The staggering price of weddings in this country.

lazygal · 22-10-2014 02:01PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Cant see how that would be trashy, trashy would be walking up the aisle after sleeping with the best man mins before the wedding in a see through skimpy dress... Figuring out who to invite and ways to do it is far from trashy

How to invite people:
Write a list of who you want to invite.
Send them an invitation.

Second and third 'rounds' wouldn't go down well. If someone doesn't make the 'cut' why would you send them a second team invite?

Milly33 · 22-10-2014 02:02PM

Cant see why but again each to their own... If anyone is offended by being invited or not then that's their problem to put it nicely..Me thinks trashy might be the wrong word

It comes back to having a huge family!! have all the friends sorted but their is always politics on the family invite side, I know many wont go but will be moaning if they don't get an invite so, as such you could invite the ones you know in fairness aren't going to go first so as not to be wasting more time, and then you know you are free to invite the rest.. Ye would be surprised how many people do this... It wouldn't bother me I would like to think I am bigger than having a hissy because I got a second round invite..

eviltwin · 22-10-2014 02:04PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Cant see why but again each to their own... If anyone is offended by being invited or not then that's their problem to put it nicely..Me thinks trashy might be the wrong

If I knew I was only asked to a wedding because someone better couldn't make it I'd be pretty pissed off at that.

lazygal · 22-10-2014 02:13PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Ye would be surprised how many people do this... It wouldn't bother me I would like to think I am bigger than having a hissy because I got a second round invite..

I would be very surprised to be invited to a wedding because someone else declined and a 'spot' opened up.
I wouldn't be having a hissy fit, but I would probably wonder why I didn't make the cut first time and whether I should bother going at all.

Milly33 · 22-10-2014 02:15PM

See there you go straight away ye are thinking well why wasn't I on the first list! Which isn't really the case, it is just ok especially with family there is politics involved so if you have a huge family and you can not invite everyone it is a way of trying to invite everyone. No one knows if they were asked before this cousin or that cousin and it isn't really about favourites it is just being sensible about it...

Milly33 · 22-10-2014 02:17PM

eviltwin wrote: »

If I knew I was only asked to a wedding because someone better couldn't make it I'd be pretty pissed off at that.

Why, some people get put under a lot of pressure with parents and family so lets say if your friend really wanted you to be there but they were stuck with the hole family invites, and she asked a family member and they said no but knew well in advance she would be like score yeahh I can invite eviltwin or nicetwin...

xpletiv · 22-10-2014 02:18PM

The thing these days with the 100 people limits, youll be inviting a lot of people...

pooch90 · 22-10-2014 02:19PM

That 100 on the list fills up very fast once you start

eviltwin · 22-10-2014 02:20PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Why, some people get put under a lot of pressure with parents and family so lets say if your friend really wanted you to be there but they were stuck with the hole family invites, and she asked a family member and they said no but knew well in advance she would be like score yeahh I can invite eviltwin or nicetwin...

I'd still say no.

Milly33 · 22-10-2014 02:22PM

Fine like I accept that you don't want to come, so tis grand like I am going to invite Lazygal who really the two or ye were on par but I could only mange one of ye!! See it so works... haha

lazygal · 22-10-2014 02:23PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Why, some people get put under a lot of pressure with parents and family so lets say if your friend really wanted you to be there but they were stuck with the hole family invites, and she asked a family member and they said no but knew well in advance she would be like score yeahh I can invite eviltwin or nicetwin...

We came under pressure to invite far more family members than we wanted there.
Our response was that it was our day, we were paying for it, and as we never saw most of our extended family (between us we have about 200 cousins, then their partner, aunts and uncles we never see at all etc) we didn't want them there on our big day.
No way would I have sent duty invites, keeping my fingers crossed they'd say no, and then ask people I actually wanted there.

eviltwin · 22-10-2014 02:28PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Fine like I accept that you don't want to come, so tis grand like I am going to invite Lazygal who really the two or ye were on par but I could only mange one of ye!! See it so works... haha

The way I look at it, the auntie you haven't seen in 10 years will get over it quicker than the friend who has been part of your life for a long time. And your friends deserve the invite more, often they have been involved in your relationship from the start, they know your other half, have been there to celebrate your happy events and been a shoulder to cry on when you've had a problem. Its a no brainer.

Milly33 · 22-10-2014 02:29PM

200 Cousins ill have to tell him that now as I am defo less than that..

ah just saying there are loads of ways to do things again you could go on forever with it all

FutureGuy · 22-10-2014 02:35PM

To each their own I guess.

We got married in September. 8 guests - all immediate family, meal at the Mustard Seed in Ballingarry, Co Limerick (beautiful grounds and part of a secluded lodge). We stayed overnight in a gorgeous room with breakfast in bed afterwards.

The maid of honour took the most beautiful photos and my mum made the cake (with our own Lego bride/groom figures on top

).

Cost us a 3 grand including rings and honeymoon, didn't really count the costs as we just saved for a few months beforehand. No loans.

No inviting people we "had to" invite. No inviting people to get money back in cards (it's our day, not a cold business venture). Close group of friends understood our decision to have just immediate family.

To say we enjoyed ourselves was a complete undertstatement. No stress whatsoever in the months, weeks and days before it. We were laughing and joking in the days up to it.

One of the things we always found about weddings was that it seemed to be a day out for everyone who spent the day judging everything. In the mean time, the bride and groom are frozen at the head table, afraid to have a good old laugh and enjoy their day with the most important people at the top table. Then they have to mingle with a lot of people they haven't spoken to in an age as it's the "done thing".

We spent the whole day from start to finish with the people we love. We laughed, we cried, we were all ourselves. We wouldn't have it any other way.

If you want a big expensive wedding, I'm thrilled for you as this is what you want. Likewise, if you want a small intimate wedding like we had, then that's brilliant too!

But don’t waste your time, money and sanity putting together a big wedding because you think you have to.

You and your partner are the most important thing...

fits · 22-10-2014 03:01PM

Milly33 wrote: »

Why, some people get put under a lot of pressure with parents and family so lets say if your friend really wanted you to be there but they were stuck with the hole family invites, and she asked a family member and they said no but knew well in advance she would be like score yeahh I can invite eviltwin or nicetwin...

Same here. If some family were unable to make it, I would be delighted to be able to invite more friends. Our families are massive

Electric Sheep · 22-10-2014 03:02PM

Milly33 wrote: »

See there you go straight away ye are thinking well why wasn't I on the first list! Which isn't really the case, it is just ok especially with family there is politics involved so if you have a huge family and you can not invite everyone it is a way of trying to invite everyone. No one knows if they were asked before this cousin or that cousin and it isn't really about favourites it is just being sensible about it...

I assure you, they will know. Families talk.

It's pretty insulting to receive an invitation that is expected/hoped to be refused. I don't think it would help the family politics much.

fits · 22-10-2014 03:07PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I assure you, they will know. Families talk.

It's pretty insulting to receive an invitation that is expected/hoped to be refused. I don't think it would help the family politics much.

I don't think that's fair now. In our case we felt we had to invite all or none. We do see some extended family more than others, but its not fair to leave some people out or only invite half of them. Honestly its a minefield. Even on this thread such different expectations.

Sleepy · 22-10-2014 03:32PM

Have you checked out the Riverside Park in Enniscorthy OP? It's really only about an hour from Dublin. We got married there on a Saturday in Feb 2013 (tail end of their winter "off-peak" season and they charged us under €30 a head (excl. wine but they didn't charge us corkage and I got a good deal in our local off-license on some pretty decent wine- usually €12/14 a bottle).

I can't remember our exact figures but from the hotel we got:

- Dinner the night before
- Use of a Ceremony Room they'd decorated with flowers
- Tea/Coffee Scones & Biscuits between ceremony & reception
- Flowers on all tables and they set out loads of personal decorations for us (including a candy table) with stuff we brought ourselves
- 4 course meal for approx 130
- A bagpiper to introduce us to the room (wouldn't have bothered but it was part of the package)
- Bar Extension til 1:30am (and residents lounge for anyone interested after)
- Bridal Suite and 2 Bedrooms for the full weekend
- Lunch the day after for 12 of us
- A few rounds of drinks etc. that we'd put "on the room" over the course of the weekend
- A wedding team who catered to our every whim on the weekend (it doesn't sound like much but when you're doing lots of DIY stuff, sneaking a string trio into the hotel to surprise your new wife with, providing your own cake, etc., it's very handy to have an experienced team around to give you pointers / remind you of little things you might have otherwise forgotten).

I'm sure if I dug out the package there was more listed on it, but things like chair covers etc. that they "include" should be par for the course imo. All in the total came to around 4,500 and when we were settling the bill the manager told us to round it down and settle it for four. They also impressed further last year by sending us a voucher for dinner in their restaurant to mark our first anniversary which I thought was a nice touch.

It's no country house but it's a lovely hotel, right beside the river, in easy access of Dublin and you definitely won't get the "peeling paint / dirty appearance" experience since they re-decorate the entire hotel every other year or so. The reason they can afford to keep up standards seems fairly obvious: they absolutely churn out weddings. They'd have one every Fri/Sat/Sun of the year and, no doubt, plenty during the week too. If you were from Wexford, that might not be a great thing as most of your guests will have been there countless times but if you're coming down from Dublin (as we were) most of your guests won't have been there before.

drumswan · 22-10-2014 03:38PM

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I assure you, they will know. Families talk.

It's pretty insulting to receive an invitation that is expected/hoped to be refused. I don't think it would help the family politics much.

Whats any of this got to do with the price of weddings?

Sleepy · 22-10-2014 03:41PM

FutureGuy wrote: »

my mum made the cake (with our own Lego bride/groom figures on top ).

We had them too! Still on a shelf in the sitting room

floggg · 22-10-2014 05:11PM

xpletiv wrote: »

Exactly, thats my point, is that it doesnt seem that you can get a venue for less than 10k and then of course theres all the rest of top of it, which we cant seem to get below 25k. And to me it just seems greedy; venues get the bar and accomodation as well so they make over 20k or 30k in a night.

You're paying €15k on non-venue expenses?

What they hell are you spending it on? Sounds like you should think about how much of that you need!

I've seen plenty of venues do food, wine, canapés, etc for circa €70 a head. And a few cheaper.

If you want vendors to bring prices down, maybe stop throwing your money at them.

Dolbert · 22-10-2014 06:03PM

xpletiv wrote: »

but are all the places supposed to be for the ultra rich and famous?

You've been given countless venue suggestions on this thread, none of which you've acknowledged, all with very reasonable prices. Are you honestly suggesting that none of them are up to scratch? You seriously need to adjust your expectations.

Toots · 22-10-2014 06:09PM

OP are you actually looking for advice or did you just come here to rant about prices? If you're looking for advice it'd be helpful for others if you said how many people you're hoping to have at the wedding and roughly what your budget is. What price per head are you hoping to pay?

Honestly to me visiting 20 venues is madness. Do your research on prices and packages for various hotels, check online forums and see what people are saying about them, then make a shortlist of your top 5 and visit those. It's no wonder you're getting frustrated. Although the tone of your posts suggests to me that you could be going to these places and deliberately trying to find things that are wrong with them and focusing on that.

The price thing is all about supply and demand. If a hotel is good enough and popular enough for weddings and they're still getting solid bookings through the recession, they don't need to reduce their packages to try and get more customers in. It's nothing to do with greed, it's just good business. Same with bands/photographers/florists/cake makers, why would they reduce their prices if their business isn't suffering? As well as that, you seem to be drastically underestimating what the outlays are for these guys. Once these costs are met they have to also earn enough to make a living for themselves.

tinkerbell · 22-10-2014 06:29PM

xpletiv wrote: »

Well clearly the last few posters havent actually read my post and jumped on the mention of a venue. When i enquired i hadnt heard of it but someone said it was lovely. Fair enough if they are playing on the international stage and I found since that its total luxury and way past my budget; but are all the places supposed to be for the ultra rich and famous?

My point is; 90% of the places here are still charging Celtic Tiger prices. Theres an expectation placed on Irish weddings that costs a bomb, and venues take advantage of that. I know i wont be because my budget wont allow it, but the expectation of venues to make at least 20k on a night, is shameful, and greedy.

Shameful and greedy? :rolleyes: It's called running a successful, profitable business. You seem to be pissed off over not being able to afford the venue that a wealthier person can. You need to lower your expectations and stop expecting to get the likes of Ashford Castle for €30 a head.

ABajaninCork · 22-10-2014 06:39PM

You need to make up your mind what you want OP. Either adjust your expectations or adjust your budget.

Decide the wedding YOU (both of you, I mean) would like. Set your numbers. Set your BUDGET. Decide on the kind of ceremony you want. Decide what you WANT; what you would LIKE; and the fluff - the nice to haves, but not strictly necessary.

It's not rocket science, but you're making it much harder for yourself from what I've read. Oh - and I do hope you haven't been berating the potential venues about their prices. That's the price. Pay it or find somewhere more in keeping with what you want to pay. Remember - You get what you pay for!

homemadecider · 22-10-2014 07:17PM

xpletiv wrote: »

Ive been to 20 venues now, so ive seen a lot of what Ireland has to offer. Thats omitting the top places like Powerscourt, Shelbourne, etc because of course theyll be over the top. The worst Ive seen is Ashford castle, which now has a 26000/40000 rental fee in the low/high season (which includes all bedrooms and breakfast...) but nothing for dinner/drink/canapes which is 110 a head, plus another 2500 for room rental. Granted, thats the top ive found, but I thought that was out of this world. Who are these people that pay it?!

Rich people. If these places are out of your budget then you need to look elsewhere. You're not entitled to have your wedding anywhere you want despite how you feel.

xpletiv wrote: »

The venues does gripe me. But so do other things; the cost of the photographer, often about 2k to 3k for a days work and a weeks worth of formating/editting and printing in a day where everything is digital, bands that charge 2k to 3k for a few hours work (and im a musician of 10 years, finding out these prices was mindblowing.

Neither a photographer or band are mandatory. You don't have to pay these prices. You have a choice.

xpletiv wrote: »

Cakes that cost 500-800 quid a pop for ingredients that cost 50 euros at most.

If you just want the ingredients then buy them yourself in the supermarket. If you want a professionally baked and decorated cake then you need to pay for the labour involved, not just the ingredients. This is common sense.

xpletiv wrote: »

We're already costing those parts out ourselves to keep price down with several friends who are photographers collaborating, several musician friends playing for free, and we're considering making the cake ourselves (she can bake. Thank god.), but I feel Im lucky to know these people where as others our generation wont have that luck.

Again, none of these things are mandatory.

I don't think the problem is with 'our poor country', the problem is with your massive self of entitlement. You can't afford a big fancy extravagant wedding - that's fine. Set a budget, change your expectations and make a new plan. There is tons of helpful advice for you in this thread though you seem determined to ignore it in favour of a rant.

ABajaninCork · 22-10-2014 07:21PM

How did I know the OP's male? Only men have such unrealistic expectations of what things actually cost. Champagne ideas and beer money pockets methinks...

fits · 22-10-2014 07:24PM

ABajaninCork wrote: »

How did I know the OP's male? Only men have such unrealistic expectations of what things actually cost. Champagne ideas and beer money pockets methinks...

Some men

My fella did up an unbelievably detailed budget. Thought of things I never would have. I was amazed how it adds up so quickly to so much.

ABajaninCork · 22-10-2014 07:27PM

Oh I had all this with my now husband when we were planning. I challenged him to find what we wanted cheaper. Silence after that!

cactusgal · 23-10-2014 09:10AM

Regardless of whether or not the OP takes any of this advice onboard, there are some great suggestions in this thread! Thanks for your contributions, everyone!

The staggering price of weddings in this country.

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