with p from p riddled hands :eek: They did an analysis on the contents of a pub crisp bowl a few years ago and the result is that there were traces of urine on the crisps. I've never heard of anyone dying from it though.

Topper Harley · 03-12-2014 02:45PM

Sam Kade wrote: »

Anyone ever eat form the communal tayto bowl on the counter more than likely laced with p from p riddled hands :eek: They did an analysis on the contents of a pub crisp bowl a few years ago and the result is that there were traces of urine on the crisps. I've never heard of anyone dying from it though.

In all your years or research into the topic??? :P

Sam Kade · 03-12-2014 02:48PM

Topper Harley wrote: »

In all your years or research into the topic??? :P

Yeah, I keep my ears open as research.

sbsquarepants · 03-12-2014 02:48PM

Sam Kade wrote: »

Anyone ever eat form the communal tayto bowl on the counter more than likely laced with p from p riddled hands :eek: They did an analysis on the contents of a pub crisp bowl a few years ago and the result is that there were traces of urine on the crisps. I've never heard of anyone dying from it though.

Eat from one. I've never even seen one!

Sam Kade · 03-12-2014 02:50PM

awec wrote: »

Going to a public bathroom in a pub and you are worried about what you touch on the toilet door? :pac:

No way, they have baths in pubs now

03-12-2014 03:21PM

Paco Rodriguez wrote: »

It's so pathetic. Has anyone seen this carry on? While at the urinal a some guy just turns the tap on and then the drier....without actually putting his hand under either.

So he's conscious of needing to be seen be hygienic but doesn't want to bother cleaning his hands. I don't understand this behaviour, can someone please explain?

Very good witty comment need not apply.

I always thought the etic in men's loos when using a urinal was that you don't look at the other men there.

TommyKnocker · 03-12-2014 03:46PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

I hate when I wash my hands and then someone who doesn't bother paws all over the door handle. I sometimes delay at the dryer until someone else opens the door for me.

Don't touch the handles in the men's toilets.

Let me guess, then you go out and buy a drink. Take the change off the bar man in your hands. God knows how many unwashed hands the money passed through. Then you open up your packet of peanuts/crisps and proceed to eat them using.....

.... yes, your hands. Or do you live your life in a HazMat suit and rubber golves?

Faking washing hands in pubs

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