Advice on how to disappear, what is the best way to go about disappearing ?

amdublin · 26-11-2014 02:08PM

Op, instead of family is there a friend you can tell?

Penny Tration · 26-11-2014 02:18PM

The fact that you say you're terrified, and the mention of being envious of the girl applying for jobs would indicate to me that you're running away from something.

For that reason, talk to someone. A gp will not break your confidence.

I have my suspicions as to what you're running from, but nothing is insurmountable. Talk to someone, anyone.

At the absolute least, contact your family if you leave. Do NOT let them think you're dead. Don't hurt them like that, and don't waste police resources that could be used for a person who is actually missing.

StormWarrior · 26-11-2014 02:20PM

It's going to be virtually impossible to disappear these days without being caught. Firstly your family will report you missing and the police will investigate. There is cctv everywhere so they'll probably be able to track your every movement. A disguise may not help, they have facial recognition and programmes that analyse your gait and all sorts so they'll probably know exactly where you went.

I don't know about the ferry from Ireland to the UK, but the plane and the ferries from the UK to Europe require passports. The UK isn't a member of the Schengen zone and so you have to show your passport going from the UK to Europe. I've gotten the ferry from the UK to France and Denmark several times and have always been asked for my passport.

If you stay in Ireland your disappearance may be publicised, the police may ask around on the streets as well as checking cctv, you'll be found.

What happens when you run out of money? Will you beg/become a prostitute/turn to crime? What if you need medical treatment? Will they treat you without money or ID?

Seriously this is just unrealistic. You can get a fresh start moving away but staying in touch with your family. At least then if you run out of money they can send you some. If you disappear and the police find you or you have to cave in and go home, think about how awful it will be trying to explain that.

Stavro Mueller · 26-11-2014 02:25PM

Has your life been threatened? Can you not just go to the guards?

skallywag · 26-11-2014 02:26PM

OP if you want to remain undiscovered then you are really going to have to tell your family that you have left of your own accord and nothing untoward has happened to you.

cloudatlas · 26-11-2014 02:38PM

Like most here I think you should try talking to someone about this before you do anything, like a g.p. or the Samaritans. Make sure you've explored every possibility before you make such a huge decision.

Could you leave a note with a trusted friend and ask that they send it to your family in three weeks time saying that 'you've gone travelling, and you're okay'. It just seems excessively cruel to allow your family to worry like that.

StormWarrior · 26-11-2014 02:45PM

By the way, something I forgot to say. An added horror for your family if you go missing is that, until your safety has been ascertained, your family will be treated as suspects by the police. 11 years ago a friend of mine ran away. She was sick of her boyfriend and had been seeing another man behind his back. She ran away with him without telling anyone. Not knowing what had happened to her, her family called the police. The police searched their house and treated them as suspects until she was found. And by the way, her relationship with her family never recovered.

Have you ever heard of Richey from the Manic Street Preachers? He disappeared in 1995. His family are devastated and 20 years later his sister still goes on TV appealing for information and begging him to get in contact. They say having someone disappear on you is worse than if they'd died, because if they're dead at least you know what happened to them.

K.Flyer · 26-11-2014 03:07PM

Is this a terminal health issue?
As a parent I appeal to you to at least tell your parents that you are leaving to go travelling and that you will be safe, it is the very least you can do for them, otherwise they will be heartbroken.
If you have problems, talk. Talk to someone..
If you need space and time alone, then just say so, just let them know something and make the odd phone call to let them know you are ok.
But please, do not just dissappear, that would be very cruel and painful. Just take a moment to consider if someone that you loved dearly just vanished without a trace.
You don't need to tell them everything, you can keep it simple by saying that you just need to travel and see the world and that you will keep in touch.
Best of luck.

Neyite · 26-11-2014 03:27PM

It sounds like you are afraid of someone.

What you need to remember is, that if you DON'T tell your family, whoever you don't want looking for you, will have a whole heap of people helping track you down - the Gardai, people on Facebook will share it, shop owners will double check their CCTV, forums such as boards regularly put up threads appealing for information in missing cases.

So for that reason alone, you need to inform your family - maybe even by note initially left behind you, then by email if its appropriate once you are settled in your new life. So that they don't inadvertently help the very people you want to disappear from.

There might be organisations that help you to plan, how to ensure you cover your tracks, for instance, some domestic abuse organisations, to help prevent someone from tracking you down. Its worth contacting Amen to see what they can advise. Here is a check-list for women who are fleeing DV situations, a lot of it is not applicable to you, here is one for a stalker situation - maybe not comprehensive enough for your unique situation but a starting point of the list that you'll need to compile.

The very best of luck to you OP, I hope it works out for you.

Rubberchikken · 26-11-2014 03:47PM

Have you anyone to talk to?

I've often wondered what it would be like to disappear especially when life is tough but then I think if my family and how hurt they'd be.
Also unhappiness here will only travel with you.

Think long and hard before making any decision.
Take care

Earl Turner · 26-11-2014 03:59PM

A far better idea would be to tell us what you are running away from and see what advice can be given, rather than following through with this silly idea of disappearing.

LegacyUser · 26-11-2014 04:26PM

My brothers first year in college his roommate faked his own death to escape his family (religious hardliners apparently) He'd already cut contact with them, moved to another country to go to college but they kept annoying him so he decided to disappear. No one knew he had faked his death (made it look like he'd committed suicide by drowning) and it deeply upset my brother and several other friends from college as they felt they'd done something wrong not being able to help him. It was only a year ago (nearly 8 years after the fact) that my brother discovered he was in fact alive. My brother was very upset as he had spent years thinking he'd failed his friend and had to get counselling for a number of years after. He understood the guy was desperate to escape his family but to traumatise other people like that was uncalled for.

And it didn't work in the end, his family tracked him down after 5 years.

Now his family were religious zealots and with no body refused to believe he'd died so kept looking. If you don't tell your family they will either look for you or if they think your dead they will be beyond upset - my brother was distraught for a college roommate, image how your family would react!

disappear4321 · 26-11-2014 04:40PM

skallywag wrote: »

While the electronic trail aspect is certainly true, it is still quite easy to drop off the radar if one tries hard enough.

OP, I would think your biggest challenge is going to be funding your initial survival before you get an income stream going, do you have access to cash that you can take with you? The next challenge you are going to face is the psychological battle of being alone and in a foreign place. Do not underestimate this, unless you are very comfortable with your own company you are going to find it extremely difficult to cope. Some people cannot cope at all on their own for even short spans of time, while those who are more introverted fare much better. You really need to think very carefully about this.

How exactly would I go about making sure as best as I can that I don't leave an electronic trail behind me, cctv mobile phone etc

I am comfortable in my own company so hopefully being on my own when I go through with this won't be any problem for me

disappear4321 · 26-11-2014 04:45PM

Earl Turner wrote: »

A far better idea would be to tell us what you are running away from and see what advice can be given, rather than following through with this silly idea of disappearing.

I can't just say publicly on here what I'm running away from, its too much info to give away

LegacyUser · 26-11-2014 04:47PM

disappear4321 wrote: »

How exactly would I go about making sure as best as I can that I don't leave an electronic trail behind me, cctv mobile phone etc

I am comfortable in my own company so hopefully being on my own when I go through with this won't be any problem for me

OP you can travel so far without leaving a trail by paying cash/not taking commercial air travel etc etc but you will leave a trail when you enter a country using your passport and when looking for work you need a visa depending on the country.
Any advice on how to avoid this would be promoting illegal activities.

Are you planning to 'disappear' for good or for a set amount of time? If your going for a limited time and bring enough cash you can legally travel around a lot of South Asia (but again would still need a passport) If your planning to go forever then the only way to not be tracked is to go off the grid which requires both planning and skills that it doesn't sound like you have.

Earl Turner · 26-11-2014 04:53PM

disappear4321 wrote: »

I can't just say publicly on here what I'm running away from, its too much info to give away

Surely you can give us some idea?

Will be very difficult to avoid the electronic trail. CCTV is everywhere and any ticket you buy will be recorded. Maybe you could stage your suicide first, worked for the canoe guy, for awhile.

Earl Turner · 26-11-2014 04:55PM

Then again his wife was in on it so that probably won't work for you.

sashafierce · 26-11-2014 05:22PM

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The Governor · 26-11-2014 05:53PM

Well one thing I'd say is if he happens to need to disappear due to drugs or something he probably doesn't want his family to know in case whoever comes after them to find out where he's gone I should think, so its not being selfish I'd say.

Better they be grieving than Jonno and Decco beating his parents around the house looking to know here he is.

Strangely enough if this happens to be genuinely serious OP, I also thought of the French Foreign Legion, if your fit and are up to it. The main reason being you are actually given a new name and French identity initially, which you can decide to retain or go back to your old one once your there for a year or two. You could keep the new identity and they issue you French citizenship, passport, etc in your new identity so there would be no way of tracking you. Very Cold War esque advice but its what you asked for!

sashafierce · 26-11-2014 05:57PM

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power pants · 26-11-2014 06:01PM

My friend who is a good bit older than me (late 40s) joined the French foreign legion. It is not for people looking to join on a whim and is or was very hard to get out of too.

This whole thread is very odd and really hope the op starts thinking a little more coherently

The Governor · 26-11-2014 06:07PM

power pants wrote: »

My friend who is a good bit older than me (late 40s) joined the French foreign legion. It is not for people looking to join on a whim and is or was very hard to get out of too.

Yeah would agree with this, thats why I'd was saying he would want to be fit at least, I know a couple lads that joined it, more outta the adventure side than trying to disappear though, though saying that they did mention a couple guys that were doing what the OP is trying to do. Just figured it would give more structure than sleeping in doorways in the UK or where ever like he mentioned.

skallywag · 26-11-2014 06:07PM

power pants wrote: »

My friend who is a good bit older than me (late 40s) joined the French foreign legion. It is not for people looking to join on a whim and is or was very hard to get out of too.

This whole thread is very odd and really hope the op starts thinking a little more coherently

He must have joined then when he was younger, there is an upper limit of 39.

Penny Tration · 26-11-2014 06:12PM

Op, you're obviously determined to leave your family in absolute hell, despite the advice to the contrary.

For this reason, I'm exiting this thread, but wish you all the best, and I hope your family assume you're dead, and grieve, instead of wasting their lives looking for you.

The Governor · 26-11-2014 06:13PM

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Well if they know he's left then they really will be tormented as they will def assume the parents know where he's gone.

Of course we're both assuming something like the above but I suppose his rational (if he is of sound mind and I hope he is) is if theres a public appeal, Gardai, etc its better for him and them. For instance if you are after him for a large debt and the Gardai are looking into his disappearance you wouldn't chance going to the parents as you'd be suspect number one really and they'd assume you had something to do with it.

sashafierce · 26-11-2014 06:23PM

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LegacyUser · 26-11-2014 06:47PM

The Governor wrote: »

Strangely enough if this happens to be genuinely serious OP, I also thought of the French Foreign Legion, if your fit and are up to it. The main reason being you are actually given a new name and French identity initially, which you can decide to retain or go back to your old one once your there for a year or two. You could keep the new identity and they issue you French citizenship, passport, etc in your new identity so there would be no way of tracking you. Very Cold War esque advice but its what you asked for!

Not entirely true. For security reasons, the French Foreign Legion actually do proper research into the past of new volunteers nowadays, and you are only granted a new identity if you ask for it and generally NOT if you have a criminal record. Also, you only get to keep your new identity if you take on French citizenship.

Oh, and they also put recruits through some tough medical examinations, including psychological testing. I think that's something to keep in mind when you leave behind a family you claim to love dearly but who you are willing to put through hell.

Littlekittylou · 26-11-2014 07:14PM

People here are being very naive and very narrow minded.

A person has the right to be forgotten.

Perhaps this person has a predator who is intent on finding them and has the means to evade the guards. Perhaps there family is part of the problem or the abuse.

There are ways to do this without using illegal means or fake documents.

There is a guy called Frank Ahearn. He wrote a few books about why people might need or want to do this. He also offers his services to people who can afford them.

People are perhaps very naive. There are a lot of bad people out there with resources and knowledge who don't have who might go to great lengths to hurt the innocent or innocuous.

I don't know what your situation is. Whether you are wealthy or impoverished. But there are healthy ways to do this. You can 'disappear' to some and still be totally available to those you love. Figure out who you need to 'disappear' from.

Not all people who need to disappear have a murky past.

'There are people who can help you and even create disinformation. Or a false online persona. What is important when someone disappears is to create disinformation. You cannot just disappear, you need to trick the predator,” says Ahearn. This means keeping them busy with false leads.'

There was a ruling in the Court of European justice last may I think about the right to be forgotten.

I respect people's privacy.

The OP might be surprised people are more savy and understanding than the OP might think.

If you have negative information that is popping up with a google search you can hire websites to push that negative info down through website suppression. You can have an online presence that differentiates from yourself. You may build up protective info.

Be careful though some people abuse this stuff.

There are ways to do this safely in a healthy way and without hurting others.

There might be a reason the OP has extreme privacy needs or whatever. So we should be open minded.

You can do it legally without hurting others or yourself.

But you have to allow the rights of others too OP. Remember that.

disappear4321 · 26-11-2014 07:18PM

I'm not involved with drugs and I dont owe money out, please stop speculating as to why I want to disappear

what documents would I need if I wanted to go about joining the French foreign legion ? I've never heard of it before

skallywag · 26-11-2014 07:22PM

disappear4321 wrote: »

what documents would I need if I wanted to go about joining the French foreign legion ? I've never heard of it before

http://foreignlegion.info/joining/

Unless you fancy being a soldier in a warzone and either are or are willing to become very very fit then I would seriously forget that idea.

Advice on how to disappear, what is the best way to go about disappearing ?

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