Advice on how to disappear, what is the best way to go about disappearing ?

disappear4321

Firstly just to clarify this isn't about suicide, I don't feel suicidal, I've no intention to commit suicide

I need advice on how to disappear, if anyone has successfully disappeared from their previous life could you please advise me on the most efficient way to go about it.

Also if anyone has tried to disappear before but failed & went back to living normally could you explain how you failed to disappear

I live at home with my family who I will miss dearly soon, I need to get this done before Christmas & the new year so I'm under time pressure, once I leave home I won't have access to money food or other clothes

Options I've considered are:
picking a random flight to a random country & see how I get on from there
stay here but live on the streets
try move in with a stranger from the streets maybe ?

none of this sounds good, hence why I need advice on disappearing please, what's the best way to disappear ?

BMBM123

Why so you feel the need to disappear? I'm intrigued.

Well you need money for starters so I would clear your bank accounts. Second if you dont want to be found then don't book a flight because your passport can be traced. I would get the ferry. I don't see how living on the streets would help esp if you don't want to be found, ireland is smaller then you think and someone you know may see you. Ferry to uk then maybe France or wherever after that would be what I would do anyway. I hope your ok, I wouldn't recommend running though no matter what the problem is there is always a way out. Also think how your family will feel, how would you feel if your mum or dad done the same? Think carefully before doing this

LifesgoodwithLG

Hi there,

First of all I wish you the best.

My friends brother disappeared and for over 1000 days they lived in hell wondering where he was , if he was okay or in trouble etc. honestly I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I am not going to try and convince you not to disappear however please let your family know that you are safe.

OP one thing I have learned is that we usually bring out troubles with us.

I can imagine why people 'fail' at disappearing is that they run out of money and miss their family too much.

Whatever happens please be safe





-mod snip of OP-

DoYouEvenLift

Fly to a cheap place like Thailand or Philippines and just live there I guess? You can do that teach English abroad stuff over there too and in your free time could also learn and give scuba diving lessons

Tokyo

OP,

I'm not going to give you any advice on how to pack up and disappear, because running away is never a solution in my opinion. You say that you have a loving family who you would miss dearly, so whatever it is that is troubling you to the point where you feel that you have to leave, I guarantee you that it's not so big that they won't be able to help you through it. Right now it sounds like you are panicking about something, and not thinking things through.

I urge you to talk to your family or a professional about whatever is urging you to leave without giving any notice - there are far too many families out there who spend every day wondering where their children are, if they are ever coming home, and indeed, if they are even alive.

Please seek help as soon as possible.

mapaca

OP, have you thought this through carefully? It sounds like you are in a panic for whatever reason. You say you will miss your family dearly - if you disappear so suddenly you will leave them frantic with worry. Are you sure that is the best course of action? There is always another way.

disappear4321

BMBM123 wrote: »

Why so you feel the need to disappear? I'm intrigued.

Well you need money for starters so I would clear your bank accounts. Second if you dont want to be found then don't book a flight because your passport can be traced. I would get the ferry. I don't see how living on the streets would help esp if you don't want to be found, ireland is smaller then you think and someone you know may see you. Ferry to uk then maybe France or wherever after that would be what I would do anyway. I hope your ok, I wouldn't recommend running though no matter what the problem is there is always a way out. Also think how your family will feel, how would you feel if your mum or dad done the same? Think carefully before doing this

A fresh start in life is the main reason why I need to disappear

I have thought about carrying out the actual act of disappearing for months now, but haven't thought about it thoroughly in detail i.e what to do & where to go

Ah yeah passports with flights, but could I not also be possibly tracked by purchasing a ticket for a ferry with my bank details ? Can you pay for ferry tickets with cash by any chance do you know ?

Penny Tration

disappear4321 wrote: »

A fresh start in life is the main reason why I need to disappear

I have thought about carrying out the actual act of disappearing for months now, but haven't thought about it thoroughly in detail i.e what to do & where to go

Ah yeah passports with flights, but could I not also be possibly tracked by purchasing a ticket for a ferry with my bank details ? Can you pay for ferry tickets with cash by any chance do you know ?

Why does a fresh start mean disappearing?

If you loved your family, you would NEVER put them through the sheer and utter hell that you're planning to inflict on them.

I urge you to go speak to your gp. What you're planning is not rational.

Tokyo

disappear4321 wrote: »

A fresh start in life is the main reason why I need to disappear

Have you thought about what just disappearing without notice will do to your family? They would quite literally not know if you are dead or alive, and would have to live with that not knowing for the rest of their lives, if you were to follow through with this. I can't think of anything more torturous.

Nobody here is suggesting you shouldn't get a fresh start if that's what you feel you need, however please inform your family of your plans first.

Akrasia

If you have your mind made up, the very minimum you owe to your family and friends is that you leave a letter explaining what you're doing and why.


If you feel the need to leave, don't leave causing unnecessary suffering and anguish behind you

BMBM123

I'm not sure id imagine you could though? While I don't recommend it if it's what you need to do then your going to do it, but I would ask you to please leave it until after christmas for your family's sake. New year new start new you think of it that way and best of luck

LegacyUser

mike_ie wrote: »

Have you thought about what just disappearing without notice will do to your family? They would quite literally not know if you are dead or alive, and would have to live with that not knowing for the rest of their lives, if you were to follow through with this. I can't think of anything more torturous.

Nobody here is suggesting you shouldn't get a fresh start if that's what you feel you need, however please inform your family of your plans first.

+ 1 You can move away to start fresh but tell your family your going, you don't need to give them all the details of where or how but you should make them aware your going away of your own free choice. If you just up and disappear then they will look for you as they may fear you've been taken or are injured somewhere. If they get the authorities involved it will be easier for them to track you as in order to work anywhere in the UK you will need to prove your nationality and outside of the EU you would need your passport to enter and for most a visa to work - all of these can be tracked.

I know several people who've wanted clean brakes and moved to other countries. An uncle moved to Asia and in 20 years the family has heard maybe a handful of times from him but he made it clear he was leaving and family could reach him via email or his work phone in an emergency but it would be an emergency for anyone here to get in touch with him as everyone understood his reasons. He also planned to leave for a while and had saved enough to get by for a while until he decided where he was going. I've friends who left for Australia and Canada and decided to make it a clean brake and told people they wouldn't be in touch once they left - their choice and most respected that. All these people left family and friends behind but didn't leave problems or major responsibilities behind them, they just weren't happy were they were and needed to leave.

If your running from something or someone it's different. If someone is being violent towards there are groups that help people get away from violent partners/family but it's different to just being feed up and wanting to get away. If your running because you think you will leave responsibilities either financial or family related behind you'll find it's not that easy. You don't get to just walk away.

amdublin

A fresh start sounds great - and many people do it all the time. I admire people like that so much.

But why do you need to "disappear" to get this fresh start?

And what exactly is it you are disappearing from? Do you have a job at the moment? Is it a fresh start from that?
Or is it something else going on with your life?

Please please think of your family and how they will feel if you just disappear. Please tell them your plans for a new start.

R.D. aka MR.D

You can get a fresh start by simply moving.

You don't have to live on the streets, just plan ahead a little bit. Save some money.

Think about if you disappear how much time people will waste looking for you. They would be better off doing other things. Or is this your aim by 'disappearing', having people make a fuss over you?

Eeden

Obviously, for whatever reason unknown to us, you want to leave your identity behind.

That could be money/debt reasons, relationship reasons, criminal reasons, you can't tell us. It's all very intriguing and we can speculate all we like, but you're not going to tell us, of course.

But before you do any of this, you should realise that you are going to ruin the lives of the people who love you (for the rest of their lives), unless you do something to reassure them that you are safe. You don't have to tell them where you are, or why, but you should at least let them know somehow that you have gone missing voluntarily and that you don't want them to look for you.

ceadaoin.

Can you not just have a fresh start by moving somewhere else and telling your family first? People do it all the time.

Or by family do you mean wife and kids and you want to absolve yourself of any responsibility. Either way it's a horrible thing to do to people you love, but more so if there are children involved.

You should either deal with whatever it is you want to disappear from or go about it legitimately.

SATSUMA

You are not thinking clearly.

There is a better way to live and feel than what you are experiencing now but you owe it to yourself at least to make a considered safe plan for the future.

Reach out and talk to someone about this asap. A therapist/ samaritans/ priest/ friend, anyone.

piperh

You must be in a desperate frame of mind to consider such a drastic move. Please think about talking it out before doing anything rash.

If you decide to go ahead then please tell the family or at the very least leave a letter. And follow it up with regular letters telling them you are ok, a letter might narrow down an area its posted from but thats all.

Yes if you turn up at ferry port you can buy a ticket cash and go as a walk on passenger.
You will need to use your passport but its unlikely to be flagged unless you are running from some serious law issues and they expect you to flee, in which case you would likely be in custody. Again they'd be able to tell area but that's all.

My advice would be stay and face whatever the problem is, remember you running only creates problems and concern for those left behind.

Cpt Sh!t Craic

Sounds like you just need to clear you head man. It happens to everyone every now and then.

The best thing I ever did was going to south east Asia for 3 months.

I'm not saying you have to travel, but it allowed me to switch off for a bit. I deleted my facebook etc and turned off my phone.

I just gave my mammy the odd text because she worries...

Oryx

I know a whole family who had to uproot and dissappear. There was a serious reason. It wasnt that hard, they moved country. The key thing was though, that they told those closest to them that they were going (though not where). They also still keep in touch with one or two family members. This meant that noone looked for them, or got the police to look. Which is the key thing.

I don't know why you want to go, or why you plan to leave in such a cruel way. It is possible to do it but wrong on a lot of levels and is less likely to succeed if you tell noone at all. They will look for you!! Bear in mind too that you will bring your problems with you, along with a whole host of new ones like loneliness, poverty, and guilt. It may seem like a solution to just disappear, but I think the reality of it will shock you.

amdublin

Op why do you want to disappear?

kylith

If you need to get away why not move to Asia as an English teacher? You need only have minimal contact with your family and it will give you the chance to get away and clear your head that you obviously need.

Please don't just vanish. They will spend the rest of their lives worried sick. Every time a body is found up the mountains or pulled out of a river they'll wonder if it's you. They will never know if you're alive or if you're chained in someone's cellar or if you died in fear and agony at the hands of some nutter, and I'm sure you don't want to do that to them. If you have to go, at least tell them that you are going, and arrange some way of letting them know that you're alive and safe.

LegacyUser

I know someone who disappeared ( their family knew ) because of drugs, they went to the Uk and got rid of their phone and closed their Facebook account it did work our for them and it got them away form a lifestyle that was going nowhere. They now have a job and a life they wouldn't have had here.

Earl Turner

If you're male and have the physical capability you could try and join the French Foreign Legion. Many have done that to escape their former lives. The downside would be the brutal training regime and the fact that you might have to die for France in some African ****hole.

Let's be honest though, in this day and age you have no chance of disappearing. You can travel to the other side of the world and leave an electronic trail behind you. If someone really wants to find you, they will.

Stavro Mueller

Have you done something illegal? That was the first thought that crossed my mind. I should think even if you try to pay by cash at a ferry these days they'll keep a record of who's coming on board.

disappear4321

Hi everyone OP here

I can't individually reply to each of your posts

I feel that I can't tell my family that I'm going away even though it would be the right thing to do, in my opinion if I tell them then there's a very high chance for some particular reason that I won't end up disappearing & I need to, so I can't talk to them

I have no wife and children

I can't give many more details about myself away just in case starting this thread in the first place somehow tracks me or follows me

someone mentioned would I be attention seeking, unfortunately Im not attention seeking, I'm terrified to be honest I've never experienced anything like this before

There's a girl (who is a stranger) sitting close to me listening to xmas songs & applying for jobs, I envy her I must admit

disappear4321

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

Have you done something illegal? That was the first thought that crossed my mind. I should think even if you try to pay by cash at a ferry these days they'll keep a record of who's coming on board.

I haven't done anything illegal that should stop me from boarding a ferry

SeanSouth

As a minimum, leave a note behind you.

Oryx

As I mentioned earlier, if you go, contact your family from wherever you end up. It will reassure them you are ok, so they do not have an official search mounted, or launch a huge appeal through social media. It will also be good for you to have that contact, and you dont have to give details of where you are. It may even allow your family to protect you from whatever youre fleeing, by not leaking info to the wrong person inadvertently.

disappear4321

disappear4321 wrote: »

Hi everyone OP here

I can't individually reply to each of your posts

I feel that I can't tell my family that I'm going away even though it would be the right thing to do, in my opinion if I tell them then there's a very high chance for some particular reason that I won't end up disappearing & I need to, so I can't talk to them

I have no wife and children

I can't give many more details about myself away just in case starting this thread in the first place somehow tracks me or follows me

someone mentioned would I be attention seeking, unfortunately Im not attention seeking, I'm terrified to be honest I've never experienced anything like this before

There's a girl (who is a stranger) sitting close to me listening to xmas songs & applying for jobs, I envy her I must admit

You cant put you family through something like that even if you cant tell them before you go, at least let them know you are alright and keep in touch a bit,

skallywag

Earl Turner wrote: »

You can travel to the other side of the world and leave an electronic trail behind you. If someone really wants to find you, they will.

While the electronic trail aspect is certainly true, it is still quite easy to drop off the radar if one tries hard enough.

OP, I would think your biggest challenge is going to be funding your initial survival before you get an income stream going, do you have access to cash that you can take with you? The next challenge you are going to face is the psychological battle of being alone and in a foreign place. Do not underestimate this, unless you are very comfortable with your own company you are going to find it extremely difficult to cope. Some people cannot cope at all on their own for even short spans of time, while those who are more introverted fare much better. You really need to think very carefully about this.

I am not sure if you are planning to inform your family or not, but I would also advise that you do so.

Put a lot of thought into this before you make your final decision, and good luck.

amdublin

Op, instead of family is there a friend you can tell?

Penny Tration

The fact that you say you're terrified, and the mention of being envious of the girl applying for jobs would indicate to me that you're running away from something.

For that reason, talk to someone. A gp will not break your confidence.

I have my suspicions as to what you're running from, but nothing is insurmountable. Talk to someone, anyone.

At the absolute least, contact your family if you leave. Do NOT let them think you're dead. Don't hurt them like that, and don't waste police resources that could be used for a person who is actually missing.

StormWarrior

It's going to be virtually impossible to disappear these days without being caught. Firstly your family will report you missing and the police will investigate. There is cctv everywhere so they'll probably be able to track your every movement. A disguise may not help, they have facial recognition and programmes that analyse your gait and all sorts so they'll probably know exactly where you went.

I don't know about the ferry from Ireland to the UK, but the plane and the ferries from the UK to Europe require passports. The UK isn't a member of the Schengen zone and so you have to show your passport going from the UK to Europe. I've gotten the ferry from the UK to France and Denmark several times and have always been asked for my passport.

If you stay in Ireland your disappearance may be publicised, the police may ask around on the streets as well as checking cctv, you'll be found.

What happens when you run out of money? Will you beg/become a prostitute/turn to crime? What if you need medical treatment? Will they treat you without money or ID?

Seriously this is just unrealistic. You can get a fresh start moving away but staying in touch with your family. At least then if you run out of money they can send you some. If you disappear and the police find you or you have to cave in and go home, think about how awful it will be trying to explain that.

Stavro Mueller

Has your life been threatened? Can you not just go to the guards?

skallywag

OP if you want to remain undiscovered then you are really going to have to tell your family that you have left of your own accord and nothing untoward has happened to you.

cloudatlas

Like most here I think you should try talking to someone about this before you do anything, like a g.p. or the Samaritans. Make sure you've explored every possibility before you make such a huge decision.

Could you leave a note with a trusted friend and ask that they send it to your family in three weeks time saying that 'you've gone travelling, and you're okay'. It just seems excessively cruel to allow your family to worry like that.

StormWarrior

By the way, something I forgot to say. An added horror for your family if you go missing is that, until your safety has been ascertained, your family will be treated as suspects by the police. 11 years ago a friend of mine ran away. She was sick of her boyfriend and had been seeing another man behind his back. She ran away with him without telling anyone. Not knowing what had happened to her, her family called the police. The police searched their house and treated them as suspects until she was found. And by the way, her relationship with her family never recovered.

Have you ever heard of Richey from the Manic Street Preachers? He disappeared in 1995. His family are devastated and 20 years later his sister still goes on TV appealing for information and begging him to get in contact. They say having someone disappear on you is worse than if they'd died, because if they're dead at least you know what happened to them.

K.Flyer

Is this a terminal health issue?
As a parent I appeal to you to at least tell your parents that you are leaving to go travelling and that you will be safe, it is the very least you can do for them, otherwise they will be heartbroken.
If you have problems, talk. Talk to someone..
If you need space and time alone, then just say so, just let them know something and make the odd phone call to let them know you are ok.
But please, do not just dissappear, that would be very cruel and painful. Just take a moment to consider if someone that you loved dearly just vanished without a trace.
You don't need to tell them everything, you can keep it simple by saying that you just need to travel and see the world and that you will keep in touch.
Best of luck.

Neyite

It sounds like you are afraid of someone.

What you need to remember is, that if you DON'T tell your family, whoever you don't want looking for you, will have a whole heap of people helping track you down - the Gardai, people on Facebook will share it, shop owners will double check their CCTV, forums such as boards regularly put up threads appealing for information in missing cases.

So for that reason alone, you need to inform your family - maybe even by note initially left behind you, then by email if its appropriate once you are settled in your new life. So that they don't inadvertently help the very people you want to disappear from.

There might be organisations that help you to plan, how to ensure you cover your tracks, for instance, some domestic abuse organisations, to help prevent someone from tracking you down. Its worth contacting Amen to see what they can advise. Here is a check-list for women who are fleeing DV situations, a lot of it is not applicable to you, here is one for a stalker situation - maybe not comprehensive enough for your unique situation but a starting point of the list that you'll need to compile.

The very best of luck to you OP, I hope it works out for you.

Rubberchikken

Have you anyone to talk to?

I've often wondered what it would be like to disappear especially when life is tough but then I think if my family and how hurt they'd be.
Also unhappiness here will only travel with you.

Think long and hard before making any decision.
Take care

Earl Turner

A far better idea would be to tell us what you are running away from and see what advice can be given, rather than following through with this silly idea of disappearing.

LegacyUser

My brothers first year in college his roommate faked his own death to escape his family (religious hardliners apparently) He'd already cut contact with them, moved to another country to go to college but they kept annoying him so he decided to disappear. No one knew he had faked his death (made it look like he'd committed suicide by drowning) and it deeply upset my brother and several other friends from college as they felt they'd done something wrong not being able to help him. It was only a year ago (nearly 8 years after the fact) that my brother discovered he was in fact alive. My brother was very upset as he had spent years thinking he'd failed his friend and had to get counselling for a number of years after. He understood the guy was desperate to escape his family but to traumatise other people like that was uncalled for.

And it didn't work in the end, his family tracked him down after 5 years.

Now his family were religious zealots and with no body refused to believe he'd died so kept looking. If you don't tell your family they will either look for you or if they think your dead they will be beyond upset - my brother was distraught for a college roommate, image how your family would react!

disappear4321

skallywag wrote: »

While the electronic trail aspect is certainly true, it is still quite easy to drop off the radar if one tries hard enough.

OP, I would think your biggest challenge is going to be funding your initial survival before you get an income stream going, do you have access to cash that you can take with you? The next challenge you are going to face is the psychological battle of being alone and in a foreign place. Do not underestimate this, unless you are very comfortable with your own company you are going to find it extremely difficult to cope. Some people cannot cope at all on their own for even short spans of time, while those who are more introverted fare much better. You really need to think very carefully about this.

How exactly would I go about making sure as best as I can that I don't leave an electronic trail behind me, cctv mobile phone etc

I am comfortable in my own company so hopefully being on my own when I go through with this won't be any problem for me

disappear4321

Earl Turner wrote: »

A far better idea would be to tell us what you are running away from and see what advice can be given, rather than following through with this silly idea of disappearing.

I can't just say publicly on here what I'm running away from, its too much info to give away

LegacyUser

disappear4321 wrote: »

How exactly would I go about making sure as best as I can that I don't leave an electronic trail behind me, cctv mobile phone etc

I am comfortable in my own company so hopefully being on my own when I go through with this won't be any problem for me

OP you can travel so far without leaving a trail by paying cash/not taking commercial air travel etc etc but you will leave a trail when you enter a country using your passport and when looking for work you need a visa depending on the country.
Any advice on how to avoid this would be promoting illegal activities.

Are you planning to 'disappear' for good or for a set amount of time? If your going for a limited time and bring enough cash you can legally travel around a lot of South Asia (but again would still need a passport) If your planning to go forever then the only way to not be tracked is to go off the grid which requires both planning and skills that it doesn't sound like you have.

Earl Turner

disappear4321 wrote: »

I can't just say publicly on here what I'm running away from, its too much info to give away

Surely you can give us some idea?

Will be very difficult to avoid the electronic trail. CCTV is everywhere and any ticket you buy will be recorded. Maybe you could stage your suicide first, worked for the canoe guy, for awhile.

Earl Turner

Then again his wife was in on it so that probably won't work for you.

sashafierce

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The Governor

Well one thing I'd say is if he happens to need to disappear due to drugs or something he probably doesn't want his family to know in case whoever comes after them to find out where he's gone I should think, so its not being selfish I'd say.

Better they be grieving than Jonno and Decco beating his parents around the house looking to know here he is.

Strangely enough if this happens to be genuinely serious OP, I also thought of the French Foreign Legion, if your fit and are up to it. The main reason being you are actually given a new name and French identity initially, which you can decide to retain or go back to your old one once your there for a year or two. You could keep the new identity and they issue you French citizenship, passport, etc in your new identity so there would be no way of tracking you. Very Cold War esque advice but its what you asked for!

sashafierce

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